Harry Potter Wokeus Upus Gayus!

Harry Potter, the boy who lived, the youngest Seeker in a century, slowly fought the world coming into focus.

//Nooo... not yet...\

His eyes opened unwillingly, a sleepy haze marring his sight.

//Ah! breakfast!\

His stomach grumbled, and almost magically he lifted his head, and was surprised immensely as the rest of his body followed. He sprung from the bed, and flippantly tossed his shaggy hair out of his eyes.

//What a fabulous day! So sunny!\

He peered out the window, distaste obvious in his demeanor.

//Like they can't afford to put some curtains up! Honestly, if this room got any colder, I'd be the ice queen.\

He picked up the clothes at the foot of his bed, and began dressing. Or, tried to get dressed. His legs just wouldn't go in.

//What..? OH! Well, obviously, I can't be expected to wear that. \

He threw his clothes, his very unfashionable clothes, into the laundry basket, and ripped the sheet from his bed, wrapping his thin body in it. It would do until he could get some real clothes.

"Seamus?" he whispered loudly, and poked the prone form, still fast asleep. "Seamus! I have an emergency here!"

"Gahhh..." Seamus groaned, and turned away.

"Seamus! Please, you can afford to miss some beauty sleep. This is a matter of life or fashion!" He went beyond a poke and shoved Seamus.

"Harrrrrrrrryyyyyyy..." Seamus whined, and sleepily opened his eyes. "Harry?!?" he bolted upright, and gaped at Harry.

"We've established that my name is Harry. Now look, I need some of your clothes. I have nothing to wear." Harry rolled his eyes. "Can you believe the uniforms here?"

"Harry..." Seamus said suspiciously, "You've woken up gay, haven't you?"

//I see someone's gaydar is working properly. For once. If I had a Galleon for every time Seamus made a pass at a non-member....\

"Gayer than gay," Harry said happily, and began rummaging through Seamus' clothes chest.

"That's fabulous, Harry! We'll have so much fun together. Now I have someone to shop at Nini's Fab Grab Bags For Hags And Fags with!" Seamus said, a huge grin spreading over his freckled face.

"I'd love to, Seamus, however... I need something to wear now."

"Well.... I did just get a be-dazzler for Christmas..."

~*~

Harry threw open the doors dramatically, and sashayed into the common room loudly, his sparkly boots clicking melodiously on the wooden floor. It wasn't any surprise to see that every head in the room turned toward him.

//My, my...aren't we feeling a little tacky today. Please. Black baggy robes just do not suit some people.\

"Hellooo, dahlings!" He blew a kiss in the direction of Fred, and George, who winked at him. He replied with a dazzling smile, and sauntered over to Hermione and Ron.

"Um... Harry?" Hermione questioned, an entirely unusual look of confusion marring her otherwise quite intelligent face.

"Yes, Hermoine, dahling?" Harry swished over to her, and reclined, fainting style, onto the armchair across from her. He didn't notice that several students in the immediate vicinity suddenly got up and moved far, far away.

"You... are wearing..." She pointed at his outfit, as if afraid to say the words.

//What? Like she has any room to talk? We're talking Birkenstock city with this one.\

"Harry..." Ron finished for her, looking over his shoulder, "you're wearing a midriff, and your pants have got glitter on them."

"I am not wearing a midriff. It's a half-shirt," Harry informed him haughtily.

"I don't think that's in the school dress code." Ron swept away his chess game, and moved to the floor in front of Harry.

"Harry..." Hermione was starting to get that intelligent look back on her face.

//Which is good, really. She needs something to fall back on. \

"Harry..." she repeated.

"Hmmm?" Harry cocked one excellently arched eyebrow at her. It of course helped that he had taken the liberty of plucking them this morning.

"You haven't done any new spells lately, one that might be from the book Professor McGonagall wanted us to read, about "personality" transformation?"

Ron's jaw dropped. Literally.

"Oh, not Wakeus Upus Gayus!" He groaned, shutting his eyes. "Please tell me you didn't."

"I did," Harry said, nearly proud that he done something so obviously naughty. "I wanted to wake up in a good mood, I'm so tired of being a sourpuss in the morning."

Hermione shook her head. "Harry, that's not exactly what it does."

"No, it's not. " Ron agreed. "Fred once did the spell on George, for a lark, and he really paid the price... as far as I know, he's still paying the price."

Harry glanced over at Fred and George, who were thoroughly involved in whatever practical joke they were inventing. And sitting rather close to each other.

//Definitely still paying the price.\

"Harry..." Hermione paused, thinking, " We're going to have find a way to reverse the charm."

Ron groaned. "Not the library! We spent all day yesterday in there."

