Sirius' Plan for the Most Perfect Life

I got the idea for this from Sugarquill.com and I just had to write it down. It was quite the insistent plot-bunny.

Well, does Sirius ever take anything seriously? Read and see ....

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Professor McGonagall sighed wearily as she read the name of the student who would be visiting her next for careers advice.

Sirius Black.

She wondered what his plans for the future were, if he even had any. She somehow doubted

it ...

Well, she had already made herself a nice peppermint tea (laced with two drops of a Calming Draught) and was waiting for the inevitable to come.

As if on cue, there was a knock at her door.

"Come in, Mr. Black."

Sirius stepped through the doorway, displaying extreme confidence and a kind of rugged charm, as always. His grey eyes were twinkling mischievously, and as he sat down on the chair in front of the professor's desk, a small smile was playing around his lips.

"So, Mr. Black, I presume you know why you are here."

Sirius grinned. "Of course! But just so you know right away: I won't give you the recipe for the Firewhiskey topped strawberry cake. Can't have you teaching tipsy, can we."

The professor just looked at him for a moment, slightly disconcerted. "What exactly are you talking about, Mr. Black?"

Sirius managed to feign a very believable confused look. "What! You mean I'm not here to swap my best ever recipes with you?"

Professor McGonagall groaned and took a very long sip of her tea. "Mr. Black, please! This is careers advice! And as I don't think you consider being a chef, I ask you to be serious now!"

The boy just mock-saluted her. "I understand, ma'am! I'll be the most serious you have ever seen me. But, you know, with the whole chef thing... it could actually be a good idea, professor. I could open my own little restaurant, together with James, Remus and Peter, french-style perhaps. Of course I'd be the one serenading all those couples with a - what do they always use? - a violin? I'm clearly the most brillantly gorgeous of our group, so that'd be the ideal job for me. Oh well, but I'd have to be careful not to break the couples up. I mean, if I turn on my charm, no girl will be able to resist me. Peter and Remus could do the actual cooking, I think they're quite good at that, and James ... well, James can be the guy at the door, throwing all the Slytherins out. Professor, that's simply spiffing! Didn't think you had it in you!"

Minerva just wished to be somewhere else at the moment. That was exactly what she had expected. Complete and utter nonsense. "Mr. Black, you cannot tell me that those are truly your plans for your future."

He smiled at her disarmingly. "No, Professor McGonagall ma'am. But it could be back-up. If everything else fails."

She still wasn't sure if he was being serious or if it was all one big joke. "So, do you know what you want to do once you leave Hogwarts?"

"Of course! I want to become a salesman!"

That had her surprised once again. Where had that come from? "What do you mean - a salesman?"

Sirius leaned forward and looked her right in the eye. "You know, I found a foolproof niche. Remus told me about some strange Muggle tribes that are living right in the Sahara desert. And then it hit me! I'll go there and then .... and that's the ingenious part of my plan, just so you notice ... then I'll sell them snow!"

Professor McGonagall just barely refrained from putting her head in her heads. "Snow?", was all she managed to mutter faintly.

Sirius nodded vigorously. "Yes, snow. They don't know what it is, have never seen it. They will be ecstatic and pay astronomical prices. Of course, I'll put charms on the snow, so it doesn't melt. It is quite hot in the desert, after all."

By now, the professor was quite speechless and wished, she had put more of that Calming Draught into her tea.

But Sirius didn't seem to notice and was chattering on, waving his arms around wildly to bring his point across.

"And then I'll put the money I'll definitly make with that into research. I want to create a box that can contain the sunlight. Once I'm finished with that, I'll go to the North and the South Pole and sell the light to the natives living there. Half of the year it's completely dark up there, or down there. Depends on the way you look at it. How depressive is that, surrounded by darkness 24/7! They'll fight over it and I'll be making even more money."

She was quite overwhelmed by now. Normally, she wasn't easily surprised or stunned, but that was just a bit too much. "Anything else?" She really didn't want to ask, but she somehow had to.

Sirius clearly was in his element.

"Sure! So, when I'm filthyly rich, I'll buy Grimmauld Place and chuck all my relatives out. Perhaps I could also bribe the goblins to deny them access to the vaults. Oh, I can just imagine my dear old mother's face! It'll be priceless! Then I'll burn down the house and build a Muggle playground on the premises. My ancestors will roll around in their graves! Then I'll buy a Quidditch Team for my godson, who will be James child by the way. James will be living with his family somewhere nearby, you know. I'll also hire the best researchers in the whole world to find a cure for Moony, Remus that is. Oh, and before I forget it, I'll write a book about all my outrageous adventures here at Hogwarts and afterwards. And then I'm both rich and famous. Great, isn't it?"

Professor McGonagall, who had been in some kind of stupor after the onslaught of "Sirius Black's Plan for the Most Perfect Life there Ever Was", managed to get herself together again. She turned an interesting shade of red and her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Mr. Black! I see that you are incapable of taking even the most important matters to heart! It is cleary impossible to have a productive discussion on careers with you and you'll therefore leave my office immediately! You can be very grateful that I will not deduct points from Gryffindor for your highly improper behaviour!"

Her voice had gotten quite loud towards the end and Sirius was already backing away towards the door, a look of slight fear on his face.

"No need to start hissing at me. You really are very much like a cat when you're angry!"

The professor pointed a shaking finger at the door.

"Out!"

Sirius opened the door and stepped through it, but just before he was outside, he turned around again. He grinned cheekily, and his eyes lit up.

"Just so you know: I'm actually planning on becoming an Auror."

With that he closed the door behind himself and walked away.

Now Professor McGonagall really put her head in her hands. What should one do with that boy? She didn't know.

But she had to admit - very grudingly - that it had been somewhat amusing and certainly the most unusual careers advice in her whole time at Hogwarts.

Salesman indeed! He'd probably mangage to pull it of, selling snow and sunlight ...

But she also didn't doubt that he would make a fantastic Auror. That is, if he didn't take down the Auror Academy before finishing his training, she mused wryly.

Sometimes, in quiet moments like these, she had to acknowledge that she liked Sirius Black a lot and that her daily life would be very boring without him there to cause the occasional mischief...

"Granted, more than occasional, but you really can't stay angry at him for long."

She drained the rest of her tea and looked at the next name. Lily Evans. This would certainly be a more normal careers advice.

Nonetheless, she poured herself another cup of tea. While Miss Evans certainly would have concrete plans for her future and would gladly talk about them, the professor knew that the girl always managed to steer the conversation to one particular topic.

And so Professor McGonagall prepared herself for what would certainly turn into a rant about the most hideous misdeeds of one James Potter ...

THE END

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