Around the House with the Dark Lord

Lord Voldemort was in the bathroom.

"A Dark Lord’s work is never done," grumbled the most evil wizard known to man as he placed the hamper full of dirty clothes on top of the washer. He looked inside the container and wrinkled his nose with disgust. As he feared, Peter had neglected to separate the darks from the whites. What did he think, Voldemort groused, that the clothes would magically sort themselves?

As Voldemort headed to the bathroom he stopped suddenly, gripped at his stomach and let out a gigantic fart. As he fanned the area around him with his hands in a desperate attempt to distribute the gassy goodness to everyone in a ten-foot radius he had a deep and profound, very thought-provoking insight:

The Dark Lord shrugged and placed the joint between his thumb and forefinger and took a good hit. "What I wouldn't give for a roach clip right about now. I always knew you were good for something, Wormtail. It's taken me years to figure out what it was, but I think we both know you've hit on it." In this, the latest installment to "Around the House With the Dark Lord", we find that the contents of Voldemort's attic are scary. Very scary. WARNING: There is a Bedazzler involved. If you know what that is, it's even scarier.

In this latest installment of "Around the House With the Dark Lord," we follow our favorite Lord of Darkness and his pathetic henchman into the garden, where we watch them prune rosebushes, dance, and carry on like idiots. We find out which airline is the official airline of the Dark Side and discover the mystery that is a "Jack-in-the-pulpit." Come to the place where evil lives...come into the home of the Dark Lord.