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"But LOOK, I am clearly anti-Establishment," Percy said, his new mesh shirt pulled halfway up his chest to show a pretty silver ring in his navel. "The Man hates piercings, I read about this in a magazine."``Percy is a bit changed after the Ministry's announcement.

Words: 4,772
Chapters: 1
Hits: 6,060
The Bet by KaciJaBeth
07/04/2005

In their sixth year, the Gryffindor boys make a bet to see who can go out with the most girls before graduation, causing everything to change.

Words: 14,947
Chapters: 16
Hits: 6,031

Remus Lupin wrote an essay about Quidditch and sex in his seventh year. Are you brave enough to read it? You'll never see the Snitch the same way again...

Words: 4,726
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,991

Ever wondered what really happened to all the characters of Harry Potter? (Set after the supposingly amazing seventh book.)

Words: 7,095
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,974

Harry, Ron, Hermione & Ginny watch the Star Wars trilogy. Conversations ensue.

Words: 1,217
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,922

James likes Lily and she likes him back so they're going to go on their first date. This seems to be a good thing but unfortunately for them James' best friend happens to be the mischievous Sirius Black. Gauntlets are thrown; revenge and chaos ensue and Remus and Peter get to enjoy the fun.

Words: 28,546
Chapters: 11
Hits: 5,914

Lily wants to have a calm, peaceful seventh year, "the kind of year Buddha would have at Hogwarts." But Claudius the Lovely, Lis Singleton, Vesta Casanova, Severus Snape, and James Potter are sure to make sure her life is as hectic as ever...

Words: 20,357
Chapters: 6
Hits: 5,842

The boys from Ron's dorm decide that it's another time for their "Truth Or Dare Game". There will be romance in the near future. Just a fun, kinda short fic, that so far does not have much plot. lol, have fun!

Words: 5,904
Chapters: 6
Hits: 5,796

A story about how Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Severus Snape became friends against all odds, and how they fought their worst opponent - James Potter and his gang. A prank war ensues, one that only a near-death experience can end...

Words: 10,075
Chapters: 6
Hits: 5,733

Losing one's virginity isn't as easy as it sounds. Just go ask Hannah.

Words: 3,116
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,727

The Ministry of Magic has forbidden Hagrid to teach about any creature of higher classification than XX. So nothing can possibly go wrong in his classes now ... right?

Words: 11,096
Chapters: 7
Hits: 5,712

A chance encounter makes Harry think having kids might be fun. But Draco has other plans - and those plans include a day baby-sitting the next generation of Weasley children. Slash-lite (because there's barely a single kiss); PG because the parents need a lot of guidance on their day off.

Words: 20,924
Chapters: 3
Hits: 5,694

An MS fic on its head: Mary Sue as a side character in a Hufflepuff’s life instead of the other way around. As Mary Sue saves the world and shags her way through fanon, the Hufflepuff house goes about its daily business. Justin Finch-Fletchley, this is your life.

Words: 10,541
Chapters: 3
Hits: 5,683

You know when you watch the Harry Potter movies and there are some parts you just HAVE to laugh hysterically at? Well, if you do, are they Ron's quotes? If you have answered yes, to both of these questions, then you should read this fic because it explores 'all those weird Ron quotes,' and DO they have a basis in reality - or at least dream reality.

Words: 8,542
Chapters: 3
Hits: 5,665

As a Valentine's Day joke, Ron arranges for Sev, Draco & Harry to compete for Hermione on a wizarding version of "Singled Out meets SNL Celebrity Jeopardy." Featuring Mrs. Norris on crack, host Al Extra Beck, & guest star Con Seannery. SS/HG/DM

Words: 6,589
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,614
Lo, They Will Snog by Elektra
01/29/2003

An utterly ridiculous Draco/Hermione story wherein I shamelessly lambaste the entire romance genre. Features much snogging, a blatant lack of believable characterization, a godawful plot - oh, and did I mention the Irritatingly Sappy and Improbable Love That Dares Not Speak Its Name?

