Humiliation’s Friend and a Blush

Harry and Hermione raced out of the Great Hall, laughing hysterically.

"Did you see his face?" gasped Harry.

"Yours wasn't much different," Hermione laughed. Harry blushed.

"You caught me by surprise."

"So I noticed." Then Hermione blushed. Then they looked into each others' eyes, blushed again, and there was a very awkward silence as the two of them, scarlet as the Gryffindor flag, stood staring at each other. Harry finally let out a small smile that broke the tension. Hermione smiled back.

All of a sudden, Harry's eyes widened and he grabbed Hermione around the waist and pulled her off to the side of the Main Entrance, flat against the wall.

"Harry? What are you-" She was cut off by another voice.

"I'LL GET YOU, GRANGER!" screamed Draco Malfoy as he ran by out the doors of the castle. He was followed quite closely by every single girl in the school and most of the boys who wanted to get in on the fun. They looked as if they ought to be carrying pitchforks and burning torches. Some were actually holding their wands high and Harry thought a few of them were trying the Incendio fire spell. Others were just trying curses. The guys looked as if they had forgotten about their wands and instead wanted to help with their bare hands. The male Slytherins followed at a more leisurely pace; none of them seemed about to help Draco. Harry and Hermione could feel the ground rumbling beneath them.

"Quite a sight," said a voice off to the side of the two, still pinned against the wall. Pansy Parkinson. "I wonder how much he owes me now."

"I think he deserves it," said Hermione, speaking over Harry.

"You think so? Maybe for ignoring me at the Yule Ball and giving every other girl the eye."

"Now I almost feel bad about the whole scene in the Great Hall." Harry looked up. "Not that part, Harry." He bit his lip, trying to hide a smile, and failed miserably. "Come on. Let's go see what's left of Draco now. Maybe we can still rip apart the last few pieces." She took Harry's hand and led him out to the castle grounds, Pansy following closely behind. Then all three stopped dead at the sight in front of them.

Draco was in the middle of the lawn, Stupefied, along with several dozen other curses and hexes. Harry thought he could make out the Furnunculus Curse and Jelly-Legs. Four or five girls stood around him, still throwing odd curses at him of all different colors. Everyone else was at war.

Spread across the lawn were the several hundred students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. There were curses being thrown everywhere in every direction. Scores of students were lying on the ground, cursed. Others were still fighting valiantly. It was mostly the entire school against the Slytherins, but several Slytherin girls were to be seen fighting against the rest of their house...or maybe it was just against everyone else. People were running around, some performing counter curses, others cursing whoever was in their way and then spouting a quick apology if it was someone from their house.

Harry pulled Hermione and Pansy down as a bluish curse shot where their heads had been a moment before. Then Pansy screamed as her hair turned orange and her legs started to wobble and shake as if she were walking on a boat. Hermione whipped out her wand and muttered, "Finite Incantatem." Pansy collapsed on the ground, her hair slowly turning back to its former color.

As they stood there, watching the carnage, a dozen or so teachers burst out of the doors, narrowly missing the three and they too started shouting spells.

"We are so dead," said Hermione. Harry nodded numbly. Pansy was still lying on the ground in shock.

"Not so as you might think," said a voice off to the side. "Though if you mean by going out there, yes, that seems about right." Dumbledore raised his wand and roared, "FINITE INCANTATUM." People all over the grounds started to get up, freed from their spells. Draco collapsed on the ground from exhaustion. Slowly, the students looked up and saw Dumbledore standing at the front gates, wand raised, and Harry could almost feel everyone gulp in apprehension and terror. Dumbledore just stared back as teachers flitted around helping students up. Then he cleared his throat and spoke.

"You're all dead." He chanced a glance at Hermione and winked.

Harry, Hermione, Pansy, and Draco sat on the stairs in the Great Hall watching the rest of the school groan and complain as they scrubbed the floors, walls, and ceilings of the school. Without magic. Some students were crawling across the ceiling, some up and down the walls, and others just across the floor of the Entrance Hall, all on their hands and knees carrying sponges. Every so often a student would cough up a slug or a frog or something much worse, and they would have to start their current section over. Teachers were standing around overseeing the entire operation and collecting a few last wands. Watching them, Harry thought that a few of the teachers were getting way too much pleasure from making the children exert themselves.

Draco and Pansy were still busy counting out Galleons and arguing over the results. Pansy figured that he should have to pay up for every girl in school, seeing as they had uniformly rejected him. Draco, of course, was disagreeing, but he wasn't getting very far. Harry and Hermione were ignoring them.

