861 - 880 of 3,602 Stories

Hermione's being blackmailed, Draco fancies Ron, Zabini's a smarmy pirate, and all’s fair in the dawn of a new civilization. It only ever came down to two things: sex and war.

Severus Snape needs a little advice. He finds out that sometimes it's just better not to ask the questions in the first place. SS/RL.

Meg is just an ordinary girl visiting her ordinary relatives. Only she just happens to be staying in Number 3 Privet Drive. One unfortunate muggle's adventure as Harry Potter's neighbor during the summer between Harry's first and second year.

Join Lily, James, Sirius, Katz, and all our friends as they rid Hogwarts of evil purple stuffed bunnies, get in a food fight, and wake up the whole castle at 5 am. Trix is included, no charge.

Voldemort has died of old age while waiting for book five to finally be published, and happiness abounds. Isn\\\'t that nice? Oh, and Harry has to give a speech at his funeral.

Harry is polishing his Firebolt.  Rated ‘R’ for sexual innuendo and references.

You shan't meddle with things you don't know!!! But tell that ``Fred and George... Today they'll form their very personal opinion towards Muggles ``and of course, it's someone else who suffers. :)

It's Fear Factor... Hogwarts style. Four lucky sixth-year students have been chosen to participate in Dumbledore's adaptation of the Muggle reality show. What slimy, terrifying, disgusting, acts will they have to face? And don't think they don't get a reward. The prize: 50,000 Galleons. Who will it be?

Harry did this spell, right? And it had unexpected results, right? And he woke up gay, right? Right.

Ron sings 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'... his own way! Plus: interjections from Hermione, Harry, and you can't forget Malfoy. Absolutely no plot, and very random, but who cares? Small reference to R/Hr.

A long-suffering Millicent gets to explain a few facts about life ``at Hogwarts to a disbelieving Pansy in their sixth year.

Wonderboy Harry devised a plot to pay Uncle Vernon back after Uncle Vernon insulted him and Draco. Crazy plotting and planning galore. Featuring Grownup Delinquent!Harry and SupportivePartner!Draco. And oh, the wonders of British Telecom (BT).

"Much Ado About Nothing" set at Hogwarts in 1979. Subterfuge, slash, and silliness.

Hermione's asked Harry and Ron to study with her in the library - on a Hogsmeade weekend! While in the library, Harry overhears Draco telling Crabbe and Goyle that he's going to knock Hermione, Harry, and Ron unconscious. Harry, Ron and Hermione end up fighting Malfoy and winning, and they decide to do a pretty embarrassing thing to now unconscious Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle. Malfoy gets asked out by Dean Thomas, Luna dances on Hermione's head, Malfoy insults Ron, and Ron eats waffles, all in this crazy story.

Draco learns the worth of Potions when one of his "extra-credit assignments" goes wrong. Slash; D/D.

"Potter, watch where you're going!" ``"Me? I'm not the one who just ran into somebody!" ``"Yes you are, you oaf, you ran into me!" ``How did the two lovebirds get together when they hate each other? Good question....

Harry and Draco accidentally cast the Curse Performed by Mortal Enemies at the Same Time. Breaking it could be a challenge.

Why is it whenever someone hears the name 'Seamus Finnigan', the first thing they come up with is, "Oh, he's gay, isn't he?" Has anyone EVER considered the idea that I might be heterosexual? (*Seamus is fed up with everyone. He's out to prove to fanfic authors and classmates alike that he is NOT gay! One-shot, humor, and slashyness have been used in the making of this fic.

It’s not easy to become a Beater. But Fred and George tried it! If they were successful on the first try or not, is the big question...

A new MiB agent? With a snake-cane? And long hair? And a British accent? What devilry is this? Agent J has a sneaking suspicion about the fellow. Could he be bad? Can we say "DUH???"

It's a rainy day at Hogwarts, and the Marauders have nothing to do, so they decide to do something about it. Will they get caught, or will they make it out alive?

