Phone Booth

It was one of those dull days when absolutely nothing would happen. You would spend your day drinking coffee or having small talks with your friends or lovers through the fire. The day of Jane McVigor started just like that. In the morning she would read the Prophet (probably something about Harry Potter) and then apparate to the Ministry of Magic for her desk job. She was the announcer of the felephone... well, the telephone booth. She would greet the visitors and wish them all a good day.

She knew her job was a bit dull but she needed the money. So, on one evening when something actually happened, she missed it all.

She was enjoying her quiet evening, happily sucking a sugar quill, when she heard a voice urging someone to dial the number 6-2-4-4-2.

'Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and business,' Jane said and awaited.

'Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger.'

There was a pause and she prepared to deliver their badges but then the voice continued.

'Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood... We're here to save someone, unless your

Minister can do it first.'

Yeah, like that stupid old man could do anything, Jane thought before saying, 'Thank you. Visitors, please take the badges and attach them to the front of your robes.' And then she pressed the button and the telephone booth started to move.

It was about an hour later when she heard voices from the booth again.

'What was the number we were supposed to dial, Lucius?' a female voice asked.

'How the hell should I know, woman? I don't use these kinds of things', a male voice Jane assumed to be Lucius said tiredly.

'Could you squash a little? I don't think I will be able to fit in', another male voice whined.

'Oh, shut up, Avery, and get your bony arse in!' Lucius snapped.

'My arse is not bony! And how would you even know? Been looking, haven't you?' Avery said, a smirk evident in his voice.

'How about 2-6-6-9-2-7-7?' the woman asked.

In the control room, Jane wrote the code down in the parchment and started to break it.

'Nah, doesn't sound like it. What about this: 4-2-9-2-5-5-8-4-3-9-2-9?'

'Too long', Lucius said.

Jane was almost done with the codes, just a couple of more seconds and she would be ready...

'Well, we´ll just have to try all kinds of codes then...'

'Oh, for the love of Merlin!' Jane shouted and, at the same time, pushed the button by accident, sending the screaming Death Eaters down towards the Atrium.

'Those people these days. Haven't they ever heard the word 'magic'?' she muttered and looked at the paper where the codes where written in her curly handwriting. How could anybody think that 'bony arse' or 'gay all the way' could have been chosen to be the passwords?

43 minutes later...

'Yeah, and then he said it wasn't my fault...that it was his and that it had nothing to do about IT,'

Miranda, Jane's friend, said through the fire with tears in her eyes.

'What a pig! I'm so glad you dumped him. He wasn't worth It,'Jane said hotly.

'You are be...' She didn't get to say anything else because there was somebody dialing different combinations in the phone booth again.

'Argg... What the hell is it?! I don't have time to think clearly. I have to save my godson from Snakeface and sacrifice myself so that Harry can become depressed and suicidal. Think, Sirius, think. Ooh, what about 4-5-4-5-3-4-8-3-6-4-4-9-7-8-9-5-3? Damn! Didn't work! What now... Okey, this will be it, 7-7-2-6-5-6-3-7-3-6-8-7.'

But when nothing happened, Sirius finally lost it and started to hit the device and, because of that, accidentally happened to find the right buttons.

'Welcome to the...' Jane said before the man interrupted her.

'Hello who is this?' he asked, clearly hoping that the voice wouldn't recognize him.

'I'm the announcer of the Ministry of Magic's telephone booth. Now please state your name and business.' Jane said.

'Um...hhm...yeah my name...Susiri...McBlack...Yeah thats me', said Susiri.

'I thought you called yourself Sirius a moment ago', Jane asked, sounding suspicious.

'Ah...yes...well that was my imaginary friend,' he said, laughing nervously.

'Oh, of course. But what an earth are you, Susiri, doing here at this time of the night? And why would you think the Ministry would use something like 'I like it doggy style' or 'Spank me Remus' for a password?' Jane inquired, rolling her eyes as she stared at the parchment to which she'd just scribbled the codes in.

'Well, I'm here because I wanted to visit the Ministry, of course. What is wrong with those codes? They are perfectly true,' Susiri said like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

'Why didn't you come by daylight?' Jane almost sreamed.

'Well...you see, my imaginary friend Sirius and I have a very sensitive skin. I try to avoid sunlight so that my milky white look would still be sexy in the morning,' Susiri crawled, clearly thinking fast.

'Oh, I know what you are talking about. I have had this horrible acne for years. Would you happen to know anything that could help me with that?' Jane asked, blushing a little for talking to a stranger about her pimples.

'Oooh well...try the avocadopaste. That should do. But I'm kind of in a hurry because of the sun and all so could you please let me in now?' Sirius asked nicely and let out a happy squel when the box started to move.