Words: 3,065
Chapters: 3
Hits: 5,528

Rupert Giles faces his wizarding past, Buffy Summers deals with the pitfalls of being a Hogwarts professor, Snape is... well, Snape, and Harry Potter wonders just *what* he has done to deserve this... (HP/BtVS crossover)

Words: 25,481
Chapters: 5
Hits: 5,517

It's the day of Draco's wedding and, as you'd expect, everything possible goes wrong.

Words: 11,316
Chapters: 7
Hits: 5,508
Childhood Living by Dommichan
12/27/2002

An accident in his class leaves Snape with a temporary job... as a babysitter!?!? And what is old You-Know-Who up to anyways?!!

Words: 10,753
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,475

In this companion piece to Lucius Malfoy's Death Eater Application Form, Severus Snape is applying for a job at Hogwarts. And he's not best pleased about it.

Words: 1,436
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,457
U Got Owl by Zoe
12/20/2001

What happens when Fred and George tried to play Cupid to Hermione?

Words: 4,906
Chapters: 3
Hits: 5,412

Harry wakes up in unfamiliar surroundings and meets a woman known only as the Dungeon Master. She sends him and several companions from his own universe on a quest to conquer an evil wizard (no, not that one). Crossover with the Dungeons & Dragons roleplaying game. Takes place during the summer before Fifth Year and largely ignores OotP.

Words: 32,309
Chapters: 12
Hits: 5,379

Neville didn't get to go to the Yule Ball with Hermione because of Viktor Krum. Harry is now interested in Hermione, but she doesn't want to have to choose between him and Ron. Harry wishes that Neville could be her boyfriend, so one of them might be happy. Little does he realise what will come of this wish.... (Overt H/Hr, hinted R/Hr, overt N/Hr.)

Words: 1,493
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,372

Hermione finds Ron's notes on what kissing her is like.

Words: 988
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,358

Draco hates Harry. Harry hates Draco. Right? Wrong. Draco loses his pants, Harry gets smashed, and what is going on in that Quidditch shed anyway?

Words: 16,481
Chapters: 10
Hits: 5,342
The Thinking Cap by Andrea13
11/29/2002

Every year the Sorting Hat decides which House each student belongs in. But how does it *really* make the decision?

Words: 3,769
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,314

In love with Harry Potter?! HA! The only thing Draco Malfoy feels for Potter is intense hatred... isn't it?

Words: 6,269
Chapters: 6
Hits: 5,307

Lord Voldemort was in the bathroom.````And, judging from the large empty space on the bookshelf, he had taken Uncle John's Bathroom Reader with him.````Have you ever wondered what life with the Dark Lord is like? What does he do when he's not trying to kill Harry? Let's all take a look at Voldemort in a way he never intended for people to see...let's go in the house with the Dark Lord.

Words: 10,443
Chapters: 5
Hits: 5,244

It's a conspiracy! A SS/HG tale starring Mad-Eye Moody.

Words: 9,590
Chapters: 4
Hits: 5,199

Professor Snape is a very disagreeable man, not to mention stubborn. So naturally everyone is surprised when he is chosen to be Hogwarts new Sex Ed teacher.

Words: 655
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,163

Born of a challenge by the Sphinx, this is my version of Quidditch in Bed, the innuendo-fest that is a Gryffindor's guide to putting the *ahem* Quaffle through the hoop. The first chapter gives a list of the titles of subsequent chapters. There were certain required elements, which are also duly noted.

Words: 5,098
Chapters: 5
Hits: 5,119

A mildly fluffy romantic comedy set in Post-Hog London about what happens when Ginny ever-so-politely asks Harry to deflower her.

Words: 11,595
Chapters: 4
Hits: 5,102

In which Harry quits in spectacular fashion. Nobody is happy about it... not even Draco Malfoy. (Written before HBP. Sixth year. H/D slashy overtones.)

Words: 4,736
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,090

The Slytherins and the Marauders have to face the consequences ``of their actions. A sequel to "Stuck" and "Stuck in the Muddle" (and the inspiration ``for "If Ewe Are Prepared.")

