2,601 - 2,620 of 3,602 Stories

Draco has a problem in the, uh, bathroom. How will he solve his predicament? And how does Hermione fit in the picture?

Queue in theme from

They handed Hermione an envelope and she reached her hand in and pulled out photos. She burst out laughing and everyone crowded around her to see what was so funny. It was photos of Ron as a nude little baby. One was of him shaking his little baby butt, another was his mother trying to force him into a diaper and him squalling. Ron blushed into the roots of his hair and Hermione, not wanting to embarrass her fiancé, put them away

VOLDEMORT! The Musical: The breathtaking story of the young, sinister Tom Riddle and his ascent to power as You-Know-Who! ``Rita Skeeter's defamation of the show only covered one page! ``Ludo Bagman BETS it will run on Diagon Alley for years to come! ``Includes the hit songs "Defying Mortality," "Suddenly, Slughorn," and "Boy Who Lived"!

A mysterious pumpkin pie arrives for Harry at the Gryffindor table one morning. Everyone who takes a bite and washes it down with a nice glass of pumpkin juice starts acting a little out of character. Snape is nice, Harry has the hots for Hermione, and Ron is a Death Eater. Can Hermione figure out why everyone is acting so weird?!

Eleven-year-old Lily Evans has an argument with her sister, Petunia, about whether magic exists.

It's disgusting, shameful, improper, and indecent... 'Tis a terrible thing to be uxorious!

James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Snape (yes, Snape) decided after watching a MPFC marathon at Lily's house to write their own episode of the tv show. This is that script.

Harry turns thirty today. A party is being held for him at the Burrow, but he's dreading it. Why?

While visiting Japan, the trio ends up going through the Bone Eaters Well and find themselves in Feudal Japan, where they meet six traveling companions. The trio joins the group and they find lost hope, discover new friendships (not really), and try to find a way home. HP/IY Crossover.

It's fifth year! Time for a little career counseling from our favorite Potions Professor....

McGonagall started and dropped her glasses. "Mr Black!" she exclaimed.

Sequel to Voldie's Tea Party. After Voldie gets Harry hooked on tea paries, he, Ron, and Hermione begin to have tea meetings. But then, their guests disappear. Were they kidnapped? Did they run away? NO! You'll just have to see what did happen for yourself exactly what happened.

A play performed for the guests at the Malfoy Manor on New Years Eve, 1996.

Lucius Malfoy is brought before a court to face charges of being a Death Eater. He also does everything in his power to convince them he is insane and unfit to stand trial. Told completely by the judge.

What's a wizard to do if he needs to break into a Muggle high-security area without leaving a trace? Why, call in expert help, of course! Advice and assistance are especially vital when the security measures to be evaded are in the Tower of London, and the target is the Crown Jewels. Unfortunately, when Mundungus Fletcher is the expert in question, there's no guarantee things will go smoothly ... [Written for the

Lucius gets a very unexpected visitor at the Manor.

Successful young entrepreneurs Fred and George Weasley -- whose products sometimes seem almost magical! -- are interviewed by the 'Sunday Times Magazine'.

Antidote to denial fics! An author sleeps and a character cruelly done away with comes to exact his retribution.

How did Lockhart become a teacher in Hogwarts? It was by accident really....

Harry has at last defeated Voldemort, and the wizarding world rejoices – that is, almost all of them. Professor Flitwick finds love in an unusual place, and Fawkes the phoenix makes a new friend. Featuring an amazing bit of vocal work by Lucius Malfoy. A parody of the musical "Oklahoma!"

A little snippet from the life of Ron, Hermione, Hugo, and Rose. Rose gets ahold of Daddy's wand one day while the family was playing in the snow.

Ron talks Harry into sneaking out of Hogwarts to go to Hecate's Wizarding Nightclub to see the Weird Sisters. Ginny goes with them and much craziness ensues once they arrive in Hogsmeade. Snape in leather pants... Malfoy and his tag-alongs... And some unexpected behavior when too much Firewhiskey is consumed.

Ever wondered what happened to that little boy Harry saw playing with his father's wand at the Quidditch World Cup? Well now little Kevin is eleven years old and about to start school at Hogwarts. While shopping with his mother in Diagon Alley he runs into Harry Potter and discovers that he's not so different after all.

Severus Snape is dead... or is he? Riva Lupin, Remus Lupin's niece--and a good friend of the late professor--doesn't believe so. During the summer, Harry and she--along with her pet turtle Remington--will conduct an investigation that will lead them to a shocking conclusion.

