Mummy Dearest

~~~

Mummy dearest

~~~

Severus Snape's robes billowed behind him as he made his way down the corridor to Albus Dumbledore's office.

"Twix," he said to the statue, rolling his eyes at the password. The only thing one would have to do to gain access to the Headmaster's office was to get a list of common sweets, Muggle and Wizard, and stand and read those before the statue. It was sure to open at some point.

Once inside the office, he asked Albus to open up the Apparation wards so that he could leave.

"Burning again, hm?" Albus said, his eyes holding a bit of concern, but mostly just twinkling like always.

"Yes, obviously," Severus snarled and Apparated from the annoying Headmaster's office.

The clearing Voldemort had chosen to have the Death Eaters' meeting this time looked just like all the other clearings they'd been to. He was getting rather tired of having his boots spoiled from the wet grass - the water seemed to seep through even the heaviest of water repelling spells. Of course, it could just be an, erm, test from the Dark Dumbness - err, Lord. To see how much they would stand, or something. Severus had never been able to fully understand Voldemort's plans since he returned. Looking around at the other uncomfortable Death Eaters, it seemed that he was not the only one.

"I have called you here today to hear how our plans are going," said Voldemort unnecessarily, trying to glare at each of his followers. Problem was that since his resurrection, Voldemort hadn't regained his height - and glaring up at someone is not nearly as effective as glaring down at someone. "Snape?"

"Yes, my Lord," said Severus, bowing down at the short Lord's tiny feet. He was barely able to hold back a snigger.

Under the long black robes, Voldemort was wearing sandals.

Light blue sandals with flowers on.

Voldemort noticed what he was looking at and quickly changed his robes to cover his choice of footwear.

"How are our... plans... concerning the Potter brat going?" Voldemort asked, trying to sound menacing.

"Potter is very well protected, my Lord," Severus replied. "Dumbledore barely lets him out of his sight."

"Bumblebore is a meddling fool. He stands no chance against me now!" Voldemort cackled.

Severus exchanged looks with Lucius, who was kneeling on Snape's right side.

Just then, a flame appeared just before Severus. Voldemort jumped back away from it, the front of his robes burned. Jumping up and down, he screamed to his loyal (...) followers, "Put it out! Who did that?! Put it out!"

But although the Death Eaters tried, the flame only grew bigger and it started gaining shape. The shape of a human. A woman. A...

"Senkensha?"

Severus' voice didn't sound like his own anymore. Senkensha was glaring at him. He looked down at the ground - there was only one person in Severus' life who could render him a puddle of jelly. That person was standing before him now; it was his mother.

"That is no way to greet your mother, Severus Snape," Senkensha said, seemingly completely oblivious to the fact that she had just interrupted a Death Eater-meeting, and that she was, at the moment, surrounded by men who cast the Cruciatus as entertainment.

"Err... hello, mum," Severus said, wincing. "What - what are you doing here?"

"Well I have come back from Japan, of course! And with news for you at that. Actually, for several of you - " she nodded at the Death Eaters standing around her. "I had a vision, you see."

Severus groaned. "What did you see this time?"

"Severus Snape! Don't you behave like that! Groaning at your own mother, who went through hours and hours of pain to give you life!" Senkensha bellowed above him. Several Death Eaters winced in sympathy with Severus.

"I saw that our line is going to die out!" she cried.

This time, the Death Eaters sniggered.

Senkensha whirled around at them. "Don't you snigger at me, Lucius Malfoy. You think you have a heir? Well, don't be too sure that he will have a child himself. You need to have at least two more, if you don't want your precious Malfoy line to die out." She whirled again, this time glaring at Voldemort, who had been strangely silent since Senkensha had appeared. "And you, Mr Riddle - "

"That is not..." Voldemort began, but wisely fell silent as Senkensha fixed the Snape Glare® on him. He cowered back.

"This vision included you too, Mr Riddle. Don't fool yourself with thinking that you are going to win this war, you hopeless loser. You will die a most painful death, and your line will die out, because you gave up your ability to have children, in any way, when you came back."

"But - but," Voldemort spluttered.

"Oh hush, you crybaby," Senkensha said and turned to her son. "And you... You will also need to have at least three children, unless you want our line - our precious line! - to die. And don't fool yourself with thinking that I will let it."

"But mum," Severus began hopelessly. "You know me... You know I'm not... You know I am..."

"Gay? Homosexual? Playing for the other team? Unable to get it up for a girl? Come on, son, I haven't raised you to be ashamed of yourself," his mother said.

Severus wasn't ashamed of himself. Besides, everyone among the highest ranking Death Eaters knew that he preferred men over women. But saying it in front of his mother like that...

"No matter, Sevvie sweetie," Senkensha said and Severus felt himself turn beet red. "I have found a perfect spell for you, when I visited an old temple in Japan. It allows you, a man, to become pregnant!" She sounded very proud of herself.

Severus' eyes widened impossibly, his mouth hanging open. "Mum... you can't be serious! Men don't get pregnant. We don't have the right... equipment."

He had never blushed so much in his life.

