An Embarassing Trip to the Healer

They could have charmed the metal to be warm, Draco thought indignantly as his bottom made contact with the table. He stood up abruptly and then gently eased himself onto the coldness, slowly and gently. He was still wearing a t-shirt but no underpants. A smock covered the t-shirt, but little else. Waiting for the healer to come in was more than a little embarrassing.

Will they judge me by size? And what about if I get a stiffy in front of the healer... I'd die - I can't do this... can't they just let me leave?

"No, Mr. Malfoy - you cannot leave," the healer said dryly as he walked into the room, more absorbed in his clipboard, than walking and not banging into the various hovering contraptions. "I can see you shifting, and there is no way you're leaving. Your father told me that you would do this, and your mother also insisted that I should see this right through."

"Oh."

The healer looked up, and put his clipboard under his arm, then moved to shake Draco's hand, which was getting clammier by the second. "I am Dr. Asa Alim - just here on work experience until I get back to Israel, but I don't know, I am liking it here."

"Draco Malfoy."

"Pleased to meet you," the man replied shortly, but not rudely.

Draco looked into the man's dark eyes. "Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"Do you really think that's an appropriate discussion when you're sitting here with your sausage out? Your name is Draco. Surnames mean nothing here," Asa looked over him with mild interest. Maybe this might be an interesting patient. "What's your problem, boy?"

"Well, it's.... ummm..."

"Your penis. I assume that's why you have it out?"

"Yes."

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's... gone all red, and it itches like crazy -"

"Let me look at it," he interrupted. He clapped his hands for a box of 'Mrs. Latex's extra strong rubber gloves', which came flying across the room to settle neatly next to Draco. Asa took a pair out and put them on, appearing to grimace as to what he would be handling next. Another clap, and the box of gloves was back on the table. Holding on to Draco's most private place made Draco squirm. It was humiliating to say in the least, having this man scrutinise this area. He would certainly think twice about sleeping with lots of people... possibly Muggles - were his partners lying to him?

"No, Draco, sleeping with Muggles doesn't give you thrush," Asa droned in a monotone as if he was sick of having to dispel the myth to purebloods.

"How -?"

"No, I'm not a legilimens, Draco. It's just written all over your face. I saw many of your kind in Israel too."

"Oh." Well, that put me in my place, Draco thought. He had been trying to stare at the poster across the wall about what diseases of the genitals there were. Seeing as the writing was very small, Draco assumed he had that one in the hugest bubble: Chlamydia. Tendency to overreact is a feature of the male in general and not just purebloods, and Draco was no exception.

"You've got thrush, Draco," Asa concluded, slipping off his rubber gloves and with a wave of his hand, two metal rings with some kind of shimmery glass between them was spinning around his penis, the spiralling slowing down, it lifted off him and floated its way to a bowl of violently bubbling water, where it was unceremoniously dropped itself in with a hiss.

"Oh - will I die?"

Asa laughed deeply. He thought he might never stop - teenage boys - so ignorant. "No, Draco, you won't die. However, you will have to take some pills and rub some cream in for a week or so. You didn't listen to me before when I suggested thrush, but you preferred to go off and diagnose yourself. I'll write the prescription."

"So I didn't get it sleeping with Mud - ummm... Muggles?"

"No. More likely sitting about in wet underwear, or sleeping with someone... which is more likely?"

"Both - though I never sleep with M - Muggles - or non-Slytherins come to think of it."

Asa chose to ignore the boy's almost obsession that Muggles could give him an infection. Instead, he sighed and carried on writing while Draco put his trousers on, and then a robe on top of it.

"Here you go, boy. Take the pill once a day, and the cream as the box instructs."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now be more careful in future. If you're sleeping with people - Muggle condoms work just as well as wizarding ones - they just don't taste as good and are more difficult to put on."

With that, Draco left, and ran into the arms of his parents waiting outside the door.

"Mother! Father! I have a disease (but it's easily curable) and I got it from Mudbloods"

"There, there Draco," Narcissa tried to say soothingly, but sympathy was never her strongest maternal point. "We'll go and get you some ice cream and go buy you a new broom... how does that sound?"

The three of them walked off together, down the long corridor and out to the floo network while Lucius loitered a little behind them and wondered how the hell a Muggle was ever going to get close to his son's penis. Surely Pansy was his one and only. No matter, he decided. All healers were quacks anyway.

fin