Proudest Monkey

Proudest Monkey

Lanni Weasley

Malfoy called me a monkey once.

No, seriously, he did. It's always stuck with me.

I don't know what it is about us and animal nicknames, but they sure do show up a lot. It's mostly Malfoy, but we have ours, too. I mean, there was Hermione's old nickname "Beaver" before Malfoy accidentally "helped" her fix her teeth. Then there's my usual "Weasel" and Malfoy fondness of comparing my parents to rabbits. But, you know, we couldn't really help it about Malfoy's nickname. I mean, that fake Moody did it for us; it was not our fault. We couldn't help the fact that he actually transfigured Malfoy into a bloody white, bouncing ferret. That was just too good of an opportunity to pass up, calling Malfoy "Ferret". Of course, it gets old, but just by thinking of image in fourth year and the nickname is automatically renewed. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret. Hehe, you gotta love it.

Oh, yeah, me being a monkey. Well, it was fifth year and our sixth Quidditch practice of the year. Now, I love Quidditch almost just as much as I love food; it has its own special place in my heart, which is there to stay. I just get nervous about failing when other people are there around me. Do you know how bad it is to already be doing something that another brother has already soared in? Charlie's done the Quidditch thing, but I don't care much about that anymore; however, I do care about being a total flop, which, I daresay, I turned out to be. Don't even try "Oh, it wasn't that bad!" or "No, you weren't a flop; you were really good!" because it doesn't work. I'm Ron Weasley; and I was that lousy Gryffindor Keeper, too. I know.

Anyways, back to the topic of Malfoy calling me a monkey. Like I said, it was Quidditch practice. I was doing...bad. No, it was worse than bad; I was doing so terrible, it hurt just to watch. You'd think I would've gotten better by now, and I had improved, but the Slytherin Quidditch team was watching. I could just feel my stomach doing flip flops as I watched Ginny shoot them glares that should've killed them all on the spot. Angelina gave me almost a pleading look as she threw the Quaffle towards one of the goals. My stomach did a 9.1 flip when I realized that I'd made the right choice by going to the left hoop. Finally! I grabbed the Quaffle; excitement bubbled through every fibre of me - and then I slipped right off my Cleansweep. I fell forward and landed up accidentally throwing the Quaffle back into the game so I could grab my broom.

I think Alicia caught it, unaware of my situation, as she called, "Good one, Ron!" and then dashed off. Unfortunately, I'd lost so much balance that I was now holding onto my broom handle, feet dangling dangerously high in the air. I contemplated letting go - until I looked down and saw how high in the air I was. Just letting go was not an option; I gripped by broom handle even tighter. I thought about my options. I could just to swing back up on broom; that should do the trick. So, I began swinging. It was then that Malfoy made his "biting" remark.

"Hey, Weasley, I knew your family was a bunch of savages, but I never knew you were a monkey, too!" Malfoy called out. The Slytherin Quidditch team laughed.

Well, I never said his monkey comment was particularly funny or witty. Mind you, it was from the fifteen year-old prat that thought "Potty" was a clever nickname.

Imagine his surprise when I accidentally kicked the Quaffle away from the goal when Katie threw it. My team hooted and hollered, cheering on what a "spectacular move" it was while I flushed to the roots of my hair. I looked like a bloody tomato - literally. The Slytherin Quidditch team booed and then left the Quidditch Pitch. It was around that time that Angelina said that practice was over; she just wanted to end on a good note for once, but she'll never admit it.

I, besides the Slytherin Quidditch team, was the only one that had heard Malfoy's monkey comment. No matter how many times my ears turned red when Malfoy added onto the comment, I couldn't help but laugh my arse off at him later at night. One night, it was silent and we were all doing schoolwork in the common room when I remembered Malfoy trying to imitate a monkey to mock me, and I burst out laughing so hard, literally rolling on the floor and my parchment. Hermione looked at me like I was insane.

Harry, Hermione, and I were walking to lunch one fine Thursday when Malfoy popped up again, smirking from ear-to-ear and leaning against the wall like he was coolest thing in the world. I'm sure the girls were swooning. Yeah, right. Anyways, Hermione ignored him as usual, and Harry gave him a glare. I think Malfoy's smirk grew.