"Didn't you listen to what I just said, son?" Senkensha asked. "You will use a spell and it will allow you to get that 'equipment' you are talking about and thus you'll be able to have a baby. Or rather, you'll get to have three of them, since I want to be sure that our line is to survive. One, two or three pregnancies - it's not like it matters after the first one, does it?"

Severus was intelligent enough to realize when his mother asked him a rhetorical question.

She turned to Lucius and smiled gleefully, "When your wife has beaten you half to death for even suggesting that she bear another child, you are welcome to come to me to go through the same spell."

"My wife will bear another child if I ask her to," Lucius said although his voice wavered slightly.

"Yes, sure," Senkensha said, rolling her eyes and turning back to the still spluttering Voldemort. "Oh be quiet, you pathetic creature. Go hide somewhere, the world will be a much better place if you do."

"Mum," Severus said from the ground. "What if the, err, spell works... I still need another... man, a mate, don't I?"

"Oh yes," his mother said sounding delighted. "And I have found just the person."

She held up a picture. "Harry Potter," she said, smiling happily. "The most eligible bachelor in the Wizarding world."

Voldemort began crying, Lucius looked uncertainly around himself, the other Death Eaters stood confused and Severus himself did the only thing he could think of - he fainted.

~~~

Waking up, Severus found himself in the Infirmary. His body hurt, worst of all his midsection and the area around his groin.

He'd had such a strange dream. His mother had come to Voldemort's meeting and said that he needed to have a child... ridiculous...

"Oh, you're awake."

Severus' eyes snapped open. His mother stood above him.

"No. No, you are not here. You are a bad dream. You're not - "

"Severus, stop talking nonsense this instance," Senkensha said to him. "You might feel a bit sore at the moment, especially in the lower regions."

Slowly, Severus nodded. "Yes... I do..."

"Good, then the spell has worked as it should. You are a hermaphrodite now, for another forty-eight hours," his mother explained. "You need to have sex with your mate and you will create a child."

"No, no, no, no, no," Severus chanted. "I have no mate, I have no wish to have children, I don't care about our - "

He shut up when his mother gave him a glare fiercer than he could ever remember. "Yes mum," he squeaked.

"Now, let me present to you your mate. He doesn't seem to have that much against it, for some reason."

She pulled away the drapes surrounding the bed, and there stood a vision.

Harry Potter, tan and muscular, his jetblack hair on end as always and the piercing green eyes no longer framed by glasses. He was wearing a pair of pants that were, in Severus' opinion, way too tight and a white wife beater that showed of his muscles.

Severus whimpered at the sight of the man he had been in love with for years but had never dared to make a move on.

"Severus," Harry acknowledged him. "Your mother has told me about your... predicament."

"Oh she has, has she?" Severus glared first at Potter, then at his mother. Senkensha only raised an eyebrow at him.

"Mr Potter here is willing to be the other father," she said to him.

"Oh, please call me Harry, Mrs Snape," Potter said.

"If you call me Senkensha. Or Senka, if it's easier," Senkensha told him.

"All right." Potter smiled happily.

"Am I allowed to call you Harry too?" he said grumpily.

Potter gave a hearty laugh. "You've been allowed to call me Harry since forever, Professor. You have just chosen not to."

Severus glared at him. His mother patted his arm. "Now, now, Sevvie, don't look like that. Harry is here to help you and I have seen that you will be very happy in the future."

"Somehow, I doubt that," Severus said, still glaring at Potter.

Senkensha looked at her clock, which looked a lot like Albus' clock, with twelve handles and no numbers. "Oh my, I have to go," she said. She bent down and placed a quick kiss on her son's forehead, ignoring the rising blush in his cheeks. "I will be back soon."

"Don't hurry," Severus said grumpily.

Then Senkensha disappeared and Severus was left alone with Harry.

"So..." Harry began. "Do you want to have sex here or in the dungeons?"

Severus stared. Where in the world had the shy child he'd known from school gone? Harry was now twenty-three, very much a man - very much a man, Snape thought, allowing his gaze travel over Potter's tan body.

"Oh come on," Harry said when Snape continued staring at him without saying a word. "If your mum has foreseen something between us, then we might as well get on with it, don't you think?"

He walked forward and sat down on the bed. "Just relax."

He bent in and placed a kiss on the pale lips. Severus tried not to respond, but he was being kissed by the man of his many private dreams. So sooner rather than later, he started giving back as good as he got, and soon after that, the Infirmary disappeared and the only thing around him was Harry, Harry, Harry...

~~~

A month later, Harry Potter woke to the sound of retching. He threw the covers off the bed and hurried over the cold stone floor, to the bathroom where Severus was resting his head against the toilet seat.

Wincing, Harry took a glass and filled it with water. Severus took it.

"This is your fault," he said. "All your fault."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, I guess it is."

"I hate you."

"I know. You tell me about twenty-six times every day. It would be hard to forget."

Severus glared, but it wasn't a very effective glare, since he in the very next second began throwing up again. Harry rubbed his back.

"Well, the morning sickness usually doesn't last more than the first trimester," Harry said, hoping to be comforting.

