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The HP characters - including Voldemort - are involved in a dating game show. Chaos ensues.

The title has the main theme, but what it doesn't say is that in this story, Salazar Slytherin plays storyteller.

A parody of Hermione time turner fics (though I enjoy the occasional well written one) in which Harry travels back to MWPP times instead of Hermione. A new look (I like to think, at least) at Harry/Severus slash. Also includes a bit of Sirius/Remus.

Seamus, suffering from insomnia, wakes his best friend, Dean Thomas, and brings up a most interesting topic.

After Sirius and James hear that Remus has been picked up by the Muggle police, Sirius finds out the reason why, which is music to his ears. Sirius/Remus.

Four girls get sucked into HP's world. Their mission: Go back in time and save Sirius Black.``Unfortunately, things go wrong and they, along with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, get swept back in time to Sirius' fifth year... along with our favorite, Draco Malfoy, who ends up in Gryffindor. OH, HORRORS! A must read!

Written for this prompt: After a drunken one night stand, Minerva tells Tom that she's pregnant. Plans for world domination are derailed somewhat.

All seems normal in Hogwarts until one day, when every girl mysteriously ``falls for Draco Malfoy! The Horror! The Horror! It is up to a Hufflepuff, Sally-Anne, ``to right the wrongs and bring back order. Hormones, silliness, Draco in boxers, ``and a stupid hat, await you.

Tom is a git, Ginny is insane, Hermione is a Know-It-All, Ron is a bas****, Harry is an oblivious idiot, and Draco is sarcastic. Everything you could ever need or want in a fan-fiction.

Finally, the moment we have all been waiting for... Truth or Dare the sequel!!! The boys can finally come back down from the dorm! Dean freaks out. McGonagall comes to play and Dumbledore does something...

AU. Slash RL/KS and SS/SB. Pre-Moonal and Pre-Menstrual Syndromes - which is worse? Harry truly has a hard time deciding when he finds himself stuck in Grimmauld Place with Snape, Sirius, Remus, Kingsley, Ron, and Hermione. To make it really difficult, both Hermione and Remus are getting extremely cranky, because it’s that time of the month. Disappointed about the treatment they get from the other people, the werewolf and the girl plan a revenge list...

The entire Order of the Phoenix (inc.) eavesdrop on Ron and Hermione. Hilarity ensues.

Sirius wakes up on a normal day with a normal hangover and goes through his normal routine until the blasted doorbell rings with a very unexpected visitor.

Someone wholly unsuspected slips away to help the other side -- or is it only the desire of her own heart she serves? ``Well, who did YOU think it was?

What does it take for James to get a date with Lily to Hogsmeade?

A short yarn spun off of \\

It's Christmas time once more at Malfoy Manor and Draco explains how Hermione went crazy and that he's drowning in decorations.

The Ladies Man...Draco Malfoy...answers ALL da romantice queires on his show. He can tell you how to hook up with a fine bus station skank and do the Alabama Crabdangle--yeah, dis is freaky. And so is The Ladies Man. ``He also enjoys dramatic interpetations, especially of the "relationship" between a certain Professor and Student. Yeah, dats right.

MWPP make a bet with the Slytherins over who will win the House Chamionship. The stakes are high, and as each house gets more determined, rules and morals are discarded completely...

What happens when the students take a matchmaker test? Why, the school goes mad of course!

Fred and George, George and Fred. The marvellous pranksters would like to offer you a Canary Cream.

Christina is fresh, excited and above all innocent. She believes that there's something good inside every one of us. That's until she joins a babysitting agency and agrees to look after a certain pair of Weasley toddlers.

A short fic detailing what our favourite characters do when not in use. Please forgive me for the unoriginal title.

Sirius and Remus while away the hours at Grimmauld Place. Sirius drinks and broods; Remus reads and eats chocolate. Tonks arrives every evening and breaks up the monotony.... Until one night, between the tea cart and the door, she manages to send the routine entirely out the window. This is the touching and heart-warming story of one musty old parlor's adventures in stolen underpants, truly horrendous werewolf pickup lines, and firewhiskey for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and everything in between.

Er, revenge of the Hufflepuffs. Rated PG-13 for some language unsuitable for badgers.

The interviews continue... This time Willow von Weasel herself is interviewing none other than Lucius Malfoy. It seems they have something in common...

