Inside The Mind Of A Truly Obssessed HP Fan...*

Hmm.. let's see. This is my very first attempt at a humor fic. I'm really not all that good at writing anything funny. So, I'll try to set up a plot *although none will probably come* with some humor in it. Nothing serious- *am abruptly cut off by a loud voice screaming in my head*

"Hey! Does that mean I won't be in this fic?" comes the now familiar to me voice of Sirius Black. "I think everyone knows my last name now, so you really shouldn't have to say it."

Me: "Oh no! You're back AGAIN? I thought I told you to leave me alone?!"

Sirius: "Muahahahaha! You'll never get rid of me!" he laughs mainica-- oh fudge it-- wickedly. That's a much easier word to spell since I'm typing in Wordpad and not Microsoft Word for some reason.

Sirius: "Er- sure. Why ARE you typing in Wordpad and not Microsoft Word?"

Me: "I just said for some reason! I don't really know!"

Sirius: "Ok ok, no need to shout at me! All you have to do is think things and I can still hear you!"

Me: *mumbling under breath* "Oh great. Aren't I just SO lucky?"

Sirius: "See! Ha! I heard that!"

Me: "Please get out of my head! I'm TRYING to write a fanfiction here! And you've just totally made me lose my focus!"

Sirius: "Geesh, I'm sorry. But I'm still not leaving! You said this wouldn't have anything Sirius in it!" he shouts, sounding offended and hurt.

Sirius: "I think I know how I sound..."

Me: "I know you know how you sound! That was for the audience so they'll know how you sound."

Sirius: "Audience? What audience?"

Me: "Er- well, readers, whatever!"

Sirius: "Readers? I still don't know what you're talking about?"

Me: "Nevermind then.."

Sirius: "Sure, now back to the whole no Sirius thing! What was that all about?"

Me: "I meant nothing- um- I don't know how to explain it. Nothing- not funny. I didn't mean you wouldn't be in it."

Sirius: "Oh! I get it now! So who all IS going to be in it? Is Remus, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and everybody else going to be in it? Oh wait! Is Snape? If he is you should make him a three-toed sloth, the slimy git."

Me: *let's out a snort* "That would be a very interesting story. A three-toed sloth teaching potions. I could just see that. And it fits Sevvie so well."

Sirius: "Sevvie?! Sevvie?! You call him Sevvie?! It's like calling Voldemort, Voldie like I've seen in some fics! I've even seen Uncle Voldie!!"

Me: "What?! I call Voldemort, Uncle Voldie! There's nothing wrong with that! I call Draco, Drakie, too!"

"Drakie?" another now familiar voice to me snorts. "You call me Drakie?" Draco Malfoy sneers, sounding a little disgusted, too.

Draco: "Er- as Sirius mentioned earlier, I believe everyone already knows my last name, or well, first name. Cause they all call me Malfoy anyways. So you really didn't need to type Draco." he tried to point out to me like I actually care.

Draco: "Well, if you're going to be like that, then I'll just leave," he snorts haughtily.

Me: *screams out *Yes!* in head*

Draco: "Or maybe I'll just stick around and bother you like Sirius is doing.." he says after hearing my little yes m'bob.

Me: *screams out *No!* in head*

Draco: "Muahahahahaha! You'll never get rid of us!" He shouts, much like Sirius did in the beginnning of this now-ruined fic.

Draco: "We didn't ruin it! We made it better!"

"You make something better?" a female voice shouts, bordering on the edge of laughter.

"Exactly! I agree with Hermione!" a male voice shouts this time.

"Yeah! And I er- agree with Ron!" another male voice shouts.

Draco: "Oh joy. The dream team. NOW this fic is ruined."

Harry: "Shut it, Malfoy."

Draco: "Ooh. I'm really scared now, Potter," he sneers.

Hermione: "I think everybody now knows that all he does is sneer. Can you make any other facial expression, Malfoy?" she asks earnestly.

Draco: *sneers at her in response*

Hermione: "Didn't think so..."

Sirius: "Hmm.. I just kinda got butted to the side, didn't I?"

Me: "Sorry, Sirius. It's not my fault. It's theirs." And then I proceed to glare at the people I can't really see, just hear.

All: "You can't see us?!"