Words: 27,187
Chapters: 7
Hits: 5,085

It had all the ingredients of a great evening: chocolate biscuits, a practical joke (perfectly executed, despite one slight problem with the concept), sneaking around the castle at night, narrow escapes from various predatory creatures, and a little-known secret passage to explore. Except Remus was thirty-four and he ought to know better, and he had a snarky Potions Master along for company. (Semi-sequel to "My Teenage Fan Club," but makes sense on its own.)

Words: 4,221
Chapters: 1
Hits: 5,010

Harry returns for his seventh year at Hogwarts only to find he's forgotten something rather important over the summer. Harry/Draco slash, mpreg.

Words: 6,863
Chapters: 7
Hits: 4,984

An April Fool's Day prank on Severus Snape goes horribly, horribly wrong with amusing results (but Snape is not amused!) Snape suspects a certain moon-temperamental DADA teacher...but is he really the one to blame?

Words: 9,972
Chapters: 5
Hits: 4,958
Batman by jennavere
06/06/2004

It’s Harry’s eighteenth birthday party, and he and Draco make drunken conversation which may lead to something more. Involves secret identities, autographs, kissing, tickling, and a bit of “Who’s your daddy?” Slash.

Words: 4,916
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,894

A Lily/James love story with a definite twist. Do not read it if you don't want to see that pair as anything other than Harry's sweet, noble parents.

Words: 2,412
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,893
A Little Push by EerieAssDays
04/08/2007

Everyone's fed up with Ron and Hermione's "secret" attraction to each other. What happens when a small plan to get them together turns into a massive project involving a good portion of the student body? A humorous read for anyone who finds the Ron/Hermione romance in the books mind bogglingly frustrating.

Words: 6,187
Chapters: 5
Hits: 4,880

Harry is hurting after Sirius's death. One day, while he and Remus are cleaning out Sirius's room, they discover a story of sorts that the Marauders wrote during their fifth year at Hogwarts, about, what else? The many gruesome deaths of Severus Snape! These stories help Harry get through his troubles about Sirius and help him get through his depression.

Words: 8,194
Chapters: 6
Hits: 4,859

It's a boring day at James' house. That is, of course, until Remus finds a book titled Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

Words: 17,472
Chapters: 4
Hits: 4,836

Her milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard And they're like Its better than yours And she's like I'm not just some score Ginny is practically swimming in young men, but there's a problem...BOYS ARE NEEDY!!!

Words: 2,507
Chapters: 3
Hits: 4,770

A parody of the famous "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," by Dr. Seuss.

Words: 1,579
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,730

Harry's sixth year is full of everything from Gilderoy Lockhart and his Dueling Club to the shifting loyalties of Blaise Zabini. From pranks to detention, and even a women willing to love a werewolf.

Words: 15,318
Chapters: 12
Hits: 4,710

Sirius, James, and Peter seem to think that since I read so much, I should write as well. Something like keeping a journal. So they gave me this. This “nifty, big, red, beautiful book”, according to James. Peter says to make it my life’s work, adding to it as my life progresses. They’re all idiots, but maybe I’m even worse, since I’m here writing in the blasted thing. (This fan fiction is an AU)

Words: 17,460
Chapters: 8
Hits: 4,692
The Open Closet by LadyDraco
10/16/2002

Ron has become VERY openly gay and is in love with Harry. Draco & Ginny are dating, Ron is completely flaming, and a surprise visit from Voldemort!!!

Words: 3,454
Chapters: 5
Hits: 4,677

My own take on what happened when the Marauders found out that Remus was... you know... different.

Words: 1,719
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,665

Harry gets the paper and Ron gets confused. Takes place at the Weasleys’ after Draco Malfoy has let a few (dubious!) things slip to the press.

Words: 1,037
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,652

A humourous yet mysterious fic going into the mind of someone (or something) that does not like Harry Potter. Some very sarcastic points, and some repetition. The riddle: Whose point of view is this told from?