Bored due to being cooped up in 12 Grimmauld Place, Fred and George decide a prank is necessary to lighten the mood. As a result, they end up learning some surprising information about two of their house guests.

From zed’s ANALogy and TOPology Potterverse. Harry and Draco spent some quality time together in a disused equipment storeroom with disastrous results. Will Harry be able to save the day yet again, and live up to his boast: "Don’t worry. I will be."? Featuring Delinquent!Harry and Smug!Draco, sarcastic classmates and the dreaded best-friend-from-Hell, ItchyFist!Ron.

THE RECIPE FOR DISASTER``49 packets of Cheesy Nibbles, 15 kegs of Butterbeer, 2 crates of Firespirits, 45 twenty-something magic folks. (For best results include a squeeze of Werewolf, a pinch of rat, a plastered brace of hosts, and for that sharp tang - one socially inept, mentally unstable DeathEater.)``**To aid mixing, be sure to add a dash of Sirius Black: Cocktail Mixer Extraordinaire.``Instructions: Put folks together in a small cottage in a remote village in Wales. Add all alcohol, and leave to marinade for the evening in own juices. Then stand well back.

Thirteen-year-old Remus discovers that certain elements of his education have been sorely lacking.

This fic is nothin more or less than a simple parody of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. In this chapter, Harry finds a "noble steed," and "knights" some of his friends. But what hiss happen next? (Dramatic music plays in the background.)

Harry makes a list of things he would die for, but he forgot his number one.

What happens when the wizards and witches of Hogwarts dress as Muggles for Halloween? Well, Draco gets the wrong outfit, Ron gets too into his character, and Harry has some handcuffs.

Draco watches Harry. He thinks he isn't noticed, but eventually, all will be revealed in the dungeons, much to the horror of both Snape and Ron, and the giggling amusement of Hermione.

Did you think that pointless, random inner monologue was limited to adults? Ha! You were WRONG. Join now Draco Malfoy, The Boy Who Sneered, in his possibly most private moments…

Voldemort has united the Death Eaters with the mighty Neville Longbottom in an attempt to force the Ministry to legalize Marijuana. Meanwhile, Draco and Hermione are arrested and Snape is the victim of some good one-liners. Features many high characters, beanbag chairs, bitchy policewomen, and Lucius reminiscing about good times. Ahh, good times.

Sequel to "Harry Potter and the Half-Witted Prince." A spoof of Deathly Hallows. Harry is retarded, Ron likes dancing, Hermione is hot. What more needs to be said?

Great scientific discoveries are made serendipitously. Wands make their presence felt. If you are claustrophobic, do not read this.

Written for the Portkey 7 'fore 7 challenge, theme #1. James finds a certain muggle... innovation lying around the common room and has difficulty identifying it. Lucky for him, everyone seems willing to help.

Dudley goes to Smeltings, and learns what there is to gain in life. Features the Hog Squad, irony, hot girls, pointy sticks, and the ever-interesting Piers Polkiss' philosophies of life.

COMPLETE. Have you ever wondered who jinxed the DADA position? Contains a challenge. Please, please review!!

You thought that you had seen the last of Draco Malfoya, aka Malfoya the Tree, but no. He's back, and he's holding auditions for his musical, Ten Sickle Hooker! And of course, as usual, our favorite trio gets mixed up in all the madness! Musical mania is finally sweeping Hogwarts. Sequel to Harry Potter and Hermione's Insatiable Appetite

Hermione wants to go in costume to the Halloween Feast, but she wants the costumes to be spectacular. She hits upon an idea--seven students go as the seven deadly sins. It seems to go well, until a spell goes wrong and mayhem ensues. Can Ron contain any more anger? Can Parvati contain her own love for herself? And what about Draco's new lustful urges for just about everyone?

In a script-like fic, Alex Trebec hosts Harry, Ron, and Malfoy in a difficult journey.

Harry's become the Chocolate Zombie. Ron's writing bad love poetry. ``So's Hermione, but hers is marginally better. Malfoy the Hot, Sexy Slytherin is ``running around rampant. Authors are arguing in the air. The evil Nazi children ``are scheming to take over the world. Ah, sweet normalcy. ^_^

Ron Weasley has been looking forward to his fishing trip with Harry for months. For reasons unknown, Harry has asked Luna to tag along with them, and Ron gets more than he could have possibly bargained for....

