Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Five Line Challenge

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Five Line Challenge

Chapter 1 - The Riddle House

Lord Voldemort: I want Harry Potter!

Wormtail: Can't we use another wizard?

Lord Voldemort: No. I want Harry Potter. Oh and there's a nosy old muggle eavesdropping on us. Did I mention I want Harry Potter?

Frank Bryce: Are you some kind of closest pedophile?

Lord Voldemort: Avada Kedavra! I. Want. Harry. Potter. Do you understand me?

Chapter 2 - The Scar

Harry: Ouch, my scar hurts. And my life still sucks. SIRIUS!!!

Chapter 3 - The Invitation

Ron: We are coming to save you from the evil clutches of your Muggle relatives. Oh yeah, how's Dudley's diet going?

Harry: I'm STARVING!!!

Chapter 4 - Back to the Burrow

Harry: The Weasleys are here! I'm saved!!!

The Dursleys: Away with you, evil demons!!! Come no closer! *attempts to ward them off with crosses and garlic.*

Mr. Weasley: Er... hello.

Fred/George: We're here to tempt your muggle cousin with hexed magical sweets.

Dudley: There's a giant worm coming out of my mouth - wait, it's my tongue! Being the nancy boy I am, I will cry to my mummy now that I have been the victim of a prank I really deserved.

Chapter 5 - Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes

Bill/Charlie: Hello Harry, we are the two elusive elder Weasley brothers. We have been mentioned numerous times since Book One and now finally have J.K.'s approval to appear in person.

Harry: Er... hello. *looks around and sees the set up picnic table* mmm... food... *drools ala Homer Simpson.*

Chapter 6 - The Portkey

Harry: Portkeys... they're nothing like Floo Powder, right? *nervously fingers his glasses*

Mr. Weasley: No, Harry, portkeys only give a sensation of disembowelment. Very safe, I assure you, unless you find a surprise portkey. Then you're in for a ride!

Harry: Oh great! That makes me feel *gulp* a lot better...

Amos Diggory: My son is a million times better than you, Harry Potter. Watch as I continue to degrade you in front of all your friends, without any consideration for your feelings or the fact that you are only 14 years old!

Chapter 7 - Bagman and Crouch

Ron: Oh oh oh! There's a picture of Krum. I love Krum. I want to be Krum. Krum is the greatest!

Mr. Weasley: Let's see how well I can foreshadow when I single out people from the Ministry.

Percy: I adore Mr. Crouch. I would do anything for him.

Mr. Crouch: Good day Weatherby, still sycophantic as usual, I see. Oh, I seem to have some dirt on my shoes.

Percy: Let me lick it off for you, oh wonderful super Sir! *slurp*

Chapter 8 - The Quidditch World Cup

Harry: Wow! I want to play Quidditch for England one day. But not before I try to jump out of the top box to impress the beautiful girls!

Ron: Harry, wait for me!!! *runs after him*

Hermione: *rolls her eyes* Boys...

Chapter 9 - The Dark Mark

Harry: What is that green skull in the sky? How pretty...

Mr. Weasley: That's the Dark Mark. It's You-Know-Who's sign, and after many more minutes of explanation I will foreshadow the reason why there's such a large age gap between Charlie and Percy. I am so good at foreshadowing!

Hermione: This is the chapter where my RSPCA tendencies start to show - free the downtrodden House Elves!

Chapter 10 - Mayhem at the Ministry

Ron: What are these???

Mrs. Weasley: Dress robes.

Ron: I'm not wearing these! I'd rather go naked!

Mrs. Weasley: Ok then. Send me a picture; I'll save it for your 21^st.

Harry: What is it with wizards and dress-style clothing???

Chapter 11 - Aboard the Hogwarts Express

Mrs. Weasley/Bill/Charlie: *chant* We know something you don't know, we know something you don't know!

Ron: WHAT???!!!

Mrs. Weasley: *smiles mysteriously* My foreshadowing work is done. I'll be running off now. Have a good year, you three.

Malfoy: Two family members in the Ministry and you know nothing. Why am I surprised? I scoff at your lack of money and remind you that I am rich and devilishly handsome.