"Ah yes," Severus said. "But I will have the cramps, the backaches, the swelling-up-to-the-size-of-a-walrus, the weird food cravings... Ooh, can you make me one of those yummy peanut butter sandwiches with carrots on? And some liquorish to do with that?"

Harry made a face at the breakfast Severus wanted, although he was beginning to get used to it now. The first time Severus had asked for it, he had looked at him strangely. The result of that had been a Severus close to tears, screaming at him that 'here he was, going through pregnancy to try to get his line to continue and Harry was mocking him!' Harry had learned since then that giving Severus whatever he wanted was the way to keep the peace in the dungeons.

Harry had moved into the dungeons after the first two weeks, feeling that he should be closer to the, err, mother of his child. Especially since Snape whined about the morning sickness and how Harry wasn't there.

Hearing Snape whine was a scary thing.

When Harry had finished in the small kitchen of theirs, Severus had moved back onto the bed. He had taken his nightshirt off and was wearing only a pair of boxers. Still as pale as he had been the first time Harry saw him, Harry thought that same whiteness gave Severus' skin a glow rather than giving the impression of a vampire. His hair wasn't as greasy anymore, since Madame Pomfrey had forbidden him from doing certain potions that made his hair that way.

Harry set the tray down on the table next to the bed.

"You look yummy," he told his lover and bent in for a kiss.

"Do you have my sandwiches?" Snape asked. "Oooh, and liquorish..."

Completely ignoring Harry, Severus began eating. Harry sighed and began preparing for another day of teaching. He was after all the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher since three years back, making him the longest running DADA teacher in over ten years.

~~~

Voldemort disappeared after Senkensha's visit. Some say he was plotting revenge on the woman, and that he was just biding his time, but others knew better. They knew that he was hiding in the Malfoy's basement, hoping that if he never went outside, he wouldn't be at risk of meeting Mrs Snape again. Three times a day, a house elf brought the ex-Dark Lord food and every now and then, Lucius would come downstairs.

Lucius himself was getting more and more nervous by the day. When he had suggested to Narcissa the idea of having another baby, she had screeched at him, "And go through all that pain and gore again to set a little brat on this Earth! Are you insane? If you want another child, you may have it yourself!"

Lucius knew better than to argue with his wife.

When Draco came home during the winter vacation from his work as an Auror (he had never wanted to become a Death Eater and Lucius hadn't had the heart to disown him. Something he was very happy about now, since he otherwise would have had to had three more children, rather than two), Lucius presented him with the idea of having a baby.

"Get a girl pregnant? Why would I do that, father?" Draco asked, sneering at his father.

"Because, err, otherwise, the Malfoy line will die out," Lucius explained, hands becoming sweaty around the cane in his hand.

"You and mum can have another baby," Draco said. "I do not want a child. Besides, I am as you know, gay, and I do most certainly not want to have a relationship with a woman."

Lucius looked at his son. Perfect hair, never a strand out of place, robes cut to perfection by the finest designers in the Wizarding world (and nowadays the robes weren't only in black, but in every colour of the rainbow, happily decorated with frills and glitter), shining shoes and - was that mascara on his eyelashes? Lucius didn't dwell on it. It was just so glaringly obvious to anyone looking that his son was really, flamboyantly gay.

"Yes, yes, I know," Lucius said. "But there is this spell that allows a man to carry the child - "

"A man carry the child?!" Draco screeched. "Do you mean to say that you want me to destroy my perfect body to have a child? Are you completely insane?!"

Well, duh.

"Heh," Lucius said uncertainly. "I... just forget this argument, shall we?"

But Draco wasn't listening to him. "I am going to talk to mum," he said and stormed out of the room.

The next time Lucius went down to visit Voldemort in the basement, he supported two pig-ears, purple spots all over his face and he walked as though he had something unpleasant stuck up his lower regions.

~~~

Another two months had passed and Severus was just entereing his third month, when his body began showing the signs of that there was something actually growing inside of it. Still not much, just a... bulge, visible when Harry lay staring at it after having more incredible sex. Hermaphrodite Snape was really quite interesting.

Snape concealed the bulge easily with his flowing robes, although the talk had started going around the school. And once a rumour had started, it spread quicker than lightening.

"I heard that Snape got hit by a peeing-curse," one student giggled. "He runs to the bathroom at least once every class."

"I heard that he's been sick," another student said, more seriously.

"Only serves the git right," a third said.

"You know what I heard? That he is involved with Professor Potter now. I heard they're sharing rooms."

"Couldn't Snape become at least a little nicer if he's finally getting some now?" the first student asked.

"If anything, he's even worse," the third muttered.

And so it went. It was true, that Severus' temper had become even worse since he got preggers. Hormones really were a bitch - something Harry found out at least twice every day.

"Harry Potter! You haven't made the bed!" Snape growled at him, stalking out of the bedroom, his hair on end as always.

"Err... sorry?" Harry said and hurried into the bedroom to make it before the wrath of his former teacher came over him. When he was finished, Snape stood in the doorway, his eyes wide and tearful.

"I'm sorry, Harry, I don't know what came over me..." he said.

"Hormones," Harry said, playing the perfect, understanding boyfriend. "Don't worry about it."

