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Desperate to avoid an arranged marriage, Draco convinces Harry to pretend to be his boyfriend. What follows is an epic romantic comedy involving scheming, snogging, silliness, shagging, snarky boys, superstars, singing, shagging, snuggling, secrets, sex gods, shagging, and a bunny named Draco Lucius Malfoy the Third. HD SLASH (and how!).
For some reason unfathomable to Remus, Sirius always likes to tell him in excruciating detail about his various romantic problems. Not fluffy.
From the "Movies in Fifteen Minutes" series, as seen on Livejournal. Be warned: the entire movie will be thoroughly spoiled.
Ever noticed how some stories have remarkably similar plotlines? Or simply no plot at all? Then this is the story for you my friends. A humorous collection of commonly found stories from each genre, in which I point out the bleeding obvious and CAPITALISE completely RANDOM words! Mmmm... full of parody goodness! Now with 40% more sarcasm!
Lucius Malfoy is a clumsy git. A pregnancy potion made by Snape for Malfoy's wife ends up spilt on our seventeen year old hero. Harry Potter ends up knocked up. He's really not best pleased. After all, how is he meant to save the world if he has to go on maternity leave?
How can the Marauders cope with romance, Slytherins, blenders, wearing dresses, pick-up lines, holidays, N.E.W.T.'s, and more? Read and see!
A tour guide to the fanfiction based on Harry Potter and the Tough Guide to Fantasy.
Draco discovers a cute, cuddly visitor left to him by a Mysterious Person. How will this new kitty bring Harry and Draco closer together? Only the madness of the author's creation, followed by you reading it, will reveal the crazy antics and adventures! Readers have called it: "Cracktastic!" "Rib busting!" "Effing hilarious!"
The Marauders MST a copy of PS/SS which fell through a time hole in Remus' bedroom. Intended in fun, please don't kill me...
Harry Potter arrives at Hogwarts to find its students nude, in their birthday suits, devoid of clothing. . . Why are they nude? And why are the Houses getting along? What does this have to do with defeating Voldemort and House Elf rights?
Draco is the bitchy gay wizard version of Bridget Jones. And he has a huge crush on a certain Boy Wonder...
It's the summer before their sixth year, and James, Sirius, Remus and Peter are sitting around James' room, quite bored, until a mysterious object hits Peter in the head. It's a book called 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban'. As they read it, they learn some interesting things...
Shortly before the events of 'The Chamber of Secrets' start up, Lucius Malfoy starts keeping a diary. In the style of Bridget Jones. Be afraid. Be very afraid. And don't try eating or drinking while reading. Its not recommended (for your own safety). It's rather... silly.
A dazzling satire of modern human relations among young magic people? An ironic insight into life with the impending danger of Lord Voldemort? Or the self-centred moaning of a neurotic, single sixteen-year-old? Meet Keira Matthews: Ravenclaw sixth year. Lord Voldemort? Nothing! Keira has bigger problems; problems like all the other Ravenclaw girls being smarter and/or prettier than she is, Elodie "Smellodie" Rivers still going out with Justin Finch-Fletchley (claw claw) and Terry Boot being the most irritating bloke on the planet. Add on failing subjects, undone essays and many, many dodgy charms and...well, you get the idea. Rated PG-13 for language.
On the Trio's last day at Hogwarts the whole school is in for a shock. Severus's proposal to Harry is most certainly not the last surprise that is to come. Slash & mpreg SS/HP RL/SB.
Before there was Hogwarts for Harry, there was the Dursley family with two children, one of whom had no friends, hobbies, or even much of a life. Thanks to the generosity of the British Public Health system, the family was bound to be referred for therapy.... Beware of broken or falling glass! And yes, the author is actually a psychologist.
