Rating:
PG-13
House:
Riddikulus
Characters:
Hermione Granger Remus Lupin Sirius Black
Genres:
Parody Humor
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 05/20/2005
Updated: 10/16/2005
Words: 51,113
Chapters: 16
Hits: 6,752

Out With the Old Professors, In With the New

Accio Firewhiskey

Story Summary:
Harry Potter "was not a normal boy. Not that he was abnormal or anything, like some kind of loony, if you get my point." This begins a rollicking journey of intrigue, romance, suspense, and gratuitous violence. Actually, this is a parody of Harry and his pals that I hope somebody enjoys. In this story, you'll find: Clueless:Harry, Bumpkin:Ron, Annoyed:Hermione, and more. There's a shakeup at Hogwarts in Year 6, with Lupin back on board teaching a brand new class, a new DADA professor named "Canis White," and even a new History of Magic professor! On top of that, there's a competition between the Houses to see who can replace Fred and George as Hogwarts resident pranksters. And as usual, Voldemort's got a plan to get rid of Harry!

Chapter 10

Chapter Summary:
Harry and Ron find out about yet another student’s abduction. Lupin defends his role to a skeptical Snape. Justin and Lupin have a meaningful conversation. A spy is captured in Gryffindor Tower!
Posted:
08/16/2005
Hits:
323
Author's Note:
Hey! Put down that copy of HBP for a minute! Look over here, c'mon, read my fic!


Ch. 10: He's Not Sirius

Harry and Ron sprinted through the corridors, panting, as they followed Dobby to Professor Dumbledore's office. Harry was quite surprised at how quickly the little elf could run. He and Ron were struggling to keep up, but Dobby was not even straining himself. His short legs were a blur as he ran, but he kept looking over his shoulder and saying, "Hurry, sirs, we must hurry! Professor Dumbledore is waiting!" He was not even breathing heavily.

As they ran down the halls, Harry noticed that the school seemed to be in an uproar. Prefects and teachers were bustling about, presumably to make sure all the other students were accounted for. At one point, Professor Sinistra challenged the three as they raced by, but Dobby turned and quickly said, "Dumbledore's orders, Professor. Dobby is taking the young sirs to his office, ma'am," and she let them continue.

When they reached the entrance to Dumbledore's office, the stone stairs were already turning, so they hopped aboard and rode up. They still had not caught their breath by the time they reached the top of the stairs.

As they crossed the threshold, Dumbledore, seated at his desk, said, "Ah, Harry, Ron, come in, come in. But where is Miss Granger?"

Still panting, Harry clutched his chest and said, "The House Elves, sir. They grabbed her, too."

Dumbledore frowned, and replied, "That is most unfortunate. However, you will soon find out that that is not the worst of our problems this evening." As Ron opened his mouth to protest, Dumbledore silenced him with a gesture, and said, "Please, gentlemen, all will be made clear momentarily. We will discuss these events as soon as Sirius arrives. In the meantime, please take a seat."

Dumbledore waved his wand, and a comfortable couch appeared against the wall to the left of his desk. Harry and Ron sat down at either end and began to catch their breath, and Dobby sat down between them. Harry peered around at the other occupants of the room. Professor Snape sat next to Dumbledore in a wooden desk chair. His arms were folded, and he wore a smug expression as he glanced at Professor Lupin, who sat next to him.

Lupin appeared to have been in some sort of struggle, and come out the worst for it. He seemed to be in pain, and wore a slight frown. His robes were disheveled and dirty, and he held a wet cloth to his forehead. When he noticed Harry looking at him, he gave him a weak smile, which Harry returned.

From the rotating staircase leading up to the office, Harry heard the sound of heavy footsteps rapidly climbing the stairs. Soon, Sirius rushed into view.

"Hello, come in," said Dumbledore. Addressing Harry and Ron, he asked, "I am assuming you two are aware of 'Professor White's' true identity?"

