Out With the Old Professors, In With the New

Ch. 9: Two for the Price of One

Harry raced through the deserted halls of Hogwarts, past the portraits and suits of armor. As he hurried to reach the History classroom, he worried that he would be too late to save his friend. Perhaps the House Elves had already done whatever it was Dobby feared they would do to prevent any further interference on Hermione's part. Harry quickened his pace to try to avoid being noticed. He had not even paused to get his Invisibility Cloak, so he was at risk of being caught out-of-bounds by Filch or Mrs. Norris, or even worse, by Snape. He did not fear detention, only delay, but luckily he met only two figures on the way to Hermione's chambers. The Bloody Baron, the menacing Slytherin ghost, was out on one of his mysterious nocturnal errands, and Peeves, Hogwarts' resident Poltergeist, was lurking outside one of the bathrooms, lying in wait for his next victim.

Finally, Harry arrived at the History classroom. Hermione's quarters, he knew, were in a converted office towards front of the room. Harry opened the classroom door quietly and peered around. The lights were on, the desks and chair were neat and tidy, but he found neither Hermione nor Ron in the main area. This struck Harry as quite suspicious, as Ron was to have proceeded here directly from Quidditch practice to meet with Hermione.

Harry strode to the front of the classroom. He stopped next to the enchanted blackboard, outside the door to Hermione's quarters. There was no light coming from under the door, perhaps she had gone to bed early? Harry moved closer and tried the door handle, and found that it was locked. He knocked, and called out, "Hermione?"

He paused; could he hear sounds coming from within the room? Yes, he heard movement, almost as if some sort of struggle were going on. "Hermione must be in trouble!" he thought. Immediately, he brandished his wand, pointed it at the lock, and shouted, "Alohomora!"

He heard a muffled click, pushed open the door and rushed into the darkened bedroom. He paused and listened again, but all seemed silent for the moment. Harry then shouted, "Hermione! It's me, Harry, are you OK?"

"Harry?" asked Hermione in a high-pitched squeak. "What, what in the world are you doing here?"

Hermione sounded quite agitated. Something was wrong, Harry's keen senses told him.

"Illuminatos!" Harry incanted, bathing the entire room in bright light.

He took in the scene before him. Hermione's room was tastefully, if sparsely, furnished. On the near side of the room was a table covered with books and parchment, bracketed on either side by nearly full bookcases, presumably her work area. Opposite the doorway where Harry stood, against the far wall, was Hermione's huge four-poster bed. Hermione was sitting up against a couple of pillows that were propped against her headboard. She had a patchwork quilt clutched up under her chin, and looked at Harry with a surprised and, Harry thought, frightened expression.

"Harry!" she shouted, even more agitated than before. "Get out of here! Get out now!"

Harry's mind raced. Why was Hermione so upset? And where was Ron? At that moment, Harry noticed a slight movement in Hermione's bed. Something under the quilt next to Hermione had shifted.

Suddenly, everything seemed to click. "Ah ha! Now I understand!" thought Harry. That's why he hadn't seen any sign of Ron, he deduced. Obviously, the House Elves had intercepted Ron on his way to the History classroom. Harry must have interrupted them just as they were accosting Hermione, and one, or more than one of them judging from the size of the lump in the bed, was hiding under the quilt. Hermione, brave Hermione, was trying to warn Harry away to protect him from harm. Well, those House Elves were about to get more than they bargained for, thought Harry grimly. He would not let his friend face danger alone, even if the House Elves had the power to defeat him, as Dobby had hinted. Harry was going to expose the intruders, even if he opened himself to their attack.

Harry took a deep, steadying breath, raised his wand, and pointed it at the bed.

"Harry, what are you doing?" asked Hermione uncertainly, clutching the quilt closer.

"Don't worry!" Harry mouthed silently. Then, flourishing his wand, he shouted, "Accio Blankets!"

Hermione screamed as her quilt, blankets, and sheets rose as one and flew like a great multicolored bat toward Harry. As they fell to the ground at his feet, he saw immediately that he had not quite assessed the situation correctly.

Hermione let out one strangled cry: "Harry Potter!"

"Oh my God!" Harry shouted. He felt his face burning, as he glimpsed the scene revealed before him. He quickly dropped his wand, closed his eyes, and covered them with his hands, but before he could do so, this is what he saw:

Hermione, blushing furiously, was seated on the bed where she had been when he entered her room. She was wearing a matching light blue T-shirt and bikini briefs. Next to her on the bed, where Harry had expected to find rogue House Elves, was none other than the heretofore mysteriously absent Ron Weasley. Ron was attired only in a pair of orange boxer shorts with a rather impressive Chudley Cannons motif on the front.

Before what Harry had seen could register fully in his mind, he was surprised to hear Ron laughing uncontrollably.

Harry opened his eyes and saw Hermione, still blushing, turn to look at Ron.

"What...?" she began curiously, but Ron only laughed harder.

