5,021 - 5,040 of 5,438 Stories

Harry Potter turns seventeen, and to his big surprise, the Dursleys actually remembered! And there's more: they are celebrating it too! But there's something Harry doesn't know; there's a plot, inside his birthday cake.... Will Harry survive his seventeenth birthday?

Definitely an AU story, and a one-shot.``What do you get when you throw Tony the Tiger™, Scooby-doo and the Gang, and Smeagol into a room with The-Boy-Who-Lived? Why, you get The Audition, of course! Read to find out what zany things can happen to our favorite hero, at an audition you will never forget!

Find out what happens when you mix one dark-haired Slytherin poet, a reluctant James Potter and a bored Sirius Black left too long to his own devices.

Sirius Black comes back to his flat to look for a forgotten object and witnesses the most traumatic event in his life: Lily Evans' bridal shower! Oh, did I mention that he witnesses it from inside the wardrobe?

It's 1976. Sirius Black has fallen in love with the perfect girl. She has an odd attachment to scarves—and she's got a really long name. A Mary-Sue parody fic. Gag-bags ahoy!

It's time for careers advice, this very important event in the life of every 5th year student, and with Sirius Black it is going to be anything but ordinary. The day will be a long one for Professor McGonagall.

Hogwarts is in for a great surprise....

What was Ron Weasley thinking during and after the chess match in SS?

A whirlwind tour through America for Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. What happens when all four become famous...in the Muggle world?

The Weasley family enjoys a singular sort of Christmas. With Fred and George planning something, their father particularly amused by Christmas trees, and odd family traditions, Christmas-time at the Burrow is unlike any celebration you have ever known.

Someone gets an eyeful, and lives to tell the backstory behind this line from Mystery Stories: Neville? He\'d never be quite so bold, would he? And anyway, there were rumours floating around about him and Zacharias Smith and a particularly scandalous episode in Greenhouse Three.

The story of the first Harry Potter book/movie, written in rhyme.

Harry's POV on the day that he married Hermione.

On either side the great lake lie``Long lawn of grass so green and bright,``That clothe the soil and meet the sky;``And thro’ the lawn the drive runs by``To many-tower’d Hogwarts;``And up and down the students go,``Gazing where the waters flow``Round an island there below,``The island of Shalorts.

Professor Snape is Hogwarts' (somewhat unwilling!) Agony Aunt. Sympathy is not his strong point...

How did Oliver get his obsession with Quidditch? How did he become the captain that worked his team to victory?

A crazy story about a muggleborn and her obsession with Sirius. Sirius-ness ahead!

Harry is going off to save the world, as per norm. Only this time... he might not come back. So his friends take it upon themselves to write him letters of good luck, etc. Oh, dear. He really doesn't have very eloquent friends, does he?

It's the Halloween Boogie, a dance only seventh-years are allowed to attend. So what happens when you throw the Marauders in there?

Ron had never heard of a condom before, and Hermione swore up and down he needed at least one if wanted to get laid. And Ron definitely wanted that. Harry helps him out a bit.

Harry and the Dursleys are on vacation in New York City when Harry meets the girl of his dreams. When he tries to talk to her, he is ridiculed. Unfortunately, Dudley sees him, resulting in a fight and more *sigh* maid duties for Harry.

With a few drinks, some yodle-ing, the Hogwarts faculty and some chocolate cake, what can possibly go wrong?

Warning: AU. Professors Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall take a vacation to the beautiful island of Hawaii at the expense of an unwitting Ministry of Magic. Features a drunk, a pansy, and a mediator. Chaos ensues!

Cornelius Fudge--Minister of Magic, great wizard--and lover of jello. Until, that is, Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy turn his love for this delicious Muggle dessert into a trip to the Ministry he'll never forget.

Written for V.M. Bell's Song Title challenge. Ron recounts the time Malfoy called him a monkey in his fifth year and the repercussions it caused for Malfoy.

A series of challenges.... Colin Creevey records the events of oddities occuring around the castle at Hogwarts.

Pigwidgeon was never a smart owl. But he was adamant about working for the Wizarding Post nonetheless.

Ron brings his fiancee to meet Harry and Hermione. Harry knew it was love at first sight. But when Isabelle loves Harry back, how is Isabelle going to get out of marrying Ron?

