Voldemort! The Musical

VOLDEMORT!

T H E M U S I C A L

Act I

(Almost) No One Mourns the Wicked

[No One Mourns the Wicked, Wicked]

Company, Albus Dumbledore, Death Eaters

Hard-Knock Life

[Hard-Knock Life, Annie]

Young Tom, Orphans

The Wizard Is I

[The Wizard and I, Wicked]

Young Tom

Hogwarts: I Think I'm Gonna Like it Here

[I Think I'm Gonna Like it Here, Annie]

Professor Dippet, Horace Slughorn, Albus Dumbledore, Young Tom

Sluggy's Club

[Popular, Wicked]

Horacer Slughorn

Suddenly, Slughorn

[Suddenly, Seymour, Little Shop of Horrors]

Tom Riddle

One Spell Glory

[One Song Glory, RENT]

Tom Riddle

O.W.Ls

[N.Y.C., Annie]

Professor Dippet, Company

Little Shop of Horrors

[Little Shop of Horrors, Little Shop of

Horrors]

Mr. Borgin, Caractacus Burke, Tom Riddle

What You Own

[What You Own, RENT]

Tom Riddle, Hepzibah Smith, Hokey, Caractacus Burke

Defying Mortality

[Defying Gravity, Wicked]

Tom Riddle

Act II

No Good Deeds

[No Good Deed, Wicked]

Lord Voldemort, Death Eaters

Welcome to the Dark Side

[Welcome to the '60s, Hairspray]

Lord Voldemort, Fenrir Greyback, Bellatrix Lestrange, Peter Pettigrew

Tomorrow

[Tomorrow, Annie]

Lord Voldemort

The Night The Prophecy Was Spoke at the Hog's Head Inn

[The Night that Goldman Spoke at Union

Square, Ragtime]

Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Madam Rosmerta

Boy Who Lived

[Little Girls, Annie]

Lord Voldemort

(We Will Not) Repent

[Rent, RENT]

Bellatrix Lestrange, Rabastan Lestrange, Bartemius Crouch, Jr., Rodolphus

Lestrange

March of the Death Eaters

[March of the Witch Hunters, Wicked]

Death Eaters

Back to Before

[Back to Before, Ragtime]

Lord Voldemort, Professor Quirrell

As Long As You're Mine

[As Long As You're Mine, Wicked]

Tom Riddle, Ginny Weasley

Without Love

[Without Love, Hairspray]

Lord Voldemort

I Know This Feeling! (Loathing)

[What Is This Feeling?, Wicked]

Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter

I Can Hear the Yells

[I Can Hear the Bells, Hairspray]

Lord Voldemort, Death Eaters

The Scales of Our Dreams

[The Wheels of a Dream, Ragtime]

Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter

ACT I

scene i

(ALMOST) NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED

[To the Tune Of: "No One Mourns the Wicked," Wicked]

COMPANY

Good News!

He's dead!

The-One-We-Can't-Name is dead!

The darkest Dark Wiz' there ever was,

The enemy of all of us just because -

Is dead!

Good News!

Good News!

MAN IN CROWD

Look, it's Dumbledore!

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

Nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak...

Let us be glad

Let us be grateful

Let us rejoice that the Order could subdue

The wicked workings of "You-Know-Who"...

Isn't it nice to know

That good will conquer evil?

The truth we all believe'll by and by

Become a lie -

(Spoken) I mean... er...

Outlive a lie!

For you and--

BELLATRIX LESTRANGE

Death Eaters, mourn the wicked!

LUCIUS MALFOY

We deny he won't return!

DEATH EATERS

As they lay Lily in her grave...

RABASTAN LESTRANGE

The good man scorns the wicked?

FENRIR GREYBACK

Through our lives their children learn...

(Evil laughing)

DEATH EATERS

We can't miss

When we misbehave...

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

And goodness knows

The wicked's lives are lonely...

Goodness knows,

The wicked die alone...

It just shows when you're wicked

You're left only

On your own

(Spoken) Except for the army of faithful followers who still cling to your memory and the hope that they will find and revive you, but, for the purpose of the exposition of this show...

COMPANY

Yes goodness knows

The wicked's lives are homely

Goodness knows

The wicked cry alone

Nothing grows for the wicked

They reap only

What they've sown...

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

(Spoken) Are people born wicked, or do they wickedness thrust upon them? After all, he had a father, he had a mother, as so many do...

MARVOLO GAUNT

How I love to go and leave you lonely...

(Spoken) Don't do anything unbefitting of your parentage, you stupid Squib...

MEROPE GAUNT

Oh, alright--It's only just one night...

(Spoken) Well, one night and 180 days...thank Merlin...I mean, Slytherin! Thank Slytherin!

MORFIN GAUNT

I know that Muggle will be in your heart,

Be glad he's out of my sight...

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

And like every family, they had their secrets.

MEROPE GAUNT

Have another drink, my dark-haired Muggle!

I've got one more night left here in town

So have another drink of pink elixer

And we'll have ourselves a little mixer

Have another little swallow, my prince charming,

And follow me down...

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

And of course, from the moment he was born, he was - well - an orphan.

MRS. COLE

It's coming...

MEROPE GAUNT

Now?

MRS. COLE

(Spoken) You're worse off than I thought.

The baby's coming...

MEROPE GAUNT

And... how?

MRS. COLE

(Spoken) I'm not explaining it if you can't tell for yourself.

I see a nose...

I see a curl...

It's a healthy perfect

Lovely little--

(Screams)

MEROPE GAUNT

What is it? What's wrong?

MRS. COLE

How can it be?

What does it mean?

It's atrocious!

It's obscene!

MEROPE GAUNT

Tom for his father, Riddle, too...

Marvolo was my father's name -

MRS. COLE

(Spoken) What kind of a name is "Marvolo"?

MEROPE GAUNT dies.

Take it away...Take it away!

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

So you see, you couldn't have been easy...

COMPANY

No one mourns the wicked

Now at last, he's dead and gone

Now at last, there's joy throughout the land!

And goodness knows

We know what goodness is

Goodness knows

That it's The Boy Who Lived!

DEATH EATERS

Death Eaters mourns the wicked

Find him fast, he's not dead or gone

Ew... at last, there's joy throughout the land!

And evil knows

We know what evil is

Evil knows

We'll kill The Boy Who Lived!

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

"The Boy Who Lived"?

COMPANY

Woe to those

Who spurn what remises

They are shown!

Azkaban for the wicked!

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

Good news!

DEATH EATERS

Azkaban for the wicked?

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

Good news!

COMPANY

Azkaban for the wicked -

Wicked!

Wicked!

DEATH EATERS (MINUS BELLATRIX, BARTEMIUS, RUDOLPHUS, and RABASTAN)

We swear we're not wicked -

Wicked!

Wicked!