A Day in the Life of Harry Potter

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF HARRY POTTER

A Documentary by Hermione Granger

Hermione: Welcome viewers. Today I will be inviting you to have a look at a typical day in the life of the famous Boy Who Lived.

Hermione enters the boy's dorms with camera crew in tow.

Ron: What the *beep* are you doing in our room? (Looks around) And what the *beep* was that beeping sound?

Hermione: It's a way of protecting our viewer's ears Ron. Not everyone wants to listen to the foul language that comes out of some Hogwart's student's mouths. (Back to camera) Ahem, anyway, this is the very room that Harry Potter sleeps in.

Seamus: (Emerging from adjoining bathroom) Wahay! A girl in our dorm!

Hermione: (Looking at Seamus) Seamus, will you please put some clothes on. You're going to scare the viewers. (Turns back to camera) As I was saying, Harry Potter sleeps in this very dorm. If we turn the camera this way slightly we will see, yes that's right, there he is, asleep in his bed.

Ron: Hermione, why is there a camera crew in here?

Dean: (Just waking up) What the *beep* is going on? Hey! (Looks around) What was that beep?

Ron: Some way of censoring us apparently.

Neville: (Also just waking up) What's going on?

Hermione: I'm sure I told you all yesterday that I was having a camera crew in to film Harry enjoying a regular day around Hogwarts.

Ron: I'm sure you shouldn't be in here filming him whilst he's asleep.

Harry: (Wakes up) Gah! Why is there a *beep* camera in my face? (Looks around) What was that noise?

Hermione: (To camera) Ahem, why don't we go outside and wait for our hero there. It's far too noisy and Seamus is far too naked.

Hermione and camera crew go outside into the hallway.

Hermione: I will now tell the incredible story which led to Harry becoming as famous as he is. It is a story full of tragedy and yet hope. Once upon a time, Harry was a happy little baby until his parents were viciously murdered by Voldemort (camera shudders) oh, don't be like that. Fine, I'll stick to You-

Know-Who. Ok, so You-Know-Who savagely kills Harry's dad one night and then murders his mum whilst she's trying to protect Harry. Amazingly though, when You-Know-Who turned his wand on our young Harry, the spell rebounded and Harry survived with only a lightening shaped scar to show.

Door to boy's dorm opens.

Ron: I reminded Harry about this camera thingy Hermione. So are you ready for breakfast?

Hermione: Ron, I am trying to tell the story of Harry's fame.

Ron: Sorry. Where'd you get up to?

Hermione: Harry's parents had just been killed by Vold.. I'm sorry I mean You-Know-Who and Harry had mysteriously managed to survive.

Ron: Oh. That's about it isn't it?

Hermione: No!

Ron: Well ok, eleven years after living with his horrible uncle, aunt and cousin that looks like a beached whale, he came to Hogwarts. You-Know-Who has returned to power and so Harry and the rest of us are trying to kill him. That about it?

Hermione: Ronald Weasley, you are so annoying sometimes!

Ron: Yeah but that's why you adore me.

Harry: Morning guys.

Seamus, Dean and Neville follow Harry.

Hermione: (To camera) Ok, viewers we will now be descending to the Great Hall for breakfast. Since you don't really need to see us walking all that way, we will switch off the camera until we arrive.

**********

Hermione: Welcome to the Great Hall. Here we eat all our meals and sometimes hang out. If we look up then we will see the ceiling, which is enchanted to look like the sky outside. It appears to be a nice sunny day today.

Ron: Oh great, here comes Malfoy. What a *beep*!

Hermione: Ron!

Ron: What? That camera thing magically beeps it out remember. Listen, what a load of *beep*. I think Malfoy is a *beep* *beep*!

Hermione: That's not the point.

Draco: Hello Potter.

Harry: What do you want Malfoy?

Hermione: (Whispering to camera) Draco Malfoy is a pureblood wizard who's in Slytherin. He delights in saying and doing horrible things to Harry, Ron and myself.

Draco: What the *beep* are you doing Mudblood? (Looks around) What was that?

Hermione: Do I have to explain myself over and over again? I'm doing a documentary about Harry and that beeping noise is a censor against bad language.

Draco: So you're filming this? (To camera) Hi, my name is Draco Malfoy. I am Harry Potter's best friend and we do everything together. I am also a model student.

Bell rings.

Draco: (Loudly to entire Great Hall) There's the bell fellow students. Let us not be late for our classes now.

Draco skips off.

Ron: (To Hermione and Harry) What was that about?

Hermione: (To camera) Ok, well we are off to our first lesson of the day, Potions with Professor Snape.

**********

Hermione: Well here we are in Potions class.

Snape: Please be quiet Miss Granger.

Hermione: (Whispering to camera) Professor Snape is always horrible to Gryffindor and likes to take points away from our house whenever possible. He also likes to pick on Harry as much as he can.

Snape: Miss Granger could you please explain why there is a camera crew in my classroom.

Hermione: It's for a documentary on Harry.

Harry groans.

Hermione: We're following him around to see what exactly the Boy Who Lived gets up to on a daily basis, so please just act natural professor.