"Everyone, move out of the way; here comes King Kong Ron Weasley!" Malfoy called. He snickered.

Hermione threw him a disgusted look. (Had I been the recipient of the said look, I would've withered.) "I'm surprised you know such Muggle things, Malfoy." He shrugged his shoulders. "Such things will rot your brain."

"At least I have a brain in my head and not a dictionary, Granger," Malfoy simply said.

"Why don't you go pester someone else," Harry snapped.

"Like you?" I swear Malfoy's idiotic smirk couldn't get any bigger. "I was being nice, Potter; you don't want to get expelled for losing that little temper of yours again, do you? Then again..."

Harry advanced on Malfoy. "Then again, maybe beating you to a pulp will be worth it." He sounded truly menacing. Eeeeevil Harry, yes, that's it.

But, alas, Hermione grabbed Harry by the arm. "Please, Harry, he's not worth getting expelled," she whispered. "I know he's being mean to Ron, but, you can't-"

She threw me a look that plainly said, "Help me or I'll hex you into oblivion."

I grabbed Harry's other arm. "C'mon, mate; we'll get him some other time when Hermione's not around," I muttered so Hermione wouldn't hear me. It was a bloody good thing that she didn't or she would've hexed me. Harry looked at me, and I nodded my head. We let go of him; he glared at Malfoy; and we walked off.

Malfoy began imitating a chimpanzee, I think. "That's right; go eat your banana, Weasel!" he cackled.

I slowly turned around and gave him a lopsided grin. "And here I thought that I was a monkey, not a weasel," I replied. He stopped cackling and his face fell slightly. "Get your facts straight, you dolt; you're contradicting yourself."

And then, we went into the Great Hall. Harry was laughing, and Hermione was glowering at me, but I just laughed with Harry. At that moment, I was the kid in Honeydukes. That had been the first time I'd stood up for myself against Malfoy, concerning the monkey jokes; of course it hadn't been the first time I'd ever fought again him or stood up for myself. And it hadn't been the first time that Malfoy had done the chimpanzee imitation either. The first time he'd done it, Ginny had been talking to me; she'd pounced on Malfoy - literally - and landed up getting detention with Snape. But you know, she was grinning madly right before she left for detention, a proud look of accomplishment on her face.

After I stood up for myself, I felt that proud look of accomplishment in me. During breakfast the next morning, I stuffed a banana in my mouth, grinning cheerfully at Malfoy all the while. I even held it out to him; he looked rather miffed as he stalked out of the Great Hall. Harry nearly stuck his face in his oatmeal, he was laughing so hard.

"Oh, you shouldn't!" Hermione hissed at me, but she couldn't hide the small smile on her face. Ginny was laughing, too, until she accidentally stuck her elbow in her cereal, and the milk spilt all down her front. She swore and jumped around while Hermione nagged her for swearing, never mind the spilt milk - well, then she nearly sat in it so then she remembered the milk.

At the end Potions the next day, Malfoy was loitering around the dungeon for no reason. Crabbe and Goyle had already left for lunch, but Malfoy was ever so tediously putting his things into his pack, scowling through the whole tedious work. A stupid, pathetic idea hit me, but I couldn't toss the thought of messing with Malfoy away. After all that he'd done to me, a little payback wouldn't mean much. Hermione would nag and scold me about it later, but I didn't care.

I dropped my books all over the place. Harry and Hermione started to help me, but I waved them off. "Nah, you two go on ahead for lunch," I told them. Hermione looked mildly shocked. "I know Harry's starving - heard his stomach growling like a werewolf all through Potions."

Hermione gave both of us an uncertain look and then stood up straight. Harry followed suit. I gave Harry a wink, and he grinned, giving me a small thumbs up sign when Hermione turned around. They walked out of the dungeon, leaving just Malfoy, Snape, and me in the room. Not a particularly good combination of people, mind you, as we're all not really fond of each other. I started picking my things up and shovelling them in my pack. Malfoy was on his last two items when I leaned against a table and stared at him. My staring must've got the best of Malfoy because he turned around, an annoyed look on his face.

