Suburban House Elf

Harry Potter returns to Hogwarts for his Sixth year, burdened with the task of defeating Lord Voldemort. He is not the only one. This is the story of how a prophecy may, or may not, be fulfilled – with the help of a lumpy grey cactus, fiendish Muggle technology, a snivelling Slytherin First year and a prisoner in Azkaban with spattergroit. In the Chapter 1: An Inaccessible Room, Professor Snape refuses to clasp the hoof of friendship.

No one knew why the Snape hated Christmas so much,``Some said facing a werewolf had scarred him a touch,``Some said serving Lord Thingy had made him a prat,``But most said it was due to a vulture-topped hat.

“Harry was enjoying the opportunity to remain quiet while his friends bickered. Swinging his broom as he walked, he was thinking about Quidditch, because Quidditch had given him the happiest memories of his fifth year at Hogwarts.” Unfortunately, all this will change when Harry Potter encounters the Sticking Broom. In Chapter 1, Professor McGonagall searches for a way to profit from an idle few weeks in June, Professor Snape endures a period of unwelcome celebrity and Hermione considers how low she is prepared to sink to earn a prefect’s badge. (This story was written prior to OotP, and has since been rendered utterly and unapologetically AU.)

The O.W.L. woes of Fifth Year begin in mid-February, when every student must complete the Potions Practical Assessment Task. Professor Snape is terrified, Hermione runs amok and Ron runs to the rescue. Meanwhile, Harry Potter writes some truly awful poetry. In Chapter 1 we attend the staff meeting that Severus Snape will regret forever. (This story was written prior to OotP, and has since been rendered utterly and unapologetically AU.)

Who is the boy in Aunt Petunia's flowerbed? How did he get there? Will the dahlias ever be the same again? (A story written prior to OotP, now utterly and unapologetically AU.)