Other times, like when Snape came into his classroom when he was teaching, yelling at him for something or other - that he hadn't returned a book he had borrowed from Severus and that he needed it, that he hadn't made coffee in the teachers' lounge, that he hadn't done this, that he hadn't done that... Those were the times when it was harder to ignore.

When Severus came into the bedroom screaming at him that he hadn't filled up the tub with hot water so that Severus could take a bath, Harry finally had enough.

"You are acting like a pathetic, yelling, and utterly spoiled brat, Severus! You are pregnant, not sick and on your deathbed!" Harry yelled back at him. "You can do things by yourself! I'm trying to be understanding and helpful, but I do have classes to teach myself, and I don't appreciate you coming in and interrupting them every other day because of some trivial little thing that you can easily fix by yourself! I've had enough! This - this thing between us is over! Good bye!"

Voice hoarse, Harry left Snape standing staring at the spot where he'd just been.

~~~

Prowling around school, it was Dumbledore who found Harry.

"Harry? You look upset," Albus told him.

Harry stopped and glared at the Headmaster before realizing that it wasn't him he was angry with. "I just had a fight with Sev, that's all," he said.

"Would you like to come to my office for a cup of tea? And perhaps a lemon drop or two?" Albus' eyes twinkled.

Harry shrugged. "Sure."

Inside Albus' office, it felt warm and welcoming. Harry sat down on one of the chairs and waited until Albus had poured him a cup of tea.

"Now," Albus said, "What did you fight about?"

"Just the fact that he's the most annoying, stubborn, spoiled, stupid, irritating, infuriating - "

"Yes, I do know this already. But why did you suddenly come to this conclusion now of all times?"

"Because he's pregnant and he's - Oh crap, I shouldn't have said that," Harry said and buried his head in his hands.

"Actually," Albus said and his eyes twinkled even more, "I have been waiting for you to tell me. You should know that nothing in this castle goes unnoticed by me. And besides, Senkensha came by before she left three months ago and told me about her vision."

Harry goggled at Albus. "You - you knew?"

"Well, of course. I wouldn't have let you move in with him so suddenly otherwise. Oh, and I guess a congratulations is in order?"

"I guess," Harry said dully. "But tell him. I'm not speaking to him anymore."

"Oh, I believe he will come to his senses. After all, with a mother like that..." Albus trailed off, eyes still twinkling impossibly, hinting at something.

"She's back?" Harry asked.

"Yes, quite. Came back this morning and I believe that she is going down to Severus right now, to tell him the good news?"

"Good news?"

"Yes, Mrs Snape has taken over for Professor Trelawney. Mrs Snape's abilities as a seer are far more impressive than Professor Trelawney's."

"Where is Sybill going?" Harry asked. "She has no other place to go, she said so back in fifth year when they threatened to kick her out."

"Oh, she is staying here at the castle. Says she will help Filch, says she can see where the students are."

Riiiight, Harry thought.

"Did Sybill give up her job that easily?" he asked out loud instead of voicing his thoughts.

"No, but I'm afraid Mrs Snape gave her a right dressing down," Albus said, sounding not the least bit sorry.

Harry sniggered. Back in school, Trelawney and Snape had tied for the post of worst teacher - Trelawney because she didn't have a clue what she was really talking about and Snape because he played by favourites and hated Harry.

Not much has changed, I guess, Harry thought.

"Now, Harry, let's find some place for you to sleep and tomorrow you'll go down and fix things with Severus."

~~~

The next morning, Harry was woken up by someone knocking on the door. Confused, he sat up and noticed that he wasn't in the dungeons, but instead in a room with a window where the sun was shining through. The events of the previous day came crashing down on him.

The knocking became harder and Harry stumbled out of bed to open the door.

"There you are," Senkensha said to him, walking into the room without caring that Harry was dressed in only boxers. "Albus told me I had to wait until nine, so that you got some rest, but now it's nine and we have waited long enough."

"Long enough for what?" Harry asked dumbly.

"For going to Albus' office to see that idiot son of mine of course," said Senkensha and handed him his clothes. She smiled evilly, "I talked to him last night and he seems quite ready to change his behaviour."

Ten minutes later, Harry and Senkensha reached the statue guarding Dumbledore's office. After saying the password, they were allowed entrance and the stairs brought them up.

Albus sat behind the desk in the room, smiling happily as always. Could the man do nothing else?

On a high-backed chair sat Snape, looking sour but almost... was that nervous? Was Snape really nervous?

Severus' eyes moved from staring at Fawkes to Harry instead. His eyes flickered towards his mother and Harry decided that Severus was definitely nervous.

"Ah, Harry, Senkensha," Albus said with a smile. "Care for a lemon drop, Senkensha?"

"Yes, please," she replied and took one, both seeming completely oblivious to the two younger men in the room.

Finally, Senkensha turned to Severus. "What do you say?" she asked.

"Err..." Severus said, "I'm sorry?"

"Put a bit of conviction into that, my son," Senkensha said, taking another lemon drop.

"Yes mum," Severus said and looked at Harry again. "I am sorry."

