How to Snog a Pillow

How to Snog a Pillow

Introduction

Welcome to How to Snog a Pillow. When one desires to snog a person, one must first be practiced in the prestigious art of Pillow Snogging. If one should fail in said activity, then one must avoid human snoggage at all costs. In this book, our very adept pillow-snogging author shall explain the techniques and skills required for the snogging of pillows. Now, should you desire to learn this unprecedented skill and art of which few have mastered in the recent centuries, please turn to Lesson One.

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Lesson One

Welcome to Lesson One of How to Snog a Pillow. Here you will find the rudimentary basics necessary for your beginner's pillow snog. Please gather the indicated equipment and follow the Six Easy Steps To Snogging Your Pillow For The First Time.

Equipment Required:

Six Easy Steps To Snogging Your Pillow For The First Time:

Step 1:

Apply lip balm generously to lips.

Step 2:

Grasp your pillow with both hands, being careful not to scrunch the fabric.

Bring your pillow approximately 1.5 centimeters from your upper lip.

Step 3:

Tilt your head slightly, so that your nose does not get in the way.

Step 4:

Bring the pillow to your lips, pressing firmly but gently against your lower lip. Open your mouth slightly (approximately .9 cm), and move your lips gently over the pillow.

Step 5:

Pull carefully back from the pillow after the snog, being careful that lips do not make atrocious smacking sound, as it is very unattractive.

Step 6:

Gently set pillow down, being sure to remove any marks that your lip balm may have caused.

Congratulations, you have completed the Six Easy Steps To Snogging Your Pillow For The First Time! Be certain to practice them a few times, as your first attempt may have been a bit botched, and snogging will get easier over time. When you are comfortable with your ability on this first crucial step, proceed to Lesson Two.

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Lesson Two

Welcome to Lesson Two. We shall assume that you have completed and are comfortable with the first Lesson, and therefore will continue with this one. In this Lesson, you will find the Three Easy Steps To Snogging Your Pillow For The Second Time. Please gather the indicated equipment and follow the three steps.

Equipment Required:

Three Easy Steps To Snogging Your Pillow For The Second Time:

Step 1:

Apply lip balm generously to lips.

Step 2:

Grasp pillow firmly without scrunching fabric. Bring pillow to lips. Move lips slowly, being careful not to drool spit onto Highly Expensive Satin Pillow In A Variety Of Colors, Purchasable At Our Online Store (http://www.pillowsnog.com/store/pillow.html).

Step 3:

Deepen snog carefully. Should your pillow dislike this or pull back, be gracious and break the snog. (NOTE: the word K-I-S-S is very, highly, terribly forbidden in this book, and shall not be used at any point, on penalty of death) After a time, break off and put your pillow away.

Congratulations once more, you have completed Lesson Two! Practice, Practice, Practice, and you will become an Adept Pillow Snogger quickly!

Demo Product Ends Here.

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Ron looked up at Harry, Seamus, and Dean in disgust.

"Erm, look mate, thanks and all, but I still don't see how in bloody hell this is going to help me stop fighting with Hermione."

The three other boys exchanged looks of exasperation.

"Just buy the bloody pillow, Ron!"

Ron shrugged as the three other boys trudged out of the room.

*

"Ron! What is this?!"

Ron cringed as one small-medium sized satin throw pillow was hurled at him from across the room.

"A Snoggable Pillow?" suggested Ron.

The Complete Guide To Pillow Snogging and the tube of unscented lib balm followed the pillow, and Hermione stomped out of the room.

"Guys, I don't think she liked it."

Harry, Seamus, and Dean didn't hear though, because it's very difficult to hear anything when one is rolling about on the floor, clutching ones sides and laughing hysterically.

THE END