Accio Firewhiskey

What if Harry had realized he had the ability to talk to snakes before he found out that he was a wizard? His life with the Dursleys, his introduction to the wizarding world, even his experiences at Hogwarts would all be very different. Nine-year old Harry’s dreary life of servitude to the Dursleys takes a turn for the better when he accidentally finds out that he has the ability to converse with snakes. Two years later, he received an invitation to attend a mysterious school that will change his life even more. Instead of a popular hero in Gryffindor, he winds up a Slytherin, ostracized and feared by most for his apparent dark powers. Harry learns to rely on his friends, while contending with the mystery of the third floor corridor.

Harry Potter "was not a normal boy. Not that he was abnormal or anything, like some kind of loony, if you get my point." This begins a rollicking journey of intrigue, romance, suspense, and gratuitous violence. Actually, this is a parody of Harry and his pals that I hope somebody enjoys. In this story, you'll find: Clueless:Harry, Bumpkin:Ron, Annoyed:Hermione, and more. There's a shakeup at Hogwarts in Year 6, with Lupin back on board teaching a brand new class, a new DADA professor named "Canis White," and even a new History of Magic professor! On top of that, there's a competition between the Houses to see who can replace Fred and George as Hogwarts resident pranksters. And as usual, Voldemort's got a plan to get rid of Harry!