George offers Ron some advice.

According to tradition, there are always fairy godmothers to make sure that living nightmares become dreams and to see that the princess gets her prince - soft-hearted old women with a fondness for pumpkins - so Severus says: why him?

Tired of all those 5th year fan fics that seem to be cut from the same robe? All those worn out, over used plot lines for Harry's Fifth Year getting you down? Are you ready for something new, something original, something that has never been written before in all of Harry Potter Fandom?! WELL THEN, don't read this fic. However, if you're the kind of person that can laugh at yourself, than have I got a Fic for you. Enter here, and you'll find...well, just enter and you'll find out. A parody of Harry Potter's Fifth Year and the ever omniscient and unseen Order of the Phoenix (well, at least until June 21st) which I probably enjoyed writing more than you'll enjoy reading. Go on, just try and prove me wrong!

“Dear Mr. Potter, ``It has come to our attention that recently your reputation has taken a slight fall. We have had an idea that could reverse this unfortunate problem. We would like to sponsor a contest where a lucky, young witch wins a chance to go on a date with you! This would greatly improve your approval rating with the public. Please send an owl back with your response. ``Thank you very much, ``Mervalyn Skower, spokeswitch for Mrs. Skower’s Magical Mess Remover.”

Well, this is a funny story about a 6th year named Alexandra who moves all the way from the USA to England. She's a witch attending Hogwarts, where she makes friends with Roger and "the gang". It's got things that could happen to us, teenagers, but don't expect it to be a teenage movie, 'cuz it's really different from that. It's an AU, no Voldemort, no normal characters. Read and you'll find out!

Harry buys a Play-Wizard magazine, but when he tries to enjoy it, he keeps getting interrupted! Will he ever get to read his magazine?

Albus thinks that Severus is having trouble adjusting after the end of the war. He suggests the Potions Master sees a therapist. Too bad she's a complete nutjob.

After returning from a term of service in the British Royal Navy, Peter Pettigrew reunites with his old friends Sirius, Remus, James and Lily. James and Lily are worn ragged by their new child, Harry Potter, and Sirius makes an attempt to amuse them that brings serious consequences upon them all. Mostly a parody with lots of humor, but it also partially adresses why Peter turned to Voldemort. Rated R for language and some adult humor.

It's Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts, and he needs to take an extra class to improve his average. The Muggle studies professor thinks that muggle pen friends will be just the thing to help the students learn about the muggle world!

A hilariously convoluted and contrived series of events leads to meticulously described goings on in broom closets and other uncomfortable and/or exposed areas of the school. No one’s worried about Professor Flitwick disturbing the oral sex, and its ok, cause that never happens! (All brains to be left at the door, please)

While meeting before work, Ron, Harry, and Hermione discover that their least favourite reporter has posted a new article.

Set on the eve of the Trio's sixth year. Stuck at 12 Grimmauld Place for what seems to be an eternity, the adults of the Order find themselves disputing Hermione Granger's seemingly fickle love life and the respective places of Ron Weasley and Harry Potter within it.

What happens when Dumbledore gets sick of Harry taking too long to kill Voldie? He turns hippie. Not only that. DARK hippie. Yes, you heard it right. He's going to use Harry to kill Voldie and become the new baddie himself. And he's transformed all of the staff into peace-loving fools. Oh, the horror!

Viktor's on "furlough" from the Order; he and Hermione engage in a bit of the old nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Or at least, they try to. Problem is, Harry and Ron are particularly dense about reading between the lines and figuring out what all the nudging and winking mean. Viktor and Hermione are simply trying to catch some time alone, and frankly, subtlety is getting them nowhere. But the two of them are nothing if not clever and resourceful! Featuring a very knowing Neville, a slightly strangled Ginny, an extremely naive Harry and Ron, and a very randy (but still very levelheaded) Viktor and Hermione. Rated R for severe comic naughtiness and wicked innuendo. We all knew there was something missing from the Hogwarts curriculum.

In honor of Episode II, an author has forced the characters of the HP universe into performing  the original trilogy. The problems: who to cast, who to date, and what the Death Eaters want to drink.

