What Happens in Wonderland, Stays in Wonderland

What Happens in Wonderland, Stays in Wonderland

~*~

Harry sat on the blanket in the large garden. The war had been over for a few months and Voldemort had been defeated. Dumbledore had suggested that Harry stay with Snape at his Manor. He felt that it would be good for both the younger man and the older man as they healed from their mental and physical war wounds. Severus was none too pleased to be forced into such living arrangements and made a point of informing the insufferable brat every single day.

That afternoon, Harry was reading a book on the lawn by the copse of apple trees. There was a lovely stone archway and Harry chose to sit under it. Snape had shooed him out of the Manor, threatening to hex him if he lingered in his presence a moment longer. Excluding the fact that the Manor was huge and Harry could easily stay out of the snarky bastard's way; he acquiesced and grabbed the first book he spotted as he headed out of the library as Severus headed down to the dungeons and his laboratory.

Shifting in a shaft of sunlight, Harry opened the book and rolled his eyes. "Leave it to me to pick up Alice in bloody Wonderland," he sighed, reading it anyway.

As the sunlight trailed across the sky, he was suddenly aware of a dark figure crossing the lawn and marching toward the woods on the other side. Harry looked up from his book and watched as Snape came closer, grasping his left forearm and muttering under his breath. This caused Harry to sit up farther, Snape's Dark Mark had faded along with the rest of the Death Eaters, and he couldn't fathom what could be causing this display. As Snape got closer, Harry could make out what the dark man was saying.

"I'm late. I'm bloody late and I'm surely to be hit with enough Cruciatus curses to land me with the Longbottoms," he growled as he stormed into the woods.

Harry stood up; dropping his book, and grabbing his cloak, he took off after Snape. "Prof...Severus, stop!" he called, remembering that they had agreed to not be so formal considering Harry was no longer his student.

Snape kept going, apparently not hearing Harry. This worried the younger man, as he knew for a fact that Snape heard EVERYTHING. "Hey, greasy git, where the hell are you going?" he yelled, but still Severus continued to walk deeper into the forest. The trees were getting thicker and the sky was getting darker around the pair. Harry felt oddly cold in the warm summer evening and he pulled his cloak tighter to his chest.

Severus was darting in and out of the trees; Harry had to work very hard to keep up with the Potions master. When he turned a corner around a thick tree, he gasped. He could no longer see Severus, only a large cave. "Snape! You in there?" he yelled fruitlessly. He received no answer and this caused a curl of fear to wrap around his stomach and squeeze. He sighed and reached into his cloak to retrieve his wand and cursed loudly. It must have fallen out when he was reading and he didn't have time to go back and get it. So he squared his shoulders and headed into the dark cave.

If it was possible, the cave was even darker on the inside. He could not hear anything; it was as though sound did not exist inside the stone walls. He cocked his head listening for the sound of Snape's soft footsteps, but nothing. Still farther along and his eyes had yet to adjust to the lack of lighting. Harry was becoming quite annoyed when he tripped over a rock. Bracing himself for the inevitable crash to the floor, he yelped as he began to fall...

Then the world shifted and there was light.

Harry was screaming, his eyes clenched tight and his body feeling as though inertia were pulling him by the belly button. He screamed and screamed and screamed and fell and fell and fell. Eventually, he dared to open his eyes, still screaming mind you, to see if he could see the end of his decent.

What he saw caused him to slam his mouth shut, no sense in screaming when he could be falling for awhile. Instead he manoeuvred himself so he faced upward and watched with mild interest at the images he saw before him. Harry was falling through what looked like a column and he could see odd things around him. There were clocks floating and chairs that seemed to dance around him as he rushed past. He couldn't help but chuckle at the dancing monkeys and the faces of Draco Malfoy as some unseen assailant threw pies at him. It was a Salvador Dali wet dream or maybe Dr. Seuss's leftovers, but Harry almost forgot that he was falling at breakneck speed...

Then he landed, on a dusty old mattress in the middle of the room in the Shrieking Shack.

"What the...?"

He stood up and looked around. "How the bloody hell did I get here?" he asked no one as he began to look around the familiar room. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted a familiar swoop of black cloak and ran after it. Snape walked through a door before Harry could reach him. The young man ran down the stairs and toward the door that seemed to get smaller and smaller as he got closer. Approaching it, he couldn't fathom exactly how Snape had physically fit through a door that was no taller then his knee.

