Harry's In Love

His green eyes were glassy, and the expression appeared to be a million miles away. The look was familiar on Harry Potter's face but Hermione wasn't used to seeing it. Usually only Ron saw Harry in this state.

"He's in love," Hermione Granger deduced. She bit her lip. "He has to be."

Ron Weasley glanced up from the dinner plate. The three Gryffindors had come to the Great Hall late and were the only occupants, except a few slow Hufflepuffs across the room.

"He always looks like that," Ron snorted. "It's not anything unusual. Cho was wearing a white shirt again beneath her robes. And Malfoy, the git, 'accidentally' dumped water on it."

"But he's over Cho," Hermione complained. "Isn't she dating Malfoy, anyway?"

"And Seamus. And Justin. And that Ravenclaw in First Year, one in Fourth Year. . . Oh! And the Ravenclaw girl, Mandy. I think Ginny's been with her, as well." Ron frowned. "I think she was with Hannah, too."

"How would *you* know this?" Hermione demanded.

A blush crept up Ron's face. "I...uh..."

Hermione snorted. "I should have known. Cho the ho strikes again."

"Hey!" Harry looked up at the insult to the Ravenclaw Seeker. "Don't insult her just because she ruined your reputation. I'm sorry I had to say she was a better fuck than you. But she was. Terry Boot likes you best, though."

"So does Goyle," Ron snickered.

Hermione huffed. "Fine! I'll just have sex with Malfoy then! Snape reversed the spell on him, so he's not a ferret anymore. See if he ever tries to seduce you again while I'm..." Hermione trailed off, glaring at Harry. "HARRY JAMES POTTER! What is so fascinating that you have to ignore me?"

"I was just...thinking of someone." Harry blushed and Hermione caught the dreamy look in his eyes again.

"I told you he was in love," Hermione hissed at Ron. "He just broke our rule. 'You shall not fall in love with someone during casual sex.'"

"You're just bitter it isn't you," Ron gloated.

Hermione didn't respond for several seconds. "Maybe it's Malfoy. Harry always gloats after that. 'I made the steamy Slytherin scream.'" she mocked.

Harry tuned back into his friends' conversation and wrinkled his nose. "Eww. No way, 'Mione! Malfoy's whipped already. Ginny and Cho have full claim on him."

"Figures," she muttered. "Crabbe or Goyle, then?"

Again he wrinkled his nose. "...Hagrid."

"Ewww."

"My thoughts, too," Ron shuddered.

"Ginny, then!"

Harry shook his head, "No. We dated last year, remember? She's too much of a slut to stay with one person."

"Like you aren't," Ron countered. "You cheated on her just as much as she on you!"

"But at least it was via incest." Harry glared at the redhead. "Honestly, Ron! You had Ginny cheat on me with you!"

"Well, she has a cute ass!" Ron said meekly. "At least I wasn't with Snape!"

"He's not blood."

"... You mean, you don't know?"

"Know what?" Harry asked, impatiently.

"...Father Snape."

"He's a . . . priest?!" Hermione asked, wide eyes.

"No," Ron said slowly, "he's Harry's father."

"WHAT?!" Both of his friends cried.

Ron shrugged. "I guess their class were sluts, too."

"I'm the son of Snape," Harry said, unbelieving.

"Eww, does that mean you'll have his hair?" Hermione asked, wide-eyed.

"By the way," Ron added, looking at Hermione. "Mum told me Draco is your brother. So you aren't a mudblood, after all!"

"Damn," Hermione swore, "I was hoping that trauma would help me write a book in the future."

Harry rolled his eyes. "What is this? As Hogwarts Turns?"

"Yes," Hermione nodded. "Complete with you involved in a love scandal! So, who is s/he?"

"Uh..."

"It's Colin Creevey, I bet." Ron said. "Colin was in the dorm last night, Harry. Seamus let him take nude pictures of you."

"What?" Harry cried, horrified. "Pictures without my smile?!"

"Maybe it's Lockhart," Hermione mused. "He was visiting with Snape and Sprout last night. . ."

"He gave me smiling pointers," Harry offered. "But it's not him."

"Do we know the person in question?" Ron asked, curiously.

"...Yes."

"Question?" Hermione's eyes widened. "Blaise!"

"NO!" Harry shook his head. "It's not a Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, or Hufflepuff."

"Dumbledore?" Hermione wrinkled her nose.

Harry's face turned a light shade of green. "No. Merlin, no! Not a professor, either."

"Oh," Ron looked dejected. "Not Trelawney then?"

Harry snorted. "No. I did fuck her once, though... but then, you see, she told me I'd die during sex if I betrayed her so I never went near her again."

"I was wondering why you dropped that class..." Hermione murmured thoughtfully.

Ron shrugged. "I don't know who else. Lupin, Sirius, Pettigrew...?"

"Mrs. Figg, your Aunt or Uncle?" Hermione added. "...Hedwig??"

"Not Hedwig," Harry frowned, "but that's close..."

"You aren't in love with PIG, are you?!" Ron screeched.

"...Er, no."

"Good. George is in love with Pig, and er, I wasn't supposed to tell you that..."

Harry snorted. "Well, you won't be able to guess. But..."

"Who is it?" Hermione asked, kindly. "We won't kill you. Much."

The answer was mumbled.

"Who?" Ron asked, straining to hear. "I thought you said Buckbeak..."

"I did!" Harry said, softly. "It started the night Hermione and I rescued it. It was just so sad looking, and I don't know..." Harry had that dreamy look again. "And it has the most startling set of yellow orbs... And I just couldn't help but think of it."

Hermione couldn't respond. She opened and closed her mouth several times. Well...she had Crookshanks, and she loved the animal dearly. So who was she to judge him? So she only smiled awkwardly at him.

And Ron, face bright red, could only say, "I loved Scabbers until third year..."

Harry grinned. Best friends to the end. In everything.