After settling into her new life, Hermione is surprised by fugitive Draco Malfoy.

"It’s a tractor," Harry said matter of factly as they drew closer. "If this is the idea then why don’t we just chew some corn and run after Voldemort saying 'Oh-arrr.'" In which Harry, Ron and Dumbledore are thrown into a field. Randomness ensues.

Cedric Diggory made a bet. A very stupid bet. And now, in order to save himself the humiliation of arriving at the End-of-Year feast naked, he’s got two months to seduce the girl known as the Ice Serpent. But Lexxie Wyse isn’t willing to come along quietly, and even the charming Mr. Diggory will be lucky to walk away from this one intact. Sabotaged Herbology projects, girl fights, a jealous Cho Chang, one exceptionally lewd Hufflepuff Chaser, and snark abound.

Post-HBP AU. Dumbledore is dead. Draco thinks that things can't get any worse. He's wrong.

Hannah Grace Abbott drones on about her dull, dull life. Maybe she's just too blind to see that she's needed in the Hufflepuff house.

Will Harry heed Winky's cryptic warning? Will his journey from Platform 8 and 13/16 be a safe one? What alcohol-powered device has Ginny shoplifted from the Azkaban Gift Shop? Does Draco Malfoy really have the post owl's eyes? Will an epic battle with the lunch trolley witch end in triumph? Is The Sorting Hat's new live album scorching Billboard magazine's charts? Which political party does the Giant Squid favor? Has Hedwig chosen a lifestyle of wanton sexual abandon? Have Harry's summer drug sales been lucrative? I answer these burning questions and so many more inside!

Harry and other Hogwarts students go clubbing! No, really. Featuring dancing, music, drag acts, teeny tiny slash hints, a fair bit of snogging and a bar brawl.

'[Professor Lockhart] read passages from his books to them, and sometimes re-enacted some of the more dramatic parts. He usually picked Harry to help him with these reconstructions; so far, Harry had been forced to play a simple Transyvanian villager whom Lockhart had cured of a Babbling Curse...'

Harry loses an argument. And maybe his masculinity?

In which Luna Lovegood rhapsodizes on storybook lovers, radishes, and Harry Potter.

Snape hides out on Craggy Island. Father Ted crossover.

Have you ever thought what happened that evening we lost Padfoot? Have you ever thought how the Ministry's Phone Booth works?

Aiden Wang's past is blank, present is normal and future is blurry. She is stuck living alone and unable to move forward. She loves it, though. So when she is told her life is in danger, Aiden is more than willing to go into denial. She is coaxed into going to a mysterious Hagworts... or is it Hogwarts? What will Aiden find out about herself when she befriends the heroes and the villains?

Quidditch, girlfriends, meddling inexpertly with the Dark Arts – Lucius Malfoy seems to get stranger by the day. Sixth-year Severus Snape is confronted not only with the changing nature of his social circle, but also with choosing sides.

A serious, sober discussion on the Goblin Revolutions rapidly dissolves into childish name-calling.

The Great Plan has been hatched! Follow the Dark Lord and his comrades through the execution of it! Lots of garden flamingos, braces, and including an exclusive commentary from Fred and George! Draco/Ginny, Draco/Harry(ish).

Dean Thomas, as the unofficial leader of the Hogwarts boys, has to help them in the whole "girls-are-too-smart-help-us-we'll-leave-school-as-virgins" issue. Meetings where things go very wrong, Dean and his assistants quest for female attention, hilarious situations, suspicious Slytherins, and a very unexpected ending.

Hogwarts, seventh year. A sequence of vignettes around Ron's inability to ask a girl to the Graduation Ball. Among those helping out is Luna, who, as always, has an unorthodox way of giving a hand. Will Ron get the girl with Luna's help?

Has Trelawney made a REAL prediction? Non-OOTP compatible.

This is the story of Neville's grandmother's new hat!

Remus is passive aggressive. Minerva is irate. No smut whatsoever ensues, but some books are shelved.

Ron and Hermione have nothing else better to do, so what do they do? They have innocent quarrels!

Ron Weasley eats a Chocolate Frog, feels rejuvenated, helps Harry move, becomes a member of "Weird Sisters," writes a song called "I Wanna Be Sinister"; the adoring public misinterprets the lyrics, and then Ron gets made the Minister of Magic. Based on the Snickers commercial. All the Yanks know what I'm talking about.