Snape: Erm... ok. Well today class we will be revising the sleeping draught. Method and ingredients are all on the board and equipment is in the store cupboard. Please begin.

Hermione: Ok viewers please wait right here, I will be back with my things in two minutes.

Hermione leaves. Camera does a sweep of the room. The camera catches Draco.

Draco: (To his friends) I hope Potter gets loads of points taken away today. (Notices camera looking at him) Yes, yes. Harry Potter's such a nice boy. We get on so well.

Hermione reappears and camera focuses on her.

Hermione: I think we need to catch Draco Malfoy on camera more often. Anyway, now I shall be making a sleeping draught so I think it would be a good idea to film Harry for a while.

Camera moves over to Harry.

Harry: Erm... Hermione, what do you want me to say?

Hermione: Just make your draught and say what you want.

Harry: (To camera) Hi there. I'm brewing a sleeping draught at the moment. I really like Potions and Professor Snape is the best professor here.

Snape: Well said Pot.. erm, Harry. Ten points to Gryffindor.

Harry: Gee thanks professor.

Camera turns back to Hermione. Camera focuses in on her leg, which is rubbing against Ron's.

Hermione: (In a hushed voice to Ron) Well maybe if the room's empty then yes (Notices camera and pulls her leg away from Ron and sounds flustered) Ahem, so anyway, what was I going to say? Ah yes. Well I've finished my draught so I can tell you more about Harry.

Ron: Why don't you tell them more about me?

Hermione: Because this isn't a documentary about you Ron.

Ron puts on sulky face and does a puppy eyes impression.

Hermione: Fine. Ron is a Gryffindor; same as Harry and I. People who are brave go into our house, so what Ron is doing there is beyond me because he has a terrible phobia of spiders. If he sees one he screams like a girl.

Ron: Hey!

Hermione: Well, ok, he's not that bad. He can be brave and he is very loyal. He is Harry's best friend and my boyfriend of eight months. Plus he's gorgeous.

Ron: Now that's more like it (kisses Hermione on the cheek).

Snape: Ahem, would you mind awfully not kissing during class. I don't like to ask but other people may get jealous.

Ron: Erm... sure.

Snape walks away.

Hermione: Why are these people not acting natural on camera?

Ron: Do you really think Snape wants to be portrayed as an insensitive *beep*?

Hermione: Ron! (To camera) I think we'll turn this off until class is over. Not long to go.

**********

Hermione: Hello once more viewers.

Ron: I still don't see why you turned it off. We lost fifty points in the last ten minutes.

Hermione: Anyway, we have bumped into Ginny. Ginny is Ron's younger sister and also girlfriend to Harry Potter.

Ron: What?

Ginny: Hi there. Thanks for the introduction Hermione.

Hermione: No problem Ginny.

Ron: Hello, I said what?

Hermione: So Ginny, how is your relationship with Harry going?

Ron: Relationship? What relationship?

Ginny: It's going really well.

Hermione: Does it ever bother you that he's famous?

Ginny: It doesn't bother me at all. He's just a normal boy on the inside.

Ron: Will someone please tell me what the *beep* is going on?

Hermione: Ah here's Harry now. Professor Snape kept him behind for causing a scene. Something to do with his potion going wrong and firing black sparks at Draco Malfoy. Hmmm... I really shouldn't have turned the camera off; it was quite amusing actually.

Ginny: Hi Harry (kisses him on cheek).

Harry: Hiya.

Ron: (To Harry) Why is my sister kissing you?

Hermione: Well viewers we're off to Transfiguration next.

Ron: Am I talking to myself here?

Hermione: I'm sure that we can rely on Professor McGonagall to act natural on camera.

**********

Hermione: Hi we're all back, except Ginny who's in Charms now I believe.

Ron: Just as well. If I had to see her kiss Harry once more I may have killed him.

Harry: Hey, it wasn't my fault. I'm sure we told you.

Hermione: Shhh you two. (To camera) We are now in Transfiguration and Professor McGonagall is standing there at the front of the class.

Camera moves around to show Professor McGonagall.

McGonagall: Miss Granger, I have been informed of your documentary, however I do not find it appropriate in my classroom. Please turn the camera off.

Hermione: But professor, if I keep it on then all the wizarding world will know of your brilliance at teaching this fine subject.

McGonagall: Hmmm... well fine, but just try to keep any commentary to a minimum and please listen when I am talking.

Hermione: Of course.

Ron: (Whispering to Hermione) You are such a suck up sometimes.

Hermione: (To camera) Professor McGonagall is not only the teacher of the fine art of Transfiguration, she is also our Head of House. Let us listen to the wonderful lesson she has planned for us today.

McGonagall: Today we will be going over human transfiguration. If you could all pair up and proceed with the spell.

Ron: (Grabs Hermione's hand and looks at Harry) She's with me.

Harry: *Beep* it!

Hermione: Harry!

Neville: So can I go first Harry?

Harry: Erm... ok.

Hermione: (To camera) Neville can be pretty bad at transfiguration sometimes. He has been known to turn Harry into a half rabbit, half chandelier before.

Neville: Hey! I heard that.

Hermione: Ok, Ron. After you.