Ron: I'm surprised that even a mother could love such a stupid twat like yourself!

Chapter 12 - The Triwizard Tournament

Dumbledore: Welcome to another year at Hogwarts. Here is this year's obligatory new DADA teacher. We do seem to run through quite a few of them, don't we? How coincidental that this has occurred ever since Harry Potter began his schooling here.

Moody: Hello, my name is Professor Moody and I am the token evil villain - although I cunningly act like the good guy. My goal this year is to present Harry Potter to my Master on a platter, and barely give out any homework. Thank you. *all the students cheer wildly*

Hermione: I refuse to eat this food. It came from slavery of House Elves

Ron: Harry, what are the odds this'll stick?

Harry: She'll start eating tomorrow.

Chapter 13 - Mad-Eye Moody

Moody: I will prove how much of a good guy I am by transfiguring Malfoy into a ferret.

Ron: Look! Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret! I never thought I'd see the day...

Harry: Wow, Professor Moody, you are cool! There's no way you can be evil!

Moody: That's right Harry. I am not evil. *grins evilly*

Chapter 14 - The Unforgivable Curses

Moody: Today's lesson: Unforgivable Curses. If you use these curses, you will land in Azkaban. I know, because it happened to me... oops, did I say that aloud? Anyway, here's a spider - Crucio, Imperio, Avada Kedavra. Spider dead.

Ron: DIE SPIDER DIE!

Moody: Oh, Neville, I seem to have startled you. Come to my office and I'll give you a book that will help Potter in the Second Task, although he'll be too proud to ask for help, jeopardizing my evil plan! You can't blame a guy for plotting!

Hermione: Free the House Elves! Join SPEW! And I'm not listening to anyone who says otherwise!

Sirius' letter: Dear Harry, I'm risking my safety and coming back for you. Don't think about changing my mind, my doggy sense can see through lies. Love, Sirius.

Chapter 15 - Beauxbatons and Durmstrang

Harry: Dear Sirius, I was lying about the scar hurting. It... it was an April fool's joke. Yeah, that's right. Love, Harry.

Sirius' letter: Dear Harry, April fool's? In July? Nice try Harry, but I'm back already. And it's for own your safety. I evidently don't care about my own. Love, Sirius.

Moody: Ah, Potter. Very interesting. You are the only person to be able to throw off the Imperius Curse. Plot device anyone?

*arrival of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students*

Beauxbatons students: Ah! Eet eez too cold! Ze food eez to 'eavy! We like to complain! We is never 'appy!

Durmstrang students: Mumble, mumble, mumble, growl. Ve haff a Death Eater for a Headmaster. Ve are an entire school that resembles Slytherin - and ve haff Viktor Krum!

Chapter 16 - The Goblet of Fire

Dumbledore: This year we just happen to be hosting the Triwizard Tournament which has not been allowed in past years due to a high fatality rate. But that's ok. Let the great big cup decide who will participate because, of course, a flaming mug is smarter than us all.

Goblet of Fire: *Drum roll* and the winners are: From the cold but otherwise unknown whereabouts of Durmstrang... Victor Krum! From the suspiciously France-situated Beauxbatons... Fleur Delacour! From the magnificent, radiant, humble (1) Hogwarts... Cedric Diggory! And from a completely fictitious school of one student that I have been hoodwinked to add... Harry Potter!

All occupants of the Great Hall: It's a scandal! It's an outrage! *And a small outraged barn dance begins around the Great Hall.*

Chapter 17 - The Four Champions

Dumbledore: Harry, everyone in the school hates you right now, but you have no choice but to compete. I hope you can survive the dangerous tasks or else there won't be any need for the next three books and I'll have to go back to doing Shakespeare.

Harry: Nobody believes that I didn't put my name in, but luckily I can always count on my very best friend Ron!

Ron: I hate you Harry

Harry: Just when you think life can't get any worse...

Chapter 18 - The Weighing of the Wands

Harry: Dear Sirius, Please don't worry but everyone hates me since that stupid so-called magic cup spewed my name out. My life sucks. Love Harry.

Malfoy: Let's duel in the school corridors. What are the chances our spells'll collide anyway?

