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A true story translated into Potterverse. Concerns Harry Potter and our favourite Potions Master.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the fictional characters agency service building everyone was trying to finish their work quickly so they could leave early. But Arthur Miller is maylaid by a disappointed customer.

A light-hearted encounter shared between Dumbledore and a small Muggle girl named Maggie. It's a Christmas fic!

Draco treated himself to a little smirk as he ran along the corridors with Hermione beside him. So far, he’d managed to convince those Gryffindor dunderheads that he was Neville with Draco’s personality. Of course, he’d known all along about Snape’s plan.

What happens when a bunch of people are forced to participate in a dreidel dueling game?

It is the first day back after winter break during Harry Potter’s fifth year. A lone Eagle Owl caring a gift-wrapped box swoops into the Great Hall during breakfast. Just what is inside the box?

Ever wondered what it is like inside a wizarding STI clinic? Draco never cared, but then one day, he found himself thrown upon their goodwill. A place where surnames don't matter if you've got your sausage hanging out.

Voldemort is having a very bad day! After a accidently causing havoc at McDonalds, he decides to go on vacation in rural Siberia only to find that the entire place was deserted and his Nimbus 1999 won't operate in extreme temperatures!

Who is the boy in Aunt Petunia's flowerbed? How did he get there? Will the dahlias ever be the same again? (A story written prior to OotP, now utterly and unapologetically AU.)

This well-intended first attempt details, among other things, Professor Snape and Professor Lockhart trapped in the latter's office. With alcohol. Much hilarity ensues--unless you happen to be Professor Snape, but that's expected. Best described as 'harmlessly slashy' in a strictly comedic, in-character sort of way (if such a thing is really possible... in Lockhart's case, well...).

The rare..The endangered...Peter Mary-Sue!! A parody of Mary-Sue.

Features twelve of the main characters plus Richard Simmons and some rabid panthers. Not for the faint of heart.

Draco Malfoy was not someone to be laughed at, whether he was a giant bunny or not.

The year of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" was a mixed one for the Malfoy family, but Narcissa is determined to put the best possible spin on events in her annual Christmas letter. Warning: Contains smugness, delusions of grandeur and far too much underlining.

Severus Snape and the Sock Drawer of Doom. Tonks and her team get some advice before carrying out a conduct review on a Licensee from Azkaban.

Draco Malfoy is charming and uses women for his own pleasures. What happens when his suaveness just isn't good enough?

"I entered the chamber to view the Mirror of Erised only to see that I was too late. Quirrell was already there. He turned around just as I-------AHH!````Ouch! Man, my head hurts.... I think I hit my head somewhere. Where am I? Who's that strange person with the funny hat standing in front of that mirror?"

What happened when the Montagues came up to the castle looking very angry, after their son was found stuck in a toilet? Surely they had words for their son's head of house. Here's an important lost scene from OoP.

Danielle and Erica Lunaris have been going to Salem School for Witchcraft for four years but when their mother accepts a position at Hogwarts to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts they're forced to switch school. Will Hogwarts be able to handle the pranks these two will plan?

This is a parody of the song "Elephant Love Medley" from Moulin Rouge. This time it's Ron and Hermione doing the singing. What could be better?

Riley Potter's world has just been turned upside down. She has spent her entire life doing slave-labor for below minimum wage for the family of Percy Weasley. Amidst trying to lose fifty pounds, win the heart of Dillon Weasley, and live normally with her five half siblings, she finds that lots of things are going wrong. Even though her father has a new job, she still not feeling any better from when she did when she worked as a servant. Even though she and Dillon are soul mates, she find herself falling for the British exchange student, Cedric. And what happens when her mom starts dating her Potions teacher?

Voldemort is ready to retire from being Dark Lord and he must choose which of his three sons will take over, the evil one, the angel or the punk.

Beware the Evil Kaze of Doom, it eats brains, it likes brains, especially big ones. That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Ravenclaw. The Evil Kaze of Doom is angry and spreading rumors about you. That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Hufflepuff. Look out for the Evil Kaze of Doom, it chews brave peoples toes. That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Gryffindor. The Evil Kaze of Doom is not aesthetically appealing and wants to follow you around. That is about the most vicious thing you can say to a Slytherin.

Harry Potter/Alice in Wonderland parody; fluff and silliness are rampant.

Harry fell from his broom during a freak Quidditch accident, and now everyone is acting very strangely. Harry's in love with Oliver Wood, and everyone else is in love with. . . Buddy Holly? Be prepared to not take yourself seriously. A little HP/DM, HP/OW and various other pairings.

