Black and White

Incomplete

Chapter One - Rain of Defeat

June, 1974

Sirius Black was a patient boy, mostly. He wouldn't snap over ridiculous things. But he had his moments when stupid things actually happened around him, and came out mostly as his fault.

So when he came at the end of his fifth year to the train station in London, waiting for someone to pick him up, he thought about everything he should be aware of not to do in the summer, in the Most Noble and Ancient house of Black.

One, that he should never insult a pureblood in any way. That would create a catastrophe, as big as cursing the Avada Kedavra. Unfortunately, his parents would be perfectly okay if he performed that curse, if not surprised. But it depends on whom he would use it on.

Two, that he should never, ever, compliment a Muggle-born, in any way. That would most definitely earn him a Crucio from one of his parents.

Three, that he should never snap, reply to, or curse any word or insult that comes from someone in the family. It will only make the situation much, much worse.

Four, that he should never disagree. If there is one thing every Black dislikes, including Sirius, it would be for someone to disagree with their opinions or acts. And if there's one thing Sirius always repeats with his family, it would be to disagree.

Five, that he should never mention his life at Hogwarts, since he came into the wrong house, Gryffindor instead of Slytherin.

And finally, the sixth: that he should never compliment himself, or talk about something he achieved, or how good his marks were. He should never give excuses, or accusations, or complains. He was too low to do that, unlike Reggie, who was allowed to do virtually anything he wanted.

Sirius waited in the station, even though most people thought it was too hot and went home alone. James offered a ride for him, but he refused. Remus' mother virtually insisted on taking him to the Blacks' house directly, but he also refused to that.

He waited, waited for a long time, willing, for once, to give his parents a chance. He couldn't help but imagining his parents taking him in open arms, just like they did for his first eleven years of his life. He imagined his mother fussing over his dress robes for a party, and he imagined his father telling him to stand up straight to greet his cousin Narcissa Black. He remembered the grin in his father's face when he said that. I'd kill for a grin like that now, he thought, grimly.

Sirius normally hated his parents. He hated them more or less like he hated Voldemort, the man everyone was talking about. And his parents, pureblooded maniacs they were, never actually treated Sirius like a son since the last four years of his life, when he became a Gryffindor. So, Sirius never had any reason to actually start liking people that loathed him. But, now and then, he had to remember how it was before.

He fantasized virtually everything a normal, happy family would be like. He imagined his father congratulating him over his performance in Quidditch, and thought of his mother smiling proudly at his marks. He imagined his parents, telling other people about their oldest son, Sirius Black, who was the pride of the family.

He thought of the whole family on a vacation together. He imagined played with Reggie like before, when nothing like school houses mattered, when both were inseparable brothers.

And, he thought of how his life would've been if his parents accepted the fact that he will never be like them. He really wanted it to be true; for once, Sirius Black was selfish as anyone else, and wanted a family. A family which cared for him, was there for him, to help and to be proud.

He waited, fantasizing dreams that could never happen, wishing for them to be reality, for him to have a loving family again. But time went by with nothing happening.

Time to face reality, he thought. You'll have no family whether you like it or not, he voiced his own thoughts at himself.

He finally stood up from the bench, and walked, pulling his trunk with him. Since he lived in London, he wasn't that far away from home. So, he started walking, face sweating, bones hurting from pulling the weight of his trunk, and heart still aching for a family.

He arrived at the doorstep of Grimmauld Place three hours later, thirsty, hungry, and feeling sick.

Please, please make it just a dream, he thought. They came to pick Reggie and me up, and they didn't see me, so they thought I'd come back with a friend. Or, they were in a hurry for something, and couldn't wait for me. And now they're going to apologize, and we're going to have dinner just like always, and Reggie and I will get dessert, just like before. He prayed, he begged, in that short time waiting for someone to open the door.

It was Kreacher who opened the door, and, as soon as he was inside, a hand came forth, and he felt immense pain in his cheek.

'Why are you late, you stupid boy? And you had the nerve even to show up, after this? The train came five hours ago! Don't tell me you waited?' screamed his mother after she slapped him.

'I... I thought someone would, sh-show up, and, I th-thought-' he stuttered, more or less like a first year. Sirius, stop being a sissy, will you, he told himself.

Again, his mother slapped him, and he noticed that they weren't alone in the foyer.

Lucius Malfoy, the man who was engaged to Narcissa, and Reggie stood forth, smirking. He gave them the most powerful glare he could give out, which took away the chuckles.

'You look at me when I'm talking to you, boy, do you hear me?' his mother shouted. 'Go up to the attic. You are to stay there until morning. There'll be no dinner for you. Kreacher, make sure no house-elf gives him any kind of food or drink. If you break my rules, boy, you'll have hell to pay.'

She smacked his head painfully, and he trudged with his trunk up the stairs. He wasn't thinking of what happened, he wasn't thinking about food or drink, and he wasn't even thinking about Reggie and Lucius.

Defeat.

It was an emotion that racked his brains. Every single body part felt it. There is no way he would have his family back. I'm treated like vermin here, and I won't wait to go through it again, he decided.

I'm going out.

*****

Elaine Potter was a pleasant woman in her late forties. She had a beautiful face, hazel eyes and dark brown hair that was pretty short. She was funny, and pampered her only son, James Potter, with a passion. She gave him what ever he wanted, and hardly went angry at him even though he was quite the trouble maker.