"I must have lost my mind; this is too unreal," he muttered to himself as he rubbed his temples. He could feel a migraine brewing and he wished he had a headache remedy. Turning to see if he could find another way out, he spotted a round table with a small bottle and a plate with a biscuit on it. He approached with caution, looking around to see if someone else was in the Shack with him. "Hullo? Is anyone here?" he called, not expecting an answer.

What he did notice were two notes. One was attached to the bottle and said, 'Drink me, you insufferable brat'. The other note was on the plate with the biscuit and it read, 'Eat me'. The latter caused Harry to blush, profusely. He picked up the bottle and looked through the glass at the murky blue substance within. It didn't resemble anything he recognised, so he took the biscuit and nibbled off a piece.

Suddenly the room looked so small...or was he suddenly really big? Either way, as the ceiling was rising to meet him, he turned and the chandelier knocked his glasses aside and poked him in the eye. This caused his eyes to begin to tear profusely.

"Effing wonderful!" he exclaimed as his foot slammed into an adjoining room. The tears falling from his cheek began to hit the wooden floor in great splashes. He found that at his great size, each teardrop began to fill the room. "Oh crap, where did that bottle get to, maybe it will shrink me," he said and then frowned at himself for even making such an odd statement. Eyeing the little bottle floating past him, he snatched it between his large fingers and popped the cork. He let the blue liquid drip onto his tongue and in an instant he was doggy paddling in a lake of his own tears.

"Holy hell, what now?" he said before he went under and swallowed a mouthful of his own tears. As his head surfaced he found that he was surrounded by about thirty phoenixes. The one closest to him nodded his head.

"Hello, Harry. Fancy meeting you out here?" the scarlet bird trilled.

Harry's almost went under the water again as he heard the phoenix speak. "Fawkes?"

"Of course, Harry. What other phoenix do you know? Are you here for the race?" he asked, stretching out his wings.

"Race?" he asked, looking around at the other birds that seemed to be lining up on either side of them. "I-I guess so."

Fawkes trilled, "Good...on your mark, get set, go!"

At that moment, all the birds, and Harry, began to swim to the edge of the horizon. There was much splashing and to Harry's surprise, much cursing and name-calling. Apparently, phoenixes were sore losers. As they neared the distant edge of the shore, land came into view. They paddled harder as they spied the man on the waters edge and Harry began to pull to the front, I mean, he has hands not wings with feathers, did they really think he wouldn't win? When he ran up onto the land, Dumbledore stood there, clapping softly.

Harry looked at him, quizzically. "Sir, what are you doing here? I'm trying to find Sev...urm...Professor Snape. Did he pass through here?" he asked as he spun in a lazy circle hoping to see Severus. "Sir, have you seen him?"

Dumbledore was dressed in his normal robes but had on a cloak that looked like the shell of a tortoise. "Harry my dear boy," he said, cheerily, "I'm so glad you decided to visit with me today. Come, walk with me." He waved his hand and three gold bowls of Phoenix Kibble appeared and the scarlet and gold creatures emerged from the lake to consume their winnings. Albus then took Harry by the arm and led him along the lake's edge. "I trust you are enjoying your stay with Severus?" he asked airily.

Harry was confused and his face wore an expression as such. "But...but sir, have you seen Severus?" He allowed the older man to lead him along, but his mind was still reeling.

Albus smiled, his blue eyes forever twinkling. "Of course I've seen Severus. Tall lad, long black hair, carries the expression of sucking a lemon up his..."

"Sir!" Harry cried out, indignantly. He looked at the old man, suppressing the urge to either laugh or hit him. "Sir, I know you know who Severus is and that you've indeed seen him before. But sir, have you seen him pass through here...like within the past half hour?"

The old man patted Harry's hand and smiled. "Actually, I did. He passed through a while ago and was mumbling something about tardiness. He looked aggrieved about something and refused to tell me what was wrong. So I ignored him and set about waiting for my phoenixes, such lovely creatures." He smiled over his shoulder at the birds that were now making macho-man poses and rude gestures at each other. (This is why you rarely see phoenixes in group settings as such.)

