Seamus Finnigan and the Search for a Soulmate

Seamus Finnigan had anything a man could ever want. Money. Booze. Girls. Yet deep down he was unfulfilled, almost empty. The problem was, it was very deep down.

"Silencio," Harry hissed, casting the charm on Seamus' bed were screams of pleasure were coming from. Harry was certain that couldn't just be one girl.

"SEAMUS!! IT'S TWO IN THE BLOODY MORNING!! GIVE IT A REST!!" Ron bellowed. Seamus appeared not to of heard, so Ron took up his wand, and marched over to Seamus' bed. He pulled open the curtains to reveal the Patil twins and Seamus.

"Hi Ron," Seamus said cheerfully. "Drink?" He offered him a beer. Ron kicked him on the head, and Seamus went out like a light.

***

The next morning revealed to Harry exactly what Seamus had been up to. He was happily eating his corn flakes when all of a sudden-

"SEAMUS ANDREW FINNIGAN!" Lavender screamed at the top of her lungs. "Did you honestly think I wouldn't notice you shagging every girl in the school!?" Seamus smiled weakly.

"I love you," Seamus said, trying to buy some time.

"Do you honestly think I'm falling for that one again?" Lavender slapped him. The loud crack echoed through the silence of the Great Hall. Every head was now turned towards the arguement.

"Lavender-" Parvati began, but Lavender slapped her before she could say anything.

"Don't you speak to me you slut," Lavender hissed. "I never want to see either of you again!" She ran out of the Great Hall, and Harry noticed Ron staring at her ass.

"So she's available now..." Ron said, grinning broadly. Harry chose to ignore that comment.

"Parvati?" Hermione asked nervously. "Are you okay?" Parvati got up slowly.

"I'm fine," she told them, and sprinted out of the room after Lavender.

"And what about you Seamus?" Harry asked, nearly jumping at the apparently unaffected Seamus.

"I don't feel any different," Seamus told him. "In fact, I feel...empty."

"Maybe that's because you broke up with your girlfriend two minutes ago," Hermione suggested.

"No, I felt this way before," he told them. He got up slowly. "See you at class." Seamus left slowly, heads turning his direction as he went.

"Is he upset, or did we never notice he was like this?" Dean asked. Harry shrugged.

"No matter, as the almighty hero it is my job to save the day," Harry said, putting his hands on his hips. Several Gryffindors snorted into their food, but Hermione just frowned.

"This is serious," she said sternly. "Seamus, Lavender and Parvati could be very upset."

"Yeah," Ron agreed. "I'll go help Lavender." He got up, and sprinted out of the Great Hall.

"What do you think Lavender's going to do when Ron tries to shag her?" Harry asked.

"Widen his belly-button," Dean suggested.

***

"Right Seamus, I've solved the problem," Harry told him. "You never loved Lavender."

"You took six years to work that out?" Seamus asked. Harry scowled.

"So we just have to find your soulmate."

"She better not be English," Seamus said. "Or named after a colour." Harry sighed. This was going to be a long night.

After three hours, this was getting nowhere.

"Let me try again," Harry said angrily over Ron and Dean's roars of laughter. "Is there anything you like in a woman apart from boobs?" Seamus shook his head.

"Why don't we just run through the girls with nice breasts?" Seamus suggested the angry look on Harry's face. Harry just nodded.

"List," he said, taking out a quill and parchment. There was a long pause.

"I've got one," Neville piped up from behind Harry. "Ginny Weasley." Ron lunged at him, and soon a huge fight had erupted in the middle of the Common Room.

"Too small," Seamus said at last.

"Pansy Parkinson?" Dean suggested. Harry stared at him for a moment.

"Too big," Harry kicked the table in frustration.

"GINNY!!" Dean called across the room. "What's your bra size?" Before Ron attempted to kill him Dean managed to deduce the size between Ginny and Pansy.

"How do you know Pansy Parkinson's bra size?" Harry asked after they had wrestled Ron off him.

"We've been sneaking into the Slytherin dungeon and stealing the girls' underwear," Seamus told him. Harry raised an eyebrow.

"How about we interview all the girls in the school," Ron suggested. Harry scowled at the terrible idea, but agreed it was the best all night.

"Well, you've added to the carnage," Hermione told Ron, sitting down in one of the armchairs. "Parvati's now screaming at Lavender she wanted you."

"You slept with my ex-girlfriend less than a day after we broke up?" Seamus asked, his face turning red. "You little cheat!" Seamus grabbed Ron by the throat, and this time Dean and Harry had to restrain Seamus.

"Anyway, our idea is to find Seamus' soulmate," Harry told Hermione after the Irish boy had calmed down. "Currently Dean was working out the ideal bra size." Hermione raised an eyebrow.

***

They interview the girls in the Room of Requirement. The problem was, there was so many.

"Ravenclaws first," Harry told them. Several girls from other houses screamed, looking for an answer why they had to wait.

"He wants to get the 'trolls' out of the way," Harry explained. This caused an uproar amoung the Ravenclaw girls

"Cho Chang," Dean called, leading the girl into the booth.

"Cho?" Harry asked, turning red.

"I'm over you Harry," she told him, turning red also.

"And I'm over you," Harry answered, turning his back on her.

"Fine," she said loudly, crossing her arms.

"Fine," he said in response.

"I'm fine your fine."

"I'm fine your fine I'm fine."

"I'm fine your fine I'm fine your fine."

After half an hour of this, