Happy Wizards Retirement Home

Right outside of the little village of Hogsmeade, the late afternoon sun shined on the face of a large stone building. Muggles who got near it only saw a sign that said, "Danger, Mine Field" and no building whatsoever. Wizards however saw the building for what it really was, Happy Wizards Retirement Home.

Four old people were in the recreation room, sitting around a table, muttering incoherently to one and other and playing rummy. Their names were Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Filch and Ginny Goyle. Though none of the mediwitches knew what the hell the quad was saying, they all could understand each other...For the most part.

"Harry!" Ron garbled. Harry had his head slumped forward in his wheelchair and was fast asleep.

"What?" said Hermione irritably at Ron.

"I don't want my medicine today! I feel fine!" Ginny stuttered angrily.

"No! I was talking to Harry!" said Ron.

"What?" asked Hermione again.

"Yes please, I would love more meatloaf," Ginny uttered and flashed a toothless grin.

Harry stirred long enough to draw the top card from the discard pile and place down three fours in front of him.

"Your turn, Hermione," said Ron.

"I did not kill that fern! That was Crookshanks," Hermione huffed and pointed to a feeble ginger cat in a mini wheelchair. Ron threw down his cards.

"I didn't say that, you deaf old bat!" Ron snapped and almost swallowed his dentures.

"What?" she yelled. "Why in the hell are you muttering! I've been telling you to stop muttering for ten years!" Hermione yelped.

"Bingo!" Ginny exclaimed and threw down all her cards triumphantly. Ron really did swallow his dentures this time A mediwitch came by diligently and apparated them out of his stomach and back into his mouth. Ron pinched her on the butt as she walked off.

Quite suddenly, a filthy old man, much older then the quad at the table wheeled over.

"W-w-w-weasley I saw that! F-f-fifty points from Gr-r-r-ryffindor!" he barely sputtered.

Harry snorted awake.

"Snape, you old codger, we haven't been in school in seventy years!" Harry wheezed before falling back asleep. Snape wheeled off looking shot down that he'd lost the chance to take points from the students he hated the most.

The medicine cart witch came around after about ten more minutes of bickering. She gave Harry his shot, without waking him up. Ginny hit the woman on the kneecaps with her cane and squawked about swallowing her evening blood pressure potion as usual, but ended up taking it with a smile. Hermione didn't need any medication, but still got a stern talking to about wearing her magical hearing aide.

"I don't need to wear that thing you silly little bint! It mars my beauty! Why when I was your age..." Hermione started into her usual rant at the witch. The witch was used to this and took Hermione's hearing aide off.

"Fine. You don't have to wear it. Are you happy now Mrs. Filch?"

"What? Quit mumbling!" Hermione squawked. The witch gave up on Hermione.

Ron tried to get the young buxom witch to 'sit on grandpa's lap' with little success. She did however swab out his ears for him and cast a cleaning charm on his dentures.

"Dinner time in Half an hour!" The witch said and walked off.

"I took a shower this morning! Don't get fresh with me!" Hermione retorted at the retreating witch.

"I better go make Greggy his supper," Ginny said and began to wheel away from the table. Ron banged the table with his fist.

"Ginny! Don't be stupid! You're a widow!" Ron coughed. Ginny stopped her wheelchair, and turned back around.

"My Greggy is dead?" she said, her lip quivering more then usual. "When did he die?"

"TWENTY-NINE YEARS AGO! ARE WE EVER GOING TO FINISH THIS GAME?" Ron yelled.

"Now that's more like it, mumbling all these years," Hermione said and drew a card, since it was still her turn. Harry snored loudly and drooled.