Harry just looked at the old man with utter disbelief. "You've finally gone round the bend," he said, his voice rather sincere. "I mean, we've all known you were completely nutters for years, but now you've gone and bloody proven our point." Harry turned from the old man and trudged off in the other direction.

"Why did I even bother to save these people, they're completely insane?" he asked himself.

"Because you're the Wonder-Boy," a familiar voice drawled.

Harry looked around him, frantically searching for the person who spoke, but saw nothing. The emerald hills were bare of life other then the occasional sparrow or squirrel. He turned in a slow circle, assessing the situation and once again cursing himself for leaving his wand behind. Spotting a leg that stuck out from behind a tree, Harry walked over cautiously. There, leaning casually against the tree, and smiling like a certain cat from a story that Harry couldn't currently remember, was Draco Malfoy.

Harry rolled his eyes and made to turn from the annoying prat when Malfoy spoke to him again. "I know where he went," he said, that unnerving smile never leaving his lips.

The raven haired man turned to fully face the blonde. "What are you talking about?" he asked, playing dumb. Dear Merlin, his teeth are blindingly white, Harry thought.

Malfoy only crossed his arms over his chest and smiled brighter, as if reading Harry's mind. "Well, I'll speak slowly and use small, descriptive words so that your feeble Gryffindor mind can understand," the damned smile never fading. Harry honestly couldn't remember ever seeing Malfoy smile so much. The blonde absently brushed a lock of sugary hair from his eyes and continued, "The tall, fashion challenged Potions master that you have been pining over since sixth form went that way in a hurry." He pointed up toward a path that led up a hill.

"Why should I believe you?" Harry asked, of course never once trusting the Slytherin bastard.

Draco turned around and pulled himself up into the branches of the tree he leaned upon. His movements were liquid and still as elegant as the young man himself. Once in his perch above the world, Harry almost couldn't see him. I

f not for his blinding smile, Draco would have disappeared completely, engulfed by the leaves of the tree. Malfoy called down to him, "Because you know I'm right." Then he disappeared completely.

"FINE! BLOODY DISAPPARATE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION! APPARENTLY, MANNERS DO NOT MEAN MUCH TO A RIGHT PRAT AS YOU, MALFOY!" Harry yelled, even though he was positive Draco could no longer hear him. At least that was what he thought, but as he headed toward the trail, he could have sworn someone swatted him on the arse as he passed the tree.

Harry climbed the hill, and as he came over the slow rise, he could see a familiar castle looming in the distance. Harry's heart jumped in his chest. Of course, he thought, Hogwarts. He must be in his chambers. He made off at a run and covered the distance between the hill and the castle with record speed. He bolted up the front stairs and then across the entrance hall and down toward the dungeons. Turning left and right on autopilot, he found Severus's personal chambers with ease. He banged on the door and waited for a response.

Nothing.

He pounded again.

Nothing.

"Damnitall!" He cursed and again wished he had his wand. Harry began to pace back and forth, his mind racing, thinking the worst. What if he's in pain and can't answer the door? What if he's passed out from his Mark burning? What if he's... He stopped himself from finishing that last thought. Frustrated and out of ideas, he leaned against the heavy wooden door and instantly fell backward as it swung open.

He hit the stone floor, hard and winced at the pain. "Buggeritall!" he yelled and pulled himself up off the floor. He looked around the room, expecting to hear Snape chuckling at his pain and clumsiness. Instead, he was greeted with silence. "Where the hell is he?" He began to look through the two main rooms, an office and a bedroom. The office was typical Hogwarts by design. Stone walls and floors, cold damp dungeony atmosphere with a heavy desk near the centre. Along one wall was a very cold and lifeless fireplace with a tapestry emblazoned with the Slytherin crest. Harry hurried off into the bedroom. He'd never been in this room before and he gasped in shock. The room was quite lovely, though very green and black. The bed was an ebony four-poster with forest green velvet drapes. The walls were smooth and deep forest green and the thick carpet was black. What shocked Harry was the small window along the far wall.

Harry gave into temptation and threw himself, unceremoniously onto the bed. He was lying on his back and looking up at the ceiling, which was enchanted to look like the night sky. "Gods, I could just die here...or die doing things here," he smiled, guiltily.

Reluctantly, he rolled off the bed and walked toward the window. Knowing that he was in the dungeons, he never thought about windows. But seeing as Hogwarts was built on a cliff, it happens that Severus' chambers were actually above the Greenhouses. It was an odd perspective, since he'd always believed that he was completely underground when he was in potions. He wondered if the dorms for Slytherin had windows, but the thought was interrupted when Harry's stomach growled loudly.

He wrapped his arms across his stomach, hoping to stifle the noise, but instead, it only grew louder. Seeing as how Severus wasn't in his chambers, Harry decided to go to the kitchens before searching for the dark man some more. He went to leave the room when he spotted a lovely cake by the small bureau. "I didn't see you before. I don't think Severus would mind if I took a little bite before I continue my search," he said to the confection and took a small hunk with his hands and quickly ate it.

The room began to shrink again. "Bloody effing hell!" he cursed as his one leg shot out the bedroom door, knocking the lovely bed aside, his other leg curled up against his chest. His arms were at odd angles and the top of his head bumped the enchanted ceiling.

"Who the bloody hell has tampered with my door?" Snape's voice could be heard through the chambers. Harry could feel the door being shaken and pushed against his foot that was now blocking it.

"Severus! It's me, Harry. I'm stuck," he called, but received no answer. The door had stopped moving and Harry felt the urge to scream. His green eyes quickly scanned the room, looking for something...anything to help him out of this situation. Then the door started to move against his foot, again.

"Yeh sure s'not charmed, sir?" Harry heard Hagrid ask.

"Of course the bloody door isn't charmed. Do you think I would have bothered to ask for your help if I could have just waved my wand at the blasted thing?" Harry could hear Severus was seething. "Besides, that is the purpose of getting into my office. My wand is on my desk."

Harry smirked, thinking that he wasn't the only crap wizard when it came to keeping track of his wand. He looked around, frantically, trying to figure out how he could get out or let Severus in. Looking left he caught a glimpse of a yellow-gold sparkle. "What's this now?" he asked the room full of him. Struggling to free his arm, he reached over toward the glass bottle that was reflecting the suns dying rays. Plucking it off the shelf, he read the small note that was attached. In a familiar spidery scrawl was written, Drink Me.

"Oh, not this rubbish again," he whined, but dropped the liquid down his throat anyway.

The room began to grow at an alarming rate and Harry felt like he was falling...and falling...and...crash...OUCH!

He had fallen out of Severus' bedroom window and crashed into the greenhouse but he couldn't imagine exactly how he could have fit through said window. That was, until he heard the giggling.

"Look at him, he's still so cute," one girly giggling voice whispered.

"I know, look at his arse. Isn't it just biteable?" another cooed.

"Oi! No one's biting my arse," Harry said, unconsciously grabbing said arse as he turned to face the clucking. "Ginny? Cho? Luna?" he asked. All of the girls were dressed in these flowing gowns that made them look like overturned flowers. But they weren't the only ones there. Harry's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as he spied other girls he knew from school. Padma and Parvati and Lavender sat together, looking like a group of pansies. Hannah Abbot, Susan Bones -- and...wait a tic...is that Blaise Zabini? -- and Pansy Parkinson. They were all dressed like bloody flowers and they were all tittering about his looks and his arse.

"Remember when he was a Seeker for Gryffindor? Oh Merlin, how I used to just want to tackle him and snog him senseless," the red haired flower giggled.

"Ginny!" Harry shouted, indignantly.

"What? Oh come on Harry, you are just so cute." She said, reaching out to touch him, but he quickly backed off.

"Come off it, Weaselette! He obviously roots for the opposite team," the dark haired Slytherin said as he slithered toward Harry with dark hungry eyes.

At this point, Harry turned tail and ran out of the greenhouse and he could hear the cries of disappointment coming from the sirens in the glass building. "Bloody harpies!" he called over his shoulder. Though, he shouldn't have been looking in the wrong direction as he ran, since he slammed right into a large mushroom, knocking its occupant to the ground.

"Oi, Potter! Like I don't have enough issues with staying on my feet," Tonks called as she crawled back onto her perch. She picked up her wand and began to swirl it in the air as she leaned back on her elbow.

Harry was only mildy stunned at this point. "What are you doing here, Tonks? Where did you get such a bloody huge mushroom?"