Harry gave him a small smile. "Me too. I shouldn't have screamed at you."

"I guess I should have behaved a bit better," Severus said.

"You guess?" his mother asked. "I know you should have behaved better. But never mind, you have the rest of your lives to make up for it."

"Yes, we do, don't we," Severus muttered unhappily.

Harry stood and walked over to Severus, He sat down, straddling Severus. One hand fell down to rest on the slight bulge that was Severus' stomach whilst the other held Severus' cheek. Harry placed a light kiss on the other man's lips.

"I love you, just so you know," he said.

Severus' eyes widened impossibly. "You l-l-love me?" he stammered.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes, I do."

"I l-l-love you too."

"Oh this is to adorable," Senkensha said and Albus nodded his agreement. "I already knew it would happen of course, but still... You look so cute together. And to think that you're expecting twins as well!"

"Err... what did you just say?" Harry asked, turning around to face Severus' mother.

"You're expecting twins!" she repeated happily. "You know, two babies?"

"We know what twins are," Severus snapped at his mother.

She gave him a stern look but didn't say anything. She didn't need to; Severus cowered anyway.

"Well, you should be happy, Sevvie sweetie," she said. "That means you only have to go through one more pregnancy, rather than two. Aren't you happy?"

"Ecstatic," Severus deadpanned.

"Well, now, you should go down and eat breakfast. And Albus, do your announcement during dinner just like you planned. It will be fine."

"Announcement? What announcement?" Harry asked.

"About you two of course," Senkensha said. "The school is filled to the brim with rumours; it is just as well that they find out the truth."

Severus groaned and Harry stared. "You didn't think to consult us before deciding this, Albus?"

"If left up to you, it would wait until the students figured it out by themselves, or possibly until the babies popped out of Severus during a class," Senkensha replied in Albus' place. "This will be fine, I promise!"

Severus let out another groan.

~~~

"...So it is with great happiness that I announce that Professor Snape is expecting twins. The other father is Professor Potter and the two of them are planning to marry shortly."

Harry and Severus, sitting next to each other two seats away from the Headmaster, stared at the old man as he said the last part. Who the hell had said anything about getting married?

"My mother," Severus grumbled under his breath.

"The second announcement," Albus continued, "Is that we have a new Divinations teacher. Some of you have already met her, but I still ask you to give a warm applaud to Mrs Snape, or Professor Senka as she prefers you to call her, to avoid confusion."

The roar of applauds was deafening. Several students - presumably the ones who had been in Professor Trelawney's class when Senkensha had gone there - stood up and whistled and yelled happily.

After the applauds died down, the dinner appeared. Severus' plate was, as always nowadays, filled with various dishes, all seeming to clash vigorously with each other. Severus ate it happily, though. He had filled out since he became pregnant. Slightly rounder - not so many ribs protruding and his frame less bony.

All in all, even more delicious now, Harry thought.

That night, they had the most wonderful make-up sex in history.

~~~

Professor Senka's popularity only increased and the students were finally learning something about Divination. Lavender Brown's younger cousin, Rose, created 'The Senka fanclub'. Within two weeks, the club had more than three hundred members. Severus fan club consisted of one person - Harry - so he was not all that happy with his mother's popularity. Then again, he was a sour git, so he told himself that he didn't really care.

One late night in May, a man made his way up the stairs to Hogwarts. He opened the big doors and ran through the entrance hall, up many stairs. His chest heaving, he finally reached the Divinations tower.

He knocked on the door, hands shaking.

The door opened. "Ah, Mr Malfoy. I have been expecting you," said Senkensha and let him inside.

Lucius let the cloak fall to the ground and stared at Mrs Snape. He still sported the pig-ears and his expression was pained.

"Ah, I see it still hurts you to move quickly," she smiled at him.

He glared.

"I told you she wouldn't take lightly to the suggestion of her getting pregnant again. And then you go and suggest that Draco, her only son, does it instead? Really, what did you expect?"

Malfoy's normally pale cheeks turned red.

"Aren't you going to ask me what you came here for?" Senkensha continued. "I mean, I can see the future, but I can't read minds."

"You know what I'm here for," Lucius ground out.

"Yes, but it is more fun to hear you say it," Senkensha replied.

"Fine," Malfoy spat. "I'm here to ask you... to perform that... spell... so that I can have children."

"See that wasn't so hard, was it?" Senkensha smiled. "Come inside, you'll have to lay down for me to perform it."

Lucius nodded shakily and followed the woman further into her home. She showed him to her guestroom, comfortably lit and with a large bed.

"Take off your clothes and lay down," Senkensha said.

Still trembling, Lucius did what he was asked. Lying down, Senkensha began muttering.

A searing pain shot through Lucius, settling itself like a burn in his lower regions, below his crotch. Something ripped through his skin and shot back up again. He screamed and then he fainted.