Eventually, Ron's laughter paused as he took a deep breath. "Ah, oh, you should see the expressions on your faces!" he gasped. "Harry, you look like someone just hit you over the head with a frying pan. Ah ha ha! And Hermione, you're red as a beet!" He broke down into laughter again.

Hermione began grinning sheepishly, and hit Ron with one of her pillows. "Oh, Ronald, stop it," she said. "And you!" she said, addressing Harry. "Give us back those blankets, will you?"

Still embarrassed, Harry reached down and fumbled with the blankets and sheets, finally tossing the lot to Hermione.

"Gee, I'm sorry you two," he said with chagrin. "I had no idea..."

Hermione wrapped a sheet around herself, and replied sarcastically, "Oh really, Harry, we couldn't tell. And you stop laughing!" she said to Ron, hitting him again with the pillow.

"So, uh, I guess you two are dating," said Harry.

Ron had risen from the bed, taken his robes from a hook on the wall, and was putting them on. "Good one, Captain Obvious!" he said, still chuckling. "I wondered how long it would take you to figure out."

Harry was still mortified at having interrupted his friends. "I'm so sorry to have barged in on you like this. But why didn't you tell me?"

"I told you we should have said something right away," said Ron, addressing Hermione.

She replied, "Oh Harry, I'm sorry, but I thought we should wait to tell you. We got together after everything that happened at the Ministry of Magic last summer."

"Yeah," explained Ron, "we had a talk when we were in hospital together. We decided that, what with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named back and all, it was time to stop messing around. After all, who knows what's going to come tomorrow."

"I just thought that you needed some time to yourself without this distraction," continued Hermione. "After all, we all thought Sirius was dead, and you were still in mourning, so I felt it best we did not burden you with this. Frankly, I was worried you might be upset to hear that Ron and I are together."

"Huh?" asked Harry in confusion. "No, I think it's great, I couldn't be happier for you! Why would I be upset?"

As Hermione blushed even more, Ron said, "Well Harry, Neville told Hermione that he, and a lot of people evidently, think you fancy her. She thought you might be even more depressed if you found out you'd 'lost her' to me. I told her she was nutters, mate."

"What?" exclaimed Harry in surprise. "No, I always figured you two would end up together, and anyway, I never thought about you that way, Hermione. Although if I had ever seen you in that blue T-shirt..."

"Harry!" shrieked Hermione, throwing her pillow at his head as he and Ron laughed.

"Now if you boys will give me a little privacy, I'm going to put on my robes," she continued. "Just wait for me out in the classroom, if you would. Then Harry can explain why he felt he needed to barge through a locked door into my bedroom."

"Oh yeah, sorry about that!" said Harry contritely as he and Ron walked out into the classroom.

As Ron closed the door, he was still chuckling.

"Seriously, I'm so sorry Ron, I didn't mean to interrupt, er, what you were doing," apologized Harry again.

"Oh, that's OK, Harry," said Ron. "Not that I'm glad you walked in on us or anything, but really, that's the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. As soon as we heard you knocking, Hermione pushed my head under the covers and said 'Shh! Don't move!' Then when you shouted 'Alohomora' and the door sprang open, my first thought was, 'Neville was right! Harry's come to jinx me!'"

Shaking his head, Harry groaned and laughed, and Ron chuckled and continued.

"Really, Harry, I thought I was a goner. Here I am in nothing but my boxers, no wand, and my best friend's come to finish me off! But then you said, 'It's me, Harry, are you OK?'" said Ron in a mocking tone. "Right away I knew you had no idea what was going on. I almost broke out laughing right there. Then Hermione said, 'Harry, what are you doing?', and I knew whatever it was, it was going to be good. 'Accio Blankets!'" exclaimed Ron, laughing again. "Harry, that was brilliant!"

"Thanks, Ron, I'm glad you're taking this so well..." Harry began, but he was interrupted by a scream from Hermione's bedroom. "What's that?" he exclaimed, as Ron turned toward the door with a worried expression on his face.

Suddenly, with a series of popping sounds, six House Elves appeared in the classroom. They were wearing tea towels with the Hogwarts crest across the front, and had tea cozies covering their faces as masks. Harry went for his wand, and pointed it at the elves, shouting, "What's the meaning of this? What are you doing in here?"

Ron opened the door to Hermione's bedroom, looked in, and turned and yelled, "Harry, Hermione's gone!" Looking murderously at the elves, he asked angrily, "What have you done with her?"

He started to rush toward the nearest House Elf, but the leader of the group held up his hand, freezing Ron in his place like a statue.

Harry shouted, "Petrificus Totalis!" pointing his wand at the leader, but the spell seemed to glance off of a barrier just before his intended victim.

He then addressed Harry. "Harry Potter, I is glad you is here. I has to talk to you. We has taken the Bad Professor to prevent her from insulting us elves any more."

"You're Perky, aren't you?" asked Harry, and the elf nodded in acknowledgement. "Look, you have to let Hermione go, OK? She's only trying to help you, and if you bring her back, I'm sure she'll forgive you and we can talk this out."

