The Dating Game

The Dating Game

"Hello, I'm Jennifer Sampson and you're watching The Dating Game! On today's show three young men will vie for a date with our beautiful young lady behind the divider." The hostess's eyes glazed over as she stared out at the audience, her mouth wide open faux-enthusiasm.

"Okay, let the show begin!" The pink suit-clad lady hopped off her stool, pearly whites still bared, and sashayed over to the three boys to the left of the divider.

"Hello!" Her mouth had somehow opened even wider. "Please state your name to the audience." She shoved her clunky microphone into the first boy's face, forcing him to draw back.

The first contender, a blond boy, cleared his throat and declared his name to the crowd. "Draco Malfoy, Hogwarts Witchcraft and Wizardry." He gave a toothy smile to the elderly women seated near the front of the all-women audience.

The hostess pulled the microphone away and swung it recklessly to the right, accidentally thumping the side of the next contestant's head. Her mouth fell into a small o, her eyes widening, before quickly returning to her gaping grin. The second boy stopped ringing his hands and sat up on his stool. "Er--Harry Potter from Hogwarts." He sighed, her mike having left him, and began to fidget with his glasses.

The last boy sat frozen on his stool, arms stiff at his side, freckles standing out against his pale face. Jennifer sighed as she held her microphone carelessly against his mouth, tapping her foot and causing him to turn a shade of green. "Roland--NO--Ronald Weasley, Hog--" She pulled the microphone away before he could finish.

"Alright!" The audience clapped excitedly, the elderly women more so than everyone else. "Let's get this show started! This is how it works: our young lady," she motioned towards the divider," will ask these gentlemen several questions, and after the commercial break we'll reveal the one she picked. All clear?" Everyone nodded silently.

"Let's begin!" The studio lights darkened and Jennifer flopped into a recliner off to the left, crossing her legs and sipping a cup of tea disinterestedly.

A barely audible voice from the right of the divider started asking the boys questions.

"Uh...Contestant number one," a light lit up and bathed the blond boy in light, "tell me about yourself."

The young man took a deep breath as he rested his hands on his knees. "Well," he puffed out his chest, "I'm very easy to get along with. I love flowers, especially their stunning smell. I also have a fondness for laughter, happiness, cake, warm blankets, puppies, and children." he finished and grinned at the audience, who were all at the edge of their seats, cooing softly over his charisma.

"Very good." She sounded pleased enough. "How about you number two?"

"Well..." He wiped his forehead of the film sweat. "I--Er...I like to play quidditch. And watching it is fun as well. I'm easy to get along with." he spit out quickly, clearly not enjoying being there as much as others.

"That's fine. Okay, another question. If we went out on a date, where would you take me, contestant number three?" The mysterious voice asked from the right of the divider.

"Oh--I thought you would ask--Er--Well, I would bring you to...to....The Three Broomsticks. Yeah." He sat up straight, pleased he was able even form words, though he could see a certain someone two people down rolling his eyes.

"Hmmmm...That's...nice. Same question number one."

"Well, that's very easy." He cleared his throat and smirked to himself. "I wouldn't take you out, for I would be jealous of the world sharing your beauty. I am very greedy and would want all your gorgeousness for myself." The young lady giggled from behind the screen. "So, I would have to say our date would be up in the Astronomy Tower at Hogwarts, with the candles burning and a delicious dinner. Made by moi, of course." His hand was draped across his heart and several audience members were now clapping elatedly, biting their bottom lips with admiration.

"Wow. Umm..Contestant number two, if you had to pick one thing to save from a burning building, what would it be?"

The dark haired youth scratched his head momentarily before his green eyes lit up. "Oh. That's an easy one. Definitely my father's invisibility cloak. It's the one thing that I cherish over my Firebolt." He had finally stopped fidgeting and seemed to be gaining confidence in himself.

"Number three?"

"Okay." The ginger-haired boy nodded assuredly to himself. "It would have to be my homemade sweater from my mum. We're really close and I don't know what would happen if it were destroyed. Really close, we are." He nodded again, noticing that now it was the boy directly to his right that was rolling his eyes.

"Nice answers," the feminine voice replied, impressed. "I'm a bit curious at what contestant number one has to say on the subject." The blond boy grinned and--no--couldn't--yes--a few audience members actually swooned.

"Oh. Well obviously I wouldn't be able to live without you by my side, and if I'm in a burning building so are you. So I would save you. Human life is important above all else. I'm not a materialistic type of person."

Another giggle was heard from behind the divider. Then the girl cleared her throat and continued to ask questions. The raven haired boy leaned into the blond one. "You don't even know who she is," he hissed. The pale one ignored him.