"Tut, tut," Senkensha said when she was done. "None of the others screamed that much. Or fainted as quickly. You just wait till it's time to give birth..."

~~~

Severus, now more than six months pregnant, made his way up the stairs towards his mother's rooms. He cursed the stairs as he went; it was not easy to walk that many stairs when pregnant with twins. He looked, and felt, like a stranded whale.

"Come on, Sev," Harry said to him, walking next to him. "It's just a few more hundred steps."

Severus shot him a deadly glare. "I'm glad you find this so entertaining."

"Oh now, shush you," Harry said, taking his hand. "Come on."

"Can't speak in grammatically correct sentences either..."

When they finally reached his mother's rooms, Snape was heaving so heavily Harry was worried he might have a heart attack.

Senkensha opened the doors and ushered them inside to the living room. There was a couch and two high chairs. Senkensha sat down in one of the high chairs, while Harry and Severus opted to sit on the couch.

"How nice it is to see you," Senkensha said happily to them.

"Mum, you saw us yesterday," Severus said, still trying to regain control over his breathing. "What is it - "

Just then, a groan came from the other room.

"Ooh, he's waking up," Senkensha said happily before trotting over to her guestroom.

Harry and Severus shared a confused look. Then Harry helped his lover up and they followed Mrs Snape to the guestroom. What lay inside almost made them faint.

Lucius Malfoy.

Or at least, it looked like it had been Lucius Malfoy.

The pointed face was exactly the same as before, as was his long, blond hair. But further down, two lumps that were unmistakeably breasts protruded underneath a nightshirt.

"Oh. My. God."

Severus and Harry agreed completely on this, so much that they didn't know who'd said the words.

"Now, now, don't look at him like that. It's just the same spell as I used on you, dear Severus," Senkensha said. "Just with a few... modifications."

Harry sniggered, eyes still on the boobs the elder Malfoy now sported. "Modifications my arse. A C-cup in bra-size is more like it."

Malfoy groaned again as he slowly awoke.

With a smile, Severus mumbled, "Three, two, one..."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!"

"...zero."

"What have you done to me, woman?" Lucius screamed. He sat up too fast and fell back, hitting his head on the headboard behind him.

"Now, now," Senkensha said, "Lie down. You are probably still in some pain, but let me - "

"You are not doing anything else to me!" Lucius yelled at her. "You have given me breasts! You have - "

He broke off abruptly as he suddenly realized that Harry and Severus were both in the room as well.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" he cried, trying to cover himself up.

"Admiring your new assets, of course," Harry sniggered.

"Out! Out! Out!" Lucius screamed, his voice shriller than either of them had ever heard before.

Senkensha mumbled a spell and no sound came out of Lucius' mouth anymore. Furious, he glared at Senkensha and tried getting up again, only to fall back down and hitting his head one more time.

"Hit him baby one more time..." Harry sang quietly and watched as Lucius got even more enraged.

"Be quiet, Harry," Senkensha said to him and turned to Lucius. "You shouldn't get so upset, Mr Malfoy. It's not good for the babies."

'Babies?!' Lucius mouthed, forgetting he had no voice.

"Yes, I decided that it would be better for you to get impregnated at the same time as I preformed the other spell, since I doubt there is anyone who would like to sleep with you anyway, especially after the spell."

Harry sniggered again and Severus held back a laugh. Senkensha glared at them and they sobered quickly.

"Congratulations," she said, turning back to Lucius, "You are expecting triplets!"

'Tri-triplets?' Malfoy mouthed at him. He got up again. This time he seemed stronger, but Senkensha pushed him back down so that he could hit his head a third time. This time, his brain couldn't deal with it and he fell unconscious back on the bed.

~~~

"I really like your mum," Harry said once they were down in the dungeons again. "She's great fun."

"As long as it's not directed towards me it is," Severus said and they began laughing again.

Harry moved closer to Severus and kissed him. "At least you're only expecting twins," he said, putting a hand on the impressive swelling.

"Yes, only," Severus said sarcastically.

"Oh, stop whining you big baby," Harry said to him. "Love you."