In this bizarre contest-inspired fic, there is drama and romance, lust and danger. Unrequited Hr/SS, female!Blaze Zabini/everyone . . . a veritable love-tetrahedron fest of potion-induced lust and desire. Oh yeah, and there are Death Eaters. Or are there?

The sequel to "A Death Eater Meeting That Will Never Happen"! Isn't the title imaginatve? It is a continuation of that epic, poignant story. Plus, it's still a parody (still written before OotP), but includes bits about the second movie, and is even funnier than the first! Wow! I can't believe it's not butter!

Blaise Zabini, in a quest to discover his true sex, goes on a journey that takes him to some very unusual places. Featuring a lovely song by Mrs Rowling herself! A parody of the musical "Man of La Mancha."

What would Hogwarts be like if you combined Home and Away, Neighbors, Days of Our Lives and any other over-dramatic TV show you can think of? Well, I think it would go something like this...

Tonks and Dung go treasure hunting in the attic of 12 Grimmauld Place.

Have you ever wondered how the Dream Diary Ron had to do for Divination in his fifth year was like? Well, here it is: Homework Assignment: Dream Diary by Ronald Bilius Weasley. Dive into Ron's subconcious, explore his dreams and read up his comments on them. Do they maybe show the future? Do they merely show his wishes? Are they just weird? Or is Ron - going crazy?

"Oh squid, you're the only one who understands me!" cried Harry, after a particularly long angst fest.``"Blub," muttered the squid, rolling it eyes.``A parody of angst fics, and of Harry/Squid parings. Harry is extremely angsty. The squid is annoyed with Harry's angst. Much mayhem ensures.

Molly and Arthur Weasley are delighted to welcome Ron\\\'s friends Harry Potter and Hermione Granger for the traditional end-of-summer visit at the Burrow. This year, Arthur is especially excited to see them. He needs help with the latest addition to his collection of Muggle artifacts. Contains hints of R/Hr, but mostly Arthur Weasley/Muggle artifacts (in a platonic, non-yucky way). An angst-free zone.

AU: One night, our favourite hero discovers some... interesting changes. And suddenly, he gets a VERY odd letter. As in, extremely odd.

Christmas vacations can get pretty boring, exspecially if you're part of a trio that loves adventure, the sister of six insane brothers and two quarters of the greatest group of prankers that ever set foot on Hogwarts grounds. What to do, what to do? Why keep a bunch of secrets of course.

Ginny is surrounded by (in her opinion) morons, pillocks and generally nutty people. And as if that weren’t bad enough, Draco Malfoy keeps asking her out: again… and again… and again....

What happens when Harry tries to impress a girl, (Cho); Two Rabbit relations try to take over the world; and the Monty Python Gang search for the Holy Grail? MASS CHAOS! (Plus the startling revelation: Crabbe and Goyle ACTUALLY know a word over FOUR LETTERS LONG!!! (Excluding Grunting))

It's dèjá vu when someone sends Ginny a mysterious diary during Christmastime. Involves pretentious snob Malfoy, paranoid Harry, exasperated Hermione, overbearing older brother and lots of sudden snogging. D/G, with flecks of R/L and H/Hr.

How exactly do wizards and witches survive at work? With family, friends, romance, or even just plain old stress, the wizarding workplace can become very interesting... or chaotic.

I got the idea for this while writing Fire Diamonds. The Infamous Trio go into hiding, and are sent to my high school, Timber Creek, in New Jersey. What happens to Ron in Fashion Trends and Design? How about Harry in Choir? And, how many clubs will Hermione join?

Today we're going to write a story about Cho Chang and Katie Bell that starts by the lake and concerns a sausage.````Watch out, Draco!

After Dumbledore's death, Remus hasn't lost faith in Severus. Now he has a problem, and only Severus can help.

Throw in a prankster first year Gryffindor, Voldemort, and the usual suspects. Stir. Fall of your chair laughing.

We all know that Ron and Hermione have a thing for one another. (Oh, don't deny it. You know it's true!) How and where did it all start, though. This lil one-shot, a "missing scene" from PS/SS, provides that answer. WARNING: If you are diabetic, you may want to take an extra dose of insulin, owing to the unbearably, fluffy sweetness you are about to read.

Once upon a time there was a REAL dark lord, lord petit-mort. He (literally) had his wicked way with people by shafting them with powerful, penetrating spells that left them gasping on the floor for days whilst he robbed them blind. This noble bloke shamelessly stole from the rich to make himself richer until notoriously dumped by his do-gooder "acquaintance" Albus Diddy-dic- er Dumbledore. Sneak a look into his best selling book, with applications demonstrated by Lord Voldemort.