The two boys nodded, and Dumbledore continued. "Very good. Now, Sirius, has the culprit been isolated?"

"Yes sir, he has," replied Sirius. "As soon as we got the alert, Flitwick and I raced down there and confronted him. He fled and we lost him, but luckily, Flitwick had managed to cast a Tracing Charm on him before he disappeared from sight. He's holed up now in Gryffindor Tower."

"Lucky for you there was a competent wizard at hand, or he might have gotten away," taunted Snape with a sneer.

As Sirius bristled, Dumbledore cut him off. "Now, now, Severus, Sirius, it is not the time for you two to rehash your boyhood quarrels. We have more important matters to attend to at the moment. Is Professor Flitwick still monitoring the location of the kidnapper?"

"Well," Sirius responded, still looking daggers at Snape, "the Tracing Charm's worn off by now, of course, but he and Hagrid are both watching all the entrances and exits to the tower, and McGonagall's in there with all the Gryffindor students. They're all as safe as they can be, and no one can get in or out."

"Very good," approved Dumbledore, smiling. "You have the situation well in hand, Sirius. Now, we will get to the bottom of the evening's events, and we can then proceed to Gryffindor Tower to apprehend the culprit. To begin with, Dobby here came to me from Harry with a most unusual warning. Harry, why don't you enlighten us as to what just happened in the History classroom."

Harry related to them all how Dobby had told him earlier that the House Elves were growing angry with Hermione, and how he had come this evening to warn Harry that they were planning some action against her. He explained how a group of House Elves led by one named Perky had come to the classroom and kidnapped her, and relayed his conversation with Perky about the elves' having some as-yet-unspecified demands that would have to be met before she was freed. Throughout his account, he struggled to avoid mentioning Ron and Hermione's tryst, as he did not think that was pertinent to her abduction, and he was still embarrassed at having barged in on them.

"House Elves?" exclaimed Sirius skeptically when Harry had finished. "House Elves have kidnapped Hermione? C'mon, Harry and Ron, we'll go down there and kick their useless little behinds until they let her go."

"No, Sirius, I don't think that will be necessary," said Dumbledore. "Harry has said he does not think Hermione is in any danger, and I must say I agree. Dobby, do you think there is any chance that they will harm Hermione in any way?"

"Oh no, Professor Dumbledore, sir, no!" replied Dobby earnestly. "The elves is very angry, of course, but they would never do that. They has some things they want, but Dobby doesn't know exactly what they are, sir. They will treat Professor Hermione very well, but they will not let her go until they have had their say, I think."

"Well then, given the more serious nature of our other kidnapping, we will content ourselves with leaving Hermione in the hands of the House Elves for now," said Dumbledore.

"But sir!" exclaimed Ron. "We have to get her back! What if they get angry with her or something! What if they hurt her!"

Dumbledore smiled, and said, "I understand your concerns, Mr. Weasley, but we must be patient for now. I assure you, I know Perky well. She is in no danger, except perhaps from being subjected to too many trays of biscuits from her captors. The other kidnapping victim is in much greater danger."

"But why, sir?" asked Harry. "Why would anyone else be in greater danger from the House Elves?"

"Ah, but that is precisely the problem," Dumbledore answered. "We do not believe the other student was taken by our rebellious elves." As Harry and Ron gasped, Dumbledore said, "Remus, please bring our young friends here up to date as to the part you have played in the events of this evening."

Lupin removed the damp cloth from his forehead, and Harry could see that he must have received a knock on the head there that had left an egg-sized lump. As Snape continued to look on with a malicious grin, Sirius took a seat next to Lupin, and he began his tale.

"Well, I was just sitting down in my office to a nice hot cup of herbal tea, when there was a knock at the door. I said, 'Come in,' and there was Justin Finch-Fletchley, my most gifted student. I was surprised he had come down after supper, but he asked me if I had time to go down to the greenhouse and see his floral arrangements. He said they were most impressive under the moonlight. I said, 'As long as it's not the full moon,' ha ha, and agreed to accompany him."