"What're you looking at, you gorilla?" he snapped. "I'm not a baboon like you or your bloody mate."

I raised my eyebrows quickly. "Geez, Malfoy, I'm just hanging around," I told him coolly. "And besides, even if you were a baboon, I wouldn't like you for a mate. I'm rather straight."

"Wouldn't know it by the looks of you and Potty," Malfoy replied irritably.

"That reminds me," I said. He glared at me. "I've been wondering about you, Crabbe, and Goyle for a while. You're always together, and I just wondered if-" Malfoy scowled horribly. "Then again, unlike us monkeys, who are mammals, Malfoys are asexual, I guess."

My comment was so bloody stupid, but it wound Malfoy up like a toy so easily. "We are not!" His face was pink by now.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Whatever you say, bud boy," I sighed. I wiggled my eyebrows, imitating him. "What d'you say, Malfoy? Does your family prefer budding or spores?"

"At least my family doesn't shag about like rabbits," Malfoy spit out.

"Wait a minute; first, I was a Weasel, then I was a monkey, and now I'm a rabbit?" I sniggered. "Malfoy, I can't be all those things you know. I'm not a multianimagus! I know you think I'm talented, but, I'm only fifteen!"

Malfoy chose that moment to blow up. "Go stuff your face with a banana!" he roared.

I grinned cheekily. "Oh, I will," I said. "Did you know that bananas are really healthy for you? They're filled with a lot of potassium - just near as much the amount of hot air in your pompous head!"

Malfoy's accidental magic went off (it does tend to do that when you lose control of your emotions), causing a vile of potion to explode - onto Snape. I realized that I'd reached my limit and dashed out of the dungeon, sprinting for the Great Hall. Malfoy was right behind me. Well, I had my fun for the month. I reached the Great Hall doors, out of breath and laughing at the same time. I put my hand on the door and tried to take deep breaths. Malfoy showed up and doubled over, breathing heavily.

"You'll pay for this, Weasley," he panted, barely managing to get it out.

I grinned as best as I could while being out of breath. "Okay," I said. "When you feel the need to seek out revenge, you'll know where to find me." I took a deep breath and stood up straight, pointing outside a window. "Swinging around in the trees. Meanwhile, you should be off pureblood breeding."

Malfoy managed a growl, but then had to pant again, which ruined the growl completely. I snickered and then walked into the Great Hall, heading straight for Harry and Hermione. Harry was already grinning at me. I sat down next to him.

"What's the grin for, Ron?" Ginny asked conversationally.

Everyone looked back and saw Malfoy stalking inside. They looked back at me.

"Alright, what did you do, Ronald Weasley?" Hermione demanded.

"What? I turn up grinning and I've suddenly become some sort of delinquent?" I cracked. "I'm just a proud Weasley monkey, you know."

Hermione eyed me suspiciously; and Harry snorted into his goblet.

Ginny's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. "What did you say to him?!"

I had been so proud of myself for teasing Malfoy and getting away with it. You don't know how good it felt to finally get one over him without the help of Harry, Hermione, or Ginny - just me. The glee lasted for a while.

After winning the Quidditch Cup, I nearly burst from joy. I'd never really done something that was recognized by everyone. Finally, people knew me as the Gryffindor Keeper - from the loser to the winner - from the underdog to the top dog. That was some pretty cool stuff right there. As I was carried off the field, people singing the new first of "Weasley is Our King" (I wonder if Charlie ever had a song about him, good or bad.), I saw Malfoy stalking back to the castle.

"Hey, Malfoy!" I shouted. He looked over at me and mouthed a curse. "Who's the monkey now?" I imitated a chimpanzee for him and then laughed my arse off.

At that moment in my life, I didn't care what Malfoy said to me. Right then and there, with Ginny cheering and screaming, Angelina and Alicia crying, Katie hopping around, and my fellow Gryffindors screaming their heads off, I was proudest bloody monkey there was out there.

Bananas do really taste good. Oh, and Hermione told me about the potassium fact. (What the bloody hell is potassium?) Thank you, Ferret.