It's Harry, Ron, and Hermione's final and seventh year of Hogwarts. The trio's hopes for a peaceful year are dashed when the new headmaster is announced: Gilderoy Lockhart! When Lockhart's mission to bring love to the wizarding world at Hogwarts with the help of his enthusiastic if not eye-pleasing partner gnome-turned-Cupid Wubi spectacularly backfires, it's up to Hermione and Sirius (returned from the Veil) to save the day. The problem: Under the influence of magically tainted arrows and a few drinks, Ron discovers he is madly in love with Lockhart, while Draco discovers his deep infatuation with Hermione. Meanwhile, Harry has the disturbing sensation that he is being stalked...

Er...this is a mostly pointless and semi-funny story. Harry is discovered to have the five o'clock shadow but, being an immature boy of seventeen, has no idea what that is. With a little help from Hermione, he learns to control and fix this problem.

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a SEVERUS! In order to obtain top performance from your Potions master, please follow the procedures detailed in this manual.

Fred and George Weasley wanted to create havoc at Hogwarts, even though they already left. Four innocent students want cash, thrills, and vengeance. What do you get when you add them together? This fic.

Harry meets Salazar, Draco meets Godric, major irony (think Pet Shop Boys/Peeved!Patrician) ensues.

"Blink but a little and you will be transported to an alternate of this time and place." Harry accidentally inhales the fumes of a premature potion that causes him to be transported into numerous alternate worlds at the blink of his eyes. Brought to light are the issues of his "bigger picture".

Harry is woken up by the voice of Draco Malfoy screaming from the washroom of the head boy dorm. Being the perfect boyfriend, he rolls over and goes back to sleep. Something, however, is obviously wrong with Draco, and Harry will be getting no more sleep.

Harry has a penfriend: three guesses who. A fun, funny, nonsensical fic. Read at your own risk.

Ginny Weasley has to learn how to put up with a couple of boobs, and we aren’t talking about Harry and Ron.

Cliche fic, in response to Bonibaru's prompt: 'Trapped with a werewolf on the eve of the full moon and must have sex because a werewolf will not attack its mate.'

Everybody has this special place where they aren’t disturbed and ``where they can let their thoughts make somersaults, even our favourite Potions ``Master. But it’s not his laboratory. It’s the restroom. Join Sevi in his possibly ``most private moments…

Have you ever wondered how Mary Sues are created? It is a horrible process, involving a mystical book. A book called "The Glamoire".

Recognizing a growing problem with his homicidal tendancies, Lord Voldemort attends his first Evil Overlords Anonymous meeting.

Harry Potter and Siruis Black have played a prank on Harry's girlfriend, Alex, and her best friend, Li. Not only that, but Harry has been playing pranks on Li all week. To get revenge, the girls have come up with the ultimate prank that even a Marauder can't beat. But will it work?

Voldemort finally has the weapon he needs. Now he's certain to win the war. So what's going to go wrong???

Due to an accident in Potions class, Neville Longbottom creates a dangerously powerful love potion, and Professor Snape is forced to rid the school of the potion. Unfortunately, he can't do anything about the effects. WARNING: Has been known to cause extreme cases of nasal carbonation, so don't drink anything while reading it. (Pairings: Snape/Pomfrey, Snape/McGonagall, Malfoy/Longbottom, and pretty much the rest of the school at one time or another...)

There's trouble at the Ministry, McGonagall's office, and at court. There's one thing  that nobody expects: the Spanish Inquisition! HP characters take the roles of the Monty Python classic, rewritten with rubber chickens and Draco and sure to make you laugh (even if it is just at the Monty Python stuff.)

When sinister Grandmama Livia, the matriarch of the Snape family, decides to hold a Family Gathering at Hogwarts, Severus is understandably perturbed...especially when he discovers she's invited the mysterious, undead Sackville-Snapes. Things go from bad to worse when the trio, plus Neville, put in an appearance. 'Snapes...dozens of them...'

When Hermione's parents go away for a week in the middle of summer, she has Ron and Harry (who was staying at the Weasleys') come over to keep her company. What she doesn't expect is to be bombarded with telephone calls from telemarketers who want her to become broke.