Two "heavy" characters from the Harry Potter world decide to seek a professional, muggle style. They discuss their concerns, problems, and anguish. It's a venting session. You find out some "dark" secrets. You can probably figure who these characters are from the beggining, but why not find out if it's a fun and interesting session.

What does Harry like about staying at the Dursleys'? (I challenged myself to write a piece that meets the requirements of Icarus's essay "How to Write Harry Potter Magic.")

There's something strange about Lavender's pet rabbit Binky... (American version)

Voldemort has been defeated and a new Purple Lord has taken over. Can Harry and his Muggle-born resistance defeat him? Course not.

"Valentine's Day. Whoever thought to enslave the human race with frilly hearts and oversweet candy was sick. Brilliant, yes. But nonetheless, sick." A story of love, devotion, and random mentions of chicken.

Femmslash. Fleur/Ginny. Ginny and Fleur meet at a bar and drink as they talk about the uselessness of the male half of the population. Then, they head back to Fleur's place...

Harry attends the reading of his father's will and learns more about himself and his father than he ever could have imagined. For a Fandom Cliché Challenge.

Trying to finish a History of Magic essay that's far less interesting than Hermione would have him believe, Harry muses that really, some things haven't changed at all.

This is a blatant parody of Mary Sue fics. -- Mary Sue is headed to Hogwarts... but nothing goes the way she expects.

Something funny is going on at Hogwarts this year, what with that crazy contest, and everyone maturing. People have started to notice each other in a different light, and then there are those who already have.

"...Under different circumstances, let’s say if Ron didn’t think he was about to die, he would have appreciated the house. It was huge! The whole Burrow could have easily fit in the entrance way. Ron was dragged into what looked like a torture room. There is where he was strung up..."``To see what happens to Ron, read on! Also, there is an implied Draco/Ginny at the end.

"Just because he was dead before then..." Ravenclaws get the best of both worlds: not-so-magic markers, Draco Malfoy's green (no, peridot!) cushion, SoPro-ElWel, Montague obsession, music overload, and Snape's horrible pronounciation.

Revenge is sweet, and it is exactly what this one-shot is all about. Sequel to "This is What a Story Looks Like When You're Drunk." The girls write a little story of their own.

Sirius has managed to get himself and his friends locked in an unused linen closet by an irate house-elf. His friends aren't very happy with him. Featuring old potions homework, pink armadillos, and carrots.

Lavender spills the beans about the quidditch party that hooked up her and Ron Weasley to Dennis Creevey, but will this little hole in the dyke expand into a massive waterfall of shame???

The Familiars Council at Hogwarts convenes to discipline Mrs. Norris for her untimely prank...

A horrible rumour has been spreading through the Wizarding community that Draco Malfoy is predictable! In order to suppress this vicious lie, Draco devises a not so clever scheme to prove the world wrong. But to his chagrin everyone else is acting strangely out of character. Just what on earth is going on in Hogwarts?

“Hmm…” the hat started, “yes, I think I know exactly where you’ll go…”

The Hogwarts students go on a trip to see a certain person suspended above the Thames.

Fred has Never Been Kissed, and he wants to punch Ron. The two are related, really. Warnings: Slash, incest, juvenile humor.

Snape has a secret. He'll do anything to keep anyone from finding the truth.

Father—``All of Hogwarts has gone crazy, and you need to come here and put it all to rights. Please hurry.``Your son,``Draco``P.S. This is all Potter’s fault.

"Dennis Creevey's first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was an eventful one." Brave Dennis decides to meet the creature that saved his life.

Seven-year-old Charlie Potter is visiting the Malfoy residence for the weekend. Xavier Malfoy, an exact copy of his father, tells her some things about the birds and the bees, or what he knows about it. In defense of her mother, Charlie takes an admirable stand. Written for those who wanted to know what Xavier Malfoy really told Charlie. A prelude to How to End a Boring Day.

"There it was, lying on the table, just waiting to be picked up. Draco had done it before and a couple more times after that. The knife was just shimmering with the sunlight just touching it so making it look like a priceless piece of jewel glimmering..." What is Draco going to do with the knife?

Neville wants a girlfriend, but he has - or thinks he has - a small problem. A lucky find offers him the solution. Unfortunately, he's never been really *good* at Potions...

Next set of Snowballs! This one includes more on those snakes, Ron's still a candy cane, and more amusement and giggles...

Captain Malfoy is back and facing a fate worse then death. Can he survive when he's surrounded by people thicker then the big print version of 'Hogwarts, a History'?

In which two-year-old Fred and George react to the birth of their brother Ron. They're mean, they're brats, and they call Percy "Fathead."