"Love you too."

~~~

It wasn't until June that Harry and Severus found out just what Mrs Snape had been doing during the three months she'd been away from Hogwarts, after her sudden appearance at the Death Eaters-meeting.

The Daily Prophet ran a news article on the sudden increase of male pregnancy; that was when they realized that the vision Senkensha had had did not only include them.

'Male pregnancy - an unusual phenomena that became usual

Have you seen a man waddling around with a great big stomach lately? It might not only have to do with the junk food's increasing popularity. S:t Mungo's now admits that the amount of pregnant males have drastically increased since November last year.

Remus Lupin is one of the many pregnant men walking around in England these days.

"Mrs Senkensha Snape had a vision," he explains to the Daily Prophet. "In it, she saw that several of our bloodlines would die out if we don't have at least three children each. As the last Lupin, I had to take my responsibility and have a child."

Senkensha Snape, daughter of two Japanese Muggles, is one of the most famous seers of the twentieth and twenty-first century and her visions have, so far, never been wrong.

But why do they decide to get pregnant themselves, rather than to let women carry on their lines?

"I am homosexual," Lupin admits. "So are all the others that the vision included. I did not want to force a woman to go through pregnancy, just to have a heir."

Getting curious, the Daily Prophet reporter asked who Lupin's child's other father is.

"I'd rather not say," Lupin replied.

Other pregnant men that are well-known to the community include Sankensha Snape's son, Severus Snape, and the just-recently impregnated Lucius Malfoy, both of whom are expecting multiples.

"I had no idea my father was homosexual as well," said Lucius' son, Draco Malfoy. "He wanted me to get pregnant, but I refused."

Senkensha Snape herself was unable for comment, as she is currently working at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, as a Professor in Divination.'

"Lupin is pregnant?" Harry exclaimed, choking on his eggs. "Why hasn't he said anything?"

"He's probably had more than enough to think about because he is pregnant," Severus sneered, looking down at his own midsection, which had grown even bigger over the last month. At seven and a half months, he was... huge.

"You're beautiful," Harry said to him, noticing where Snape was looking.

"Oh, cut the crap," Severus hissed. "I look like a stranded whale. And I'm developing breasts!"

"Yes, they are really quite interesting..." Harry sniggered and then fell instantly silent when Snape glared at him. "Look, at least you haven't had had to deal with breasts the whole time, like Lucius. That would have been worse, wouldn't it?"

Severus continued to glare, propping food into his mouth. He heard the students whisper about him, some even daring to point. The babies in his stomach kicked hard. He was sure that he had bruises on the insides of his ribs. His back ached and he couldn't see his feet unless he sat down with them stretched out before him. He wasn't even sure if Mr Snape the second was working anymore at all. And he was so tired...

Harry hugged his hand under the table and Snape remembered that it was all worth it.

Oh Merlin, listen to me, he thought. I sound like I belong in some bad romance novel.

~~~

Lucius returned home to the Manor and to the company of Voldemort. Narcissa had decided to get a divorce when she heard what he'd tried to talk her darling son into, so she had left several months earlier.

Voldemort sat down in the dungeons, scared as always. Lucius came down there more and more often, looking for company.

"That woman is evil," they both agreed, but that was also the only thing they ever said about Mrs Snape. Neither dared to do anything to her; they were both scared to death of her.

Instead, they talked about life, weather (something which Voldemort didn't see very much of anymore, considering he never left the dungeons) and children. Since Lucius was carrying three of them inside of him, his stomach grew quite quickly. He was very worried about what he would look like come February, when he was supposed to give birth.

"You are beautiful," Voldemort said, taking his hand and admiring Lucius' cleavage.

"Oh, Voldemort," Lucius sighed. He looked deeply into those red eyes. Then he closed his eyes, bent forward and kissed the ex-Dark Lord.

When he opened his eyes again, Tom Riddle stood before him again. He was older, but still as gorgeous as ever. The red eyes, the slits for a nose, all that was gone and in its place was a beautiful, youthful face.

"I love you, Tommy," Lucius breathed.

"I love you to, Luce."

And they lived happily ever after and all that crap, although they never left the dungeons again. Their children were named Val, Dee and Morty.

~~~

Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts, summer vacation had started. That meant two things: That there were no students left in the school and that Severus' delivery was coming closer and closer. The castle was hot and humid since the summer was the warmest in fifty years. Even the dungeons didn't keep cool, so Severus sat in his high-backed chair with a Muggle fan that he had spelled to work in the castle, standing on the floor. The only time he got up was to go to the bathroom - something he had to do quite frequently nowadays, since his children seemed quite happy with kicking at his bladder all the time.

Other than that, Harry did everything for him.

Senkensha tended to come down to the dungeons at the most ill timed moments - usually when Severus was demanding that Harry get something for him.

"He is not your servant, Severus!" she scolded him.

"But mum, I - "

"I do not want to hear of it, Severus. You can get up and walk," she said and Harry winced as he tried to get out of the chair. Gravity seemed to be working very hard against Severus these days.

Severus walked - no, waddled - past Harry, who mouthed, 'I'm sorry.'

Then came July thirty-first; Harry's birthday. Harry awoke on the bed he'd shared with Severus for the last eight months, cuddled up close with one hand draped over Severus enormous stomach. Severus lay awake already.

"Happy birthday," Severus said.

"Thanks," Harry smiled.

"Now get off, I need to go to the bathroom."

"You're such a sweet talker," Harry said, rolling his eyes.

Severus growled at him and got up. Standing, he rubbed at his back, wincing.

"Back ache again?" Harry asked and began massaging his lover's lower back.

"Mmm, that feels good," Severus said. "But I really need to pee."

Harry sniggered at him. "Go, then," he said.

A half hour later, they had made their way to the Great Hall and were sitting at the table eating. Senkensha was sitting next to Dumbledore, feeding him grapes. Considering how alike they were (both knew everything that was going on, both showed up at the most inopportune moments, both loved lemon drops), it had come as no surprise to anyone when they had announced that they were together.

Severus groaned.

"What is it, Sev?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Nothing," Severus replied. "Just the kids being a bit more active than usual. And my back is absolutely killing me."

"I'll continue with that massage once we get downstairs," Harry promised with a coy smile. They hadn't had sex in over two months, but Harry was still allowed to touch and steal kisses from Severus - and he did so at every opportunity.

He didn't notice the meaningful glances Albus and Senkensha shared after listening to Harry and Severus' short conversation.

Back down in the dungeons, Severus' pains only seemed to increase, no matter how much massage Harry gave him.

"Sev..." Harry said after thinking about it for a while.

"Yes?" Severus groaned.

"You don't think that you might be, you know, in labour?"

Severus sat up from his lying position, eyes wide with shock. "Labour?"

Just then the door opened and Senkensha entered, followed by both Albus and Poppy Pomfrey.

"Well, now that you have figured out what's 'wrong'," Senkensha said, "it is time to get those babies out of you."

Severus watched in shock as Albus and Senkensha waved their wands and changed the whole décor from the black and green colours, to a hospital white. The bed became the one where he could give birth...

"I am not putting my legs up like that!" Severus said, trying to cross his arms (and failing) over his huge midsection.

"Pft," Senkensha said. "Sure you are. How do you think the babies are going to come out of you otherwise? Through your navel?"

Severus spluttered indignantly, but finally, as a real heavy contraction suddenly wracked his body, put his legs up.

"Oh, this will take a while," Madame Pomfrey said. "I imagine it will be several long hours before you are through with this, Severus."

Severus glared at Harry. "This is all your fault, you know."

"Blame her!" Harry squeaked and pointed at his mother. "She had the vision, not me! I'm actually the one who has helped you."

Senkensha didn't seem to mind that she was being subjected to the Snape Glare® by her only child. After all, it was she who had created it to begin with.