*Goyle and Hermione get hit. Hermione's teeth rival those of rabbits.*

Rita Skeeter: Hello Harry. I am here to print outrageous lies about you and your friends. So what dark secrets do you want to tell me? If not, I can just make them up, just to BUG you.

Mr. Ollivander: Hello again. I haven't been seen since Book One. I'm here to 'weigh the wands', although where the scales are no one seems to know. Mr. Potter, your wand. Who really cares about the other three? Do THEY share a wand core with a really powerful dark wizard?

Sirius' letter: Dear Harry, Drop everything. I have very important news to tell you that you won't end up hearing. Love, Sirius.

Chapter 19 - The Hungarian Horntail

Hermione: Argh. I hate that BEETLE Rita Skeeter! I am NOT Harry's girlfriend! Harry, can you please stop being a stubborn twat and make up with Ron? Please? At Hogsmeade?

Harry: No. I like being stubborn. I'll go to Hogsmeade, but I'm wearing my invisibility cloak, which'll make you look like a Nigel No Friends.

Hermione: Gee, thanks EVER so much, Harry. *rolls her eyes* I'll just take the time to work on my House Elf revolution that even the House Elves reject.

Moody: Hello Harry. My magical eye makes it convenient to see through anything. Except lead, that is, and keep kryptonite far, far away from me.

Hagrid: Meet me at midnight, Harry. I'm gonna show Madame Maxime th' dragons o' the first task so she can tell Fleur, an' I might as well show you too. Oh, an' I think Professor Karkaroff'll drop over sometime later.

Chapter 20 - The First Task

Harry: I don't know what to do! I'm dragon meat! How am I going to get past a dragon? I have no talent. Period.

Moody: Hello Potter. I can't tell you how to survive the task, so listen to what I have to say: this is how to survive through the task. Your broom, you twit!

Harry: Thanks Professor!

Moody: All in the furthering of plot to taking your life Potter.

*after the First Task*

Ron: Harry, I believe you didn't enter now - I know for sure that you don't have a death wish!

Chapter 21 - The House-Elf Liberation Front

Harry: I've got the golden dragon's egg - the next clue. Let's see if I can open it. Ah... here we go...

Egg: *starts screeching one long high deafening note*

Harry: Geez! Not even my ears are safe at this school!

Hermione: Harry! You'll never believe this! I went down to the kitchens to brainwash the House Elves, and guess who I found? Dobby!

Harry: Fantastic. I'm already in a dangerous tournament and a house elf, who has a habit of almost killing me whenever he sees me, has shown up. *monotone* I am jumping for joy.

Chapter 22 - The Unexpected Task

McGonagall: It's time for some sexual tension. That's right, there's going to be a Yule Ball. Potter, get a partner or else face dire consequences. Yes, I mean the rest of Lockhart's fan mail!

Harry: *gulps* Why do I sense oncoming comedy at the expense of my self-esteem?

*later that month...*

Harry: Cho, wangoballwime?

Cho: No.

Harry: I feel so unloved.

Chapter 23 - The Yule Ball

Hermione: You like me, don't you Ron?

Ron: No I don't!!

Harry, J.K. Rowling and Gryffindors: YES YOU DO!!!

Chapter 24 - Rita Skeeter's Scoop

Rita Skeeter: Mwahahaha! I am an evil BUG. Everyone believes anything I write. Hey! Everyone! Hagrid is an evil half-giant! He's going to kill us all!

Ludo Bagman: Hey Harry, can I offer to help you in the tournament by cheating, making you believe that I might be the evil guy in this book?

Harry: Uh, no thanks Mr. Bagman. Look there's Rita Skeeter! You daft PEST! Leave Hagrid alone! You are an evil CREEPY-CRAWLY.

Hermione: That woman's enough to make anyone agoraphobic. Hagrid! She's just a mean spirited bi...oh, hello Professor.

Dumbledore: Snap out of it, Hagrid. The woman's an annoying INSECT. If you don't come back, I'll be forced to get Filch to tend the garden - Hogwarts will be a desert by Easter!