"Yes, the library. Ron, do you want Harry to stay like this?"

"No."

//No? No? Well, isn't that lovely. Just when you thought you've met the man of your dreams...\

"I'm tired of this conversation. I'm going to...to..."

"Quidditch practice?" Ron reminded him.

"Eww. I think I'll skip today."

"Wood will be wicked mad, Harry. You know this is his last year; it's now or never for him."

Hermione nodded her agreement.

//Wood. Of course. The hottest student at Hogwarts. Maybe Quidditch wouldn't be so bad after all.\

"Wood? Oliver Wood...that's right...Oliver. My team captain...I think I *will* go to practice," Harry said dreamily, lifted himself delicately off the chair, and exited, leaving a roomful of thoroughly confused and somewhat frightened Gryffindors behind.

~*~

"Ah! Harry, there you are." Oliver Wood came running over to Harry, who had just stepped onto the Quidditch field.

"Oliver, hello," Harry said coyly

//My, my. He could give Brad Pitt a run for his knuts...\

"Um, nice...outfit," Oliver said, coming to stop.

"Oh," Harry blushed, "thank you. You are so sweet."

"Heh...I'm not really."

"Yes, you are," Harry insisted, and took a step closer, closing the gap between the two boys.

"Anyway.... so we're going to practice dodging Bludgers today, okay?" Oliver quickly changed the subject. "Last game was truly awful, everyone was sluggish when it came to getting out of the way."

"Oi! Harry!"

Harry looked around, until he found the person(s) belonging to the voice. Fred and George bobbed their bright red heads as they mounted their broomsticks.

//Fred. And George. Mounting broomsticks. Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Harry!\

"Hot look, we think!" George called out, and Fred emphasized this by whistling.

"Thanks, boys!" Harry shouted shrilly.

"Look, Harry, where's your broomstick?" Oliver suddenly said.

"Oh..." Harry looked at his hands, as if his trusty Nimbus 2000 could be found there. "I must have left it in the dorm."

"Don't worry. I'll get it, eh?"

//Cute, *and* a gentleman. How could it be that he is unattached? I just might have to remedy that.\

"Thanks, Oli, you're a doll." Harry grinned, and took off to join the twins.

~*~

Oliver couldn't find the broom anywhere. He looked under Harry's bed, around his bed, above his bed, in his trunk, by his trunk, under his under his trunk, at his usual spot by the fireplace, in every corner, and in all the cloak racks. He had just about given up when Hermione came out of the girls' dorm, book in hand, of course.

"Hermione! Have you seen Harry's broomstick?"

"I've not. Have you?" she sat with a plop in the closest seat to the fireplace.

"No. That's why I asked you."

"Well, I haven't seen it."

"Blimey." Oliver turned to go out the door, but thought better of it. "Hermione..."

"Hmmm?" she said, not bothering to look up from her book.

"Have you noticed.. anything queer about Harry today?" he asked

Hermione replied by bursting out with laughter, something Oliver had never seen her do before. "You could say that."

"Well, what wrong with him, then?"

She rolled her eyes dramatically, another thing Oliver had never seen her do. "He's performed "Wakeus Upus Gayus" on himself, Oliver. He's queer today, indeed."

Oliver stared at her, shocked. Harry, gay?

"Well, is there a cure?"

"There has to be somewhere. I'm surprised you care...you should be proud of yourself...after how Harry acted when Ron mentioned you..."

"What? How'd he act?"

"He got all starry-eyed and he blushed."

"Oh... well that's good for him. What makes you think I'd be happy about that, then?"

"Well, your reputed history with Percy sort of dictates that you'd find it flattering. And besides...Harry's not exactly displeasing to the eye."

That was true. A little too true, in fact.

"Well...me and Harry are going to have to have a little talk then...about how this will affect his Seeking, of course."

And Oliver went out the door, a little lighter in his step than before.

~*~

"What did you want to talk to me about, Oliver?" Harry said, crossing his legs and placing his hands neatly in his lap.

"Well..." Oliver crossed the room, and sat on the desk in front of Harry. "It has come to my attention that you have...ceased to be interested in the fairer sex."

//Like I ever *really* was in the first place!\

"Actually... I think you're rather fair yourself, Oliver."

"You do?"

//Aww.. cute, a gentleman, and humble! The perfect man.\

"I do."

"That's great, Harry. Really great. 'Cause I think you're fair, too. Very fair, actually." Oliver moved off the desk, and kneeled in front of Harry. "Fair enough to kiss. If you'll let me."

Harry grinned wildly, and said, "All's fair in love and war, Oliver. Now kiss me."

And he did.

end.