Words: 663
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,652

Severus drags Harry to a Wizarding auction. "Collecting Cursed Artefacts is a registered form of madness in the Compendium of Wizarding Mental Disorders and Other Things That Make You Twitch," Severus said, "like most compulsions to collect. But it's very a popular one and I plan to beat everyone else to it." Part of the Primer to the Dark Arts universe.

Words: 6,436
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,650

Lily, James, Sirius and Remus, chatting about what they will name their kids if they ever have some - a somewhat mindless piece of fluffy dialogue, in which Lily is defenitely not lucky to have such boys for friends.

Words: 1,396
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,624

Well, the Yule Ball\'s back again. What do you think will happen when a fight breaks out between Gryffindors about who has it easier around ball time? The boys? Or the girls?

Words: 8,668
Chapters: 8
Hits: 4,622

A challenge fic from MsVirginiaAnneMalfoy. The Gryffindors decide to throw a New Years Eve party. Lots of stupidity, drunkeness, and some crossdressing.

Words: 1,226
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,601

Cheer up Harry. So Voldemort wants to kill you, so what? He always wants to kill you. It's a fact. Why not relax and listen to some quality Monty Python songs?

Words: 13,849
Chapters: 14
Hits: 4,589
The Interview by GatewayGirl
07/25/2003

Harry can do a lot of things, but can he get a job? ``People will speculate over the dinner table, and thus I imagined this little problem.... The Job Interview!

Words: 981
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,581

I originally had this on fanfiction.net but the stupid site isn't working so I decided to come over here, anyway...MWPP & Lily go to the future ``to meet The Dream Team but there's a twist :) Older Remus and Sirius don't remember coming to the future when they were kids. How can this be? Is there a chance that they could save Lily and James Before it's to late? And a new student! Who is this mystery girl, and how does she connect to Harry's past? No young Peter. Maybe the older him will show up in the story later.

Words: 17,182
Chapters: 8
Hits: 4,575
Truth or Dare by burnein
11/06/2002

It was a dark and stormy night. Harry Potter was dared to ask someone something very private, with very unexpected results.

Words: 1,014
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,565

Potions Master Severus Snape ends up getting the short end of the proverbial stick, when a malicious trick by Draco Malfoy against Harry Potter goes horribly wrong.

Words: 6,696
Chapters: 5
Hits: 4,552

Harry is preparing for the start of term at Hogwarts when he receives an unexpected owl with an unusual request from Draco Malfoy. What will his Aunt Petunia say? More important, what will the Weasleys think? Harry must set aside his own feelings and desires for EVERYBODY as he tries to make it through his 5th year in one piece.

Words: 9,003
Chapters: 7
Hits: 4,541
Toys by CelticFlame
09/21/2001

When Lily Evans find a special present from Petunia in her suitcase, Sirius uses the 'gift' to torment James.

Words: 592
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,507

It was the most diabolical plot of their time.... Now, if only they could pull it off. *Complete*

Words: 29,687
Chapters: 14
Hits: 4,504
Party Animals by PezMaster
09/01/2003

Unfortunately for the Marauders, the Halloween ball is gaining ground on them. While James is quite busy having girlfriend troubles, Remus prepares for a date with a full moon, and Peter deals with his demons and confronts his mango-flavoured body wash. And then there’s Sirius, who is quite busy himself with open jars of peanut butter, spiking punch, and overcoming strange feelings for a certain girl (cringe). How will the Marauders ever survive this chaotic ordeal? Will they all be driven absolutely stark raving mad in the process? Read, Review, and Find Out!

Words: 21,855
Chapters: 8
Hits: 4,501

A funny thing hormone can be, and the things it can do is quite...er, quaint.

Words: 4,291
Chapters: 2
Hits: 4,500

Harry Potter receives a letter from Lupin regarding a new godfather. While Harry is miserable, Voldemort continues to hunt him down.