Chapter 25 - The Egg and the Eye

Harry: What do a golden egg and the Prefects' bathroom have in common? No, it's not a riddle, I really want to know! Hey Myrtle, what's up?

Moaning Myrtle: I'm secretly in love with you. Didn't you pick that up in Chamber of Secrets? Open the egg underwater. Come on, we don't have all night!

*Harry puts the egg underwater and makes sense of it*

Harry: Ok, so I have to breathe underwater? For someone who's protecting me, Dumbledore's doing a good job in putting my life in danger! Ooh, time to go. *checks the Marauders Map* Huh? Mr. Crouch in Snape's office? Hmm, will I go to the safety of my dorm, or head into obvious danger? Silly question! *sings to the tune of the Wizard of Oz* I'm off to Snapey's office, to see if it's Cro-uch in there... Oops, the missing step!

Moody: Seems we have a little party here... Snape, Filch, and Potter under an invisibility cloak. Am I invited? I get to choose the music! Oh, a map of the school... Gee, Potter, you'd be a great auror... can I take your map to use in my plot against you?

Harry: Ok!

Chapter 26 - The Second Task

Dobby: Harry Potter must wake up! Dobby cannot stop annoying Harry Potter until he wakes up so Dobby can give him the Gillyweed for the Second Task. Dobby hears from Professor Moody that this will help Harry Potter!

Harry: Gee thanks. Professor Moody is so cool! That's the second time he's helped me! I guess he really likes me. *Goes to the lake and chews on Gillyweed* Ew, where's sugar when you need it? Hey, I can breathe underwater! *sings* Under the Sea! Under the Sea! - Ooh there's Ron, Hermione, Cho and some little kid! It's time for rescuing!

Merman: Take your own hostage. Or are you so daft as to take that poem seriously? And stop singing that song! We had to sue Disney for defamation.

Harry: You people are freaky-looking. No wonder Disney tweaked a few details.

Ludo Bagman: Harry Potter, we award you 45 out of a possible 50 points, even though you were the last to return. But your name is in the title, so we can't make you look bad.

Chapter 27 - Padfoot Returns

Harry: Ugh, another article by that GNAT, Skeeter. This time she's incriminated Hermione!

Snape: Hmm, what's this? The Dynamic Trio have relationship problems I see. Well, I will help create further misery by reading the entire article melodramatically in front of the class.

*later outside Hogsmeade*

Harry: Hey Sirius, what's up my furry little friend?

Sirius: Food!!! *greedily tears chicken drumsticks to pieces* Well, my role in this chapter is to tell you that Barty Crouch Jr. died in Azkaban. Of course this will throw you off his track immediately, and you get a bad rap of Crouch Sr.

Harry/Ron/Hermione: Thanks Sirius. Bye.

Chapter 28 - The Madness of Mr. Crouch

Ron: I hate being poor...

Everyone: Will you ever quit complaining about that???

Harry: Look, Krum, there's Mr. Crouch! He doesn't look sick to me, bet he's been faking. Mind you, if I had Percy stalking me like that I wouldn't blame him!

Mr. Crouch: Dumbledore... to see... I need... Yoda talk... helping not... in situation... this...

Harry: *after bringing Dumbledore back with him* Hey, where'd he go? Why's Krum unconscious? Why do I have the feeling that there's something odd going on?

Chapter 29 - The Dream

Harry: Ahh! Bad dream about Voldemort, in Divination of all places! My scar hurts. DUMBLEDORE!!! Whoa, I have the biggest feeling of déjà vu...

Chapter 30 - The Pensieve

Harry: Whoa, another one of those travel-to-the-past-thingies-where-I'm-not-seen. Cool! What's this? Crouch's son was a Death Eater?

Dumbledore: Those are my thoughts, Harry. I put them in my Pensieve when they clutter up my mind. That's why I suffer from long term memory loss.

Harry: I was swimming in your thoughts? Ooh that doesn't sound right. Anyway I fell asleep and had a dream about Voldemort, and my scar hurt. Do you think he's cominafter me?

Dumbledore: Sorry Harry I have no idea. Only time will tell. But with anything else I'll be happy to help.