"We went down to the greenhouse," Lupin continued, "and I must say, that boy is talented. His arrangements were exquisite, like lovely snowstorms of pink, ivory and lavender, I told him. Anyway, as we were returning to the castle, a cloaked shape loomed up in the darkness in front of us. I pulled out my wand, and asked, 'Who's there?' but the figure immediately cast a Stunning Spell on the both of us. I fell forward and hit my head, and I heard Justin squeal. I looked up just in time to see the cloaked intruder and Justin clutching an old crisp bag, which I guessed was a Portkey. Just as the Portkey was activating, I kicked out and knocked our assailant's hand off of it. Justin was whisked away, but the intruder ran up toward the castle, and I managed to sound the alarm."

"So it wasn't the House Elves who got Justin!" exclaimed Ron.

"No," answered Dumbledore. "House Elves do not use Stunning Spells. The culprit must, therefore, have been a wizard, and I would expect, a Dark Wizard at that."

"I am troubled myself about one aspect of your story, Lupin," said Snape, looking at him with disdain. "You claim that Mr. Finch-Fletchley knocked at your door just after you had returned to your quarters from dinner?"

"Yes, that was right at 7:15, I always have tea at that hour," replied Lupin warily.

"I see," said Snape. "And yet, you raised your alarm at roughly 9:15, did you not? I am curious as to why the two of you spent nearly two hours looking at flower arrangements. Those must have been some very engrossing displays, Lupin."

"Now just a minute!" exclaimed Sirius, jumping to his feet. "How Remus spends his personal time is none of your business, Snivelus!"

"It is, when a student is kidnapped, and the only witnesses' story is suspicious!" snapped Snape. "You may all trust the werewolf here, but I am concerned by how often he 'coincidentally' appears when dark deeds are afoot! I believe that he may have kept the boy out there until his accomplice was ready to strike!"

Sirius opened his mouth as if to shout at Snape again, but Lupin put a hand on his arm and said, "Wait, my friend, Severus is right. I'd be suspicious too, if it were someone else who had been out with Justin that long, wouldn't you?" Sirius did not reply, but sat back down, still glaring at Snape.

"It's probably best if I explain," said Lupin with a weary sigh. "We did look at those beautiful flower arrangements, until just after 8 o'clock. Then, Justin told me he wanted to talk to me about something important. He was rather nervous and reluctant to proceed, but I told him he could talk to me about anything that was troubling him. Finally, he said that he was especially glad I had come back to teach here as he was not like most of the other kids in the school, and was glad that there was someone here like him that he could talk to. Well, I was shocked! I had no idea there was another werewolf at Hogwarts!"

For some reason that eluded Harry, the reactions of the others in the room were rather odd. Ron snorted back a laugh, and then carefully composed himself. Snape rolled his eyes, Sirius gaped at Lupin in surprise, and Dumbledore merely raised his eyebrows while the corners of his mouth twitched.

"Well, I must say, we had a very nice talk. I told Justin to be proud of who and what he was, and that his differences did not make him any worse or any better than anyone else at Hogwarts. I told him I knew just what he was feeling, to think that you are different from everyone else and that no one would like you if they found out. He asked me when I first realized that I was different, and I said I had known since childhood, and he smiled and said, 'Yes, that's me too.' He then asked me if I ever had any 'evening liaisons', as he put it, with any of the other students when I went to school here, and he was most interested to hear about my exploits with the Marauders."

"Remus, what did you tell him?" asked Sirius weakly.

"Well, he had of course heard about the Marauders from your tales in class, Sirius, so I felt it was alright to be open with him," Lupin answered, as Sirius looked discomfited and Snape glanced from one to the other with a gleeful expression. "I told him that I mostly went about with you, James and Peter. He seemed shocked, he said, 'All four of you at once!' and I said, 'Sure, the more the merrier, eh Justin?' That seemed to embarrass him somewhat, I guess he's not used to being accepted as a werewolf. Anyway, Sirius, when I told him I went around with you the most because your animal side was most compatible with mine, he got kind of choked up. Nice kid, real sensitive."