But, as she started receiving the owls from the school complaining of his behavior in school, she started becoming worried as ever, and suddenly turned stern. She had a curfew for him, for once, and reprimanded him every time he came back in the holidays. She made sure everywhere he went was safe, and she also had frequent talks with him about behavior and manners. She warned him about his friends, most especially Sirius Black, because she thought Sirius was just as dark as all the other Blacks.

But, when Sirius Black turned up on her doorstep at one thirty, when it was raining uncontrollably for a summer day in June, clutching his only belongings in his hands, hair plastered on his face because of the rain, eyes filled with tears, muttering something about if he could stay for the night, her heart fell for him.

He became her second son ever since.

*****

Sirius looked into Mrs. Potter's honey hazel eyes, and thought, unconsciously, of how they looked so much like James'. Mrs. Potter still hasn't given any reaction to what he just muttered. He wondered whether she has heard him or not, since he was still standing on the doorstep, with the weather howling outside. Oh god, what am I doing? Sirius Black thought to himself, I'm barging into someone's house at one thirty in the morning, asking for a night to stay? What was I bloody thinking?

He smiled sadly to himself, and muttered again, 'Sorry, Mrs., I just realized how late it was, and I'm really really sorry, Mrs. Potter. I hope I didn't disturb you, and I'm sorry for what I just did...'

His voice, however cold he was trying to get it to sound like, was cracking. He couldn't help but feel salty water pour down his face. Great, now I'm crying, he thought, despairingly. I just hope she thinks it's the rain.

He made a move to pick his things up and apologize again for what happened, but suddenly, something enveloped him forcefully.

'Oh, Sirius, of course you can stay. What kind of mother did you think I was, dear?' She pulled him in, still having a strong shoulder all around him. 'Are you alright? Are you okay?'

She rubbed a hand through his hair, and out of nowhere, something was rubbing against his face. She was rubbing out all of the tears of his face with a handkerchief, and looking at him with wide eyes, since it was dark when he was outside, and she couldn't really see him properly.

'Oh goodness! What happened? You look absolutely awful! Did anything attack you? Did you get home safely?'

'Yes, I'm okay, Mrs. Potter, I'm alright.'

He finally found his voice again, but he didn't think he was able to speak that much. No one has cared about me like that in years, he thought, stunned, as Mrs. Potter pulled him inside with all his things, soaking wet. He almost felt allergic, he felt like he didn't deserve that much care from someone.

'No, you're not, you're freezing, my boy.' She put a hand on his forehead. 'That's a high temperature you've got, dear. Now, I want you to sit down here, and don't move.'

She pulled him down on the chair, and quickly walked out of the corridor. Sirius was too stunned to do anything, let alone say it. She came back, about two minutes later, flushed in the face.

She performed a drying charm on his clothes, and spoke, with a very concerned face, 'Now, I don't want to seem so snoopy, but I want to know if something happened, Sirius.'

'Nothing, Mrs. Nothing happened. I just... I was just...' Here his voice cracked again, and he looked down, ashamed of letting her see his face. This is not real, he told himself, no one would care that much to know, it's too much.

She hugged him again, almost protectively. 'Now, don't worry. Everything is going to be okay. Come along to the kitchen; let's get you something to eat, sweetheart. And then you can go to sleep in James' room, the house elves already set up the bed for you.'

She stirred him to the kitchen, a hand still around his shoulder. 'Now, what would you like?'

He swallowed the bile in his throat, looking at Mrs. Potter's hazel eyes.

'Just water, Mrs., if you'd be so kind. Maybe in the morning I could explain?'

'That's fine, dear, now, I want you to drink this as well. This is some Dreamless potion; it will give you a good night's sleep, alright?'

'Of course Ma'am. Whatever you say.' At this point he couldn't say no to anything Mrs. Potter would have said; he couldn't be more grateful.

He drank the potion, and the water, and she showed him up to James' room. James was busy snoring, while a bed was set up across from his.

'Good night, Sirius. I'll see you in the morning.'

'Good night, Mrs. Potter. Mrs., do I have to leave tomorrow? I mean, I fully appreciate the stay tonight, and I would be okay to leave, but I have to arrange something, and I really don't know-'

'Sirius Black, you are not allowed to leave in such status, I'm sorry. You're staying here for at least a couple of weeks.' She said that with pride, with her hands strongly wrapped around his shoulders. 'And, I'm going to personally come with you to the place you're going to stay in, if you find one. Go to sleep dear.'

She kissed him on the cheek, and closed the door.

Sirius landed on the bed, exhausted, tired, and feeling a bit sick, but he was speechless.

Happiness.

It run through his veins like wild fire, it burned in his throat. He felt like screaming in joy, but how late it was prevented him. It was like he was granted what he wanted, for at least a night.

A family.

He didn't care if Mrs. Potter wanted him out by tomorrow. It wouldn't matter if Mr. Potter didn't want him around. And, Sirius wouldn't be the least scared if he left.

He had one night when he experienced the joy of having someone as close to a person as a mother, that he'd always dreamed to have. Nothing mattered anymore except for that. But Sirius would be eternally grateful for Elaine Potter, whatever happens. He vowed to repay her in the future.

The effects of the potion started to work, and in about three seconds, Sirius Black was in deep sleep.

But Sirius Black hadn't known that Elaine Potter's decision for him to stay wasn't what changed the course of his lifetime. It was his decision to leave.

He had enough.

But it wasn't about to stop.

*****