At Hogwarts there is a new club, and Hermione, not sure what to make of it, goes. But this club is not your average Hogwarts group. Suspense and Dobby the House Elf combine all to form one question: what is Hermione addicted to?

McGonagall's bloomers, Dungbombs, a house elf called Thundertoes, Underground broom races, and Firewhiskey. What's not to like?

With Dumbledore dead and two new teachers at school, it seems that students can't trust anyone their own problems. But, behold! A new advice column has opened, to give advice and support for...Oh, nevermind, it's Smith from Hufflepuff who's writing it.

Witch Weekly, for a charmed life. What will this week's featured story be?

Some pretty strange things are happening. Harry's fmaily is being nice to him, Hermione's changed a lot, and the teachers are all...well, you'll see. A humorous look at Harry's sixth year.

Did you wonder what Voldemort is doing fishing in Fiction Alley Park (at the top of the Fiction Alley Park boards)? Well, this is one attempt to explain just that.

Snape, Sprout, and far too many carnivorous plants. Who knew? Jedi!McGonagall, fruit flies, insecticide... Why do so few people think to pair up a Slytherin and a Hufflepuff?

Fred and George make a last-ditch effort to keep their business afloat.

Draco and Blaise find a mystery girl's purse! They rummage through it, slowly being attracted to this mystery woman....``OOC, stupidity, and clueless adolesecent boyhood ahead.

Noelle Eyre interviews the Half-Blood Prince. Some new information is found out. Could it be his true identity?

Hermione Granger has decided it is time for the wizarding world to find out what exactly the Boy Who Lived gets up to on a daily basis. So she\'s managed to get a camera crew into Hogwarts and they follow him around for the day.

In response to Sparks’s challenge. A normal day for Harry and Lucius as they cope with left-over toys and confrontations with other Malfoys. Harry/Lucius Slash.

Harry and Hermione try to kill a gay Voldemort.

Mad Eye receives a surprise visitor.

Hermione gets to see a whole other version of Ron when he is the victim of one of the twins' pranks...

As Blaise was returning from Hagrid's with his friends, he saw a four-winged snake. It was wounded...

It's better than Ricky Lake and even Jerry Springer! Ferrit farms, Anti-Lockhart groups and code-words oh my!

Hermione Granger is stuck working with Draco Malfoy for a Muggle Studies project in which they form a rock band. They band continues after the project is over and soon, Draco is writing songs for a very famous black-haired boy.

Dumbledore decides that Snape needs a vacation. So, in a brilliant ruse, he tricks Snape into grabbing an object that he has transfigured into a portkey and sends him off to Disney World for a long-overdue vacation. While he’s there, a Ravenclaw on vacation with her Muggle family spots him, and “selflessly” volunteers to show him the ropes of the Muggle world. And so it is--Severus Snape is stuck in Walt Disney World with a sixteen-year-old Ravenclaw… …Moreover an irritating one, with a twisted sense of humor and the guts to use it every chance she gets.

The very odd diary of Ron, with Draco and his father somehow managing to get into the Gryffindor common room. Harry is very selfish.

Written in Ginny's POV. She retells some of the more humourous aspects of the year preceding the fall of Voldie. A/U.

The only good Christmas tree is one that has been burnt to a crisp. Avery, Snape, Rosier, Wilkes and the Lestranges order dinner, share their hate for The Man and plot.

Everyone knows Harry’s feeling sad after the loss of Sirius, so Arthur tries to cheer him up by taking him to the movies. As with most of Arthur’s good intentions, it doesn’t go as smoothly as planned. Why does the king look so familiar, and how do Madam Rosmerta and Lucius Malfoy fit in the picture? Includes popcorn, dragons and someone named Jason Isaacs.

It's Molly Weasley's birthday tomorrow. Ron is stuck for a gift, so he decides to opt for something a bit different. Join everyone's favourite Weasley (well, ours anyway) on an accidental romp involving far too many oiled Arabic men, with massage and belly dancing... Intriguing, isn't it?!

What does Snape do when he winds up on a beautiful tropic paradise filled with gorgeous women? Run like hell! This is the land of the Mary Sues.

Severus Snape is no longer a Hogwarts student, so he's too old for Halloween. Isn't he?

His eyes narrowed. So this is how she wanted to play, eh? Well, he was up for a bit of rough-and-tumble. He could give as good as he took and Draco Malfoy never complained. Ever.