She giggled, which, after his encounter in the greenhouse, caused Harry to cringe. "The 'shroom? This 'shroom?" As she spoke, she would use her wand and write the last word that came out of her mouth, in smoky letters. The solid form of the word would dissolve into the shape of what it stood for. Hence the word 'shroom, became a mushroom formed of smoke. "Harry, if you see the 'shroom, does it exist or is it just all in your head?" A smoky version of Harry's head formed. "Do I exist because you are thinking of me? Or am I a figment of my own imagination run wild in the fields?" Smoky image of Tonks running thru a field of smoke.

"I think you've been inhaling some of your smoke, there. That or you've been chewing on your 'shroom," he said, sighing and preparing to turn away.

"The Boy-Who-Lived cannot find the Snarky Git?" she asked, her voice in a teasing sing-song tone. Suddenly, the smoky words 'Boy-Who-Lived' and 'Snarky Git' formed into smoke Harry and smoke Snape. These formations lasted longer then most of the others and stared at each other. The smoke Harry, digging his toe into a smoke ground as the smoke Severus watched him silently. The pair locked eyes and were suddenly in a passionate smoke lip-lock which caused the real Harry to blush profusely. He leaned up and swirled the image with his hand, causing them to disappear. Tonks only laughed and said, "...And the Giant 'Shroom said, take and eat of me. From the right you will grow and from the left you will shrink. Choose wisely my young Padawan." The last image, Harry recognized out of a Star Wars movie he'd seen with Hermione and Ron.

He looked at the mushroom. It was circular so he couldn't really tell which side was the right or which was the left. Standing directly in front of Tonks he leaned to the left and pulled a piece off and pocketed it, then leaned to the right and did the same.

Tonks had begun to say dirty words and watch what pictures they made, so Harry silently snuck by and began to follow a trail that he thought may bring him back to the castle. Unfortunately, as small as he was he could no longer see the castle.

Harry followed the trail as his mind raced. Why would Severus leave his wand at Hogwarts if he has been at his manor for the past few months? This really makes no sense...

"Shh...do you want him to hear us?" asked a small voice. The sound came from a nearby bush, though considering Harry's stature it could have been an over-sized clump of crab grass.

"Shh yourself. He looks lost, the poor dear. Should we help him George?" the other voice asked.

"I guess so, Fred. Seeing as you can't keep your mouth shut anyway." George replied. Then the pair jumped out from behind the bush and with a dramatic flair they blocked Harry's path.

"Fred..."

"...and George..."

"Weasley..."

"...at your..."

"...service."

"We are here to help the helpless..."

"...and entertain the entertainless..."

George shook his head, "That was sad." He plopped him down on a rock, or over-sized pebble, and continued to shake his head.

Fred glared at his twin, "Well, you left me nothing to work with you tosser. Help the helpless? Since bloody when?"

"Since I got bored with pranking," George said defiantly.

At that Fred turned from his brother and smiled at Harry. "Ignore him, he's still pissed about losing a bet to me."

Pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, he could feel his headache swelling back to the forefront. Who the hell else is going to give me bloody advice today? Lucius Malfoy? He asked himself.

"What bet?" Harry asked, regretting it as soon as the words left his mouth.

Fred blushed and George suddenly found his shoes interesting.

"What bet?" Harry said with more force. He really REALLY wished he had his wand with him.

It was George who chimed in. "Well, I said, in passing mind you, that I thought you and Malfoy made a cute couple."

"WHAT?" Harry yelled, his hands clenched at his sides, yet his face blushing.

"Yeah, well I said Snape so he's only pissed because I won," Fred said quickly, trying to quell Harry's anger. It didn't work.

"Snape? You think I fancy Snape?" he turned to George, "And you think I'd fancy Malfoy? Argh!" He threw his hands into the air and began to pace in a maniacal circle.

Fred smirked, "If you didn't fancy the Greasy Bastard, then why are you here?"

George found this to be funny so he stood and joined his brother. "He's right, ya know. If you didn't fancy him, you wouldn't have left your blanket to see if he was alright."

Harry stopped pacing and stared at the twins. "But...how did you..."

They only smiled and linked arms and did a little jig, which in itself was quite disturbing.

They began to sing too.

"Harry and Snape..."

"...sitting in a tree..."