Draco's a male Veela. And Harry's incredibly attracted to him. What follows is a hilarious mess with Harry determined to seduce Draco, and Draco convinced that Harry is nuts. And what will Draco's boyfriend have to say about all this? *SLASH* DM/BZ DM/HP
Welcome to How to Snog a Pillow. When one desires to snog a person, one must first be practiced in the prestigious art of Pillow Snogging. If one should fail in said activity, then one must avoid human snoggage at all costs. In this book, our very adept pillow-snogging author shall explain the techniques and skills required for the snogging of pillows. Now, should you desire to learn this unprecedented skill and art of which few have mastered in the recent centuries, please turn to Lesson One. WARNING: Humor, nonsense, and Ron up ahead! Prepare to laugh!
When the prefects hold a one-of-its-kind beauty pageant, the students are all up for it. But will the reluctant Gryffindor contestant pull HIS act off perfectly?
Harry Potter's sixth year at Hogwarts is. . . boring! Just where the heck is Lord Voldemort, anyway? Doesn't he know there's supposed to be a war on? When Harry's life in the limelight looks threatened, he takes matters into his own hands.
Dumbledore is putting on a play about the four Hogwarts Founders. Does anyone get the parts they want? Of course not! Mayhem ensues, complete with comedy, romance, insanity, tragedy, Slut!Draco, Harry/Ginny spats, Macho!Ron with a twist, Smart!Goyle, and some very irate parents. Oh, and some nude wrestling, too. Cue the curtain! Slightly AU
What if Harry's difficulty with Occlumency stemmed from the fact that Voldemort had put a spell on all of Great Britain, forcing everyone to sing about his or her feelings, rather than being able to keep them a secret? [Parody of "Once More with Feeling" AKA Buffy the Musical; slightly but not completely AU version of OotP.]
"Don't hate yourself for being attracted to me," Harry tells Draco in a dim corridor one Hogwarts morning. Things go downhill from there. A slightly different Harry/Draco romance. (parody/dark humour: if you have a problem with the concept of black humour, avoid this like the plague)
Everyone has always wanted to know what's REALLY going on inside the Boy Who Lived's head. Guaranteed Giggles.
Ginny starts a new club, Midnight Madness. All of the Gryffindors join. Interesting secrets are revealed and new relationships are made.
Stalked through the dungeons by a wild beanbag chair, Draco and Harry have no choice but to come to terms with their differences and work together to survive. Featuring sharp, pointy rocks of doom, rabid furniture, drunken mops, and kisses in broom closets. Harry/Draco.
Ginny receives her first assignment as an official Order of the Phoenix member... marry Draco Malfoy? Hermione and Snape develop a new love potion that results in a few unexpected surprises.
The year after Harry Potter defeats Lord Voldemort brings about a sedate mood and an anticipation towards boredom... However, the current seventh years decide to try and lighten the mood. Ginny and Luna set a task for a Ravenclaw, Nadia Page, to feign undying love towards Professor Snape... Then Colin gets involved in the joke. Followed by all hell breaking loose.
Ladies and gentlemen, by the order of George Weasley, it is Pass the Snog Day! Sheer insanity ensues as a cursed snog is passed around Hogwarts. Who will snog Who?
Ever wondered why Book 5 is so late? Or why certain slash pairings seem so right but will never make it into the books? Curious as to what is lurking beneath J.K.R’s perfect fairy tale of struggle and success? Then read on!
Seventeen-year-old Remus Lupin and Sirius Black get summer jobs as instructors for the Kwikspell Correspondence School.
Based on "Sex in the City," we find out what happens in the sex lives of some of Hogwarts’ most notable students and faculty in a humorous way.
Harry goes to a Britney Spears concert. Britney comes to Hogwarts. Hermione likes Ron. Ron likes Hermione. Ginny is pissed off at Harry. Harry gets jealous when she dates Draco. Britney acts like a slut. What else is new?
Do you need advice? Are there problems you really need help on? Well, too bad! Read the column written by the most unqualified person in the world to give advice.