Me: "No. And I particularly don't want to."

Draco: "So.. what am I doing right now?" he asks wickedly.

Me: "I don't wanna know."

Ron: "Oh man, Malfoy! That's just gross!"

Harry: "You are seriously messed up."

Sirius: "Did you say Sirius, Harry?"

Harry: "Not you, Sirius."

Me: "Would you all please LEAVE?! You're crowding my mind and making it impossible to think! I'm trying to write a fanfiction here!" I shout, though none of them are listening to me because they're all involved in their own little world talking about how gross and totally messed up Draco is.

"I'm listening to you," a quiet male voice says.

Me: "Remus!" I shout excitedly cause Remus is my favorite character and I'm in love with him. If only he were real I'd- *is cut off by all but Remus*

All But Remus: "We don't wanna know that!"

Me: "Alright. I won't say it out loud. But I can still think it and you guys can hear what I'm thinking! HaHa--that'll teach you to invade my mind!"

Remus: *blushes, hearing my thoughts*

Draco: "And you guys said I was messed up!"

Sirius: "You do realize that even if Remus were real, he's like a lot older than you and any relationship would probably be illegal?"

Me: "So?" I retort.

Draco: "Let's move onto something else. I'm quite sick of hearing her thoughts about Professor Lupin."

Hermione: "You do realize that the emphasis on Professor when you're talking about Professor Lupin is getting old, don't you Malfoy?"

Draco: "Shut it, Mudblood."

Ron: "Say that again, Malfoy, and those'll be the last words you ever speak!"

Draco: "Mudblood, Mudblood. The Weasel loves a Mudbl-"

Some very loud shouting and scuffling (sp? is it even a word?) ensues.

Me: "Sorry readers. Draco and Ron are currently busy and won't be back for a while. Draco may not ever return. I'll try not to let Ron hurt him too much."

Harry: "Go Ron! Hit him in the face! Poke him in the eyes! Come on!"

Hermione: "Why don't you help him, Harry? Malfoy is stronger than he looks! And he probably has his wand. Ron left his in the common room, stupid git."

Harry has blocked Hermione out, though, and proceeds to cheer Ron on like a cheerleader.

Harry: "Give me an *R*!

Sirius And A Female Voice: "R!"

Hermione: "Ginny! What are you doing here? You're much too young to be wandering around the school at this hour!"

Ginny: "Oh hush, Hermione. I'm old enough. I'm 14 now! And you're just a year older than me and you're here! And we're not really in the school. We're in Ashley's mind."

Remus: "She's right, Hermione. Loosen up."

Hermione: *shoots them both glares, but does shut up*

Harry: "Can I get back to my cheering now?"

Me: "Of course, Harry. Please continue." I've completely given up on trying to get them out of my head. Shouting gives me a headache and it doesn't do any good anyways.

Harry: "Alright then! Let's start over! Give me an *R*!"

Sirius And Ginny: "R!"

Harry: "Give me an *O*!"

Sirius And Ginny: "O!"

Harry: "Give me a *N*!"

Sirius And Ginny: "N!"

Harry: "And what do you got? RON!!! Yeah! Go Ron!" and he does some little flippy thingys that I can't remember from my days of *shudder* cheerleading.

Me: "Alright. Enough Ron. Don't hurt him anymore tonite. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed. You can pick up tomorrow."

Ron: "But.. but.."

Draco: "Thank you! Thank y-"

Me: "I'm not doing this for your sake, Drakie. I just wanna go to bed."

Draco: "Well in that case, I'll invade your mind while you sleep and annoy the piss out of you. AND DON'T CALL ME DRAKIE!"

Me: "I'll call you a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater in a itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini if I so please or you'll face the consequences! Remember, I'm the one writing this, buddy! And I don't think you really wanna invade my mind while I sleep. Most of the time I dream about Remus and we're-"

Draco: "Ok, ok! You convinced me! I'll leave you alone tonite! Pleasant- er- dreams!"

Me: "Thank you. See you guys tomorrow. I know you'll invade my mind again, so there's no use in fighting it. I guess I just have to accept it. Good-Nite All!"

All: "Good-Nite!"

Several doors can be heard slamming shut and I know they've FINALLY left my mind, thank God.