"Uh, Remus, at any time during this conversation did you specifically say anything like, 'I am a werewolf' or 'Gee Justin, you're a werewolf, huh?" asked Sirius.

"Well, no, it's a pretty touchy subject with most of us, as you know," Lupin responded. "There's not really any need to mention the obvious, is there?"

"Remus," said Sirius in an exasperated voice, "you may be brilliant, but sometimes you really remind me of Harry."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" asked Harry in confusion.

"Nothing, Harry," said Sirius with a grin. "Let's just say I'm assuming the Sorting Hat did not suggest you might fit in Ravenclaw, am I right?"

"Yeah, it thought I might fit in Gryffindor or Slytherin. So?" replied Harry, not quite following where Sirius was going with this.

"Now, now," interrupted Dumbledore, raising a hand, "this is all most, uh, fascinating, but let us stick to the problem at hand, if no one objects. I think we can agree that Remus' account sounds most plausible, and I for one trust that you had nothing to do with Justin's abduction," he finished, addressing his remarks to Lupin.

Lupin smiled and said, "Thank you, sir."

"As you will, Headmaster," said Snape, still looking unconvinced. "However, this still leaves us with the question of who helped kidnap Mr. Finch-Fletchley, and why."

"Indeed," said Dumbledore. "And that is just what we are going to determine right now. Severus, Sirius, if you would please accompany Remus out to the grounds, and search for clues at the location where Justin was taken."

The three wizards rose, and bowing to the Headmaster, headed toward the stairs. Snape went first, and as he got to the top of the steps, Sirius stuck out his foot and tripped him, and he tumbled down out of sight.

"Watch that first step, Snivellus, its kind of tricky!" said Sirius, as Harry and Ron snickered. They all heard a great crash from the bottom of the stairs, and then silence.

"Um, it appears that Severus will be paying a brief visit to Madam Pomfrey," said Dumbledore, as Lupin rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Remus and Sirius, you will have to search the grounds yourselves. And Sirius, I will want to talk to you about this incident later."

"What?" asked Sirius in a mock-innocent voice. "I can't help it if Snape's a klutz!"

"We will discuss this later," repeated Dumbledore somewhat more firmly. "In the meantime, Harry and Ron, please accompany me to Gryffindor Tower to see if we cannot identify the spy."

Still giggling, Harry and Ron followed Professor Dumbledore to Gryffindor Tower.

"Sir, why would anyone want to kidnap Justin?" asked Harry as they walked through the corridors. "He's never done anything to anybody, has he?"

"Wait, I know!" exclaimed Ron excitedly. "Everyone knows you're friends with Lupin, they probably thought it was you they were grabbing, Harry!"

"That is an excellent theory, and certainly plausible, Mr. Weasley." answered Dumbledore. "However, I suspect that poor Justin was the intended target, and we will soon know if I am correct."

Hagrid stood guard at the portrait of the Fat Lady, and greeted the Professor and the students as they approached the tower.

"Arr, ahoy there, Perfesser Dumbledore, sar," said Hagrid. "It be fine ter see ya, sar. Harry, Ron, how ya doin', mates?" Hagrid clapped the two boys on the back with his manhole-cover sided hands, sending them sprawling across the corridor into the opposite wall, where they lay for a moment in a heap. "Heh heh, quit foolin' about n' git up there, laddies! Anyhoo, Perfesser Flitwick's keepin' an eye out fer any what tries ta hescape, an I be watch' the front, I be. I hain't seen hide nor hair a' nobuddy, I hain't."

"Very good, Hagrid," replied Dumbledore. "Come, gentlemen," he said, addressing Harry and Ron, and stepping through the entrance to the tower.

