Rating:
PG
House:
Riddikulus
Characters:
Harry Potter Parvati Patil
Genres:
Humor
Era:
The Harry Potter at Hogwarts Years
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 03/11/2006
Updated: 03/11/2006
Words: 1,009
Chapters: 1
Hits: 454

April Fool

i_heart_harry_16

Story Summary:
Harry is mysteriously transported away from Hogwarts, and when he returns, who else is there but Lord Voldy himself! Can Harry beat him once and for all, or is the world destined to tooth decay forever? written pre-HBP

Chapter 01

Posted:
03/11/2006
Hits:
454


April Fool

Harry felt his knees buckle as he hit the ground. The impact of his landing made him topple over, landing in a heap on the grassy floor.

Wincing, he got to his feet and looked around, and saw a large sign bearing the words: Big Filthy Green, and there was a small amount of messy writing scrawled under it. He couldn't see what was written on it, so he said, "Accio sign!"

It flew into his hands and he read, "Welcome to Big Filthy Green, the battlefield from the war of Charnelspawn. Please enjoy your stay."

Harry scanned the giant field in which he was standing but the only thing he could see was about a dozen acres of grass all around him. He then looked at the roll of toilet paper that he had dropped on the ground next to him. "What the bloody hell just happened!?" he said angrily. "One minute, I'm going to the loo; next, I'm in a battlefield!"

He knew that it was April fool's day, but he couldn't believe that someone would actually send him miles from Hogwarts! He doubted that he would even do that to Draco Malfoy, his worst enemy!

All of the sudden, Parvati Patil appeared a few feet away from Harry, screaming her lungs out. Harry couldn't quite make out what she was shouting, but he could tell that she was just as surprised as he was to disappear from Hogwarts to find herself in a big empty space.

She turned around and spotted Harry, looking dumbstruck. "Harry? What's going on? Where are we?"

Harry brandished the sign.

"Oh!" she said after reading the sign. "Well doesn't really help, does it, because we still don't know where we are or how to get back to school. All I know, is that I was about to brush my hair, and then I got transported here..." she said, pointing at her hairbrush that was lying on the ground. "How did you get here?"

"Well, er, it was my... watch... yeah," he lied, while trying to block the toilet paper from view.

But then, an armadillo fell out of a cloud. It tore across the field towards Harry and snatched the toilet paper from behind Harry and just before it disappeared, it screamed, "HARRY GOT HERE BY TOUCHING THE TOILET PAPER!"

Recovering quickly from the shock of talking armadillos living in the sky, Parvati dissolved into a fit of giggles and fell over.

Something clicked in Harry's mind. "It must've been a Portkey!" he said, blushing madly and trying to keep his voice steady from embarrassment. "That means that all we need to do is touch the brush and we'll return to Hogwarts!" He walked over to Parvati, and touched the hairbrush with her on the count of three.

And again Harry and Parvati were submerged into a dimension of swirling colour. Parvati was screaming again, and before they knew it, they had returned to Hogwarts.

The Portkey brought them to the Hogwarts Lake, and it was a huge relief to be back. Harry and Parvati started walking towards the castle when Lord Voldemort and the armadillo unexpectedly jumped in front of them!

"My, Harry Potter, how you've grown! You remind me of the man, the man with the power," Voldemort said.

"He's not a man, he's a love machine," said Parvati unhelpfully, and was silenced by a fierce look from Voldemort.

"Er, you do mean Dumbledore, right?" Harry inquired.

"Yes, and you've just ruined my evil mysteriousness by actually saying his name." Voldemort replied heatedly.

"Oh, sorry," Harry felt bad for ruining Voldemort evil mysteriousness, so he offered to get him a drink.

"Well, all right then. I am quite thirsty now that you mention it... stealing enchanted toilet paper from a talking armadillo is hard work, you know."

Harry agreed to bring Voldemort the best tasting drink in the world if he could get to his potions class and make it there. Voldemort agreed, and added that if they were not back in exactly one hour, 12 minutes and 44 seconds he would kidnap all the toothbrushes in the land, and keep them all for himself, so he alone would have perfect teeth while the rest of the world's mouths would rot.

Shuddering at the horrible idea, Harry and Parvati set off for their Potions Lesson, and once they got there, they immediately began to scheme.

Parvati began to list all the ingredients they would need for a fatal, yet tasty drink. They decided on a potion called Spunkmort. It looked fairly simple, and all they would need was sour lemon juice, lake water, cat hair, a vile of Frenzy (a very fatal poison) and, of course, sugar.

They gathered all the ingredients, all except for the lake water. "I'll get it," said Harry. "Accio lake water!" A few seconds later, a large glob of water flew into the room, splashing the students, but luckily most of it landed safely into the cauldron.

With only 7 minutes and 32 seconds to spare, Harry and Parvati raced out to the lakeshore and offered Voldemort the drink. And he downed it in only a few seconds.

"That was absolutely delicious! Is there any left over? I-" Voldemort was unable to finish his sentence, because at that moment he had fallen face first into the lake, unmistakably vanquished.

"Is he... Is he dead?" Parvati asked.

And Harry answered, "Yes. I think he is."

Dumbledore ran out of the castle and stared back and forth from Voldemort sinking into the lake, Harry, and then Parvati. He seemed to understand the situation immediately.

"It seems a feast is in order, and the pair of you will be rewarded with a plaque, for special services to the school." He said, beaming at them.

And there was much rejoicing. As for the armadillo, it returned to its house in the clouds and told the whole story to his family, about how his April Fool prank made the Darkest wizard in the world disappear.

The Fin