Ron waves his wand and says an incantation that is not picked up on the camera. Hermione transforms into a chair.

Neville: That's good Ron.

Ron: Thanks. Erm... what is Harry supposed to be this time?

Neville: He's a table, can't you tell?

Ron: Well, I suppose. It's just the tail that's throwing me off.

Neville: Yeah, not sure what happened there.

Ron: Better turn them back then.

Ron mutters another incantation.

Hermione: No matter how many times we do human transfiguration, it still feels odd when you're a household object.

McGonagall: Well done Mr Weasley. Ten points to Gryffindor.

Hermione: That's enough filming of Transfiguration I reckon. We need to fit this into an hour so we can only film so much. See you again soon.

**********

Hermione: Well hello there. I have a free period now because during our two NEWT years we have less subjects. Harry and Ron are in Divination at the present time and Professor Trelawney, the Divination teacher, won't let me in to film Harry hard at work. Anyway, here is our common room. I didn't get to show you this earlier due to having to get to breakfast before Potions. It is very spacious, which it would have to be to hold all of the Gryffindor students.

The camera turns around to reveal the whole of the common room. The camera comes to rest on two red haired boys.

Fred: Hey there Hermione.

Hermione: What are you two doing here? You left Hogwarts two years ago.

George: Well we heard that you were documenting Harry's day at school...

Fred: And we realised that you couldn't do that...

George: Without us in it. After all, we have been...

Fred: Such a huge influence on him.

Hermione: Fine. (To camera) These identical twins are brothers to Ron and Ginny. They have also apparently influenced Harry in many ways and not all of them good.

Fred: Well we disagree.

George: (To camera) Hi there. I'm George...

Fred: And I'm Fred. Together we are...

George/Fred: The Weasley twins!

Fred: We met Harry six years ago when he was an innocent little first year.

George: We were in our third year at the time and we soon managed to get rid of that youthful innocence.

Fred: Well, it wasn't all down to us. Along with another item, which we shall not disclose...

George: We gave him the means to get around the school so he wouldn't get caught.

Fred: Yes, we are very proud of ourselves and our influence over Harry.

George: He is now a better person because of us.

Hermione: Ahem, well if you're quite finished...

Fred: Not really.

George: He is also the only person we trust to date our little sister Ginny.

Fred: Yes. If he had been anyone else he may have ended up with a black eye.

Hermione: Oh, so that's why you flew all the way here two weeks ago and tried to strangle him when you found out?

Fred: We weren't trying to strangle him...

George: We were just giving him a hug.

Hermione: Of course you were.

Fred: So Hermione, how's things with our youngest brother going?

George: Yeah, how's ickle Ronniekins treating you?

Hermione: Erm... fine.

Fred: So what level in your relationship are you at?

George: Do you need us to have a word with him about anything?

Hermione: (To camera, blushing) Ahem, I better stop filming if we want to stick to our hour deadline.

**********

Hermione: Welcome back. We are now at dinner, sorry I didn't film lunch or the afternoon lesson. I was in Arithmancy and Harry had a free period so it really had nothing to do with the documentary. I was also, ahem, busy at lunch.

Ginny: Busy? Yeah busy with my brother. (Laughs)

Hermione: Anyway, Harry is here next to me now. It's time for a proper interview with the famous Boy Who Lived. So Harry, what is it like being famous in the wizarding world?

Harry: It's ok.

Hermione: Just ok?

Harry: Well it can be annoying when people recognise you all the time. Plus you sometimes don't know if someone likes you because you're famous or because you're you.

Hermione: Well I can safely say that we all like you for just being Harry.

Harry: Yeah I know.

Hermione: What's it like then going back to the Muggle world and being a no-one?

Harry: Well, apart from having to live with my horrid uncle, aunt and cousin Dudley, it's quite nice not having people recognise you everywhere.

Hermione: You won't be living with them for much longer though right?

Harry: Right. I need to sort out somewhere to live and ideally I don't want to go back there after this year is finished.

Ron: Hey, you could always stay with my family until you get yourself a place.

Harry: Thanks, but I think you'd have to ask your parents.

Ron: They won't mind. I'll ask anyway.

Harry: Ok, thanks mate.

Hermione: So Harry, how's things with Ginny?

Harry eyes Ron cautiously.

Harry: Erm... great.

Hermione: And what do you want to be when you leave school?

Harry: Well, I'm not one hundred percent sure. Alive mostly, but barring any accidents or dark lord's trying to kill me, then I would quite like to become an Auror.

Hermione: An Auror? Their job is quite dangerous.

Ron: I'd like to be one too.

Hermione: You what? I don't want any possible future husband of mine putting his life in jeopardy on a daily basis.

Ron: If I want to be an Auror then you can't stop me.

Hermione: So you don't care how I feel?

Ron: Of course I care, it's just that I know I'll be ok.

Hermione: But I love you!

Ron: Really? You haven't said that before.

Hermione: I know, but I do.

Ron: Well, I love you too. (Kisses Hermione passionately)

Harry: (To camera) Erm... well I think you've got all the footage you'll need. Thanks for watching and goodbye.