"How d'you think Ron's doing?" asked Hermione.

"He's over there - on the wall. He seems to have had about as much experience scrubbing the walls as I have. He's been in trouble so many times."

"You always seem to participate in those exertions...how come you never get caught?"

"Ron's not slick in the slightest. He's rather clunky. Growing into his body, I guess."

"I almost feel sorry for him."

"In the same way you feel sorry for Draco?"

"Exactly."

"So...not really at all."

"That seems about right." Draco had looked up upon hearing his name, eager to sway Pansy off the subject.

"That was cruel, Potter," he said.

"I was simply agreeing with Hermione. And it is true. We all hate you."

"That's not true," piped up Pansy. "Wait a second...yes it is. Never mind." Draco glared at her while Harry and Hermione tried to stifle their smiles.

"Why?" asked Draco with a look intended to make him look innocent.

"Well...all offense meant...you're sort of a jerk," said Hermione.

"I hate to say it-" started Pansy.

"Then don't," Draco growled.

"But I'd have to agree with that," she finished. "You really are a jerk."

"You think so too?" asked Hermione incredulously.

"Of course. You don't know what he does in the Common Room."

"Ooooooh. Tell me." They both moved down a step to sit next to each other, gossiping away excitedly. Both Harry and Draco rolled their eyes.

"So how much did you end up paying her?" asked Harry.

"Too much," Draco grimaced. Harry laughed, then realized who he was laughing with and quickly stopped.

"So how come none of your bruises were healed? Didn't you go to the Hospital Wing?" asked Harry.

"Dumbledore said that part of our punishment was that we all had to let our wounds and battle scars heal the Muggle way." He winced. "It's painful, though."

Harry rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded a lot like, "spoiled brat." But, looking around, he could see that it was true. The children climbing over the walls and floor and ceiling were doing so with difficulty due to their many bruises and cuts, none of which were healed. In fact, the only ones that weren't in pain were he, Hermione, and Pansy.

"Even you had to go through with it?"

"Especially me. He said I started it all, though not enough to warrant me scrubbing the castle. He said over the next few months I would probably suffer more by the hand of the rest of the student body than by any cleaning."

"Poor baby," said Harry without the slightest trace of sympathy. Draco glowered and shoved him off the stair that they were sitting on.

"Shut-up, Potter," said Draco as Harry climbed back up to his stair. Harry snickered in response.

"I follow Hermione's lead. I don't do pity either," said Harry

"So that Hermione is quite a catch, isn't she?" asked Draco. Harry scowled.

"She's not a catch. She's my best friend. You really are a jerk, aren't you?"

"But we knew that."

"So we did."

"She seems to be enjoying gossiping about you. And, from what they're saying, I'm going to guess..." he stopped for a moment, "boxers." Harry flushed.

"Now we know how the entire school knew about the bet. You know how the rest of the world is connected to the internet? They're connected to the gossipnet." Draco gave him a funny look.

"What's an Internet?"

"It's...never mind."

"Tell me."

"Um...no."

"Please?" Harry's mouth dropped open.

"Did you just say 'please'?"

"Yes. We all heard it. Tell me now?"

"Hey, Hermione," Harry said tapping Hermione on the shoulder. "Draco just said 'please'." Her mouth dropped open too, as well as Pansy's.

"You're an idiot, Potter."

"And you're impolite. It seems to balance out."

"You two bicker like an old couple," said Hermione.

"We don't bicker-," said Draco indignantly.

"We full out fight," put in Harry.

"You even finish each other's sentences," said Pansy.

"That's adorable," snickered Hermione. "You guys would make such good friends."

"How?" they said in unison. "All we do is fight."

"No more than you do with Ron." She and Pansy giggled and turned back to their gossip.

"I refuse to even dignify that with a response," said Harry, folding his arms.

"You do need a new best friend," muttered Draco.

"And it's not going to be you. If I did, you'd be closer to Hermione. And she's mine."

"I could take her from you."

"You already tried. It didn't work."

"I could so."

"This scene looks familiar," said Pansy.

"Want to bet on it?" Draco continued.

"You remember what happened last time you bet?" Hermione asked.

"Let's appraise the situation. Draco has a black eye, several bruises, a slew of curses that'll take a few days to get off, and a wounded ego. Harry and Hermione both have each other and no pain except for Draco being near them. I myself have orangish hair and a Hell of a lot of money. Need we have this happen again?"

"All right. You've proved your point. Forget I said anything," Draco grumbled.