Professor McGonagall stood near the fireplace, and several of the Gryffindors were seated in the comfortable armchairs. "Ah, Headmaster," she said, rising. "These are all the students who were in the Common Room when Flitwick sealed it. As you wished, I have asked them to all remain here so that you could question them."

Harry looked around the room and saw that Neville, Dean, Seamus, Parvati, Lavender, Ginny and the Creeveys were all there, looking scared and nervous. Professor Dumbledore gathered them together at the Common Room table, and addressed them all.

"Well, by now you all have heard of the terrible events of this evening. First, I must ask, did any of you see anyone suspicious enter through the portrait hole before Professors Flitwick and McGonagall arrived?"

The students either shook their heads or mumbled, "No, sir."

"Very well," Dumbledore replied. "The answer to our dilemma, then, is apparent. The only way an intruder could have gotten into the common room and not have been noticed is through the use of Polyjuice. I have just the charm to reveal the culprit." He waved his wand, and incanted, "Demorphus!"

The students all looked around at one another, but nothing happened. "Hmm," said Dumbledore, "not Polyjuice. Now I see! The intruder, obviously, was a ghost."

Several students gasped, but Parvati Patil said, "But Professor, I heard they had jinxed Justin and Professor Lupin. Can ghosts cast jinxes?"

"Oh yeah, you're right," said Dumbledore. "Um, let's see..."

He stood there in thought for a moment, and finally, McGonagall said, "How about an Animagus?"

"Of course, Minerva!" exclaimed Dumbledore. "Just what I was about to suggest! We know, of course, that you possess this ability, Minerva. The charm I cast will reveal all the Animagi among us, including our hidden assailant. Observe! Revealus Animagus!"

Harry looked at Professor McGonagall as Dumbledore cast his charm, and saw that she was surrounded by a nimbus of red light. When Harry looked at his fellow Gryffindors, however, he got quite a shock. They were either looking around the room with innocent expressions or staring at Dumbledore sheepishly. However, each and every one of them, including Ron, glowed with the same red light as Professor McGonagall.

As Dumbledore and McGonagall laughed, Harry exclaimed, "What? You're, you're all unregistered Animagi? But that's against wizard law!"

"Sure," said Ron, "so's having a Butterbeer before you come of age, but no one makes a big deal of that either, do they mate? As long as you don't abuse it, and attack somebody or something, no one makes a big deal of it."

"But I thought it was really hard to become an Animagus!" said Harry.

"Oh, come on!" snorted Ron, as they all laughed. "Your dad and Sirius, Rita Skeeter, even Peter Pettigrew did it, who do you know who's not one?"

"Uh, I guess," said Harry. "So what do you all turn into, anyway?"

They went around the room, and all the students gave their Animagus forms. Ron's was a goat. Dean turned into a moose, and Seamus, a Capuchin monkey. Colin Creevey's form was a hamster, and Dennis' a gerbil. Lavender turned into a pig, Parvati a rabbit, and Ginny a fox, while Neville's Animagus form was a duck.

"So one of you is the spy?" asked Harry incredulously. He could not bear the thought of one of his Gryffindor friends having betrayed the school and helped in the capture of Justin.

"I do not believe so," said Dumbledore. "For I am sensing another presence. Neville, if you would open your robes, please."

"What?" replied a startled Neville. "Uh, of course, sir."

Neville reluctantly parted his robes to reveal Elmo pajamas underneath, much to the amusement of Harry and his friends. However, there was also a concentrated red light emanating from his pajama shirt pocket. Dumbledore gestured with his wand, and a spark leapt from its tip to strike the pocket. A small creature, surrounded with the same red glow, jumped out onto the Common Room table.

"Trevor!" shouted Neville.

McGonagall and Dumbledore both pointed their wands at Trevor, and suddenly, he began to glow more brightly and to transform into an adult male. An adult male human being, that is.