Voldemort is trying to get the nimbus star 3000, that contains the power of the universe. He tries to kill anyone who gets in his way.

Sirius has a problem he's not sure he wants gotten rid of.

Oliver Wood goes nuts and the team laughs. He makes one fatal blunder on the Gryffindor name, but George sets him straight. And Harry gets sarcastic.

Having successfully interviewed Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter (regarding their controversial love affair in With a Twist of Lemon), intrepid Witch Weekly reporter Roberta Roberts tracks down Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger for a few words.

Written for the "What's your OTP" 2006 Valentine's Day challenge. Eloise Midgen worships Petunia Dursley. Personally, I found this an odd topic to write on...

Join the students of Hogwarts as some embark on a journey to be the ultimate winner of the Muggle reality show "The Challenge." Who will stand alone in the end and win the million Galleons?

This is a short, cute fic. It is about Dumbledore's allegedly 147th birthday, and provides lots of out-of-canon craziness, lots of fun, and hopefully lots of laughs, too! Enjoy!

"When you say 'Sirius' are you talking about Stubby Boardman?"

This fic contains nothing really even remotely resembling a plot; it exists only to provide entertainment and make you laugh, which I think it does a good job of.

A sequel to Revenge. Physical symptoms aside, the psychical symptoms of PMS are even worse. Especially when people are even less understanding about them. So, Remus and Hermione plan a new revenge list, this time assisted by Ginny. Implied slash SS/SB and RL/KS.

Jet hosts ChatBack, a talk show. On oday's episode, the Malfoys discuss their problems.

The tale of Bob, the Ministry worker with the fire-breathing chicken, and how he got that chicken in a box.

Death really does turn out be the next great adventure for Albus Dumbledore. Maybe not quite the one he envisioned, but he had to admit that it was probably his own fault.

Ever wonder if there were other Voldemort wannabes in the world? What would happen if you put them all in the same room?

Mr Ron Worthing is in love with Lady Granger, Harry’s Cousin. Mr Harry Potter is in love with Ginny Weasley, Ron’s ward. Both girls are in love with Frank Worthing. But who exactly is Frank?``A parody of Oscar Wilde’s ‘The Importance of Being Earnest.’ Sit back and enjoy the laughs, the romance and the mix-ups that is ‘The Importance of Being… Frank.’

Well, what do YOU think would happen if Hermione fell out of a window?

The year after their graduation, Harry and "the pals" take a little vacation of their own. One in which there is time traveling, pranks, and revenge. One in which cat fights are frequent, and Draco causes them. One in which Fred and George can't remember who's who. One in which Muggles should be warned... One in which SERIOUS SUCKS!

How many of you realise that Monty Python and the Holy Grail has its equivalent story in the Hogwarts universe? I stumbled across an ancient tome, and when I transcibed and translated I found the true story of the French Castle.

Harry is mysteriously transported away from Hogwarts, and when he returns, who else is there but Lord Voldy himself! Can Harry beat him once and for all, or is the world destined to tooth decay forever? written pre-HBP

Have you ever wondered how the magic wand came to be the quintessential wizarding tool? This is the history of the magic wand. It's written much like Quidditch Through The Ages.

Yay! Another "missing scene" fic. This one's from GoF... and it's NOT the scene after the Yule Ball! Another (hopefully) hilarious adventure into the lives of our three favorite teenagers.

What happens when Hogwarts gets the internet? Complete mayhem. Especially as there's a computer for each student, and they have free access to chat clients.... Watch as several students (and maybe even a teacher or two) reveal things about themselves that serve only to embarrass them when they discover who they're talking to. Who knows, maybe even a few secret crushes are being kept hidden....

Set during Goblet of Fire, before Yule Ball. Viktor asks Hermione to the Yule Ball. My version of the kiss scene that will be in the movie.

Karaoke night in Hogsmeade.

What would happen if Draco gave the final Quidditch pep talk and told Slytherin to loose? Well this tells just that...almost. Warning: Draco is WAY OOC!!!

It's not easy being small, and nobody knows this better than Ron Weasley. Between monsters, brothers, bloody noses and crooked evergreens, Ron's fifth Christmas Eve is sure to be the worst one ever.

To the tune of Bowling for Soup's "She's the Girl All the Bad Guys Want."

During the 1993/1994 easter term, a team of inspectors from the UK Inspectorate group Ofsted come to inspect Hogwarts. What will they find? Who will they put down? Who will they praise?