Just how did Viktor Krum ask Hermione to the Yule Ball? This fic explains everything, and find out exactly why it was a huge mistake.

Obviously, plot bunnies exist. But how much do you know about them? This ficlet attempts to explore the natural history of plot bunnies and how they have affected literature.

What really happened in HBP. Lots of DracoObsessed!Harry, MarySue!Ginny and Dumbledore's bling bling.

Written in response to the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in 10 Pages or Less challenge!

It's Bill and Fleur's wedding day, and the Burrow is in a state of chaos. The groom is unconscious, Ron's wearing a du-rag, Harry and Ginny are in a dark room with the door closed, and Fred and George are doing a bit of ill-timed market research. Also, we finally get the answer to that age-old question: is Professor Lupin in the closet? Who's catatonic? Who's bald? And what possesses Molly Weasley to do something socially unacceptable (the same infraction for which she's forever scolding her children)? Written for "A Very Random Comedy Challenge" on FAP, posted by Write Away the Pain.

Suddenly notice that you have a werewolf in the house? Who ya gonna call?

War is coming to Hogwarts, and Harry dreads facing his recent ex in battle. Terror of Voldemort’s new right-hand man is everywhere, but Harry’s coping skills in particular could use some work. Featuring evil!Draco, snarky!Ron, clueless!Harry, drunk!Sirius, and Hermione standing around looking knowledgeable. Draco wears leather, but possibly not the garment you suspect. H/D slash, Firenze/Trelawney ;)

Give two teenage boys some broomsticks and a jar of oil and you have a ficlet on your hands. Beware a silliness epidemic. H/D slash.

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are getting married. Yes, married. Unfortunately, last minute cancellations land them in the hands of Father Zacharias Smith, jaded and cynical with a dose of priesthood. Enter Blaise Zabini, an angry and vengeful ex-boyfriend, Matrimony Mueller, a shallow flower girl, Hermione Granger, overworked and underpaid Ministry secretary, Justin Finch-Fletchley, rabid Witch Weekly Fashion Guru and reporter and Severus Snape, oily godfather. ````Wedding, what wedding?

Harry's a drunkard whose once-popular wizard television series, "The Potter Hour," is being cancelled due to poor ratings. What's a messed-up guy to do?

Confused Muggles at Hogwarts, young wizards waiting to get their ``letters…the magical world as we know it is in jeopardy when Hogwarts’ magical ``quill goes defective and takes note of all the wrong children born in Great Britain. ``Meanwhile, 11-year old Harry Potter's dull and depressing life continues at Stonewall ``High, where he encounters an oozing, undistinguishable mass of gray-uniformed ``students, trigonometry, and the snobbish girls of the neighboring Maris Academy ``for Girls, not to mention 11-year-old Hermione Granger.....Will they receive their ``letters and discover their magical destinies before Lord Voldemort snatches the ``Philosopher’s Stone ? Dunno, I haven’t written that much yet.

This is the story of James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter's first week of Hogwarts. How did they meet? How did they become friends? Who was the first one to get detention? Why wasn't Frank a Marauder? All these questions and more answered in this tale of arrogant but nervous, funny and witty eleven-year-olds. Also includes throwing candy, detention in the trophy room, a Sorting Hat song, and a bet about McGonagall.

One day the Dream Team are at Ron's house bored out of their minds. When Hermione comes up with an idea to read a book called The Hobbit, the three of them discover how a book written by a Muggle author can entertain them and do more...much more.

Molly Weasley takes Ron and Ginny to St. Mungo’s to be inoculated, and all hell breaks loose.

Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy and Seamus Finnegan are taken captive by Darth Vader. Meet Darth Vader, Stormtroopers, lightsabers and Luke Skywalker.

What happens when a fed-up house elf decides to teach Draco a lesson? Draco and Ron find out what it's like to be each other, that's what! A ferocious lawn gnome and much more.

When Remus Lupin bets Sirius Black that he can have fun with girls without snogging them, Sirius is sceptical. Who'll win the bet?

What happens when a Boggart turns into your deepest desire, instead of your deepest fear? Snape is about to find out.

It's been seventy years since our favorite trio were students at Hogwarts! Come and look in on them now, at HAPPY WIZARDS! Featuring Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny as well as two of the strangest (and disturbing) SHIPs I've ever thought of!

