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What happens when Hogwarts puts on LotR as its school play? Read this to find out!

Words: 2,381
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,693

Hogwarts students have dealt with all sorts of Mary Sues - the ridiculous, the annoying, and even the violently evil. But now, they have one girl that no previous fic could prepare them for - the terminally insane. Leigh is - well, we'll say "unique." You have to be, to have a pet rock - excuse us, Rok. Who talks. And who told her that she is in fact Sailor LoOn, guardian of peace, justice, and the world's bananas.``But that last part is top secret. Please don't read it. Then she'll have to kill you. Or at least poke you viciously with her Loon stick.

Words: 11,077
Chapters: 6
Hits: 1,692

Another -- perhaps the most obvious -- of the end-of-year report series.

Words: 498
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,691

Time has passed, but Transfigurations exams are still a bane to ``Snape, Malfoy and the others, but they\\\'ve got a plan.... No sheep were harmed ``in the making of this story. Just chocolate chip cookies.

Words: 5,587
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,688

Because of Hermione Rita had to look for a new job - and she found it! Agony Aunt at "Witch Weekly"...

Words: 3,127
Chapters: 4
Hits: 1,685

A D/Hr fic satire, prompted by the use of the same plot line over and *over* again. Not for the weak of heart or the weak of butt.

Words: 3,514
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,676

We all saw You-Know-Who's body lying dead on the ground when we were seventeen, so that means he's been dead for three years, right? Wrong. That's the first problem. Second problem is that Terry doesn't have a girlfriend or a real job. Third is that Zacharias and I will be sharing a room for the next six months. Fourth is that ... you get the idea.

Words: 15,960
Chapters: 5
Hits: 1,676

This story is a parody of Dickens' The Christmas Carol with our favorite Potions Master taking the starring role. Severus Snape takes a trip through his subconscious and comes out with a greater appreciation for the one person who truly cares about him.

Words: 8,136
Chapters: 6
Hits: 1,675

A twisted tale in which Voldemort (who else?) tries to take over the world by using a concoction of spells to turn him into Barney the dinosaur. If this seems twisted and dumb to you, read the authors note in the first chapter where I try to explain everything. Mainly a fictional (supposedly) account on the Purple One's rise to power in the first chapter, it gradually becomes more and more HP oriented. Totally HP in the third chapter.

Words: 6,128
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,674

If you love Remus J. Lupin (and don't we all?), you've probably wondered what the 'J.' stands for. Sirius Black wonders the same thing, and he isn't above using a chocolate frog to find out.

Words: 1,225
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,673

Imagine if all the HP characters had to act out every single one of their fics? It would be totally twisted. This is my take on what might happen behind the scenes of a D/G fic.

Words: 1,900
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,673

15 years after the trio graduates. Now their kids are taking their places at Hogwarts

Words: 2,026
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,672

Why is everyone declaring love for Harry? Why is Malfoy off the Slytherin Quidditch team? Why is Ginny making a list? Why is Hermione so upset? And who is that girl with the funny accent? Too many Unexpected Task ideas combine to confuse everyone. Four chapters.

Words: 13,453
Chapters: 4
Hits: 1,672
Group Therapy by T Proctor
07/15/2003

Dumbledore enlists the help of a friend from the States to help his former DADA teachers work through their anxieties.

Words: 1,260
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,671

When Sirius is given an ultimatum by his mother, McGonagall enforces cannon and the PG13 rating is kept absolute, there’s only one thing left to do... Warning: Keep your tongue firmly in your cheek. Contains: slash, het, femmeslash, incest, outcest (bear with me), humor, cliché, disturbing use of drapery, utter demolition of the 4th wall, melodramatics, threesomes, some language, & near-musical encounters.

Words: 1,193
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,669

Updated to comply with Half Blood Prince. “'You do not seek to kill me, Dumbledore.' 'We both know that there are other ways of destroying a man, Tom,' Dumbledore said calmly." What are those ways, and what does candy have to do with anything?

Words: 8,248
Chapters: 5
Hits: 1,667

A very \

Words: 5,535
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,666
Baby Blues by Chibi Tanny
11/12/2002

It's bottles, powder, diapers and pacifiers for Ron and his friends when a prank's result turns... Infant? 0.o. With their arch rival the sly and evil Draco Malfoy reduced to a mere toddler, their punishment is to 'baby sit' the blond haired Slytherin, until such time as a cure can be formulated. What's a Gryffindor to do?