Eight years after graduating from Hogwarts, the trio has split up. Hermione is working for the Ministry of Magic, Ron has moved to America to work for a wizard corporation, and Harry is kind of... sort of... a monk. Ron has been burdened with the task of creating the "ultimate beauty potion". But when his boss threatens to fire him if he does not succeed, Ron is forced to make a decision. Which is more important: his friends, or his career? A R/Hr fic, featuring Hermione busting out of her clothes!

When Hagrid forgets to gather the Christmas trees to put up around Hogwarts, he employs the help of Draco, Potter, Weasley, and Granger.

Draco Malfoy is beset by the greatest question of all. To shag or not to shag Harry Potter? A play and parody based on quotes from Shakespeare's Hamlet.

I woke up one day, and a little voice piped up, "Fuzzy pink bunnies!" I frowned, looked confused, turned to the little voice, and replied, "Fuzzy. Pink. Bunnies?" And so more trouble was born...

You asked to see the latest Periodic Conduct Review on Professor Severus Snape, currently out on License from Azkaban Prison. The Review was carried out yesterday and the Report was owled form the “Blue Badger” pub in the early hours of this morning. It appears to have been jointly written during the course of the preceding evening.

Malfoy is tricked into entering a "Miss Magic" pageant. But what else could go wrong? PLENTY!!

A true story translated into Potterverse. Concerns Harry Potter and our favourite Potions Master.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the fictional characters agency service building everyone was trying to finish their work quickly so they could leave early. But Arthur Miller is maylaid by a disappointed customer.

A light-hearted encounter shared between Dumbledore and a small Muggle girl named Maggie. It's a Christmas fic!

Draco treated himself to a little smirk as he ran along the corridors with Hermione beside him. So far, he’d managed to convince those Gryffindor dunderheads that he was Neville with Draco’s personality. Of course, he’d known all along about Snape’s plan.

What happens when a bunch of people are forced to participate in a dreidel dueling game?

It is the first day back after winter break during Harry Potter’s fifth year. A lone Eagle Owl caring a gift-wrapped box swoops into the Great Hall during breakfast. Just what is inside the box?

Ever wondered what it is like inside a wizarding STI clinic? Draco never cared, but then one day, he found himself thrown upon their goodwill. A place where surnames don't matter if you've got your sausage hanging out.

Voldemort is having a very bad day! After a accidently causing havoc at McDonalds, he decides to go on vacation in rural Siberia only to find that the entire place was deserted and his Nimbus 1999 won't operate in extreme temperatures!

Who is the boy in Aunt Petunia's flowerbed? How did he get there? Will the dahlias ever be the same again? (A story written prior to OotP, now utterly and unapologetically AU.)

This well-intended first attempt details, among other things, Professor Snape and Professor Lockhart trapped in the latter's office. With alcohol. Much hilarity ensues--unless you happen to be Professor Snape, but that's expected. Best described as 'harmlessly slashy' in a strictly comedic, in-character sort of way (if such a thing is really possible... in Lockhart's case, well...).

The rare..The endangered...Peter Mary-Sue!! A parody of Mary-Sue.

Features twelve of the main characters plus Richard Simmons and some rabid panthers. Not for the faint of heart.

Draco Malfoy was not someone to be laughed at, whether he was a giant bunny or not.

The year of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" was a mixed one for the Malfoy family, but Narcissa is determined to put the best possible spin on events in her annual Christmas letter. Warning: Contains smugness, delusions of grandeur and far too much underlining.

Severus Snape and the Sock Drawer of Doom. Tonks and her team get some advice before carrying out a conduct review on a Licensee from Azkaban.

Draco Malfoy is charming and uses women for his own pleasures. What happens when his suaveness just isn't good enough?

"I entered the chamber to view the Mirror of Erised only to see that I was too late. Quirrell was already there. He turned around just as I-------AHH!````Ouch! Man, my head hurts.... I think I hit my head somewhere. Where am I? Who's that strange person with the funny hat standing in front of that mirror?"

What happened when the Montagues came up to the castle looking very angry, after their son was found stuck in a toilet? Surely they had words for their son's head of house. Here's an important lost scene from OoP.

Danielle and Erica Lunaris have been going to Salem School for Witchcraft for four years but when their mother accepts a position at Hogwarts to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts they're forced to switch school. Will Hogwarts be able to handle the pranks these two will plan?

This is a parody of the song "Elephant Love Medley" from Moulin Rouge. This time it's Ron and Hermione doing the singing. What could be better?

Riley Potter's world has just been turned upside down. She has spent her entire life doing slave-labor for below minimum wage for the family of Percy Weasley. Amidst trying to lose fifty pounds, win the heart of Dillon Weasley, and live normally with her five half siblings, she finds that lots of things are going wrong. Even though her father has a new job, she still not feeling any better from when she did when she worked as a servant. Even though she and Dillon are soul mates, she find herself falling for the British exchange student, Cedric. And what happens when her mom starts dating her Potions teacher?

