- Rating:
- PG-13
- House:
- Riddikulus
- Characters:
- Ron Weasley
- Genres:
- Humor Parody
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Spoilers:
- Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
- Stats:
-
Published: 12/27/2003Updated: 12/27/2003Words: 1,068Chapters: 1Hits: 1,457
The Twelve Days of Christmas
AmethystPhoenix
- Story Summary:
- Ron sings 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'... his own way! Plus: interjections from Hermione, Harry, and you can't forget Malfoy. Absolutely no plot, and very random, but who cares? Small reference to R/Hr.
- Chapter Summary:
- Ron sings 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'... his own way! Plus: Interjections from Hermione, Harry, and you can't forget Malfoy. Absolutely no plot, and very random, but who cares? Small reference to R/Hr.
- Posted:
- 12/27/2003
- Hits:
- 1,457
- Author's Note:
- Uh, the summary explains it all. No plot, but who cares? And yes, I know I'm a bit late, but this just uses Christmas as an excuse. And by the way, R/Hr is the only ship in here.
The Twelve Days of Christmas (performed by Ronald Weasley)
Ron stood up on top of the Gryffindor table, triumphantly holding a magic megaphone. "Ron!" Hermione hissed. "Sit down!"
Ron ignored her, and began to sing:
On the first day of Christmas,
I gave to myself,
A Firebolt in a pear tree!
Malfoy: No bloody way, Weasley! You're too poor!
Ron: (ignores Malfoy)
On the second day of Christmas,
Hermione gave to me,
Two large kisses, (blushes)
And a Firebolt in a pear tree!
Harry: (snickers)
Hermione: (appalled) Ron!
McGonagall: That's hardly appropriate, Mr. Weasley!
Ron: Sorry, Professor.
On the third day of Christmas,
Harry gave to me...
Harry: (turns nasty shade of green to match his eyes)
Ron: Er...
Three Chocolate Frogs,
Two... large... kisses... (sounds constipated)
Harry: (Is sick in one of the potted plants conveniently placed throughout the Great Hall)
Ron: Uh...
And a Firebolt in a pear tree!
On the fourth day of Christmas,
Snape gave to me,
Snape: (narrows eyes) Weasley...
Ron: (is nervous)
Four dreadful O.W.L.s...
Snape: (mutters) Too true.
Ron: Here goes nothing.
Threechoclatefrostwolarkissandfirebolinpeartree! (rushes words and then takes large breath)
Dumbledore: (looks amused) What was that, Mr. Weasley?
McGonagall: (glares at him)
Ron: Right, then.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
Ginny gave to me,
Five Quidditch tickets,
Four dreadful O.W.L.s,
Ginny: How?
Ron: (continues)
Three Chocolate Frogs...
Two large kisses, (looks nauseous)
And a Firebolt in a pear tree! (winces as he hits a sour note)
Ginny: You're disgusting, Ron! That's incest!
Ron: (looks embarrassed)
On the sixth day of Christmas,
Malfoy gave to me,
Malfoy: (interrupts) Nothing.
Ron: (glares at him)
Six carts of hair gel,
Malfoy: (scowls) That's my entire stock of hair gel, Weasley!
Ron: (rolls eyes)
Five Quidditch tickets,
Four dreadful O.W.L.s,
Three Chocolate Frogs,
Malfoy: Poisoned.
Ron: (glares, then pauses as he thinks)
Malfoy: Get on with it!
Ron: (grins evilly)
Two large kisses to Harry...
Harry: Ron! You bloody sod!
Malfoy: You wish, Wea- wait a second... POTTER? Weasley, you bastard!
McGonagall: Mr. Malfoy! Five points from Slytherin!
Ron: (looks happy)
And a Firebolt in a pear tree!
Malfoy: Jinxed. Or cursed.
Ron: (takes a breath)
On the seventh day of Christmas,
Colin gave to me,
Seven blackmail pictures,
Harry: (wheels to face Colin) Of who?
Colin: (shakes in fear) Mimble wimble meep eep.
Ron: (doesn't notice)
Six carts of hair gel,
Five Quidditch tickets,
Four dreadful O.W.L.s,
Three Chocolate Frogs,
Two...er...
Malfoy: (smirks) Large kisses! Oh, Creevey! You're so bloody sexy! Oh Creevey! I find mousy boys so attractive! (starts hugging himself)
Slytherins: (edge away from Malfoy)
Harry: Okay, Ron, continue.
Ron: All right.
And a Firebolt in a pear tree!
On the eighth day of Christmas,
Neville gave to me,
Eight squirting plants,
Seven blackmail pictures,
Harry: (wheels on Neville) Of who?
Neville: (shakes in fright) N-no one, Harry. R-ron's just m-making it u-u-up.
Ron: Yeah!