Twenty minutes later, the raven-haired and ginger-haired one were past being fed up with the cooing the blond one's answers produced and were playing dirty as well. Still, one was more appealing than the other two.

Finally, she was down to her last question. Three's bum was cramped from sitting on the stool. Two stared interestedly at Jennifer Sampson lounging in her recliner reading Teen Witch Magazine. Three had been winking at two brunette girls near the back and studying his nails when the others were talking.

"Alright. Here's a question for you all." The young men sat up straight, waiting expectantly. "If you had to, would you fight to the death for me?"

The blond and ginger ones both sniggered quietly at the question as Two prepared to answer.

"Of course, anything for you," he replied. The blond one raised his eyebrow, unimpressed.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. In fact, I would fight naked if you wanted me to." Roland--NO--Ronald said deviously, causing the old ladies in front to glow. The boy named Draco shook his head and turned away from the brunettes as he answered.

"No, I don't think I would. I find violence absolutely horrid. I would try and stay calm and reason with the person I would be fighting with. If they didn't compose themselves, I suppose I would be forced to use a stunning charm. But that's as far as I would go," he said fearlessly, noticing the old ladies' attention had returned to him.

The lights in the studio brightened and Jennifer Sampson jumped from her chair quickly, having been caught off guard, and rushed to the front of the three boys. "Okay folks, we'll give time to our young lady and after the break, she'll announce her dream man!" She swept her hand down and pointed at a camera, her mouth wide once more.

"...And we're off." Jennifer Sampson's grin fell and the audience grew loud as they talked amongst themselves.

"Bobby, I need a coffee!" Jennifer shouted in a demanding voice, shuffling back over to her chair.

The blond one leaned toward Two and Three, sneering. "Do you actually think you'll win this? Your answers were pathetic. 'Um...I like to play quidditch.'" He sniggered to himself as they squirmed in their seats.

"Oh yeah?" The ginger-haired one started, face turning red with his inferiority complex. "You didn't exactly tell the truth Malfoy. 'I also have likings for laughter, happiness, cake, warm blankets...'" Three imitated One in a falsetto voice. The boys sat on their stools with folded arms, keeping silent even through the sound of the theme music starting.

Jennifer shuffled back over to the front of the small stage and shook a crick from her neck. She stood stretching her lips as someone counted down. Enlarging, unrolling, folding, she played with her lips as if no one was watching her. "2...1..."

"We're back!" Jennifer said, right on cue, the audience suddenly quiet, attentive. "Alright missy!" She sashayed over to the right side of the small stage, where she stood with her hand on her hip. "Tell the audience who you've chosen!" Jennifer Sampson's mouth was wide once more as she feigned excitement.

"It was really hard," the mystery girl said, sounding eager, "but I had to go with contestant number...." She paused for a moment, taking a giant, excited breath. "I chose contestant number.....one." The three boys jumped in their seats as sirens went off everywhere and confetti fell from the ceiling. The blond one stuck his tongue out at the other two, gagging when confetti fell into his mouth.

"You heard it folks," Jennifer said, hand still on hip. "CONTESTANT NUMBER ONE wins! Yay!!!" She clapped her hands while still holding the microphone, causing a screeching sound to echo throughout the studio. "Oops... But before you see her, let's have our two losers meet her first."

Two and Three stood together and followed one another to the other side of the divider. A snort was heard, but One was preoccupied by the two brunettes again.

"Alrighty! You, Draco, have won one night around the town in our top of the line limos and an all expenses paid dinner to your choice restaurant! With...." She smiled and held her arm out towards the divider. The blond boy licked his lips in anticipation.

"Millicent Bulstrode!" she yelled over the clapping audience. His eyes bulged as he saw Millicent appear before him, batting her eyelashes and looking very awkward in her two sizes too small tube top. A terrified shriek ripped through him, rivaling that of a little girl's.

As she approached, he suddenly felt it. That warm sensation between his legs that was associated with childhood. He looked down and a large wet spot smiled back at him. He turned to the two brunettes, horrified at what was happening. By the expressions on their faces and the way they were backing into their chairs, they didn't fancy guys who 'pee-pee' their pants.

Okay, wetting your pants was bad, terrible, but wetting them down to the hems was just disgusting. He let out another shriek and even the wide-eyed Millicent wouldn't take another step towards him.

He shot out of his seat and tried to run away, but slipped on his own mess and landed face down on the floor. The room was filled with 'ewww' and 'that's disgusting' but he didn't notice because of how loud he was sobbing. Sobbing in his mess.......

***

Draco awoke with a scream, shooting up in bed and staring into the darkness with wide eyes. "I have to use the toilet!"