Voldemort is ready to retire from being Dark Lord and he must choose which of his three sons will take over, the evil one, the angel or the punk.

Beware the Evil Kaze of Doom, it eats brains, it likes brains, especially big ones. That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Ravenclaw. The Evil Kaze of Doom is angry and spreading rumors about you. That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Hufflepuff. Look out for the Evil Kaze of Doom, it chews brave peoples toes. That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Gryffindor. The Evil Kaze of Doom is not aesthetically appealing and wants to follow you around. That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Slytherin.

Harry Potter/Alice in Wonderland parody; fluff and silliness are rampant.

Harry fell from his broom during a freak Quidditch accident, and now everyone is acting very strangely. Harry's in love with Oliver Wood, and everyone else is in love with. . . Buddy Holly? Be prepared to not take yourself seriously. A little HP/DM, HP/OW and various other pairings.

In this bizarre contest-inspired fic, there is drama and romance, lust and danger. Unrequited Hr/SS, female!Blaze Zabini/everyone . . . a veritable love-tetrahedron fest of potion-induced lust and desire. Oh yeah, and there are Death Eaters. Or are there?

The sequel to "A Death Eater Meeting That Will Never Happen"! Isn't the title imaginatve? It is a continuation of that epic, poignant story. Plus, it's still a parody (still written before OotP), but includes bits about the second movie, and is even funnier than the first! Wow! I can't believe it's not butter!

Blaise Zabini, in a quest to discover his true sex, goes on a journey that takes him to some very unusual places. Featuring a lovely song by Mrs Rowling herself! A parody of the musical "Man of La Mancha."

What would Hogwarts be like if you combined Home and Away, Neighbors, Days of Our Lives and any other over-dramatic TV show you can think of? Well, I think it would go something like this...

Tonks and Dung go treasure hunting in the attic of 12 Grimmauld Place.

Have you ever wondered how the Dream Diary Ron had to do for Divination in his fifth year was like? Well, here it is: Homework Assignment: Dream Diary by Ronald Bilius Weasley. Dive into Ron's subconcious, explore his dreams and read up his comments on them. Do they maybe show the future? Do they merely show his wishes? Are they just weird? Or is Ron - going crazy?

"Oh squid, you're the only one who understands me!" cried Harry, after a particularly long angst fest.``"Blub," muttered the squid, rolling it eyes.``A parody of angst fics, and of Harry/Squid parings. Harry is extremely angsty. The squid is annoyed with Harry's angst. Much mayhem ensures.

Molly and Arthur Weasley are delighted to welcome Ron\\\'s friends Harry Potter and Hermione Granger for the traditional end-of-summer visit at the Burrow. This year, Arthur is especially excited to see them. He needs help with the latest addition to his collection of Muggle artifacts. Contains hints of R/Hr, but mostly Arthur Weasley/Muggle artifacts (in a platonic, non-yucky way). An angst-free zone.

AU: One night, our favourite hero discovers some... interesting changes. And suddenly, he gets a VERY odd letter. As in, extremely odd.

Christmas vacations can get pretty boring, exspecially if you're part of a trio that loves adventure, the sister of six insane brothers and two quarters of the greatest group of prankers that ever set foot on Hogwarts grounds. What to do, what to do? Why keep a bunch of secrets of course.

Ginny is surrounded by (in her opinion) morons, pillocks and generally nutty people. And as if that weren’t bad enough, Draco Malfoy keeps asking her out: again… and again… and again....

What happens when Harry tries to impress a girl, (Cho); Two Rabbit relations try to take over the world; and the Monty Python Gang search for the Holy Grail? MASS CHAOS! (Plus the startling revelation: Crabbe and Goyle ACTUALLY know a word over FOUR LETTERS LONG!!! (Excluding Grunting))

It's dèjá vu when someone sends Ginny a mysterious diary during Christmastime. Involves pretentious snob Malfoy, paranoid Harry, exasperated Hermione, overbearing older brother and lots of sudden snogging. D/G, with flecks of R/L and H/Hr.

How exactly do wizards and witches survive at work? With family, friends, romance, or even just plain old stress, the wizarding workplace can become very interesting... or chaotic.

I got the idea for this while writing Fire Diamonds. The Infamous Trio go into hiding, and are sent to my high school, Timber Creek, in New Jersey. What happens to Ron in Fashion Trends and Design? How about Harry in Choir? And, how many clubs will Hermione join?