The Very Secret Diary of Severus Snape

The Very Secret Diary of Severus Snape

Day 1:

The sniveling brats--I mean students arrived today. I, as usual, plastered the "Evil Potions Professor" look on my face and hunched my shoulders and shrunk down in my chair, plastering my most dangerous sneer across my face that threatened horrible pain if a student were to ever so much as look at me wrong. Quite fun, actually. Did I just say fun? Albus must really be getting to me. Blast... must work on that.

Found that Potter kid in the crowd. Glared at him and friends just because I could. Then I scowled around looking evil. Go me!

Still not Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor.

Day 2:

Started classes today. Who's idea was it to group the Hufflepuffs (Or Bumblebutts, as I call them) with the Ravenclaws? Stupidity. Damn Stupidity. Albus is just doing this to torture me, I know it. Getting me back for setting his brother up on that date with a goat. It's not my fault that the incompetent fool gave her a pile of horse dung instead of flowers.

That kid in Hufflepuff, Marie Hubbler, was it?--well, she blew up four cauldrons today. Worse than Longbottom. Must go and practice maniacal laughter and evil catch phrases in the mirror...

Not DADA prof yet.

Day 3:

Snivelling brats are stupider this year, if that's possible. Apparently so. When I asked Weasel what root of quilberworth was used for, little dung-head replied: "Cupcake batter?" I am surrounded by incompetents. Cannot cope. Going to stay with old friend Saruman.

Not DADA Professor today either.

Day 4:

NOT going to go see Saruman. Turns out he was killed by a bunch of evil midgets wearing ugly rings. Almost as bad as my fate. Well, I guess I'll just have to go and hit on Flitwick instead... or maybe Lupin? Hmmm...

Still not DADA prof.

Day 7:

Taught Slytherins today. Must say, that Draco Malfoy is really hot... must plaster Super Evil Smirk on when next in his line of site... unfortunately, I have no chance, as his father had nasty breakup with my aunt last year, and I doubt highly that he has forgotton. Blast... and the boy is such a looker.

NOT DADA prof TODAY EITHER!!!

Day 12:

Not written in a while. Blast... to busy teaching blithering idiots how to brew potions.

Oh, and still not professor of Defense against the Dark arts. Damn.

Day 24:

Nothing has changed... still teaching blithering idiots in slimy underground dungeons. Oh, and I learned a scary cape flarey trick today. Makes me look menacing and evil. Go me!

Day 89:

URGH. Boring, Ugly, Smelly, Arse came today. Yes... had to deal with Trelawney... not sure why. Possibly another form of "Torture the Evil Potions Master" perhaps? Or is Albus just being a prat? Or both.

Day 94:

Heard the oddest conversation today. It was Weasel talking to that Granger Mudblood. The insolent buffoon dared to utter the words: "You're forgetting that Snape likes torturing his students". And then the Mudblood goes, "I think that he's just a misunderstood Evil Genius". Well, at least one of them got it right. Pity it was the Mudblood.

Day 173:

Time...for...Christmas...Break...evil short people...leaving...can now practice...more billowy... cape spells...awe them...with my...evilness... after I go take a nap....