Words: 1,505
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,665

What happened after Harry and Hermione left the Great Hall and what Draco had to say about it. A sequel to Humiliation.

Words: 2,642
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,664

The Marauders, Lily, Snape, Lucius, Bellatrix, Narcissa, and Bill are locked in a room and being forced to MST on HPPS/HPSS! What will happen when Bill annoys Lucius to hell, Bellatrix sings and shatters several windows, and Sirius decides to kill Peter?

Words: 17,787
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,660

Okay, this is really hard. It is an MST for POTC. I warn you, plotlessness possibly ahead.

Words: 1,351
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,659

Harry, Ron and Hermione have a little fun with the author.

Words: 1,734
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,658

Silly ships are spoofed in an even sillier ficlet. - ``“No,” he hissed. “I have just returned from the Dark Lord. I am in severe pain from the affereffects of the Crucio curse. You will tend to my injuries,” he said, stripping off his clothes.``“Fine,” she said, admiring his thin, paper white body.

Words: 1,334
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,658
Boys and Girls by Che
03/29/2003

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny realize what the biggest difference is between boys and girls.

Words: 514
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,657

James, Sirius and Remus lost the Marauders Map sometime in sixth year. Severus Snape is a git. Here is how they lost the map, in a very bland sort of way. Severus is a git? Brief mention of some non-existant characters. Snape is... you get the picture. THE MAPE IS GONE FOREVER!

Words: 1,646
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,657

Written for the Trio FQF in answer to the challenge: Hermione is in the delivery room; Harry and Ron attempt to be supportive but find it trying. What's worse than an anxious father-to-be? Two fathers-to-be!

Words: 8,788
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,657

'No offense guys but you reek!' Why do they reek? It's Hogwarts battle of the Sexes. Who will win and why do the boys smell of flowers? What happens next? You decide!

Words: 1,159
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,654
Blue Hawaii by Lady Narcissa
03/14/2003

Malfoys. Weasleys. One exotic Hawaiian island, two weeks' vacation. Worlds collide, mayhem ensues, the unexpected happens.

Words: 12,904
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,650

Severus Snape's best friend returns to teach at Hogwarts-- YES, HE HAS FRIENDS. Keep your smart-aleck comments to yourself! Some of the things that ensue: green and silver body paint, year-long chess games, action, fun, insanity for all ages! A few OCs, and a side of Severus Snape you may never have seen. Sarcasm, arguments, and reminisces about Lily abound. Voila.

Words: 10,263
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,650

-A once off parody of cliche. Featuring reluctant snogging, girly screams, pointless conferences, Mary-Sues, makeovers, no plot, attempt at witty insults, sadistic Weasleys, horny Malfoys, mindless swearing and innuendo, dodgy time lapses, powdered cheese, general insanity and a happy ending. Written for all ficcers who despise cliche-ridden fifth year fics, this fic will move you... (into the corner, shaking with fear).

Words: 6,041
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,648

Minerva McGonagall is failing Potions thanks to several distractions of hair harassment and a certain mishap that wasn’t her fault. Honest! And now the only way Slughorn will allow her to pass his class is to get tutoring from his prized student: Tom Riddle. Pissed emotions, snarky remarks, sexual tension, and chaos ensue. And it’s going to be one hell of a year for the both of them.

Words: 7,073
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,648

“Heir of Slytherin! Seriously evil wizard coming through!”``“Yeah, he’s off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant!” ``Fred and George had more in mind than just embarassing Harry! Well, actually they didn't, but they wanted to do it in a bigger way. Think cameras, costumes and watering holes! Weasley Wizarding Productions get their first hit with The Heir of Slytherin!

Words: 4,313
Chapters: 4
Hits: 1,646
Mummy Dearest by Cosmic
08/19/2003

Response to challenge #80 on blooddance.com. Snape’s mum comes back from Japan after an interesting vision that will change Severus’ life, as well as the life of one Harry Potter. Oneshot.

Words: 8,221
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,645

When Sirius's attempt to meddle in Remus's and Severus's love-affair goes awry, he decides it's high time he drop out of Hogwarts. A parody of Jim Jacobs's and Warren Casey's musical "Grease."

Words: 2,042
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,641

Molly Weasley tries her hand at matchmaking. Wackiness ensues.

