A New Flame in the Ashes of Autumn

Prologue: Déjà Vu

Tuesday, 4 November, 1976

I had been trying to get a few meters worth of parchment done for my Transfiguration project. It can be rather tedious, might I add. So, in that event, I’m writing in this journal.

I’ve been spending an increasing amount of time in the common room. Right now, Sirius and I are the only ones down here. Sirius is doing some Charms work in a chair across from me. It’s so quiet. The flames in the fireplace are dwindling. Sometimes, I glance up a few times to find his eyes on mine. I may be wrong, but Sirius has been in my midst very often as of late; alone, as we are now.

There's nothing I should be grumbling about, really. There’s rarely any conversation in times like this; being together seems enough for both of us. I feel warm when I’m around him. And safe. Sirius always goes back to his dormitory after I bid him good night. I want to thank him. I haven’t any idea where our friendship may be heading. Sirius is, after all, my brother’s best friend (besides James’s and Peter’s, of course).

This morning, I realized that I’d left my Transfiguration textbook in the common room. I decided to run and get it before anyone else does. I thought I wouldn’t need to change, as no one is usually there at this time of morning. So, I dashed down to the common room in my night dress.

Well, as it turned out, someone was in the common room at dawn. Sirius was. I hadn’t noticed until I heard his voice from a remote corner of the room. He mentioned that he had seen the book before going to bed and thought it was mine. I tried not to show my surprise or embarrassment at his presence. He must have noticed because he smiled and stole a few discreet glances at my dress. That was awkward.

At breakfast today, James joked about how I probably have the longest name in school. He said, “So, d’you reckon you’ll ace that Defense exam, Ceridwen Artemis Cerella Lupin Grey?”

Said I with a tart smile: “Mr. James Potter, do you reckon you’re a git?” Everyone burst out laughing, including James. “Besides,” I continued, “Professor Dumbledore has the longest name in Hogwarts. That’s my guess...” I mused. “Oh blast, don’t we have a Transfiguration exam today? I haven’t even studied.”

“You’ll pass,” said Lily.

“I wouldn’t be too certain, seeing as—”

“Seeing as you’re an Animagus? C’mon now,” said James.

Breakfast was over and we headed for the library.

Ever since Sirius asked me to the Yule Ball, we seem to get this odd treatment from the other four. They have not yet uttered a slightest mention about our relationship as... friends, which is odd. But whenever we go somewhere, they seem to have it predetermined that we sit together.

Our visit to the library was no different. I think Sirius notices that too, because instead of asking me if I would meet him beside the tree that the six of us usually sit at, he wrote it down on a slip of parchment. I read it over, then looked at him, smiled, and nodded. Everyone was looking at us rather curiously; only Peter seemed not to have noticed. Lily cleared her throat and everyone got back to their studies.

After Charms, I headed for the tree at around five o’clock. Sirius was already there, looking out at the lake. I sat down next to him.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi...”

I stared at the lake for quite some time before I realized that Sirius was looking at me.

“I know you’re probably wondering why you’re here...”

“No, I’m not,” I replied.

There was a silence.

We were looking into each other’s eyes before my gaze shifted to the ground.

“So... are you staying at Moony’s for the summer?”

“Yes,” I said, “How about you? Will you be at your parents house?” I asked.

“My parents are dead to me,” he said in a thick voice, “I’ll probably stay at Prongs’s house.”

I took a deep breath and looked away. A horde of Ravenclaws were on their way to the eastern tower. Probably realizing that his words about his parents may have flustered me, Sirius took my hand. He had never done that before. I turned to him.

“I didn’t mean to say that, Cera. I’m sorry.” His eyes where penetrating mine.

I gave him a weak smile. “No, don’t apologize.” I began twisting the hem of my scarf. Sirius was still holding my hand.

“Hmm, it’s getting quite cold. Perhaps we should head back?”

“I agree.” I proceeded to stand, but Sirius held out his hand and helped me up.

“Here,” he said, removing his cloak, “You’ll definitely need this more than me.” He smiled as he studied my attire; I seemed dressed for spring instead of autumn.

I laughed with him as he put the cloak on my shoulders. “Thanks,” I said.

“No, not at all.” I held his hand as we made for Gryffindor Tower.

We arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady and said the password (“skippidy mitten”) and stepped into the common room to find about a quarter of Gryffindor house playing wizard’s chess, doing class work, and generally talking. I had noticed a lot of inquiring stares by other students. We were still holding hands, but separated almost immediately. I hurried over and sat on either side of James and Lily.

