The Harry Potter Dreidel Competition

The Harry Potter Dreidel Competition

By Michelle Malfoy (and her brother)

Bob Jordan: And we have our dreidel contestants!!
Audience: *Applaud*

Bob Jordan: First up, we have Voldie versus Dumbo!! I mean... um... You-Know-Who and uh... Albus Dumbledore. Voldie will be playing for the Support the Dark Lord fund. Dumbo will be playing for the Gonnie is Sexy fund.

Dumbo: I SHALL BE YOUR DOWNFALL, TOM!

Voldie: JUST AS SOON AS I GET MY WAND BACK...

Dumbo: DETENTION!! DETENTION!!

Gonnie (McGonagall) (from in the stands): OOOOOOOOOOH!!

Bob Jordan: LET US DUEL!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!
Lucy (Lucius) (From in the stands): LET'S GO VOLDIE LET'S GO!!

Jamie (James) (From in the stands): SHUT UP MALFOY!!

Lil (Guess who) (From in the stands): DIE POTTER DIE!!

Dumbo: *Rolls a nun*

Voldie: *Rolls a shit - I mean a shin*

Bob Jordan: AND THE WINNER IS... DUMBO!! THE FLYING ELEPHANT WITH FAT EARS WHO CANNOT FLY WITHOUT A FIREBOLT!!

Gonnie: JORDAN! ARE YOU BEING PAID TO ADVERTISE FIREBOLTS?!?!

Dumbo: It's all in the spin, Tom, it's all in the spin.

Voldie: I CAN'T HELP IT! LUCY JUST POLISHED MY NAILS!! HAVE MERCY!!

Jesse (From Full House): THAT'S MY LINE!!

Jesse Fan Girls: Yeah, Jesse!!

Bob Jordan: Next we have Trixie (That's Bellatrix Lestrange) and Hagrid!!

'Cissa (Narcissa) (From the stands): LET'S GO SISTA LET'S GO!!

Hagrid: THAT'S IT! I AM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN! *Puts foot down*

Bellatrix: *Is squashed*

Bob: AND HAGRID IS ELIMINATED!!
Meanwhile, in the stands...

Gryffindors/Hufflepuffs/Ravenclaws: *Cheer loudly*

Jamie: Ding dong the bitch is dead, which old bitch?

Gryffindors/Hufflepuffs/Ravenclaws: THE TRIXIE BITCH!!
Jamie: Ding dong the Trixie bitch is dead!

Gonnie: *Singing along*

Rolph: (Rodoluphus*) NOO!! MY SWEET!!

Madam Pompfrey: She's alive.

Gryffindors/Hufflepuffs/Ravenclaws: BOOOOOOOOO!!

Professors: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hagrid: *Rolls a hey*

Trixie: *Rolls a shin*

Hagrid: *Thinks he lost so squishes dreidel*

Lily: NO!! I SPENT FIFTY KNUTS ON THAT!!
Jamie: Yeah... righhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht.

Lucy: I spent fifty knuts on... er... my left sock.

Petey: You wear socks? You have sexy ankles.

Lucy Fangirls: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bob: HAGRID SQUASHED THE DREIDEL, SO HE IS ELIMINATED!

Hagrid: *Growls nastily*

Bob: Uh... nah, he can still play! AND NEXT UP... is... 'Cissa and GONNIE! Gonnie will be playing for the I Hate Voldemort foundation. 'Cissa will be playing the Lucius Is Sexy foundation. Peter Pettigrew is the co-president of that fund.

Fangirls: *Squee*

Lucy: YOU'RE SEXY TOO, 'CISSA!!

FanGUYS: *Squee*

Cissa: *Rolls a gimmel*

Gonnie: *Rolls a gimmel*

Cissa: I SHALL DEFEAT YOU!!

Some Muggle Far, Far Away: *Puts on radio to song "I Shall Conquer You"*

Petey/Trixie: *Sing along*

All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *Cover ears*

Bob: AND GONNIE ROLLS AGAIN!!

Gonnie: *Rolls a nun*

'Cissa: *Rolls a hey*

Trixie: HEY! HEY! I'm not giving up, no, gonna stand up and shout it! Oh, no way. I'm not slacking off or backing out or cracking up in doubt-

Bob: SECURITY!!

Crabbe/Goyle: Yes?

Bob: Earmuffs, please.

Crabbe: *Rips out Goyle's intestines*

Goyle: *Holds out intestines* Here you go!

Bob: Er...

Trixie: They're all pinkish... gross.

'Cissa: I think... that I had a Bertie Bott's Bean tasting like intestines once.

Jamie: Must... vomit... in... bucket... urge... too... strong...

Bob: And next up, we have Frankie (Frank Longbottom) and Sev (Severus Snape)!! Frank is playing for the Insane People In St. Mungo's Fund, and Sev is playing for the Persecute Muggles fund. They are both... er... interesting funds.

Frankie: *Rolls a shin*

Sev: *Rolls a nun*

Snape fangirls: *Squee*

Bob: AND SEV IS THE WINNER!! WILL ALL FANGIRLS PLEASE SQUEE??

Fangirls: *Squee*

Bob: And next up... Lil Evans and Jamie Pothead -- er, Potter. Lil is playing for the I Hate Jamie Potter foundation, and Jamie is playing for the Let's Stalk Evans fund. They are both... insightful.

Jamie: LET'S STALK EVANS!!
Lil: Get. Away. Now.

Lucy: Can I kill him for you?

Voldie: NOOOOOOOOOOO! I WANT TO DO IT! JUST WAIT TILL I GET MY WAND BACK!!
Bob: I'm sorry, but when you told Security that you were a deranged mass muderer, we saw fit to confiscate your wand.

Voldie: So? You didn't have to take it!!

Jamie: *Rolls a gimmel*

Lil: *Rolls a nun*

Bob: AND JAMIE IS THE WINNER!! Next up, we have Reemy Lupin, playing for the Be Kind to Werewolves fund -

Sev: A CLUE!! *Smacks invisible muggle on head with heavy encyclopedia entitled Lily Evans' Favorite Book.

Bob: *Talking over Sev, who is singing 'Hallelujah'* and Petey Pettigrew, playing for the So What if I'm an Unregistered Animagus fund.

Sev: A CLUE!! *Begins ballet dancing to 'Hallelujah' and stealing Lucy's favorite pink tutu.

Remus: *Rolls a nun*

Petey: *Rolls a hey*

Bob: AND PETEY IS THE WINNER!! Next we have Siri Black and Lucy Malfoy, playing for the I'm Not A Grim fund and the Death Eaters Forever fund.

Siri: *Rolls a hey*

Lucy: *Rolls a gimmel*

Lucy Fangirls: *Squee loudly and energetically*

Bob: And last up in this round, we have Reggie Black and Billy Weasley!

Siri: BOOO REGGIE!!

Billy: *Rolls a gimmel*

Reggie: *Rolls a hey*

Bob: And we'll be right back, after this commercial break!!

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Commercial

*Voldie is sitting on a throne. Lucy, 'Cissa, and Trixie are feeding him peeled grapes. Reggie is brushing his hair. Jesse (from Full House) is showing Reggie how to work the gel. Reggie is fascinated. 'Cissa and Trixie are now doing make-up, and Lucy is prancing around in a large and fuzzy pink tutu.*

Announcer: Want to know just what made these people so hyper? Join us in celebrating DOG FOOD, the latest cool product on the planet. NO, PETER, DON'T TOUCH THAT!!

Crash!

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *