The Staff Party

The Staff Party

It was that time of year once again, time for the Hogwarts Annual Staff Party, an event that was definitely worth putting in your diary. Tonight there was a real array of entertainment. Some of the acts included a poem by Albus Dumbledore, entitled "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?", a jig performed by Argus Filch and Mrs Norris, a yodle performed by Minerva McGonagall and Alastor Moody's famous Chocolate Cake Juggling.

At around 9 pm everyone arrived at Dumbledore's office. As usual, it had been magically extended to fit in tables to seat the entire Hogwarts faculty. They were groaning under the weight of so much food and drink, all of it looking extremely delicious. After everyone had eaten, the tables vanished and a stage and several seats took their place.

Nervously, Minerva tip-toed onstage to perform her much talked about yodle.

"This piece is entitled 'The Last Yodle', and I hope you enjoy it," Minerva said anxiously.

The next 20 minutes was filled with what could only be described as yodle-ing. Secretly, all the other staff members thought it was dreadful, but, as polite colleagues should, they kept this to themselves and all clapped and cheered when it was over.

Next onstage was Filch with Mrs Norris (Mrs. Norris looking like she would rather be anywhere but here, even if it meant being petrified and hung from a candle bracket again). To everyone's great amusement, Filch was wearing a kilt!

"Erm.... we hope you enjoy it....erm..... well... here goes nothing," said Filch, rather nervously.

Everyone watched as Filch performed a variety of steps, each more complicated that the next, and he did them all with Mrs Norris in his arms. Eventually Mrs Norris decided that enough was enough and jumped out of Filch's arms, only to land in one of Alastor Moody's chocolate cakes. The room fell quiet; even under the influence of alcohol everybody knew that you ought not to get on the wrong side of Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody.

"Now see here! That cat of yours has just ruined my act!" exclaimed Moody, his eye twirling uncontrollably.

"It wasn't my fault was it? How was I supposed to know she was going to do that?" replied Filch angrily, picking up a slice of cake and throwing it at Moody. There was a few tense seconds, before Dumbledore yelled something that no-one was expecting.

"FOOD FIGHT!"

The next few minutes were pandemonium, with most of the staff jumping under the table to avoid being hit by flying bits of chocolate cake. The fight only ended when they realised that most of the chocolate cake was smeared all over themselves and the walls, rather than being on the plates where it was supposed to be.

Then, and only then, did the rest of the staff feel that it was safe to return from under the table. To their astonishment and great annoyance they still found themselves covered in cake.

"I think it's time to end the party," said Dumbledore, "seeing as how we've no more acts and everyone is covered in chocolate cake." He was distractedly picking crumbs out of his beard and hair.

Everyone nodded in agreement and, still brushing bits of cake off various items of clothing, waved and shouted their goodbyes. A few insisted on staying to help Dumbledore clean up his office, but he said that he was perfectly capable and sent them on their way.

After everyone had left, Dumbledore, whilst casting a few cleaning charms, suddenly realised that he never got a chance to perform his poem, "How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood?". Oh well, he thought to himself, it was probably for the best that they didn't hear it. It was probably much more to my liking than theirs.