Ginny Weasley’s Diary - intrigue, mystery, danger? Heck NO! More like missed curfews, catty comments and disastrous parties. This ‘just for fun’ writing exercise is plotless, lighthearted and amusing. Join Ginny ‘Ginger Spice’ Weasley as she gives in to teen revelry, the occasional whinge fest, a jot of angst and a rubber chicken’s worth of silliness. Her 3rd year Hogwarts diary has no end; each chapter is a stand-alone. So need a quick laugh? Come check up Ginny’s latest entry. Features Ginny’s best mates, Blaise ‘Imaguy’ Zabini, Terry Boot and Neville Longbottom. Occasional drop-in visitors include Harry, Ron, Fred (boo!) and George (huzzah!), Hermione and everyone’s favorite rotten bloke, Malfoy.
Harry has been acting very strangely, staying up in the dormitory without a word to anyone. Hermione, of course, is compelled to investigate, though not even she could have guessed what Harry has been doing up there. Warning: slash, very weird slash.
Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans (Potter), Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Bellatrix Black (Lestrange), Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Black (Malfoy), Alice Knowles (Longbottom), Frank Longbottom, and Nymphadora Tonks are forced to read a book. A special book. One entitled "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."
When Hermione finds herself turned into a House-elf by rather irritated wizard in Knockturn Alley, she finds herself bought by and hired to ... who else, but the Malfoys? Involves murderous plots, midnight enchantments, morbid chimneys, mushroom soup, Epic Lucius and Bizarre Narcissa, not necessarily in that order ...
Do you know those highly irritating surveys that some people insist on emailing to us all the time? What happens when Harry Potter gets a hold of one? Craziness and silliness as the whole HP crew fills it out, along with some surprises along the way. Please read and review!
Hermione thought of summer camp as extra credit. Ron thought of it as torture. Draco thought of it as insulting, but Harry thought of it as freedom. Food had appeared on the table, but suddenly, no one was hungry. H/H, some R/L and more surprise ships.
Dumbledore forms a Poets' society and invites a strange array of people, but nobody knows why! And then he gets a twinkle in his eye that can only mean one thing: A Plan of Imminent Doom! Oh no! *slash*
Before Harry came to Hogwarts, before Sirius was arrested, even before Snape's hair became greasy, there was Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.``Oh and a very anoyed Lily too!
Draco and Ginny have been seeing each other on the sly for months when something unexpected happens. Now they have to tell their families. Beat downs, an evil grandmother, muscle cars, Scooby boxer shorts and rednecks figure predominately in this amusing parody/AU fic.
After a potion mix-up, Ron and Hermione go through some life changing experiences. Will Ron be able to control his fascination with Hermione's body? Will Hermione be able to... you know... go?
A mysterious girl (ME!) who calls herself the Fifth Marauder and is obsessed with Sirius forces the Marauders, Lily, Snape (!), Bellatrix (!!), Narcissa, and Lucius to read a series of books. Not just any series of books. The Harry Potter series of books
Hold on to your burritos, 'cause it's gonna get messy. Sex. Draco. Sex. Harry. Sex. Narcissa. And just who is Boris the sailor from Brighton?
Voldemort has assembled an unstoppable army--an army of Mary Sues. Will Harry and the Order be able to defeat them?
Its America Idol time, with a Hogwarts twist. We go back to the MWPP era for the very first Hogwarts Idol with Hermione, Harry, and Ron as the judges. You have to vote to see who will become the next Hogwarts Idol!
The Marauders are stuck on a rooftop, waiting for a professor to go to sleep. They have a little chat.
What happens when four teenagers are thrown into a muggle home to read their own destinies in novel form? You've never seen Lily so hippie ("Make love, not war!"), Sirius so crazy ("Hamsters!"), James so violent ("You wouldn’t call it nonsense if you were the one lying on the ground, bleeding profusely, with the mutilated limbs and the—"), or Remus so smart ("If you got rid of the 'ish' and changed the 'ley' to' 'set' you’d have a real word"). Go back to the seventies with this fabulous reading of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.