The elf looked back with a knowing expression in his eyes, and said, "Help us, Harry Potter? Like you helped Dobby? Perky knows that when you freed Dobby, you was trying to be kind to him. But you has done him a terrible disservice, Harry Potter. Dobby is very dangerous, to hisself and to all the other House Elves. I knows that this is not your fault. When you freed him from his old master, Dobby should have offered his service to you right away, but he did not. Dobby wishes to be free, and get paying! He even took a vacation, although he tried to hide this from us, but Perky knows everything that goes on at Hogwarts."

"Perky, please," said Harry urgently. "You can't do this. Let her go."

"No, Harry Potter, Perky is sorry, but we cannot let the Bad Professor go yet," he replied. "First we must talk to her and convince her to stop her bad behavior. We will also see the Headmaster and give him our demands for appropriate treatment that will make all the House Elves happy. If our demands are met, then we will let Professor Hermione go."

Harry sighed. "Just don't hurt her, all right?" he asked.

"Of course not, Harry Potter!" exclaimed Perky in surprise. "We cannot harm anyone who belongs here at Hogwarts, and would not do so even if we could! Anyway, she is a friend of Harry Potter, and all us House Elves owe a great debt to you for your continued struggle against the Dark Lord, so we will treat your friend with great kindness while she is our captive."

"Yes, Dobby told me that when Voldemort was in power before, House Elves were treated badly," said Harry. "He thanked me for making things better for most of you, although he was suffering himself with the way the Malfoys treated him."

Perky opened his huge eyes wide and raised his eyebrows. "Is that right, Harry Potter, Dobby said that?" Harry nodded, and Perky continued. "Well, that is not the way good House Elves think. We do not worry about how we are treated by our masters, good or bad, as long as we has plenty of work to do and are allowed to get on with it. We thanks Harry Potter for making the wizard world more stable, so we can all work harder without worrying about our masters' safety, sir."

"Well, can't you just let Hermione go, as a favor to me?" asked Harry. "I promise you I'll talk to her and get her to stop interfering with your work."

"Perky is sorry, Harry Potter, but the Bad Professor is not the only problem here at Hogwarts that we is going to get fixed," replied Perky. "There is much about this school that we doesn't like, and we will see to it that we is heard. Goodbye until later, sir."

Perky gestured at Ron, and he was no longer immobilized. He and the other House Elves then disappeared, leaving behind wisps of smoke.

"What in the world was that all about? Are those elves really that mad about SPEW?" asked Ron.

"Well, yes, that and some other things," replied Harry. "That's what I had come down here for tonight, Dobby warned me that the House Elves were up to something against Hermione, and that they might come after her. I sent him to get Dumbledore, I just wish he had gotten down here before they grabbed her."

"Harry, we've got to do something!" exclaimed Ron. "C'mon, let's head down to the kitchens and get her back before they hurt her!"

"OK, but let's wait for Dumbledore first," said Harry. "Those elves could be hiding anywhere in the castle, and Dobby told me they have more than enough power to resist us. Anyway, I believe Perky, and I don't think she's in any danger. I can't imagine a Hogwarts House Elf hurting anybody anyway, and once we find out what they want this should all be over in no time, I hope."

"Damn, I kept telling her to butt out about those elves, didn't I?" asked Ron angrily. "I told her they were happy, but no, she can't listen to anyone, can she? 'We've got to help those poor little elves, they don't know they'd be happier being free.' Well, she knows better now, I expect. Why didn't she listen to me?" he concluded miserably.

"Don't worry, Ron," said Harry bracingly, clapping his friend on the shoulder. "She'll be fine. Dumbledore will help us get her back soon safe and sound, and then you can tell her 'I told you so'".

Ron smiled sadly. "I sure hope you're right Harry. Maybe we should..."

Ron was interrupted by the door flying open. Harry and Ron turned to see Dobby hurrying into the room.

"Harry Potter, sir, Ron Weasley, sir, Dobby is glad he has found you."

"Thank goodness you're back, Dobby," said Harry urgently. "Dumbledore must be on the way now. Perky and the elves have taken Hermione!"

Dobby shrieked and put his hands over his eyes. "Oh no, Harry Potter! That is terrible! But Professor Dumbledore is not on the way, sirs. He sent me to tell you that you must join him right away in his office. You see, sirs, another student has been kidnapped!"

"What!" exclaimed Harry. "Who did they take? Why would the House Elves kidnap someone else?"

"Dobby doesn't know, Harry Potter. I was telling Professor Dumbledore what the House Elves were planning, when Professor Snape came in and said that a professor and student had been attacked out on the grounds, and that the student was missing. Professor Dumbledore told me to come get you and Mr. Weasley and Miss Hermione right away, and that is all I know. But now, Professor Hermione will not come! Oh, sirs, Dobby is so sorry!" Dobby began to weep loudly.

"Don't cry, Dobby," said Ron. "You did what you could. Let's go see Dumbledore and find out what's going on around here."

Harry nodded, and he, Ron and Dobby bolted out of the History classroom and tore through the corridors to Professor Dumbledore's office.

7