The students all gasped, and Lavender exclaimed, "Sirius Black! It's Sirius Black!"

"No, Ms. Brown, he's not Sirius Black," explained Dumbledore. "This is his younger brother, Regulus Black, who we had long assumed had been killed by the Death Eaters under the orders of Lord Voldemort. It would appear that we were misinformed."

"I'm getting the weirdest feeling of deja vu," said Ron.

As they kept the sullen Black covered with their wands, McGonagall asked, "How long have you had Trevor, Neville, and where did you get him?"

"Uh, let see," said Neville, thinking hard. "Well, I got him at Diagon Alley the year before I left for Hogwarts. I was shopping there with my Gran, when a man in a cloak came by and asked me for directions to Gringotts. I told him I didn't know where it was. He then asked me how to get to Flourish and Blotts, and I told him I didn't know that either. He seemed kind of exasperated, and asked me if I knew the name of the alley we were in. I told him it was Diagon Alley. He was very grateful, and said, 'Thanks, here boy, have a toad,' and handed Trevor to me. Well, I was so happy I could hardly speak! I knew my Gran wouldn't let me keep him, so I snuck him home in my pocket and asked my Uncle what to do. He loves animals. He felt sorry for me, and said he'd keep him for me at his place until I was ready to go to Hogwarts, when he gave Trevor back to me."

"What did this stranger look like?" asked Dumbledore.

"Well, I didn't see his face, he kept his hood up. Strange, now that I think of it. It was a pretty warm day."

"Ah, the pieces are all coming together," said Dumbledore with a satisfied look. "I suspect this stranger was in league with the Death Eaters, and gave Trevor, or should I say Regulus, to you with the intention that you would take him with you when you went away to school. What do you have to say for yourself, Regulus?"

Regulus, who was busily trying to catch a fly, looked up at Dumbledore. "Huh? Yeah, that's right Dumbledore, I've lived with this kid for six years, waiting for my chance to help bring back the Dark Lord. When Crouch was here, he contacted me and told me My Lord had returned, and to await his instructions. I was told to be ready to abduct a student using a Portkey Crouch gave to me, and I assumed it would be Potter. I bided my time and waited. However, today I received orders telling me to grab this other kid, Finchley or whatever his name was, and then get out. And I would have made it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"

"Well, Black," said McGonagall, smiling grimly, "it looks like it's off to Azkaban for you. When will you Death Eaters learn that following the dark side leads only to ruin? Now we have you, and there is no way for you to escape. If you'd like, Headmaster, I'll contact the Aurors..."

Suddenly, Regulus interrupted Professor McGonagall. He pointed up at the wall above the fireplace, and shouted, "Hey, what's that up over there on the wall way over there away from me?"

As one, the students and professors turned to see what had caught Black's attention. After a moment, Dumbledore responded, "I don't see anything unusual up there Regulus, what are you..."

Meanwhile, Harry had turned back toward the table. "Black! He's gone!" Harry exclaimed.

Harry and the professors rushed out of the portrait hole into the corridor. There, they saw only Hagrid, drinking sloppily from his ubiquitous flask.

"Hagrid, did you see anyone come out of the Common Room?" asked Harry urgently.

"Ar, I hain't seen nobuddy come out'n the door, laddy," replied Hagrid. "Well, I thought'n I seen a wee froggy come hoppin' out a few sec'ns ago, I did. But it jumped off out'n the winder, so's I figgered I'd just a' had a wee bit'n more mead n' was good fer me, I did. I was jus' havin' another snort ta' clear out the collywobbles, ya know."

"Well, it would appear that Black has made his escape," said Dumbledore. "How unfortunate. Oh well, easy come easy go, I always say. Minerva, let us return to my office, and we'll see if Sirius and Remus can shed some light on this situation. Now, Harry, please return to your Common Room, you need your rest. It's very late, and if I am not mistaken, you have a Quidditch match with Slytherin tomorrow."

10