Snape gets a Christmas gift that has many unexpected side effects.
Who is the mysterious Half Blood Prince? Is it the third-year, Po, who seems to have appeared out of nowhere? Is it Crookshanks, who might not be who he pretends to be? Or is it the one that everyone at Hogwarts most suspects - Harry Potter himself!
A ridiculous story about a schoolboy love triangle. Sirius, Remus, and Severus are all involved: but who's after whom? Can you follow all the (truly atrocious) plot twists, as the three boys stalk each other through abandoned classrooms and secluded glades?
These are the parts of HBP that you didn't get to read, mostly because they involve people bursting into song at the drop of a hat.
When Harry accidentally imbibes the Draught of Submission, Draco is inspired to new heights of Slytherin cunning. Submissive!Harry
When the Ministry meddles in their intimate affairs, Hermione takes her friends into hiding. Severus Snape is charged with finding them, but nothing could prepare him for this... except perhaps reading "Hogwarts: an Art History." SSHG Exchange.
Harry is bored: Voldemort is dead, Ron and Hermione are in blissful love and even Hedwig is ignoring him. What to do? Declare war on Draco, of course!
Join Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Cho, and six other witches as they compete to be Hogwarts' Next Top Witch. Parody of "America's Next Top Model." Harry Potter and Ron Weasley also star.
Every once in a while a truly excellent fic comes along. One of particular brilliance. One that earns the author a legion of fans and inspires the whole fandom.``This is not one of those fics.``In September of 2002 I was tired of waiting for OotP and out of frustration and boredom wrote this truly bizarre piece of "literature". JKR is kidnapped and put on trial by the wizarding community of Great Britain for misrepresenting them in her books. What begins as a trial evolves into an increasingly random epic involving Rowena Ravenclaw, sherbet lemons, RL/SB, Moulin Rouge, and a cast of OOC characters, including JKR herself. Not to mention weredachshunds, Voldemort, RW/HG, and the ghost of Tom Riddle's mother. Think Mel Brooks meets HP.
When Fred chickens out on a dare, who will save him? A knight in shining armour? Or rather, a princess on a broom?
Because it had to happen. Five children are to be taken on a trip inside the world's largest chocolate factory. Which lucky people will find the coveted Golden Tickets? Could one of them possibly be. . . Harry Potter? Nah! Certainly not! Mayhem, madness, and munchies all rolled up in one.
A short story for each of the twenty-six letters of the alphabet. WARNING: Characters may be insane. Note: Spoilers are checked just in case, I don't have all the stories planned out yet. The same thing goes for the 15 rating.
It's time for the students of Hogwarts to set aside house differences in favor of fighting the true battle - Boys VS Girls!
Harry Potter gets sucked down the drain and finds himself in a series of alternate universes, facing impossible (to him) romantic situations in each one and makes some shocking discoveries.
The school of Witchcraft and Wizardry is hit with a spell to make everyone horny! Certain people find it more disturbing than others and so some drastic things...H/D. Hope you enjoy it!
The story begins when Dumpty loses his pair of sandals. What does Voldie has to do with it, and how is he going to take over the world? Insane plot and lots of slash pairings. This is a parody, of course.
Mrs. Weasley can't believe her eyes when she makes a late-night bed check.
Dr Walker, intrepid psychologist to the Magical World, has returned, but she's not happy. Neither are her patients, as the summer of 1996 passes over Hogsmeade, and the emotional lives of several people...er...beings begin to show the stresses of the events of Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts. Happily, the good doc's quirky fortunes have not changed over the years, so beware of drunken elves, cursing Malfoys, dentists, and a mooning werewolf. Oh, and possibly the Great Hogsmeade Fire of '96, if Fearless doesn't get to that blasted stove in time.
