Fortunes of Fables

"Remind me to thank Remus for suggesting this Chinese take-away stuff," Sirius said, swallowing. "I have no idea what Moo Goo...Gay...Pan is, but it tastes good. Want some?" He held out the white carton towards James.

"You're such a ponce. Sounds like gay cow bollocks. They did have foods listed in English on the menu, you know," James added, picking up a dumpling and examining it carefully. "What's this thing supposed to be anyway?"

"A dumb thing or something. Just eat it, you pansy. And what would be the fun in that? Pass me some of that yellow stuff, would you?"

"It's your stomach," James said, shaking his head a moment later as he watched his friend desperately chugging his beer, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes, nose running.

"Fuck, that's hot!" Sirius spluttered, then grinned as he reached for another forkful. He'd tried to use the wooden sticks that came with their order, but other than using them to spear large chunks of his food on the ends, he couldn't figure out what they were for. And they didn't work at all with the rice. "What are those biscuit things over there?"

"How would I know? I just ordered beef with broccoli and rice. Good old wholesome, English-sounding foods. No gay cows." He put down his fork and reached for a biscuit, held it to his nose and sniffed. "Smells okay." Taking a bite, he immediately spit it out into his hand.

"Shit! There's paper in there! Who the hell puts paper inside of a biscuit?"

Sirius reached over to take the paper from James' hand. "There's something written on it. And it's not Chinese either."

A friend you can trust is a treasure beyond price

"Awww. Look at that. I'm priceless. I'm so chuffed," Sirius said, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

"That's because no one would want to pay even a single knut for your sorry arse," James replied, grabbing the fortune back and examining it. "Here," he said, tossing one to Sirius. "See if you've got one."

Sirius broke open the biscuit and took out the little slip of paper. Scowling, he tossed it aside and picked up his fork again.

"Well? What's it say then?" James asked.

"Nuf'fink," Sirius replied around his mouthful of food.

"C'mon. I showed you mine," James said, waggling his eyebrows. Waiting until Sirius had scooped up another forkful of food, he lunged across the table and grabbed the tiny slip of paper. Settling back down, he read it aloud:

Your friends wonder if they met you now, would they still like you

"Sadly, we'll never know, will we? And really, Padfoot, I didn't like you when I first met you anyway."

"Ha!" Sirius said, smirking. "You were just jealous."

"Jealous? Of you? You were an arrogant, elitist prat. Come to think of it, you still are," James said, his lips quirking as he tried to suppress a smile.

"And obviously you find those traits both appealing and endearing."

James snorted and dug into his own carton of 'normal' food. The two of them were seated on the floor in the living room of Sirius' new flat, a recent acquisition thanks to a timely inheritance from Sirius' Uncle Alphard. School had let out the day before for summer holidays, and Sirius hadn't had time to bother about furnishings. The table they were using was the only piece of furniture in the room, a gift from James' mother.

Sirius put down his empty food carton and sighed, leaning back against his school trunk and rubbing his stomach. "Not bad at all. I figure it'll take me at least until start of next term to work my way through the menu. Any of those biscuits left?"

"Yeah," James said, tossing another one over. "Don't you think you should learn how to cook? You can't have Chinese take-away for breakfast, you know."

"Can so. They've got eggs on the menu, I saw. Egg Foo something." He cracked open the biscuit and stared at the paper. "Oh, for... "

"What's it say?"

You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture

James chuckled and reached for another biscuit for himself. "Good thing you haven't any furniture then. This is almost better than Divination. Certainly tastes better." He squinted down at the paper and smiled as he read:

True happiness will be found only in true love

It was Sirius' turn to snort. "Bugger that."

"What? You're not happy with Remus?" James teased and raised an eyebrow. "You certainly look happy enough every time I have the misfortune to walk in on the two of you."

"Love is for pansies. And girls. Remus and I are... We're... Oh, just shut it, will you? I'm no bleeding heart, lovesick nancy boy," Sirius said, scowling at James. "That's your job, though you really need to work on your technique."

"My technique is just fine. You saw how she smiled at me on the platform when I said goodbye to her."

"That wasn't a smile, Prongs. That was gas. She probably let one go right after we walked away. I know I did," Sirius said, grinning.

"Bastard."

"Always," Sirius agreed. "All right, one more. No, not that one," he said, as James reached for one of the two remaining biscuits. "The other one."

No one is completely worthless. They can always serve as a bad example

James laughed while Sirius grumbled, crumpling up the paper and tossing it onto the table.

"You know, Pads, if I didn't know better, I'd say these Chinese Muggles know something about Divination."

"Hmph!"

"Here, I'll read mine. Last one."

A friend in need is a pain in the arse

"You're not in need, are you?" James asked, raising his eyebrows. "Because we are sharing that mattress of yours, and if you try to bugger me in my sleep, I'll hex your knob off."

"Like I'd want my knob anywhere near that scrawny arse of yours," Sirius scoffed.

"I've got a brilliant arse, I'll have you know. Helen Finchley said so."

"Helen Finchley's got an arse like an erumpent," Sirius said.

"And just how often do you check out erumpent arses so you'd know this? Maybe I should inform Mssr. Moony that he's got competition," James said, ducking out of the way as Sirius swung a half-hearted punch at his shoulder. "I think," James said, dodging around the table to avoid Sirius' second attempt, "that if you're going to be checking out animal arses," he pushed a box over causing Sirius to swerve to the side to avoid tripping, "that you should at least stick to your own kind. Frances Baddock's a bit of a dog, you kn- Ooof!" James grunted as Sirius lunged.

Later, as they lay under the sheet on the mattress in the small bedroom, James turned on his side, wincing slightly as he leant on his bruised shoulder.

"Do you really think love is for pansies, Sirius?"

Sirius was quiet for a moment, and then he rolled onto his back, gazing up at the ceiling. "Truth? No," he said quietly. "I mean... Well - and don't go all soppy on me - I love you. And Moony. And Wormtail. You're my best friends, but you're also the only real family I've got, you know."

"Well, I love my parents. And I guess I love you guys, too. Sounds a bit daft, but yeah. But I meant romantic love. You know. Do you love him?"

Sirius sighed and continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Sorry. Shouldn't have asked," James said, turning onto his back and pulling the sheet down to his waist. There was a slight breeze from the open window, but it was still warm despite the cooling charms they'd cast earlier.

"No. It's okay. If I can't talk to you about it... It's just - I don't really know. And Moony's the first bloke... I s'pose I am happy with him. And you know it's more than just a shag, bloody good one it is, too," he said, grinning suddenly. "But," he added, his smile faltering, "We're only seventeen. Still have another year of school. And with all of this Voldemort, pure-blood shite..."

"I know. Dad said there were more Muggles murdered yesterday. I - I get scared sometimes. For Lily. She's Muggle-born, you know."

"She's pretty tough, though. She can look after herself."

"I suppose."

They were silent after that. James turned onto his side facing the window and closed his eyes.

"I think I could, maybe," Sirius whispered. "Not yet. But someday. I don't usually think about it much. Well," he amended, "not too much. S'complicated."

James smiled, his eyes still closed. "I think I could love Lily, too. S'pose I should start calling her that, too. Instead of Evans. Fuck. Maybe we are just a couple of pansies."

"Speak for yourself. I'm no fucking pansy."

"You're the ruddy shirt lifter, you daft bastard."

"Hmph. Still not a pansy," Sirius protested, turning on his side and tugging the sheet away from James. "Stupid bloody Chinese fortune-telling biscuits. That's it. Tomorrow we're trying that Indian take-away place on the corner!"