Words: 12,897
Chapters: 11
Hits: 4,479

Hermione has finished Hogwarts and is back and living with her parents while waiting frantically for her NEWT results. In a desperate attempt to calm her nerves, she calls her friends (and some people not so friendly), and their answering machines pick up, revealing some startling information.

Words: 2,159
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,472

Romilda Vane and the girls from the Hogwarts Charms Club rally together to try to catch the eye of Harry Potter and promote him for Witch Weekly's most prestigious award.

Words: 17,927
Chapters: 4
Hits: 4,444

A humorous (hopefully) fic which follows the Marauders through fifth year and onwards. How will James ever get Lily to go out with him? Warning - Soapy frying pans ahead!

Words: 20,019
Chapters: 12
Hits: 4,402

Draco, Harry, Ron and Hermione are kidnapped by two crazed authors. Lucius is all hysterical and Snape is and always will be a slime git. :) If you like violence and humor mixed together then this is the fic for you.

Words: 34,369
Chapters: 19
Hits: 4,402

Sirius struggles to make Remus forgive him for for 'the prank' he played on Snape, but fails to understand why his friend is so upset. An unusual punishment from Dumbledore and a surprising ally help Sirius try to make it better.

Words: 32,621
Chapters: 10
Hits: 4,395

A hilarious spoof from the first Harry Potter book. Harry is retarded, Ron likes dancing, and Hermione... well she's Hermione. The prequel to Harry Potter and the Half-Witted Prince.

Words: 8,732
Chapters: 10
Hits: 4,392

You know this is a fan fic, I know this is a fan fic, everybody (and I do mean everybody) knows it's a fan fic. Now that we've got that out of the way- It's Harry Potter's fifth year and I have taken it upon myself to bring a little culture into the Wizarding world. What kind of culture? Well... you’ll find out. You’d think, since this is a fan fic, that I’d have no trouble in bringing the Rocky Horror Picture Show to the stage of Hogwarts.... I put a great deal of emphasis on the word think.

Words: 9,460
Chapters: 5
Hits: 4,383

Snape discovers that Harry fits him perfectly. A Romantic comedy that will (hopefully) have you in stitches.

Words: 6,828
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,328

An accident with a potion upends the comfortable relationship Remus and Severus have had in the three years following the end of the war. How well do two middle-aged men react to change? This is meant as a humorous look at the MPREG cliché and has a very low squick factor.

Words: 15,198
Chapters: 5
Hits: 4,328

Fred and George decide that hooking up Ron with Hermione would ``be the perfect advertisement for their matchmaking business. However, their plans ``to hook up the two don't go as well as they had hoped for they wind up matching ``up Hermione with someone else.

Words: 2,230
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,316
Dramatis Personae by Mi
05/18/2003

The Marauders vs. the Slytherins! While everyone else parties happily away on the Yule Ball, James Potter, Sirius Black, Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy have a hell of a night not being quite themselves. Chapters 1 and 2, and more to come!

Words: 14,927
Chapters: 8
Hits: 4,314

Hermione and Ginny have a question. Sirius and Remus agree to answer.

Words: 2,215
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,305

How did the Marauders meet? Includes the points of view of all the Marauders.

Words: 4,217
Chapters: 4
Hits: 4,299

It's Harry and Ginny's wedding night, and it isn't just the bride with the jitters! Consumed with the job of destroying Lord Voldemort, Harry's sexual escapades have been limited at best. When he consults a Harlequin romance novel for tips, Harry gets more than he bargains for...and doesn't understand how wet knickers can possibly be considered sexy.

Words: 2,222
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,288
Sex Ed by Lady Feylene
09/18/2003

Thanks to *another* lost coin toss, Severus Snape has to teach the Slytherins and Gryffindor's the facts of life.

Words: 2,096
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,287

Chaos ensues after Witch Weekly, seeking to increase readers, decides to create a boyband out of five seemingly talentless wizards: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and Oliver "Toss Your Knickers Here" Wood.