Words: 4,186
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,639

This one HAS no excuse. Read if you have absolutely nothing better to do with your life. Harry and Ron join Muggle Studies class.

Words: 555
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,629

Spend a day viewing the Weasley family through the eyes of Ginny. It's a rough life with six brothers and a well-meaning but curious dad. And a mother who'll know if you did your homework or not!

Words: 1,362
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,628

A big project has come upon all seventh year Hogwarts students. They get to take care of Baby-Think-It-Over! Who will make excellent parents and who won’t? Follow Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and more through their weekend with Baby-Think-It-Over!

Words: 7,374
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,624

Moony and Padfoot are sending innocent notes to each other one day during school... and it all goes downhill, chaotic and cartoonishly violent. Embarrassing moments, long lost stuffed animals, and more!

Words: 535
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,624

Alternate Universe: Welcome to Pureblood Academy, the fangirls dream... A student called Harry Potter transfers from a poorer school to the prestigious Pureblood Academy where Harry encounters the Host Club led by a certain blonde. Chaos, comedy, and riddikulus amount of romance ensues.

Words: 20,542
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,620

The Beaters: a legend, a phenomenon. The rock group that forever ``changes rock and roll. This is their story.

Words: 11,390
Chapters: 4
Hits: 1,620

Sean shows off a trick he learned from an American relative which soon turns into a day-long contest.

Words: 1,063
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,620
A Really Bad Idea by Kt.M.M.
11/30/2006

When Lily Evans is the victim of a love potion that makes her drool over Professor Slughorn for two days, there is no doubt in James Potter's mind that Snape was somehow (however directly or indirectly) involved. Eager to use any excuse to terrorize Snivellus, Sirius works up a masterful plan of revenge that will make Snape the victim of his own trick. No one listens to Lupin when he desperately seeks to divert the twisted scheme, and no one escapes the disaster that ensues when it becomes dreadfully screwed up. Everybody/Somebody (but mostly artificial).

Words: 15,958
Chapters: 4
Hits: 1,619

Harry, Hermione, and Ron step into Diagon Alley and decide to lunch in the area - on the Muggle side. When a visit to a nearby bookstore (Hermione's request, of course) introduces them to a crowd fans lining up for autographs, dressed in HP costumes, our everyday Muggle world clashes with the wizarding. A frustrated Hermione, a bewildered Harry and a frightened Ron try to get to the bottom of the situation - just who are Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, and Daniel Radcliffe?

Words: 4,472
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,616
Dear Drarry by loudluna
05/02/2008

An Advice Column with our favorite Slash pair, Harry and Draco! Read their thoughts on things from ninjas to pimples and everything in between. Guaranteed to cheer you up with the glory that is Draco's sarcasm and Harry's... Well, he's Harry.

Words: 2,067
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,616
Musical Notes by GoodWitch
06/06/2004

In the beginning of the Marauders’ fifth year at Hogwarts, they devise yet another plan to prank Snape. But when Lily interferes with their plans, the boys have to get back at her. However, revenge is not-so sweet this time, and their plot backfires. Will they be able to get through the day without being caught?

Words: 11,452
Chapters: 4
Hits: 1,615

Set during late winter of year six. Remus and Sirius discuss how they should tell Harry that they're more then just good friends.

Words: 1,521
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,615

Damsel in distress (dam\'zel in di-stres\'): adj/adv 1. a maiden in peril; 2. the subject of a hero\'s rescue; 3. Draco Malfoy.``Gen-fic.

Words: 1,740
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,610

What would happen if Harry Potter found himself trapped inside J.R.R. Tolkien's world? I know you all have been dying to know, so here is my interpretation.

Words: 7,730
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,607

Minerva McGonagall is desperate for an evening of peace, after a long hard day. But, it seems as if everyone is desperate to stop her from getting it! Hilarious run-ins with Severus and Madam Hooch add to the craziness! SS/XH MM/AD

Words: 11,770
Chapters: 5
Hits: 1,607

The title's pretty self-explanatory. Would anything I said make you read this? Hmm. Figured.

Words: 2,052
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,606
Pensieves and Lions by Bobbi
01/14/2003

Harry finds an alternative, and infinitely more fun, use for Dumbeldore's Pensieve...