Six carts of hair gel,
Malfoy: Better not tell me you filched it from me, Longbottom!
Filch: Eh? Who said my name?
Dumbledore: (looks more amused) Nothing, Argus. Young Mr. Malfoy was talking about stolen items...
Filch: What?
McGonagall: Nothing.
Ron: Er...
Five Quidditch tickets,
Four dreadful O.W.L.s,
Three Chocolate Frogs,
Two... oh, never mind,
Harry: Cheater!
Ron: (looks smug)
And a Firebolt in a pear tree!
On the ninth day of Christmas,
Fleur gave to me,
Hermione: (scowls)
Parvati: Ooooh!
Ron: (blushes)
Nine heavenly snogfests,
Half the boys present: (swoon)
McGonagall: Five points from Gryffindor!
Ron: (looks miffed)
Eight squirting plants (blushes)
Harry: Ugh!
Hermione: You two have such dirty minds...
Ron: No!
Seven blackmail pictures,
Six carts of hair gel,
Five Quidditch tickets,
Four dreadful O.W.L.s,
Three Chocolate Frogs,
Two large kisses (daydreams)
And a Firebolt in a pear tree!
Hermione: (sighs) Honestly...
Ron: (rolls eyes)
On the tenth day of Christmas,
Tonks gave to me...
Malfoy: My Mudblood cousin gave you Mudblood germs. Just like Granger has.
McGonagall: Mr. Malfoy! Detention!
Ron: Ha!
Ten Auror pamphlets,
Nine heavenly snogsfests (pauses, and considers it)
Eight squirting plants (blushes)
Harry: Bloody hell, Ron...
Hermione: Honestly!
Ron: (rolls eyes again)
Seven blackmail pictures,
Seamus: Of what?
Dean: (sniggers)
Ron: (blushes)
Six carts of hair gel,
Five Quidditch tickets,
Four dreadful O.W.L.s,
Three Chocolate Frogs,
Two large kisses (looks like a tomato by now)
Hermione: Honestly, Ron...
Ron: Uh...
And a Firebolt in a pear tree!
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My... (thinks) I mean, Harry's mum gave to me,
Harry: (groans)
Ron: Better yours than mine!
Eleven wet handkerchiefs,
Ten Auror pamphlets,
Nine...heavenly... snogfests... (turns more red with every word)
Harry: (faints from the mental picture)
Snape: (looks ill)
Ron: Right...
Eight squirting plants-
Malfoy: Potter's dad's plants!
McGonagall: Mr. Malfoy! Another detention!
Harry: (groggily) What about plants?
Snape: (is sick in another conveniently placed potted plant)
Hermione: Dirty... boys...
Ron: Ahem,
Seven blackmail pictures,
Malfoy: Potter in a pink bikini- (realises what he just said, and turns green from mental image)
McGonagall: Mr. Malfoy!
Snape: (is sick again)
Half the girls present: (swoon)
Harry: (is sick in potted plant next to him)
Ron: Er... yeah.
Six carts of hair gel...
Malfoy: That she didn't give to Potter!
McGonagall: Mr. Malfoy, if you don't stop...
Ron: Yeah, shut up, Malfoy!
Five Quidditch tickets,
Four dreadful O.W.L.s,
Three Chocolate Frogs,
Two large kisses,
And a Firebolt in a pear tree!
Harry: Never sing about my mother again. (is green)
Ron: Er...
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
You-Know-Who gave to me,
Harry: What? (looks alarmed)
Ron: Uh...
Twelve different curses,
Malfoy: (looks excited) What curses, Weasley?
Ron: (glares)
Eleven wet handkerchiefs, (looks confused)
Ten Auror pamphlets,
Hermione: Ron, be realistic. Where would he get-
Ron: (interrupts)
Nine... heavenly...(throws up in another potted plant)
Malfoy: (derisively) As if he'd even consider it.
Ron: (gets up)
Eight squirting plants,
Harry: No comments!
Ron: (looks gratefully at Harry)
Seven blackmail pictures,
Six carts of hair gel,
Five Quidditch tickets,
Four dreadful O.W.L.s,
Three Chocolate Frogs,
Neville: Don't eat them, Ron! They're probably poisoned!
Ron: (shrugs)
Two... nothing.
Dudley: Cheater!
Hermione: How did you get here? Hogwarts, A History clearly states that no Muggles can see-
Dudley: (interrupts) Plot hole.
Hermione: Ah.
Ron: Er...
And a Firebolt in a pear tree!
Ron got off the table. "You know, Ron, that was just totally OOC and random," Harry said.
"I know," Ron said. "But this is a Riddikulus fic, after all."
Author notes: No, Ron was not implying H/D in here. I don't write slash. (Nothing against it, but I don't feel comfortable writing it.)
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