Lord Barney

When Voldemort was defeated we all thought it was over. Happy days are here again. But we were wrong. A new Dark Lord took over - Lord Barney. His take over was swift and before we knew it he had turned Dumbledore in to a gibbering wreck. There was a hearty defence put up by the teachers but Lord Barney already had half the students under his control. No amount of spells or layers of earmuffs could stop him. Lord Barney had Hogwarts under his large purple thumb and was using it as base to plot his world domination. But one hope remained. The resistance. All the children who grew up with Muggle families had foreseen this coming and taken refuge in the secret places of the school. They were divided in to cells, their only mission - to survive. But the power of Lord Barney was too great. The purple dinosaur and his minions were hunting them down and converting those using songs, dances and all manner of other torture. When the last group, led by Harry Potter himself, were caught the world seemed set for doom.

"Now this resistance has to stop," said Lord Barney, pacing up and down in front of the captured Gryffindors. "It simply isn't nice."

The six Gryffindors were on their knees, with their hands tied in front of them. Behind them were their fellow students and previous friends, guarding them, all with glazed expressions on their faces. Hermione turned round to face them.

"Ron," she pleaded. "Come on, you know us. Let us go. Please Ron. Ron!"

Ron looked at her blankly.

"He can't hear you," said Harry.

"Of course he can," said Lord Barney. "He wants to serve me. He's having fun. Don't you want to have fun?"

Louise Crowland, a small first year and the only survivor of her class, burst in to tears.

"Stop it!" Dean cried.

Lord Barney just grinned. He beckoned forward students from the shadows. They stood wordlessly, staring in to middle distance. The group gasped. It was another cell. Luna's cell. She stood there with a vague, horrifying smile on her lips.

"Can't you see how happy your friends are?" said Lord Barney. "Don't you want to be happy too?"

"Never!" Hermione declared.

Lord Barney grinned a terrible, wide grin. "I'm afraid you don't have a choice in this."

It happened one day in the studio,

Dancing around in a do-si-do,

The purple monstrosity was waving his arms,

We were falling victim to his evil charms.

The tingly music started up from nowhere. Lord Barney started bouncing around in a 'dance'. The group winced and closed their eyes. Their fellow students moved forward and forced them open again. As the power swept over them they felt their resistance melting away. Why were they fighting? Barney was everything good. Didn't they want to be good? They should love everybody. I love you... You love me...

He brushed against a candle and he started to smoke,
And now we're all laughing at the dinosaur joke.

The smell of smoke awoke Hermione from her daze. She looked up. The dance had gone strange. Lord Voldemort was still jumping around and waving his arms but it was more urgent. Then Hermione saw the flames and she couldn't hold in her joy and relief. She burst out laughing.

Oh boy, Barney's on fire!
It's what we've always desired,
We'll watch the flames get higher,
Just don't try to put him out.

The others looked up and stopped fighting their capturers. Slowly, one by one, they burst in to laughter. Lord Barney was screaming, running around shouting.

"Water! Water! Aargh!"

The group started cheering and whooping with delight. The enchanted students just stared, their mouths slightly open in puzzlement. The Gryffindors started chanting.

"Kill him! Kill him!"

Purple fur was flying ashes everywhere,
And all of the kids just continued to stare.
The guy inside the suit, he started to yell,
We probably should've helped him but what the hell.
He threw himself violently against the wall,
He fell to his knees and he tried to crawl away.

"Kill him! Kill him!"

Lord Barney dropped to his knees and started to crawl. He raised a shaking hand up to Luna.

"Please. Help me!"

Luna just stared.

"Kill him! Kill him!

Oh Boy, Barney's on fire!
This is our secret desire
We'll help the flames burn brighter
But don't you try to put him out

Lord Barney made for the door on his hands and knees but there were students on guard there. They wouldn't move. Lord Barney collapsed on the floor, his fur still alight.

"I love you," he sang softly. "You love me..."

"Not a chance buster!" Colin Crevey cried delightedly.

"Kill him! Kill him!"

Oh boy, Barney's on fire!
This is what we've always desired.
Won't you help us fan the flames higher,
And you better not try to put him out.

Barney's no longer ignited,
We're feeling somewhat slighted.
He's laying in a heap on the floor,
We poked him with a stick cause we had to be sure he was dead.

The flames went out and all that was left was a sorry black and purple heap in the middle of the room. Ron looked up.

"What's happening?"

All around the room students were waking up and looking round at each other. The Gryffindors got to their feet. Harry offered his tied hands to Ron who untied them wordlessly.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"It's a long story," said Harry, untying Hermione.

As the other Gryffindors untied each other's arm restraints and tried to talk some sense in to the puzzled students, Harry wandered over to Lord Barney. Very carefully, he prodded him. Lord Barney didn't move.

"It's kinda sad really," said Hermione coming over. "Looking at him now. All that's left is a tiny pile of purple ashes. I almost feel sorry for him." She looked Harry in the face. "Then I remember his 'I love you' song and quickly get over it."