What if the Whomping Willow could talk? What has it seen? What has it ( intentionally or not) done? What has it had done to it? A poor, mistreated national artifact tells its tale.

What's a Dark Lord to do when things don't go your way? Write a letter and complain to the author, of course.

It's the GoF movie's turn to be made fun of, with Harry wondering why Moody's a pirate, what exactly Dumbledore's on, and where all these crazy Twilight fans are coming from!

I put it to you - if Draco and Hermione were destined one day to become lovers, their attraction to each other must have had a start somewhere, and this story tells that tale. You will learn how when they were only stubborn ikle first years, Draco and Hermione formed the beginnings of an understanding. Now mind – there is no hand holding or even any words spoken between the two in this tale but you will observe how Hermione’s curiosity crosses paths with Draco’s closely guarded “talent” and how both of them are somehow linked through a small fuzzy, foul-mouthed magical animal. Yes, I know – I didn’t see that coming either.

Ron bakes a cake for Kingsley and Tonks, and everyone gets their just desserts. Featuring twin banter and a surprise twist.

What ever did the neighbors think when Harry was so infamously rescued by the Ford Anglia? One-shot.

During Harry's and Draco's seventh year at Hogwarts, things have changed. Harry is taking charge, Draco is just a big crybaby, Ron is unhelpfully sarcastic, and Hermione is just plain fed up!

It is a sleepy afternoon, so what is a Dark Lord to do? Binns to the rescue.

James and Sirius have been working really hard in the classes all day long, and they're so thirsty. It just so happens that James has some "butterbeer" in his bag. Will McGonagall give them a drink break?

Harry Potter is sent to the NCC-1701 Enterprise and faces many bad things.

Ron and Hermione are finally over that "will we, won't we" crap. There's just one problem--Ron's crib is naaasty! Harry is ever the hero, saving Ron from his house and himself. Silliness abounds.

Slash, but in a very bizarre way.

AU based on David Klass' book 'You Don't Know Me' No one knows Harry Potter. Who's the Lasasha Palulu? Only Harry knows. Why does no one know him? Only Harry knows.

Harry and Hermione are staying in the Burrow as usual over the summer. When Hermione arrived, Hermione brought with her a huge trunk. What in the world could be inside this thing? Check out Ron's POV and see what is going on in his head.

Professor Blaise Zabini, the Care if the Magical Creatures teacher at Hogwarts, comes with his cat Macavity to a quiet inn in Orkneys. But then Macavity is stolen....

Spoofing the Astronomy Tower. Harry falls in love with a beautiful Muggle, and decides to break it off with all others. And there are a lot of others.

One day before Arthur Weasley’s birthday, his son Ron reflects on what his father truly deserves. Hinted R/Hr.

Neville acquires a pet ostrich named Nestor. Hilarity ensues. Neville/Lavender ship involved

What happens when a witch (with a capital B) is transported with her friends to Harry Potter's Hogwarts? If you don't already know, then you're about to find out!

Parvati uses Divination to find her true love.

Peter Pettigrew has a bad day.

Sirius Black grew up in a house which taught him that he was superior to other people, who were heartless, and showed little or no emotion. And when a person lived his first eleven years like this, one would easily expect him to turn into a pureblood maniac, a dark arts addict, and an immediate Slytherin. But when Sirius Black was the first of his kind to defy that rule, things changed.

Ginny lays in her bedroom in the Burrow and contemplates Sirius and Harry and remembers and yearns for the good times. This is basically a stream-of-consciousness. What does she think of Sirius and Harry now? What lies in the mind of the seventh Weasley? Read it and find out. One-shot.

Is this another plot to kill Harry Potter? Appearances from world famous house-elves, Dobby, Winky, and Kreacher! And special guest appearances from Voldemort and Harry's own fairy godfather!

One day while Harry's stomach growls, he tries to get food. The only thing to stand in his way are a couple of songs, Star Wars, Weiners, frozen bras, and eggs.

Being raised in a large family, had never really bothered George before; he was usually testing out something truly disgusting on Percy with Fred, before being chased into the garden by Mrs. Weasley, whom he decided looked like a rather large potato when she ran—Fred had agreed that it was alright to think such cruel and horrendous thoughts about One’s Mother if One’s Mother did run like a potato, ergo, One was entitled to imagine as such.