The HP characters - including Voldemort - are involved in a dating game show. Chaos ensues.

The title has the main theme, but what it doesn't say is that in this story, Salazar Slytherin plays storyteller.

A parody of Hermione time turner fics (though I enjoy the occasional well written one) in which Harry travels back to MWPP times instead of Hermione. A new look (I like to think, at least) at Harry/Severus slash. Also includes a bit of Sirius/Remus.

After Sirius and James hear that Remus has been picked up by the Muggle police, Sirius finds out the reason why, which is music to his ears. Sirius/Remus.

Seamus, suffering from insomnia, wakes his best friend, Dean Thomas, and brings up a most interesting topic.

Four girls get sucked into HP's world. Their mission: Go back in time and save Sirius Black.``Unfortunately, things go wrong and they, along with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, get swept back in time to Sirius' fifth year... along with our favorite, Draco Malfoy, who ends up in Gryffindor. OH, HORRORS! A must read!

Written for this prompt: After a drunken one night stand, Minerva tells Tom that she's pregnant. Plans for world domination are derailed somewhat.

All seems normal in Hogwarts until one day, when every girl mysteriously ``falls for Draco Malfoy! The Horror! The Horror! It is up to a Hufflepuff, Sally-Anne, ``to right the wrongs and bring back order. Hormones, silliness, Draco in boxers, ``and a stupid hat, await you.

Finally, the moment we have all been waiting for... Truth or Dare the sequel!!! The boys can finally come back down from the dorm! Dean freaks out. McGonagall comes to play and Dumbledore does something...

Tom is a git, Ginny is insane, Hermione is a Know-It-All, Ron is a bas****, Harry is an oblivious idiot, and Draco is sarcastic. Everything you could ever need or want in a fan-fiction.

AU. Slash RL/KS and SS/SB. Pre-Moonal and Pre-Menstrual Syndromes - which is worse? Harry truly has a hard time deciding when he finds himself stuck in Grimmauld Place with Snape, Sirius, Remus, Kingsley, Ron, and Hermione. To make it really difficult, both Hermione and Remus are getting extremely cranky, because it’s that time of the month. Disappointed about the treatment they get from the other people, the werewolf and the girl plan a revenge list...

The entire Order of the Phoenix (inc.) eavesdrop on Ron and Hermione. Hilarity ensues.

What does it take for James to get a date with Lily to Hogsmeade?

Sirius wakes up on a normal day with a normal hangover and goes through his normal routine until the blasted doorbell rings with a very unexpected visitor.

Someone wholly unsuspected slips away to help the other side -- or is it only the desire of her own heart she serves? ``Well, who did YOU think it was?

A short yarn spun off of \\

It's Christmas time once more at Malfoy Manor and Draco explains how Hermione went crazy and that he's drowning in decorations.

The Ladies Man...Draco Malfoy...answers ALL da romantice queires on his show. He can tell you how to hook up with a fine bus station skank and do the Alabama Crabdangle--yeah, dis is freaky. And so is The Ladies Man. ``He also enjoys dramatic interpetations, especially of the "relationship" between a certain Professor and Student. Yeah, dats right.

MWPP make a bet with the Slytherins over who will win the House Chamionship. The stakes are high, and as each house gets more determined, rules and morals are discarded completely...

What happens when the students take a matchmaker test? Why, the school goes mad of course!

Fred and George, George and Fred. The marvellous pranksters would like to offer you a Canary Cream.

Christina is fresh, excited and above all innocent. She believes that there's something good inside every one of us. That's until she joins a babysitting agency and agrees to look after a certain pair of Weasley toddlers.

A short fic detailing what our favourite characters do when not in use. Please forgive me for the unoriginal title.

Sirius and Remus while away the hours at Grimmauld Place. Sirius drinks and broods; Remus reads and eats chocolate. Tonks arrives every evening and breaks up the monotony.... Until one night, between the tea cart and the door, she manages to send the routine entirely out the window. This is the touching and heart-warming story of one musty old parlor's adventures in stolen underpants, truly horrendous werewolf pickup lines, and firewhiskey for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and everything in between.