"...s-n-o-gg-i-n-g..."

"...first comes love..."

"...then comes marriage..."

"...then comes Snapey with a..."

They couldn't finish the song, since Harry had taken it in his head that he wanted to be tall enough to squish the Weasley twins. He pulled the mushroom bit from his right pocket and took a small nibble, not wanting to be taller then the castle. He shot up and bumped his head on a tree branch. "Oww! Too big," he said, rubbing the sore spot. He then took a small nibble of the other and he shrank enough to what he believed to be his normal height.

He could not longer see the twins, but he could see Hogwarts and Hagrid's hut. He figured that since Hagrid had helped Severus, he'd go see if the half-giant could tell him where the dark man had got to.

As he approached, he could hear crying and screaming. He knocked on the door but no one answered. Slowly, he opened the door and peeked inside.

And he sneezed.

There was pepper in the air, little black particles flying everywhere possible. By the fireplace, Ron stood, wearing an apron and stirring something in a pot. Over by the window sat Hermione, she was holding a crying baby and yelling at the redhead.

"Ron, you put too much pepper in the soup. Now what will we feed him? You know it's the only thing he eats," she complained, her voice already grating on Harry, he couldn't imagine how Ron was dealing.

He obviously wasn't because he picked up the pepper and added more to the soup. "He'll grow to love it like this. It's the only way," he said, pepper flying all over as he spoke, motioning his hands.

"Ron...Hermione...what's going on? When did you have a baby?" Harry asked, shocked by the scene before him, Hagrid forgotten.

They didn't answer him, instead Ron rounded on Hermione. "Besides, if you wanted things done right, then get us a bloody house-elf!"

"Ronald Weasley! How dare you say such a thing to me?" She stood up, the baby held precariously in her arms and Harry flinched because it looked like she was going to drop the babe.

Ron smirked, "Because you've become such a bleeding harpy lately and I'm sick of being your slave. At least a house-elf'd enjoy himself."

Hermione put the baby down in its cradle, very hard. She took a step toward Ron and began to scream. "How dare you! So you have to cook and clean a little bit, is it going to kill you? You expect some poor creature to do the things you don't want to do? The things you find undesirable?"

Harry blocked them out, more concerned for the baby that was wailing so loud it sounded like a cat screaming. He walked over, dodging the now flying cutlery and dishes that had Ron and Hermione were beginning to throw at one another. "You can't stay here, little one. Uncle Harry will take you outside until mummy and daddy pull their heads out of their arses." He lifted the babe and made his way thru the flying shards and out the door.

"There," he said, putting the baby up to his shoulder to pat its back. "You probably have a bit of gas...ouch!"

The baby, or what he thought was a baby, scratched his ear. He looked at the child to find that it was not a baby, but Crookshanks wrapped in swaddling clothes.

He put the feline down and the creature sat and began licking at its fur. Harry only shook his head and walked away from the whole situation, thinking that his friends had all gone mad.

Harry walked back to the school and up the stairs. He was about to head to the dungeons, but stopped when he thought he'd heard noise coming from the Great Hall. He shrugged and trudged off in that direction.

Inside, at the Gryffindor table, sat Sirius, Remus and Mundungus, who currently looked asleep. The whole table was set for a rather large tea party, yet it was only the three.

"Harry," Sirius called. "Come in, come in. Join us for some tea."

"S'not tea, ya wanker. It's firewhiskey," Dung said, lifting his head from the table. Before he could place it back down, he had begun to snore.

"Quiet you, or it's the Shrieking Shack with Moony on a bad day for punishment," retorted Sirius.

Mundungus replied by lifting his hand and displaying two fingers.

Sirius waved him off, "Piss off to you too."

Harry laughed and joined the party. "Have any of you guys seen Snape?" he asked, while Remus offered him a tea cup full of amber liquid. Harry sniffed it and indeed, it was firewhiskey.

"Severus?" Remus asked, "I'm sorry, I haven't. Is something wrong?" The lycanthrope's eyes were soft and warm on Harry's face.

"No...yes...I mean, I'm not sure. He left the manor, holding his arm and mumbling to himself..."

"Madness got him." Sirius stated, interrupting Harry.

