Peter's Mary-Sue

Lily, Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter were sitting in the Great Hall, minding their own business, when a pretty blonde Hufflepuff came over and plopped herself down in Peter's lap.

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I sit down in your lap again?" she asked silkily. Peter opened and closed his mouth several times, only able to make a few vowel noises. James, who hadn't noticed this, stood up from his seat.

"Friends, girlfriend: it's time for class. Come," he said, and began walking away. Sirius grabbed Peter and pulled him up, knocking the girl to the ground. Peter made a few grabbing attempts as Sirius dragged him out of the hall.

After Transfiguration (in which Peter asked to be transferred to Hufflepuff), the five students were standing outside the classroom talking, when Peter felt someone grab his butt. He turned around just in time to see the Hufflepuff girl wink at him as she turned the corner.

"Did you guys see that? That Hufflepuff, Chelle, grabbed my butt!" Peter exclaimed. The others laughed.

"Come on Peter. Everyone knows that you never get any action. The rest of us do, though. A lot," Sirius said. Remus and James gave him manly high-fives. Lily blushed. Peter sulked.

Of course, the others didn't notice Chelle playing footsie with Peter in Herbology, nor did they notice when she came over to their table at lunch to show Peter that she could tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue.

After classes, the five Gryffindors retired to their own common room. But Peter felt slightly downcast.

"I'm going up to the dorms," he said. The others nodded.

"We'll be down here, talking about you behind your back," Remus said. Peter went up to the seventh year dorm room and slowly opened the door.

Chelle was standing there in the middle of the room. Peter nearly choked on the sugar quill he had been eating. He got a little suspicious.

"Why me?" he asked. "Most girls like Sirius."

"Exactly. Who knows where he's been," Chelle said, and shuddered.

"Remus?" Peter tried.

"Heard his door swings the other way."

"James?"

"Lily gets jealous easily. She's a hair-puller," Chelle said, and by this time she was standing right in front of Peter. Peter decided to be smooth. He ran his hand through her hair.

"You rinse and repeat, don't you?" he asked. Chelle pushed him down on the nearest bed and pounced on him.

Meanwhile, down in the common room, the Marauders were discussing how long Peter had been gone.

"I wonder what he's doing," Remus said thoughtfully.

"It's not like he is betraying us to some Dark Lord," James said sarcastically. Everyone laughed. But they stopped laughing when Chelle appeared from the boy's dorm room stairs, her clothes and hair disheveled. Peter followed right behind her, his clothes also messy. Everyone's jaw dropped.

"So ... I'll owl you," Chelle said while she went through the portrait hole. Peter was looking very smug. He turned to a surprised Remus.

"You might want to change your sheets before you go to bed, Remmie." He winked and skipped back up to the dorms.