Er, revenge of the Hufflepuffs. Rated PG-13 for some language unsuitable for badgers.

The interviews continue... This time Willow von Weasel herself is interviewing none other than Lucius Malfoy. It seems they have something in common...

From zed’s ANALogy and TOPology Potterverse. Harry and Draco spent some quality time together in a disused equipment storeroom with disastrous results. Will Harry be able to save the day yet again, and live up to his boast: "Don’t worry. I will be."? Featuring Delinquent!Harry and Smug!Draco, sarcastic classmates and the dreaded best-friend-from-Hell, ItchyFist!Ron.

Bored due to being cooped up in 12 Grimmauld Place, Fred and George decide a prank is necessary to lighten the mood. As a result, they end up learning some surprising information about two of their house guests.

THE RECIPE FOR DISASTER``49 packets of Cheesy Nibbles, 15 kegs of Butterbeer, 2 crates of Firespirits, 45 twenty-something magic folks. (For best results include a squeeze of Werewolf, a pinch of rat, a plastered brace of hosts, and for that sharp tang - one socially inept, mentally unstable DeathEater.)``**To aid mixing, be sure to add a dash of Sirius Black: Cocktail Mixer Extraordinaire.``Instructions: Put folks together in a small cottage in a remote village in Wales. Add all alcohol, and leave to marinade for the evening in own juices. Then stand well back.

Thirteen-year-old Remus discovers that certain elements of his education have been sorely lacking.

Harry makes a list of things he would die for, but he forgot his number one.

This fic is nothin more or less than a simple parody of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. In this chapter, Harry finds a "noble steed," and "knights" some of his friends. But what hiss happen next? (Dramatic music plays in the background.)

Draco watches Harry. He thinks he isn't noticed, but eventually, all will be revealed in the dungeons, much to the horror of both Snape and Ron, and the giggling amusement of Hermione.

What happens when the wizards and witches of Hogwarts dress as Muggles for Halloween? Well, Draco gets the wrong outfit, Ron gets too into his character, and Harry has some handcuffs.

Sequel to "Harry Potter and the Half-Witted Prince." A spoof of Deathly Hallows. Harry is retarded, Ron likes dancing, Hermione is hot. What more needs to be said?

Voldemort has united the Death Eaters with the mighty Neville Longbottom in an attempt to force the Ministry to legalize Marijuana. Meanwhile, Draco and Hermione are arrested and Snape is the victim of some good one-liners. Features many high characters, beanbag chairs, bitchy policewomen, and Lucius reminiscing about good times. Ahh, good times.

Did you think that pointless, random inner monologue was limited to adults? Ha! You were WRONG. Join now Draco Malfoy, The Boy Who Sneered, in his possibly most private moments…

Dudley goes to Smeltings, and learns what there is to gain in life. Features the Hog Squad, irony, hot girls, pointy sticks, and the ever-interesting Piers Polkiss' philosophies of life.

Written for the Portkey 7 'fore 7 challenge, theme #1. James finds a certain muggle... innovation lying around the common room and has difficulty identifying it. Lucky for him, everyone seems willing to help.

Great scientific discoveries are made serendipitously. Wands make their presence felt. If you are claustrophobic, do not read this.

COMPLETE. Have you ever wondered who jinxed the DADA position? Contains a challenge. Please, please review!!

You thought that you had seen the last of Draco Malfoya, aka Malfoya the Tree, but no. He's back, and he's holding auditions for his musical, Ten Sickle Hooker! And of course, as usual, our favorite trio gets mixed up in all the madness! Musical mania is finally sweeping Hogwarts. Sequel to Harry Potter and Hermione's Insatiable Appetite

Hermione wants to go in costume to the Halloween Feast, but she wants the costumes to be spectacular. She hits upon an idea--seven students go as the seven deadly sins. It seems to go well, until a spell goes wrong and mayhem ensues. Can Ron contain any more anger? Can Parvati contain her own love for herself? And what about Draco's new lustful urges for just about everyone?