Words: 1,442
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,601
Holiday by Charlotte Sterling
12/04/2004

Set during the summer before Harry's final year at Hogwarts. Harry decides to relax and live a little while he's on vacation. Harry meets some interesting people. Hijinks, hilarity, calamities, hibachis, jalopies, shenanigans and eventually some *hot* dirty slash/het ensue. Also features your favorite character, who shan't be named, for spoiler purposes.

Words: 11,384
Chapters: 4
Hits: 1,599

What really happened during MWPP Hogwarts days? A Parody of MWPP stories.

Words: 1,070
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,599

There's a bad guy around, and it's not Voldemort. He has folders (ring binders) instead of Death Eaters, and has a strange relation to Voldemort. Harry, Ron and Hermione save the day, in the end. What happens in the middle is a different case altogether.

Words: 5,546
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,598

What will Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Draco do when they get really bored during their detention?!

Words: 1,924
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,598
A Summer Visit by GreenLily
06/18/2002

The summer after her first year at Hogwarts, Lily invites her friends to stay for a few days. Her older sister's boyfriend is rude and the marauders feel that Vernon Dursley must be taught a lesson.

Words: 4,565
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,597

Draco is bothered by a distressing issue. It makes him push over coffeepots, try to avoid Harry Potter, and sneak out in the middle of the night with friends and minions. Especially funny if you like slash :D

Words: 1,316
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,594
The Talk by Tegan
07/10/2002

I've had, you've probably had it. It's inevitable. Even for our beloved characters.

Words: 2,578
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,592

Oh, the woes of a Potions Master. Know the thoughts of everyone's favorite Greasy Git as he writes in his diary. Eventual SS/HG and SS/HP

Words: 5,424
Chapters: 5
Hits: 1,591

The Marauders may be confused as to exactly which version of 1970s Hogwarts they are currently in, but even that cannot prevent them from wreaking havoc. With special guest appearances by Lily Evans, Bellatrix Black, Albus Dumbledore, Professor Flitwick, the Mirror of Erised, James’s toy snitch, and Remus Lupin’s temper. Rated for frequent use of the word “torrid.”

Words: 5,960
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,590
The First Date by Kas
03/31/2009

Tonks and Remus are (finally) together! And tonight- they're going to go on their first real date. Trouble is, Tonks can't get out of bed, Remus is getting cold feet, Charlie is in the middle of a not-so-mid-life crisis, and Sirius is...well...Sirius.

Words: 5,957
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,588
Shooting Lessons by Keieru
09/22/2001

A ficlet set in Al's Snitch! universe. In which Draco learns to use his ... um ... weapon.

Words: 2,079
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,587

Why won't they get out of my head?!``Go inside the mind of a beyond obssessed Harry Potter fan...

Words: 1,481
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,586
The House Guest by Calophi
07/31/2003

Draco's and Ginny's parents make arrangements that force the two of them to spend the entire summer in Malfoy Manor together alone....or are they?

Words: 2,626
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,585

Harry wanted to propose to Hermione before the last week of their time in Hogwarts was up. Mistakes, mistakes and more mistakes. A challenge from the FictionAlleyPark's Pumpkin Pie thread. H/Hr, R/L, D/G. Please R/R!

Words: 5,290
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,584
Open Mind by Keieru
09/14/2001

Seamus gets a bit catty, and it's all Dean's fault.

Words: 2,336
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,584

Harry comes home and Draco is hungry. What do they do?

Words: 1,636
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,582

Seamus Finnigan has everything a man could ever want. Money. Booze. Girls. But deep down he feels unfulfilled, and as usual it falls to our one and only hero to help.

Words: 1,538
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,582

Prof. Snape helps Ms. Granger take possession of a legacy, but before either of them can enjoy it, there's the little matter of a couple of Unbreakable Vows to deal with.

Words: 4,070
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,581

Professor Sprout has a crush on the new DADA professor - never mind that he's a bit hairy once a month. And Percy Weasley is forced to make a choice between Penelope and Oliver. Featuring a simply stunning duet by the Weasley Twins. Some slash. A parody of the rock-musical "Rent."

Words: 2,569
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,580
Clueless by Lioness
06/23/2002

This is just a funny lil' fic about how Hermione is like totally clueless~!~ R/Hr (of course~!~)

Words: 1,056
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,577

Come on. Someone had to write this, and I've thrown myself to the task so we can all enjoy a little overly predictable Christmas Cheer featuring Draco 'tightwad' Malfoy. I just love the Dickens out of 'A Christmas Carol', so I have endeavored to bring to the light of day this ghostly little Hogwarts story guaranteed to make dear Charles Dickens to roll over in his grave and someone whose name rhymes with 'J.K. Bowling' get back to work on her novel so we'll stop writing this fan fic stuff and make her richer. So pour yourself a little Ogden's Old Firewhiskey in your eggnog, sit by the fireplace, or an exceedingly large candle, with your favorite house-elf or loved one and enjoy 'A Hogwarts Christmas Carol'.