"Madness?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

Remus seemed to roll his eyes and Dung only snored louder. Sirius elaborated, "Madness. Seems he's a right git and no one loves him so he went mad. Sad really. Well, not really." He snorted into his cup of whiskey and threw it back.

"Be nice, Sirius." Remus said, refilling Sirius' cup.

Suddenly, Snape burst into the room. "I'm so late," he said, sitting next to Harry and tossing back a shot of whiskey before Harry could warn him that it wasn't tea. Severus didn't seem to notice. "Do any of you fools have the time? My watch is broken and I know I'm late."

Sirius snorted and looked up at the enchanted ceiling. Mundungus snored. Remus shrugged and Harry pulled the pocket watch from his robe. Dumbledore had given it to him after he finished Voldemort. He popped the gold cover and read the time. "Sir, it's 6 p.m." Snape picked up another unused cup and downed it before running out of the room. Harry tried to follow, but Sirius grabbed his arm and pulled him back down.

"Why are you so nice to him? Can't you see he doesn't deserve it? He's a bloody bent mess," he growled.

Harry glared at his godfather. Something about him was off, not right. He knew he hated Severus, but he wasn't usually this thinly veiled around Harry.

He sniffed, disdainfully. "You really are nothing like James."

Remus gasped and Mundungus snored.

Harry narrowed his eyes and ground out, "No, I'm nothing like my father. I care about other peoples' feelings. I don't like to screw with them just because I think I'm superior. I don't care about what the general view of others may be." He stood up and before leaving he gave Remus a quizzical look. "Aren't you both...you know...gay?"

Remus blushed and Sirius mumbled something that sounded like 'greasy poufter'. Harry rolled his eyes and stormed out of the Great Hall, slamming the large oak door behind him. Dung lifted his head and yelled, "No Mr. Auror, sir. She isn't too young for me to be doing shots out of her navel." Then his head fell back against the table and he continued to snore.

Harry heard none of this because he was focused on the tail end of a swirling black robe as it made its way out of the castle and toward the Quidditch pitch. He had given up on calling after Severus, he figured that eventually he'd catch up and he could find out what the bloody hell was wrong.

Snape disappeared as he entered the pitch and Harry followed. As soon as he came onto the field he was ushered by a fanfare of horns announcing his entry. He looked around and the stadium was packed solid and there was a herd of hippogriff grazing in the field. He suddenly felt two sets of hands on his arms as he was led off the pitch and into the stands that was reserved for the teachers or visiting guests.

He was brought over to a large chair and when he saw who sat there he wanted to scream. Bellatrix Lestrange was sitting in the regal throne and she was dressed entirely in blood red. On her right sat Pettigrew, he too in blood red robes, and on her left sat Severus.

"Ooo, look, it's ickle baby Potty. Just in time to entertain me," Bellatrix taunted him. "I want to see if you are still such a great Seeker." She motioned to the crowd, "All your fans have come to see you play."

Harry could barely drag his eyes from Severus. He tried to read the Potions master's expression, but Severus had blocked all emotion from his face. Bellatrix saw this and reached over and gently began to stroke Severus' thigh. The dark man squirmed a bit and Harry glared at her. "So you want me to play Quidditch? What if I don't want to?"

She laughed and simply said, "Then you die."

Harry cursed himself yet again for leaving his wand behind. He saw something flicker in Severus' eyes but he ignored it and turned to Bellatrix. "If I play, what happens if I lose?"

"You die."

"If I win?"

She laughed again and continued to touch Snape. "I may give you a present, but you won't win. No one beats me." She gave him a maniacal smile and waved him off. He was pulled away from her presence and found himself in the Gryffindor locker room being manhandled by two large meaty goons. The goons turned out to be Crabbe and Goyle and it seemed to Harry that they were enjoying the job of dressing him a bit too much. They then pulled him out onto the field and pushed him along.

"What about my broom?" he asked.

They only pointed at the other players who were bowing to the hippogriffs. Harry sighed; his headache was only getting worse. He headed to one that looked familiar and whispered, "Buckbeak?"

The grey creature bowed and Harry smiled. "At least I know I can trust you." He bowed and then mounted the large beast and then took to the air.