James, Lily, and Remus were at the usual spot near the fire place. The noise level seemed to have died down as we walked over to them. The three of them were looking at us expectantly. I sat, suddenly fascinated by my scarf. Sirius coughed, trying to take the awkwardness out of the situation, and failing miserably. I heard whispering from the far corner of the common room.

“What? Sirius and Cera—the prefect?”

“Maybe someone’s got them under the Imperius?”

There were muffled snickers. I looked back up. Something seemed to be oddly humorous about the chocolate frog in James’ hand, as he was struggling to suppress a grin. Remus was reading a book, though his eyes were barely moving. James finally looked up and spoke.

“Your cloak looks a bit large, Cera.” I looked up. “Oh, it’s not mine, it belongs to Sirius.”

Realizing that I made a mistake in telling him that, my hand flew to cover my mouth. James looked absolutely smug. Lily was the one who kicked him under the table.

“Ow!” James said, feigning injury. Remus looked unmoved and Peter was still gawking. Sirius looked quite amused, the git.

Sirius and Cera were alone in the common room. It was two in the morning and she was still doing school work. For months, he had been with her like this. It was the only time he could have her to himself.

He wondered if she noticed that he wasn’t doing any work. He flipped the pages of a book listlessly. Sirius saw Cera move in her chair, crossing and re-crossing her legs. She frowned slightly as she read. Minutes went by and she suddenly looked up, as if waking from a dream.

Sirius wasn’t sure whether he should advert his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. She smiled and closed her book, never once faltering her gaze. She seemed to be finished with her work, but he didn’t want her to leave, not now.

Perhaps Cera felt the same as well, because she wasn’t moving either. Sirius knew shouldn’t chance getting up and sitting closer to her, but he went and sat beside her anyway. He hesitated, unsure if he was too close to make the situation awkward. But it’s already awkward, Sirius thought to himself.

“Studied well?” he asked, rather lamely.

“Ad nauseam,” she yawned, stretching her delicate arms. Sirius looked over at the book on her lap.

“What were you reading?” he asked with a light curiosity. She took his hand and turned the book over.

The front cover was worn and a dark shade of sapphire blue. The title was embossed with silver foil. She ran his hand slowly across the title as she read it.

“Crafting Magic: Level Two.”

That subject wasn't taught at Hogwarts.

With her hands on his, he suddenly noticed that they were pale and icy. “Your hands... they’re cold,” he said, with a hint of astonishment.

She gave him an awkward glance and her eyes settled on the book on her lap. There was a long silence before she spoke.

“Every day,” she paused, “ I wake to the fact that they’re gone. Every day...” She trailed off and turned, her hair falling to her face.

Sirius knew who she was talking about. Cera took a deep breath and exhaled, trembling slightly. As much as she seems to have healed in lieu of her parents death, Sirius knew somehow that the grief never really subsided.

He brushed the hair that was hiding her face and turned her chin so that he was now looking at her. Her eyes were glassy and tears were trailing down her face. She tried to turn away, embarrassed for letting Sirius see her crying. But before she could, he ran his hand over her face and brushed away her tears. She smiled weakly and gripped his hand more tightly.

Soon after, she rested her head on his shoulder. Sirius continued to stare at the wall in front of him. He couldn’t bear to see her cry. To know that what happened to her parents haunts her every day. Yet Sirius was appreciative that she confided in him. He wanted nothing more than to make her pain disappear. She didn’t deserve it.

He stirred from his reverie to find Cera looking at him, her head slightly raised from his shoulder. Her face was so near to his. Without a second of thought, Sirius leaned slightly toward her and kissed her.

It lasted longer than he expected.

He didn’t want to pull his face away just yet, and Cera didn’t seem to mind. She glided her hand down the side of his face and he noticed that her hand wasn’t at all cold. She murmured something, though Sirius could not understand it because his mouth was still on hers.

She finally pulled away from him. “We should head back to our dormitories,” she said hesitantly.

“Yes, we should,” said Sirius wistfully, though neither of them moved.

Finally, Cera got up and Sirius followed her to the staircase to the girls dormitories. She turned around.

“Good night,” she said quickly, gave Sirius a rushed peck on the cheek. But before he could reciprocate, Cera was already halfway up the stairs.