Harry by accident gets infected with a Love Potion that makes him irresistible to everyone he meets. Will he survive? /"Ms. Granger get off Potter immediately!"/ Probably not…
It's Hermione's final year at Hogwarts and what better way to go out than to play a few harmless pranks on everyone's favorite Professor? After getting ahold of Fred and George's list, she's set out to complete her biggest challenge yet--pranking Professor Severus Snape.
Harry and Snape slash story written against my will. Which is why it's Riddikulus!
A joke made up by the Weasley Twins and Ron to make Snape and Mcgonnagall switch places with Polyjuice Potion goes wrong. Harry ends up swapping with Snape! Mayhem ensues as the pair are forced to pretend to be each other during the school day. Sirius and Lucius appear and arguments, fights and slagging off follow.
Harry Potter and his friends are in their sixth year at Hogwarts, and Remus Lupin has returned to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. One day, Dumbledore and McGonagall are strolling through the castle when Albus accidentally sets off a spell that turns all the professors into their sixteen-year-old selves! Naturally, chaos ensues, and while some are enthusiastic, like Lupin, others, like Snape, are feeling quite mutinous. Throughout the week, the professors must attend classes with the other students and come to terms with all the ups and downs of being teenagers again. Unlikely friendships arise, and the professors learn more about their students and themselves.
Draco's Diary is full of secrets. Dare you read it?
Pity poor Draco Malfoy. His stunning looks, charm, and wealth have snagged boys, girls, house elves, garden gnomes, grindylows, and inanimate ``objects alike, but little Ginny Weasley may turn out to be the biggest challenge of all...and opposition comes from a most unexpected source.
The characters of Harry Potter have decided to take part in a special season of MTV Diary. Watch as the chosen few reveal secrets, goof off, and make fools out of themselves.
The Marauders, in their heyday, bicker their way through a humorous adventure. It all begins when James starts acting rather oddly. Could it be a Slytherin curse? What can be done about it? You'll find out eventually, but along the way you'll encounter a pugnacious Peter, a rowdy Remus, and a (very) serene Sirius.
A humorous fiction based around the hormones raging between Draco and Harry. (Sounds bad, but I don't think it's really as bad as this summary.)
...in which he spends no time trying on leather pants...
Draco & Hermione. When Hermione goes to a Renaissance-themed town, she stumbles upon a fortune-teller who offers to help Hermione get what--or
COMPLETE. What is it about Scarlett that sparks a phenomenon unlike any Hogwarts has ever seen? What is it about her candid newsletter that has the boys writing her avid fan mail? What is it about this woman that has the girls seething with jealousy? What is it about her that sends the teachers to the end of their last nerve? And why in the world has she fallen in love with Gregory Goyle? Is there more to her than meets the eye? Find out in "The Scarlett Letter"! Based on true events.
Things seem more complicated than they are when Harry and Draco serve detention class together.
SLASH! PARODY! These raunchy journal entries expose the burning, secret``thoughts and desires of Hogwarts’ sex-crazed students and staff! Warning:``contains excessive references to Harry’s eyes, Draco’s cherry, cold showers,``kinky leather goodies, and a virgin sacrifice for Uncle Voldie!
What would have happened if Harry's parents killed Voldemort on that night? Would Harry have grown up a rich snob like Malfoy? Would he have been more like Ron and his family? What would everyone in general's life have been like? Would they have still been friends with Hermione? All questions shall be answered within. Please R/R!
A dashing tale staring one famous wiz kid, a small tribe of redheads, an innocent bystander, a complete bastard of a Slytherin, two shifty old blokes, and a sinister evil! In other words, this is exactly why Harry and Snape should never remain in the same building for more than an hour.
I recalled several small incidents from the last few months and came to an alarming conclusion. I had a teenage fan club.... How had I become so popular with the twelve-to-sixteen-year-old set? What did they see in a shabbily dressed, prematurely greying Defence Against the Dark Arts professor? And sweet Merlin, why couldn’t this have happened to me twenty years ago?
