Phoenix Paper

Phoenix Paper

Beware the Evil Kaze of Doom, it eats brains, it likes brains, especially big ones.

That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Ravenclaw.

It is one of the scariest prospects for a Ravenclaw to have their brain eaten, because quite frankly it's one of the only things going for them. Ravenclaws are not famous for their common sense or social skills, in fact, they are quite often completely socially inept. Take, Einstein for example, or Plato, Socrates or Aristotle (who named these people anyway?) or even Mozart! All of them quite socially inept or so full of cotton wool and waffle that people had a tendency to suffocate when speaking to them. So yes, their brains are really their only redeeming quality.

The Evil Kaze of Doom is angry and spreading rumors about you.

That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Hufflepuff.

It is also one of the most terrifying things you can say to a Hufflepuff as the name itself makes them pass out in a dead faint. Although not entirely sure as to what this terrifying thing is or what this thing looks like or whether or not it really exists the Hufflepuffs are sure it is BAD. As bad as the monster of Arganon, or as bad as the psycho chickens of East London, or even as bad as the mad mushrooms of Madagascar! GASP! It should also be noted that Hufflepuffs are not as a rule, recognised for their intelligence.

Look out for the Evil Kaze of Doom, it chews brave peoples toes.

That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Gryffindor.

It is one of the most confusing things you can say to a Gryffindor. They will spend about 11.5 months trying to work out what it is, and when they have discovered what it is and have worked out how exactly it is going to chew off their toes they shall then try to hide their knowledge from everyone and try to execute the saviour of themselves by themselves. This generally for some absurd reason actually works out for them due to a previously unforeseen help. However, the result of their victory is always short lived as a it will come back to life due to Gryffindors never thinking their plans through properly. They are also fond of their toes.

The Evil Kaze of Doom is not aesthetically appealing and wants to follow you around.

That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Slytherin.

It is also one of the most ridiculous things you could say to a Slytherin as they are already aware that the Kaze is unattractive, I mean really, when has a lavatory been pretty? From cave times to when it was a mere hole in the ground, to when the dual flush was invented, to when the portable started following construction sites and back to the holes found in campsites. The Kaze has never been attractive. Nor would it ever have the mental capacity to follow someone around, let alone search out a Slytherin. It would also be interesting to see it attempting to uproot itself from the plumbing system. Slytherins also know that the term 'Kaze' is derived from the word 'Kamikaze' which is in turn reference to certain *ahem* 'things' launching themselves from certain *ahem* parts of the human body into the water below only to be flushed from existence.

So, unlike the rest of the school population the Slytherins had no fear of the bathrooms or for that matter the lavatories. Due to this profound piece of information, it was one Slytherin, Draco Malfoy who was reading the small poem on the Phoenix toilet paper in a fit of boredom.

Pink Stripes and Polkadots

From the mountain Ogramot

Create nice decorations for ones foe

For both their hair and their toes.

So if you have an enemy

Waste no time and make them flee!

The mountain Ogramot wasn't all that far from Malfoy Manor so Draco Malfoy smirked his smirk, stole the toilet paper and planned his diabolical plan.