The game commenced and Harry hovered above, watching the players below. It was like a typical Slytherin/Gryffindor game. The players were the same. Malfoy was grinning like a fool as he rode on a black hippogriff. Ron was keeper and Ginny was a chaser. It seemed to Harry like he was playing with the seventh year teams. Except that they were all mounted on flying creatures and instead of a Quaffle they were using a Puffskein. And the Bludgers were Pogrebin.

Harry was on the look out for the snitch, actually, he'd seen Madam Hooch feed a Canary Cream to a Hinkypunk and he was looking for the fat round yellow bird-thing before it began to moult.

Then he spotted it, just over Ron's ear. He leaned in and Buckbeak dove toward the yellow feathery creature. Malfoy spotted it too, dumb grin and all. But Harry was faster and he reached the creature just before it popped and turned into a very irate Hinkypunk.

"Eww," he said, throwing the creature to the ground and flying over to Bellatrix. She sneered at him as he hovered before her.

"No one," she said, standing up. Her face had gone pale, but two red roses were beginning to bloom on her cheeks as she growled. "No one beats me." She pulled out her wand and pointed it at Harry. "Crucio!" she yelled and as the red curse emerged from her wand, Severus screamed no, and threw himself in front of Harry.

The curse hit him in the chest and knocked him back. He fell backward out of the stands and hit against Harry, knocking him off of Buckbeak. They began to plummet to the ground below, Harry wrapping his arms protectively around Severus. He could feel the Potions master do the same and he closed his eyes, waiting for the impact. He could hear the sounds of the screaming crowd disappear, only to be replaced by the whisper of Severus' voice in his ear.

"Harry..."

They fell and it seemed like they were falling forever.

"Harry, wake up."

Harry opened his eyes and looked into the face of Severus Snape. The man was holding him in his arms and Harry had his own wrapped around his waist. Everything was blurry as he realized that his glasses were gone. "Did I pass out? Are you hurt?"

"Hurt? Harry, why would I be hurt?" Snape asked, giving Harry a look of concern.

"You...we fell." Harry did a quick assessment of his own aches and pains and realized that the only thing that hurt was his head.

Severus furrowed his eyebrows together. "I haven't fallen. You haven't fallen. It seems that the only thing that has fallen was this bit of stone from the arch, Harry. It hit you on the head and you..." he suddenly realized how close they were and he looked away, a blush creeping up his neck. Though, he made no attempt to remove his arms.

"You what?" Harry prompted.

He sighed softly, "You scared me. You weren't responding and I'm not sure how long you were unconscious before I found you."

"Oh," Harry said, still aware of Severus' hold on him. He whispered, "Would you have been upset if I hadn't woken up?"

Severus mumbled something that Harry couldn't make out. "What was that?"

"Yes," he said a slight bit louder. "Yes, I would have been upset." He looked back into Harry's face and gently stroked his fringe from his forehead. There was a nasty looking purple and black egg that was growing there. Gingerly, he traced the edge of it with a slender finger and then drew it down the side of Harry's cheek. "I would have been very upset." Severus' voice had taken on a tone that made Harry's insides vibrate in a sinfully delicious way.

He felt his eyes flutter close as that hand touched his face.

"Harry," Snape suddenly sounded alarmed and Harry's eyes flew open.

"What?"

"Oh, I thought you were drifting off again. I need you to stay awake until I'm sure you do not have a concussion." His hand was still gently caressing him.

"Oh," he said, smiling and leaning his face into that warm calloused hand. "I'd be upset too, if I lost you," he whispered and though he didn't lips smile, Severus' eyes did.

Harry closed his eyes again, relishing the touch against his face. They shot open when he felt lips brush against his mouth. Severus had pulled back and only looked into his face, reading Harry's reaction. To answer his unasked question, Harry leaned upward and pressed his lips against Severus'. Severus applied his own pressure and soon after, Harry teased him with a soft lick to his bottom lip. Severus complied by parting his lips and allowing Harry entrance. Their tongues melted and danced together as their hands mapped out each others body.

Suddenly, Snape stood up, Harry in his arms. Harry broke their kiss to ask, "Where are we going?"

"It's getting dark and cold and I'd rather not catch a cold because I was shagging you in the woods." He gave Harry a smirk, his strong arms wrapped around the younger man.

Harry only smiled and leaned his head against Severus' chest. "Greasy git."

"Insufferable brat."

The End

As Harry has been in the common room before, he would know wether or not it has windows.