Harry: *grumbles* Great help you are.

Chapter 31 - The Third Task

Harry: Oh, no. Not ANOTHER article from that BUG of a woman, Rita Skeeter. That woman cannot take rejection!

Hermione: Wait a minute, Harry! Did you say bug? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I know how she's been getting information! I've got to go to the library!

Ron: That's some kind of catch phrase for her by now, isn't it?

*in the maze*

Cedric: Thanks for saving my skin, Harry. Something weird's going on - Fleur screaming, and now Krum attacking me! How odd, no one seems to be after you...

Harry: Hey Cedric, let's touch the cup at the same time. What are the odds that something really unexpected will happen?

Chapter 32 - Flesh, Blood and Bone

Harry: Huh? Why are we in a graveyard? Guess I spoke too soon...

Cedric: I don't know, but there's something fishy going on. Let's check it out.

Voldemort: Grab the kid and tie him to my dad's tombstone. What? What do you mean 'which one?' You buffoon, Wormtail! Harry! The scrawny black haired kid with glasses. Oh, just get rid of the other one. Never question me again!

Harry: You killed Cedric! You bastard! And I'm NOT scrawny!

*Voldemort's resurrection*

Wormtail: It's alive! Alive! Oh... my arm... That's the last time I say 'I'd give my right arm for the Dark Lord's resurrection and restoration to power'!

Chapter 33 - The Death Eaters

Voldemort: Hey boys, I'm back! Let's party like its 1981!

Avery: Hey Master, it's good to see you. Sorry for, you know, being disloyal and all...

Voldemort: Crucio! And be glad its nothing worse. I could've made you go on drinks duty! And for the next half an hour I will go on and on about the last 14 years till my moment of resurrection. But now it's time for some fun again. If anyone sleeps, they go on cleaning duty, so listen up to my ingenious, never-heard-of-before-evil plan for taking over the world... sounds oddly familiar doesn't it? Nah!

Chapter 34 -Priori Incantatem

Voldemort: Harry, let us duel. I know I should kill you straight away, but obviously I've never read Peter's Advice for Evil Overlords (2). What's the harm? It's not like some unexpected phenomenon involving our wands will happen anyway.

*the spells from Harry and Voldemort's wands bind*

Harry: What's going on? Why are ghosts coming out of Voldemort's wand? Oh my god! Mum! Dad! Long time, no see!

Ghost of James Potter: Even though we are ghosts we will somehow ward off Voldemort for you while you scuttle off to the portkey. Go on then! Scoot!

Ghost of Cedric: Don't forget my body! I don't want to imagine what they'll do to it. *shudders.*

Chapter 35 - Veritaserum

Harry: I survived Voldemort again and saw ghostly echoes of my dead parents. By the way, Cedric is dead!!!

Moody: Come this way Potter, away from everyone so I can tell you that I am Bartemius Crouch Jr. and the spy within Hogwarts. I want to kill you because my master couldn't.

Dumbledore/McGonagall/Snape: NOT SO FAST!!!

Moody: Under Veritaserum I will blab all my secrets... yes it was me behind the greenhouses kissing Florence...

Chapter 36 - Parting of the Ways

Dumbledore: Voldemort is back

Fudge: I made sure Crouch Jr. never speaks again.

Dumbledore: I said 'Voldemort is back'

Fudge: Sorry, what was that? I didn't hear you

Dumbledore: Well it would help if you stopped humming and unblock your ears.

Chapter 37 - The Beginning

Harry: Let me get this straight. Voldemort steals my blood, kills Cedric, and then tries to kill me. My parents are still dead, I still have this horrible scar on my head AND I have to go back to the Dursleys? My life keeps getting worse and worse!!! So, to make myself feel better, I will give away large amounts of money.

Fred/George: Gee, thanks Harry, now we can be drop-outs and make our parents proud! Especially Mum!

Harry: Yeah, yeah. But buy Ron some new dress robes so the next time there's a ball he won't complain as much and finally ask Hermione out.

THE END

1) For anyone who wonders, I stole that blatantly from 'Charlotte's Web'

2) This is a really cool site - the name says it all. It's at http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html