Words: 5,060
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,285
The Talk (GASP!!) by Lboogieg
09/29/2003

We've all had the talk at one point or another, right? But from our parents....How would you feel, girls if you received this "talk" from Fleur Delacour? Or guys, from Fred or George Weasley? Well three certain Gryffindors are about to experience sex advice at it's worst. And what - pray tell - does Draco Malfoy have to do with it? From Harry's POV.

Words: 1,676
Chapters: 2
Hits: 4,234

The young Marauders play a prank on Severus.

Words: 4,427
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,202

The O.W.L. woes of Fifth Year begin in mid-February, when every student must complete the Potions Practical Assessment Task. Professor Snape is terrified, Hermione runs amok and Ron runs to the rescue. Meanwhile, Harry Potter writes some truly awful poetry. In Chapter 1 we attend the staff meeting that Severus Snape will regret forever. (This story was written prior to OotP, and has since been rendered utterly and unapologetically AU.)

Words: 26,572
Chapters: 10
Hits: 4,178
Women on Top by Maddy Riddle
09/28/2007

After the war, the Wizarding world needs to be rebuilt and wizards need to stand together again. The future demands a new order, and the women are up to that task. --- SS/HG/LM

Words: 17,925
Chapters: 5
Hits: 4,170

A parody of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone that takes place during the Riddle era. Starring the infamous Flower Potter who survived Grindelwalds ye old grande de wrath filling in for Harry, the poor but humorous Haruko Weasley filling for Ron, and the incredibly attractive nagging bookworm Tom Riddle filling in for Hermione. Together, with plot devices, lucky, and insanity, they're going to protect the Stone of Hot Ice from Grindelwald!

Words: 16,262
Chapters: 10
Hits: 4,149
A Boy and His Wand by fbline
07/10/2004

Harry's wand is eleven inches, nice and supple, and so is that bit of timber he carries around with him. Warning: lewd behavior dead ahead.

Words: 2,644
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,112
Harry's In Love by Krissy
03/26/2002

Harry's in love and Hermione and Ron are going to find out who he loves, no questions asked.

Words: 966
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,099

Nobody knows why they all love Mary Sue. They just do. Includes a SoundofMusicsinging!Snape, childlike!Dumbledore, and as always perfectineverywayexceptherbrain!Mary Sue.

Words: 11,104
Chapters: 7
Hits: 4,094

This is couple of little scenes, drawn together under the assumptions that evil villains do sit together for a nightcap like everyone else, too. These scenes feature Voldemort, the Malfoys, the Lestranges, Wormtail as a waiter, Greyback, Snape obviously... And later on, you'll meet even more notorious scoundrels that you know from outside of the Potterverse.

Words: 19,255
Chapters: 13
Hits: 4,091

Here it is! Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire consensed to five lines per chapter!!!

Words: 3,584
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,085
The Dating Game by Alanna B
06/23/2002

What happens when Draco, Harry, and Ron appear on a Dating Game? Do you really want to know? Do they want to know? Chaos once again ensues between the three, along with one other....

Words: 1,857
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,059
Pool Party by SweetCherryPie
03/13/2005

Things start to get a little crazy when the Weasleys get a new swimming pool and are left with it for seven hours... with Fred and George in charge!

Words: 13,270
Chapters: 9
Hits: 4,055

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's (Sorcerer's Stone for you Americans out there) Stone in five lines or less!!!

Words: 1,919
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,031

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets condensed to five lines per chapter (yes, I've counted). The second in the Five Line Series.

Words: 3,011
Chapters: 1
Hits: 4,031

Insanity ensues when, in her seventh year, Hermione accepts a challenge! Armed with friends, a new found deviousness, and a list of 99 ways to piss snape off, Hermione must make the most of her seventh year. HG/SS, but not romantically...yet

Words: 3,862
Chapters: 3
Hits: 4,018

It\'s the sixth year at Hogwarts and He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named has used That-Which-Will-Not-Be-Named... for reasons that are better left unspoken! Join Harry and Draco as they valiantly try to save the day, and just end up digging themselves in deeper. Trophies, bratwurst, and mud, oh my!

Words: 19,881
Chapters: 7
Hits: 3,967