1 minute and 2 seconds later...

'Why oh why can't you leave me alone?!' Jane screamed when she was interrupted for the fourth time that night. Now there were four people trying to find the right combination. Why were all these people here? Didn´t anybody sleep anymore?

'Remus, stop crying. Sirius will be fine...won't he, Kingsley?' a woman's voice asked eagerly.

'Nah... He is going to get himself killed and Potter depressed and suicidal,' Kingsley said airily, starting to push the telephone buttons. After hearing this, the man who must have been Remus started to sob and whimper madly.

'Now, let's see what we can do about these buttons', Kingsley said but before he could even touch them, Remus had pushed his way to the device.

7-4-7-4-8-7-2-6-3-7-3-6-8-7-4-3-8-3-7.

Jane copied the numbers.

Remus waited for a moment after dialing the numbers and then started to cry again.

'Faith is against me and Sirius. I'm never going to have sex with him again. This is not fair!' he wailed.

'What if you tried another combination?' an older man's voice said, a little bit worried about his friend.

Remus sniffed dramatically and started to pick numbers again. 4-5-4-5-3-4-8-3-6-4-4-9-7-8-9-5-3-8-6-6

Oh this is cute. They must be lovers. 'I like it doggy stile too' and 'Sirius and Remus 4-ever'. I wonder if this Remus knows about Susiri? Jane mused after Remus had dialed his combination. Nothing happened. It was plain as the nose on your face what Remus did next.

Jane was listening to the weeping with tears in her eyes. It was so romantic. And hot. She couldn't possibly be the one who separated them from each other. So, without hesitation, she pressed the button again and let the visitors go, only this time without their badges.

Jane was wiping her tears when there was somebody at the booth again.

'I hope Cornelius hasn't changed the password. It would be the most reasonable', a wise old voice said.

Jane was certain she had heard that voice before but she just couldn't place it.

'Now, let's see... How about 5-3-6-6-6-3-7-6-7? Well, Cornelius is definitely going to hear about this. Well, we'll just have to try again. 9-4-4-9-9-4-6-4-9-6-7-6-7. Yes, I'm getting a bit old. But it shouldn't be this hard. One more try and I´ll hopefully get to save my Golden Boy.'

Jane listened to the old man rolling her eyes. St' Mungo was down the street. Why were all these lunatics camping here? With pity in her eyes she let the old wizard enter. What could she say? She had a soft spot for goofy old men.

26 minutes from the goofy old man with Lemon Drops and Whizzing Worms...

'What the hell issss thissss?!' somebody hissed in a way that caused Jane's hair stand up. Should she put a sign into the phone box? 'St' Mungo down the street, not here!' Well, she could think about that later, for now she had to serve the customer.

'Hmm... I don't think Luciussss ssaid anything about little buttons,s' the icy voice said out loud.

'Well it can't harm me if I jusst pressss a couple of thesssse, now can it.'

4-5-6-8-3-5-6-4-6-6-9-3-3-7-7

4-9-2-6-8-8-6-6-3-7-7-9-5-6-4-6-6-9-3-3-7-7

6-8-4-4-5-3-7-7-8-2-4-3-9-3-7-8-5-3

5-8-2-4-8-7-7-8-4-4-4-8-2-7-7

While the weird hissing continued, Jane started to break the codes. What Jane found out was something she never would have assumed. This friend of Lucius had a liking for Johnny Depp and apparently wanted to marry the actor. Clearly the hissing person had also some hidden grudges agains muggles, except of course 'J.D'. So when Jane checked the time after a while, it was now 46 minutes from the old goofy man and the 'stranger' was still going on.

'Arrrrrrg, ssssssshhhhh, syyyyssssssshaaaaaas! Siahsiahsssssssssiiiiiiiiiiis! Sohosohosuuuuuuuiiiiiiih syyyyyyyysysysssssshhhhhhhhs!'

And translated in English with Jane's UFO/parseltongue translator (sold out after Harry Potter's secont year at Hogwarts): 'I wanna get in, I wanna get in! I'm going to tell Lucius that you are bullying me! I will kill you if you don't let me in now! I have golden boys to be made depressed and suicidal! I have old mould-ears to hide and a very important prophecy to be allured into my hands. I'm a DAMNED busy man!'

Oh my God! She had just made a horrible mistake! Cornelius always said to let important people in directly. 'No delays, my dear Jane. No delays. My days are busy with all the sucking of Lu....NO DELAYS!' Cornelius had said.

With the speed of Firebolt directed by Harry Potter she pressed the button and hoped that Cornelius would have time from his suckings for this very important person.

And there went the hissing man, sreaming bloody murder!