Out With the Old Professors, In With the New

Harry Potter �was not a normal boy. Not that he was abnormal or anything, like some kind of loony, if you get my point.� This begins a rollicking journey of intrigue, romance, suspense, and gratuitous violence. Actually, this is a parody of Harry and his pals that I hope somebody enjoys. In this story, you�ll find: Clueless:Harry, Bumpkin:Ron, Annoyed:Hermione, and more. There�s a shakeup at Hogwarts in Year 6, with Lupin back on board teaching a brand new class, a new DADA professor named �Canis White�, and even a new History of Magic professor! On top of that, there�s a competition between the Houses to see who can replace Fred and George as Hogwarts resident pranksters. And as usual, Voldemort�s got a plan to get rid of Harry!

Voldemort kills Harry! No, not really. It's the start of the term, and Dumbledore has some news for everyone. Harry and his fellow students find out about the new staff additions, meet some old friends, and get a big surprise when Professor Binns decides to step down. The terms of the new interhouse competition are revealed. This is a revision of a chapter that had been posted previously.

Neville is revealed as Voldemort’s true nemesis! Um, no. The gang discusses Hermione’s new post. Harry talks with his new teachers and ‘Canis White’ reveals his secret identity (surprise surprise!) Justin gives Professor Lupin a hearty welcome.

Snape and Grawp are in love! Actually, it’s the first day of classes, and up first is Robe Design. Dobby passes a warning on to Harry. Justin shines in Lupin’s class, Ron’s attire becomes a concern, and Harry’s scar gives him some unusual trouble.

Harry comes back from the future to warn himself never to travel into the past! Or does he? Its Potions with Harry�s least-favorite teacher, Professor Snape. Malfoy gloats over his dad avoiding Azkaban yet again. One of the Dark Lord�s little secrets comes to light, and the outlines of a plot are revealed.

Dumbledore and McGonagall are actually James and Lilly! Well, they’re not, but Ron and Harry are in for quite a shock during Hermione’s first lesson as the History Master. Malfoy and Zabini get their comeuppance, as everyone learns quickly that Hermione can hold her own in the classroom. Harry tells Hermione about his dream, and together they seek council with the Headmaster. Dumbledore’s biggest secret is revealed.

A mishap in the greenhouse gives Neville superhuman powers! Actually, Harry and his housemates have Defense Against the Dark Arts with “Canis White” today. Sirius entertains the Gryffindors with one of the Marauders’ adventures, and he and Hermione have a little disagreement. Sirius tries to recruit some Gryffindors to enter the house competition. Harry, Ron and Seamus while away some free time.

Dobby visits Harry, and passes on more dire warnings about his fellow House Elves. Lucius Malfoy initiates some new Death Eaters with an unpleasant task. Voldemort is updated as to the status of his scheme at Hogwarts, and instructs Wormtail to implement another dastardly plan.

Professor McGonagall trains Harry in the noble arts of the Ninja. No, she doesn’t. Harry rushes to save Hermione, but ends up interrupting Ron and Hermione while they are engaged in some personal interactions. The House Elves spring into action, and dire deeds are afoot all around Hogwarts.

Harry and Ron find out about yet another student’s abduction. Lupin defends his role to a skeptical Snape. Justin and Lupin have a meaningful conversation. A spy is captured in Gryffindor Tower!

Victor Krum returns, and dazzles Hermione with his Goulash recipe! No, actually, Harry and his friends play Quidditch against Slytherin House! Guess who wins? Ron is nervous, Harry determined, and Malfoy a git. The game ends with an amazing capture, and, surprisingly, Harry in the hospital.

The House Elves attack! Harry is nearly put in the hospital, and two unlikely heroes step forward to try to thwart the elves’ scheme. To top it all off, there’s a Sorting Hat song! For you veteran readers of this fic, this is probably the weirdest chapter to date. And that’s saying something.

The House Elves are joined by Santa’s Elves and take over Hogwarts! No, not really. In order to free Hermione, Harry must take on an additional burden. The treatment Hermione suffered under the captivity of the House Elves is revealed. Dobby and Winky are no longer allowed to be Hogwarts House Elves!

The Gryffindors celebrate Hermione’s release, and Harry and his friends find out who is going to represent their house in the Hogwarts Humorist competition. Snape provides individual attention to needy House Elves, and Lupin begins instructing Harry in the art of Occlumency.

The staff and students gather for a feast to celebrate Crabbe and Goyles’ victory over the House Elves. But that’s not all; the prospective Hogwarts Humorists display their wit and ingenuity. There are jokes, puns, and life-threatening bodily harm for all to enjoy!

Madam Pomfrey ministers to Harry after his latest mishap. He happens upon Malfoy engaged in some suspicious activities. Harry undertakes a clever ruse to attempt to find out exactly what his nemesis is up to.