"Already done," said Hermione brightly. Draco glared at her.

"I don't know how he stands you."

"I like her that way: spunky, mean to you, and she's a great kisser," said Harry.

"That's so sweet," said Hermione smiling up at him.

"Why can't you be like he is?" asked Pansy to Draco.

"An idiot?"

"No. He's cordial, keeps alive chivalry, he's kind, and flattering. And he's a hero. Basically your knight in shining armor." Harry got up and bowed.

"May I extend my hand to m'lady?" he asked formally. He held out his hand to Hermione, took hers, kissed it, and lifted her off the ground. She giggled.

"I could be like that!" protested Draco.

"Except ugly?" asked Pansy innocently.

"Exactly - HEY! I am not!"

"You certainly will be by the time they're all finished with you," she said gesturing towards the scrubbing students with her arm. "And let me tell you - I'm quite willing to help."

"Doesn't look like they will, though," Draco said, meaning Harry and Hermione. They were standing rather closely together on the stairs, talking about nothing in particular. They were completely immersed in each others' eyes. Pansy sighed.

"That's so romantic. Why can't you be like that?"

"I tried. And I got shot down. It's your own fault."

"That's what I mean! Just look at them...," she trailed off. Harry had taken Hermione's hand and was weaving through the people on the floor, leading her outside.

"Can't we do that?" Draco scowled, then took her hand and started to lead her out the doors too. Halfway across the floor, he slipped and somebody else tripped him. Pansy stood over him, hands on her hips, sniggering.

"They're going to torture you like this until you leave school, don't you know?"

"I'm going to go bury my head in a pillow and not come out for a year," Draco mumbled to the floor.

"Stop wallowing in self-pity. You're getting your comeuppance."

"That's a long word," Draco mumbled. Pansy 'hmphed' and stalked out of the Hall with Draco following (not so closely) behind.

"Did you hear the one about the skateboard?" asked Harry. They were strolling around the grounds, hand-in-hand, telling jokes. (A/N: It's my story - I can tell it any way I want. E-mail me if you want to hear the one about the skateboard.)

Suddenly there was an enormous slam of the front doors to the castle and Pansy came out followed by Draco. They seemed to be having an argument of sorts. Then Draco turned and walked back into the doors. Literally. He scowled and pulled hard on one, but it didn't budge.

"Not that I care, but if I want to keep my gossip flow going, I should probably inquire what's wrong," said Hermione as they made their way to the other not-so-fairy-tale-couple.

"Great! Now we're locked out!" Pansy was saying. "And I have to sit outside with you till someone rescues us!"

"It's not so bad," replied Draco. Then he looked up. "And if you start singing that song, I will kill you."

"You're right! It's horrible!"

"That's not what I meant." Harry and Hermione just stood watching the two.

"Talk about an old married couple," muttered Harry. Draco whirled around.

"Didn't I tell you to shut-up, Potter?"

"When have I ever listened to a thing you've said? Why should I start now?"

"Fine. A duel then."

"And you call me an idiot."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly the face value," said Harry. He was still holding Hermione's hand. He raised his wand and Draco held his up. "Accio Firebolt," called Harry. Draco gaped at him.

"What?!" he cried. With a 'whoosh', the Firebolt came speeding towards them. Harry helped Hermione on, climbed on behind her, and they took off towards one of the towers. Draco couldn't tell if it was Gryffindor Tower or the Astronomy Tower.

"Your turn," said Pansy with the slightest of smirks on her face. "Whisk me off on your valiant broomstick."

"I'm not Potter."

"Apparently. He's so much more...." Draco opened his mouth to speak up but Pansy silenced him with a glare. "He's handsome, romantic, strong, heroic - he's basically everything you're not." Draco crossed his arms across his chest and leaned against the doors, waiting to be let in. Resignedly, Pansy leaned next to him. "That Granger girl. She always takes the good stuff before anyone else can. First Krum, now Potter. And now you! But you don't quite count as the good stuff."

"Pansy, I am going to personally make sure you become best friends with Moaning Myrtle."

"I'd like to see you try. Wait - how do you know about her? Draco's alternate life finally becomes revealed." Draco blushed.

"We don't need to hear anymore from you."

"Nor from you." They leaned in silence for a few moments before Draco looked over at Pansy.

"You're spunky too. And I like you -"

"Forget it. I'm not snogging with you in front of the castle doors."

"Would you anywhere else?"

"No." Draco made a face and then leaned back again, waiting to be let in.