A completely pointless sequel to the Hospital Wing and the Astronomy Tower and its sequel. This here sequel is about underpants and house elves. Oh, and Blaise and Ron and Lord Lucius and Terry Boot and Sirius and Ginny and Draco and Harry(?) and Hermione and her stupid campains and I think we'll throw in Neville's granny too and... well, it's a sequel! It's full of all that sequelly goodness, so if you read the first two, you might want to read this one... (and it makes less sense than the sequel prior to this!)

Voldemort manages to get into Hogwarts one evening, and finds Harry alone. But just because they want to kill each other, that's no reason to be uncivilised... Mild spoiler for HBP.

A cross between 'Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight)' by The Ramones, and 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus'. A married Draco and Ginny have a little argument on Christmas Eve over Draco dressing up as Santa to surprise their daughter.

Hermione’s year is off to a rough start. Her two best friends have hormonal overload, harassment from Draco has reached a new level, and then there are those recurring nightmares featuring a black-haired boy named Potter... and it’s NOT Harry.

Halloween, Christmas, New Year's, Easter, and, especially, April Fool's Day, MWPP always have something planned...

Hey! I did it in just 10 minutes, I hope you like it! Its about Harry pissed off because his friends forgot something... read it!!! I need a fanart artist... there's more information at the end of the page. It's in honour for 2002's day!!!

A new danger threatens Harry. Is it Voldemort? Dementors? Dragons? Death Eaters? No! It is the horror that is Mary-sue! Will Harry survive this new threat?

This is the diary of Severus Snape. Proceed with extreme caution. By the way, I got the idea from Cassandra Claire's Very Secret Diaries of The Lord of The Rings.

Harry and Ron get stoned... and naked.

A personal interpretation of what would happen if Hermione and Draco walked down the aisle and off the plank. Swearing, a fed-up psychiatrist, ``and the love-child of this union ensue!! Based off of a scene from "The Ref."

In an unfortunate bout of Hogwarts school teachers suddenly smoking Wizarding Weed, pupils have now been forced to wear... woolly knickers and lacy black see-through halter tops? Hermione has a mad fetish for abs and Ron has a crush on Josh Hartnett and Orlando Bloom. Weird enough for you already? Slightly OOC, H/Hr, Hr/R, and Hr/every guy in the school.

Written for Headgirl's Truth or Dare Challenge. On a lazy Boxing Day afternoon at Grimmauld Place, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Sirius and Remus engage in a rather chaotic game of Truth or Dare.

"Tell me, my Lord, have you some ridiculously elaborate plan to slowly capture the boy, while leaving enough clues around for someone to become suspicious?" A parody of Harry Potter fics.

Tom's diary appears in Ginny's trunk yet again. Finally he's back! Ginny missed him a 'really lot,' and is eager to prove to everybody how smart and brave she is by finally freeing poor Tom from that awful diary... (Warning: Stupid!Ginny)

It's been five years now since Harry and his friends have graduated, which means it's been four for Luna and Ginny. Hermione, Ginny, and Luna get together once a month for lunch. All three are married now, but only two of them have children. Why doesn't Hermione? And what is the big favor she has to ask Luna? Who is going to pay the check will be the least of their concerns after this one. Oh, and I didn't put Hermione and Harry together in this one. Yes, I was as surprised as you are.

Harry's failing all of his classes! In order to be allowed to play Quidditch again, he needs to have a passing grade, and there's only one class where he may be able to pull it off--BAND! Find out all about Hogwart's best-kept secret (and for good reason).

They say love is blind, but what they don't mention is that it's crazy, too. Cho Chang's love life isn't exactly perfect. In fact, it's insane! So many break-ups have landed her in the nut house!

D/H. Short but, well, I don't know about sweet - Harry's having fights with the little people in his head and Draco's hanging upside down! For enjoyment purposes only!

Dr. Seuss meets Harry Potter. ``Talking of hate – there’s the Potter boy, Harry: Obstinate, full of himself, and contrary. “Harry, our hero,” they whimper and boast – the kid’s as appealing as toe jam on toast.

The first in a coming series...``What do the wizards talk about in their breaks?``Sit with Arthur Weasley and read the truth... ``Starring: Coffee, Coffee, and more Coffee!