In a script-like fic, Alex Trebec hosts Harry, Ron, and Malfoy in a difficult journey.

Ron Weasley has been looking forward to his fishing trip with Harry for months. For reasons unknown, Harry has asked Luna to tag along with them, and Ron gets more than he could have possibly bargained for....

Harry's become the Chocolate Zombie. Ron's writing bad love poetry. ``So's Hermione, but hers is marginally better. Malfoy the Hot, Sexy Slytherin is ``running around rampant. Authors are arguing in the air. The evil Nazi children ``are scheming to take over the world. Ah, sweet normalcy. ^_^

Tired of all those 5th year fan fics that seem to be cut from the same robe? All those worn out, over used plot lines for Harry's Fifth Year getting you down? Are you ready for something new, something original, something that has never been written before in all of Harry Potter Fandom?! WELL THEN, don't read this fic. However, if you're the kind of person that can laugh at yourself, than have I got a Fic for you. Enter here, and you'll find...well, just enter and you'll find out. A parody of Harry Potter's Fifth Year and the ever omniscient and unseen Order of the Phoenix (well, at least until June 21st) which I probably enjoyed writing more than you'll enjoy reading. Go on, just try and prove me wrong!

According to tradition, there are always fairy godmothers to make sure that living nightmares become dreams and to see that the princess gets her prince - soft-hearted old women with a fondness for pumpkins - so Severus says: why him?

George offers Ron some advice.

“Dear Mr. Potter, ``It has come to our attention that recently your reputation has taken a slight fall. We have had an idea that could reverse this unfortunate problem. We would like to sponsor a contest where a lucky, young witch wins a chance to go on a date with you! This would greatly improve your approval rating with the public. Please send an owl back with your response. ``Thank you very much, ``Mervalyn Skower, spokeswitch for Mrs. Skower’s Magical Mess Remover.”

Well, this is a funny story about a 6th year named Alexandra who moves all the way from the USA to England. She's a witch attending Hogwarts, where she makes friends with Roger and "the gang". It's got things that could happen to us, teenagers, but don't expect it to be a teenage movie, 'cuz it's really different from that. It's an AU, no Voldemort, no normal characters. Read and you'll find out!

Harry buys a Play-Wizard magazine, but when he tries to enjoy it, he keeps getting interrupted! Will he ever get to read his magazine?

Albus thinks that Severus is having trouble adjusting after the end of the war. He suggests the Potions Master sees a therapist. Too bad she's a complete nutjob.

It's Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts, and he needs to take an extra class to improve his average. The Muggle studies professor thinks that muggle pen friends will be just the thing to help the students learn about the muggle world!

After returning from a term of service in the British Royal Navy, Peter Pettigrew reunites with his old friends Sirius, Remus, James and Lily. James and Lily are worn ragged by their new child, Harry Potter, and Sirius makes an attempt to amuse them that brings serious consequences upon them all. Mostly a parody with lots of humor, but it also partially adresses why Peter turned to Voldemort. Rated R for language and some adult humor.

A hilariously convoluted and contrived series of events leads to meticulously described goings on in broom closets and other uncomfortable and/or exposed areas of the school. No one’s worried about Professor Flitwick disturbing the oral sex, and its ok, cause that never happens! (All brains to be left at the door, please)

While meeting before work, Ron, Harry, and Hermione discover that their least favourite reporter has posted a new article.

Set on the eve of the Trio's sixth year. Stuck at 12 Grimmauld Place for what seems to be an eternity, the adults of the Order find themselves disputing Hermione Granger's seemingly fickle love life and the respective places of Ron Weasley and Harry Potter within it.

What happens when Dumbledore gets sick of Harry taking too long to kill Voldie? He turns hippie. Not only that. DARK hippie. Yes, you heard it right. He's going to use Harry to kill Voldie and become the new baddie himself. And he's transformed all of the staff into peace-loving fools. Oh, the horror!

In honor of Episode II, an author has forced the characters of the HP universe into performing  the original trilogy. The problems: who to cast, who to date, and what the Death Eaters want to drink.