~~~

Fifteen hours later, around midnight, Severus was screaming bloody murder down in the dungeons. Albus was actually wondering whether he should put up stronger wards on the walls; they seemed to shake with every new, foul word that Severus came up with.

Harry, in turn, was quite sure that he would have to go wash his ears out after hearing all said foul words. Most of them were, after all, directed to him.

Poppy and Senkensha were working together. The first baby had finally decided to try the world outside the comfortable waterbed that was Severus' stomach.

"I can see her head!" Senkensha said, her voice filled with delight.

"She? How do you know - oh, never mind," Harry said and returned his full attention to Severus, who was screaming and cursing.

"I hate you, Potter! I hope you don't live to see the light of day again you fucking annoying little brat..." and so it went.

"Push, Severus," said his mother and for once, Severus obeyed without question. "Again!"

Severus continued to scream and scream, when suddenly, his screams were joined by another set of screams.

A small, bloody little creature began wailing as soon as it - err, she - had left the safety of her father's stomach. Senkensha took the baby in her arms as Poppy continued to instruct Severus in how he needed to push again.

Six minutes after the baby girl, Harry and Severus' son was born.

Severus lay panting, but quiet, on the bed as his children were cleaned off. Finally, Senkensha and Poppy put the two children by his breasts and they began sucking greedily.

"Oh!" Severus exclaimed.

"Not so bad with boobs after all, perhaps?" Harry asked.

Severus managed a half-hearted glare at his lover, which said lover of course ignored, in favour of pressing a kiss to Severus' sweaty forehead.

~~~

In December, four months after the birth of their children (Awena and Admon Snape), Harry Potter and Severus Snape married, with Albus Dumbledore, Senkensha Snape and two hundred other guests (invited and otherwise) as witnesses.

That night, when they lay in bed with the twins sleeping soundly in their cribs, Severus whispered to Harry,

"I love you."

"I love you too," Harry replied, kissing Severus.

When they broke apart, Severus said, "You know what?"

"What?" Harry asked dreamily, wanting to get back to kissing Snape.

"I'm pregnant again."

And so ends this silly story, with a happily ever after for everyone (except perhaps Harry, who has to live through another nine months of pregnant!Snape...)

~~~

The challenge:

#80 on blooddance.com

Medding Mum Challenge

After 15+ years in India and Japan Snapes mother comes back to England. Senkensha (jap. for Seer) Snape is of japanese origin and one of the greatest seers of her time. She visits her son at Hogwarts with grave news. If he and several other (gay) pureblood wizards don't procreate, their lines will be doomed. But Snape is homsexual and can't even think about sleeping with a female and bringing up children (it has to be at least 3 his Mum said) demands a stable home and marriage. No problem, his mum said, she'd found the perfect spell in a temple in India/Japan. A male pregnancy spell. Now he only needs to find the perfect mate and his mum already has someone in her mind....

Must have:

- Other pureblood wizards visited by Mrs. Snape: Lucius Malfoy, Remus Lupin and several others (hmmm... how about this: the Death Eaters have come to their latest meeting and suddenly Snapes Mum pops up and tells several of them including old snakeface himself) that if they don't get on with it, their lines will die out.

- Snape's mum always popping up when last expected.

- Harry Potter meets Senkensha Snape and both find each other really sympathic.

- Sybill gets the dressing down of the century from Senkensha before Snapes Mum takes over the divination post... hehe no escapes possible for her son, she will find him everywhere.

- Snape's mum getting her own fanclub and reactions of her son

Can have:

- Senkensha Snape, medding Grandmum

- Senkensha Snape and Albus Dumbledore?!?!?

- A unusual eastern pet for Senkensha.

- Snape Flashback to his childhood