Words: 8,122
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,574

Hermione and Ron have been fighting a lot lately. Will one of their rows go a little too far? Love Triangle involved.

Words: 2,326
Chapters: 4
Hits: 1,574

Ever wonder why Mrs. Norris shows up on the map, but other animals do not? What is the real Reason Filch calls her my sweet? Well Curiosity overwhelmes the Marauders shortly after they have finished writing the map and many years later curiosity overwhelms Harry, Ron, Fred, George, and Lee.

Words: 2,590
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,574
Remmy on a Stick! by Lesse
03/11/2003

Remmy on a Stick?! Sirius wants to know why a certain girl thinks that Remmy on a Stick would be yummy? Perhaps he'll find out why as well as some other things...

Words: 1,953
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,573

It's a dark and stormy night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione are playing a nice game of poker. Suddenly, Ron starts saying extremely stupid things. Oh, the things they could lead to!

Words: 3,357
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,567

What happens when Ron has to fill in at Gred and Forge's Qwick-Stop Wizard Convenience Store? Mob scenes, a funeral, a Quidditch match, a dead guy in the bathroom, Draco the drug dealer, and more. A complete rip off of Kevin Smith's movie "Clerks". Featuring Dante!Ron, Randall!Harry, Veronica!Hermione, William!Neville, Caitlyn!Fleur, Jay!Draco and... Silent Bob as himself. Everyone's totally and completely OOC. (Except Silent Bob. He doesn't talk much here either.)

Words: 3,930
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,566

James and Sirius discover the joys of Chinese take-away and those pesky fortune cookies. Set during MWPP era between sixth and seventh year. R/S implied, unrequited J/L.

Words: 1,527
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,565
Alibi by Adora
12/13/2002

One of the students of Hogwarts has been murdered, and now everyone is sorting out their alibis.

Words: 920
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,557

Gandalf the White writes to Dumbledore about "copyright infringement," Dumbledore talks about his Dancing Trophy, and Gandalf becomes obsessed with Professor Flitwick.

Words: 1,254
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,554
In Real Life by tigerkitty
08/19/2003

What Ron, Hermione, and Harry would say if they read some of the fanfiction out there. Set at Hermione's house, where the three have spent the last two months of their summer holidays.

Words: 2,587
Chapters: 3
Hits: 1,553
Food Tales by max_theWanderer
04/15/2006

Fred and George Weasley, owners of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes and master purveyors are proud to present to you their best and well-told bizarre Weasley food tales for the humor pleasure of everyone from kids to adults. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls - the food tales fresh from The Burrow in Ottery St. Catchpole! Need to say more? Nuff said!

Words: 5,851
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,552

Colin Creevey\\\'s end–of–year report at the end of his first year. He did have a good excuse, of course.

Words: 670
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,552

When Lily goes into labour, James is unceremoniously kicked out of the bedroom. To help pass the time, he owls his friends Sirius, Peter and Remus.

Words: 4,334
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,550

SNAPE KILLS HARRY AND ****S HERMIONE!!! Well, I think that's eye-catching and exciting enough...

Words: 532
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,548

We all know Snape hates Christmas, but what if some unknown force tried to convert him? A Dickens parody featuring Snape and three rather unusual Christmas Spirits.

Words: 8,138
Chapters: 5
Hits: 1,546
Bad Day by Dru Malfoy
03/03/2003

Severus and Hermione find a perfect way to end a bad day.

Words: 1,630
Chapters: 2
Hits: 1,546

Sherlock!Sirius solves his first mystery.

Words: 1,351
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,545

During the summer after Harry's fourth year, Sirius's name is cleared after Peter Pettigrew is caught. He has now taken up the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts....

Words: 2,158
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,543

Severus learns that small children can remember quite a lot.

Words: 1,649
Chapters: 1
Hits: 1,542

A Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes instructional publication by Fred and George Weasley.

Words: 4,965
Chapters: 6
Hits: 1,542