A mysterious man by the name of Lord Voldie has started an advice column, and the students (and staff!) of Hogwarts have opened their hearts and minds to him. Will chaos ensue? Or will they just get terrible advice? And who is the Lemon Drop man?!

Sirius is bored and Snape's getting letters.

Yes...I'm at it again.... It's time for another go-around at Interruptions! It's time to face the truths.... Does Ron really love Hermione... Will Virginia forgive Remus for being a werewolf... Will Sirius ever understand that talking stomachs are not very funny?! (Besides the fact that he's very dense, he has a brain problem.)

Just as Ron is about to tell Hermione how he feels, Voldemort shows up! Not to worry, Harry has a plan, and it is way better than Ron's plan of attacking Voldy with hummus! Will Harry prevail? Will Ron reveal his feelings? Will Hermione wear coloured socks? Find out in this exciting fic!

Crookshanks--half cat, half kneazle--is the most respected beast in the Magical Menagerie, blessed with insight and intelligence that has never been matched by any other creature. So when an Animagus in the form of a beaten-up old rat appears in his beloved stronghold and threatens the peace therein, he has no choice but to attack, even if it means jeopardizing the redheaded little boy who carries said Animagus. He allows himself to be adopted by a young witch who seems to have realized his intelligence and matches it with her own, only to keep an eye on this rat. He feels finally accepted and loved at Hogwarts, but will not let that deter him from his original goal. After all, things are not always what they seem…

It's Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts, there is a new teacher for DADA. This teacher brings certain feelings to the surface, by Harry and his friends but also by Prof. Snape and Dumbledore. I've started this fanfic before HBP when Snape is just mean, I'd like to keep it that way.

Harry goes with his friend Mortie Wimsey and his family to the snail races... with some very unexpected results!

Ray Kowalski, teenage Muggle, stumbles onto a game of Quodpot. A crossover with the Due South TV show.

Is my OC a "Mary Sue"? Damn straight she is. You got a problem with that?``Rated R for vulgar language, ethnic stereotyping and New York attitude.

He's brutish, she's shrill. Gregory Goyle slips into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom late one night to escape Filch’s wrath, and an unexpected conversation ensues.

Draco buys a dark magical item. Will it work or will it backfire? A late night frolic in Hogwarts Castle.

A series I'm doing about how everyone got petrified in Chamber of Secrets.

Find out what happens in the real Harry Potter world, what would happen if Harry had to teach someone to be a wizard, and why Dumbledore really likes cardboard so much! (Okay, that last one is a ``lie.)

Child!Draco. Lucius finds his son in the kitchen with the house-elf. Involves a lot of ice cream.

Harry hears a wonderful disco song on the radio and decides to discofy the school, with the help of Madam Peace Pince. What happens though, when Snape decides to put an end to the disco? Includes disco, funky clothing, cool names, and torture weapons!

The two who know Hogwarts and its students best discuss the 1000-year-old rivalry between red and green that plagues the halls of Hogwarts.

On what may be the happiest day of Tom Riddle's life, he visits the grave of one of his victims for a lark. We learn that snakes are always unfailingly polite, that Tom likes to mangle Shakespeare, and that trite similies praising eye-color are not exclusive to fanfiction. Or, perhaps they are.

This is the third of my one chapter mini-fics. This is a tale of the marauder we know very little about - James Potter. This small fic shows that even in their early childhood, James and Sirius could be counted on for making mischief.

What happens when Harry finds out he has a sister, with whom both Draco and Ron fall in love, and who is better than Hermione in every subject (but still manages to become her best friend)? YES! A MARY SUE FIC!

Crazy doctors, threats of shots and a drooling nurser.

An Umbridgebashing fic. Professor Trelawney is about to be sacked by the High Inquisitor, but refuses to leave. And a seer can be very tricky to nail down...

Poor Ron! His wife's flirting with the vacuum salesman, he's got more kids than he knows what to do with, and he has to wash the dishes! Sounds like the perfect recipe for a midlife crisis. Featuring nosy neighbors, crazy stalkers, and lots of smacking.

Sirius can't quite be impartial when commentating a Quidditch match and even less when one James Potter is playing.