Curiosity killed the cat. But for Draco, it was a fate worse than death when he was accidentally turned into an eight-month-old baby and found himself in the care of the Weasleys. Featuring: a magical smirking baby, hilarious parenting experience and the grand Malfoy Manor
After the Department of Mysteries fiasco, Draco Malfoy is charged with aiding the Dark Lord and found guilty. He's given a choice: Azkaban or live like a Muggle for the summer and attend a Muggle school. Obviously, he chooses the Muggles. Unfortunately, he's in for a hectic ten months...
Post-Hogwarts Ron has a midnight visitor - when will Harry learn to call ahead? This, my friends, is a friend. Features Ron's observations on the Ministry, Harry's sex life and the infamous WUC. Written for the Boozefest http://boozefest.netfirms.com.
Fred and George are faced with two great pranksters from the past. The great pranksters challenge them, and the prank wars begin. Who wins? Fred and George, or these great pranksters? Find out by reading.
Every Friday night there's a party somewhere. This is the story ``of Harry Potter's party and the events that come after it. If you ever wondered ``what the gang is like when they're drunk, this fic will answer all of your questions.
In which Mr. Prongs takes Muggle Studies, Mr. Padfoot has a crush on Professor McGonagall, Miss Evans demonstrates where her son inherited his CAPS LOCK tendencies, Mr. Wormtail discovers that his Animagus form is useful for petty theft, and Mr. Moony explains why none of this can possibly be construed as his fault.
It's a swashbuckling lunatic romp that begins with Draco and Ginny locked in Snape's supply closet as the Potions Master unwillingly mixes an Anti-Lust elixir, to be mixed into the punch at the Valentine's Day Ball. But you know what they say about the best-laid plans of mice and men...
Ron Weasley is a secret Agent for a special branch of the Ministry. Hermione Granger is the girl who left him ten years ago. Now his mission involves her, and the man she\'s pretending she\'s in love with—Draco Malfoy. Along with Harry and Ginny, they all end up in the happiest place on earth: Monte Carlo.
Albus leaves Hogwarts due to a important meeting and Snape seizes his chance to take over the school. NT/SS.
If Sirius Black can handle Severus Snape for seven years at Hogwarts, then watching baby Harry, his godson, for the weekend should be a breeze, right? WRONG! Find out what really happens when James and Lily leave Harry in his watch.
Harry Potter "was not a normal boy. Not that he was abnormal or anything, like some kind of loony, if you get my point." This begins a rollicking journey of intrigue, romance, suspense, and gratuitous violence. Actually, this is a parody of Harry and his pals that I hope somebody enjoys. In this story, you'll find: Clueless:Harry, Bumpkin:Ron, Annoyed:Hermione, and more. There's a shakeup at Hogwarts in Year 6, with Lupin back on board teaching a brand new class, a new DADA professor named "Canis White," and even a new History of Magic professor! On top of that, there's a competition between the Houses to see who can replace Fred and George as Hogwarts resident pranksters. And as usual, Voldemort's got a plan to get rid of Harry!
The Gryffindor dorm is abuzz with laughter and gossip after curfew as the boys cover for their friends' hot date. The talk turns to sex, and Harry gives away a little too much information. ``"Oh. I've been around," Harry said evasively. Everyone turned towards him. If he was going out with anyone it was news to them. But it would be just like Harry to keep it a secret.
Sex education at Hogwarts: After Malfoy has a near fatal encounter with Dark magic, Professor McGonagall decides it has to be taught earlier ... by Professor Snape. Note that this story is rated R -- nothing explicit, but quite a lot is implied.
Fred and George get a hold of a dictation spell and it is madness. The try to interview Harry and Co. to gain information on a girl they fancy, but instead begin an on going battle to get Ron to admit his feelings for Hermione, while she rants about the Potter merchandise, and so Fred and George decide to write slash fics instead.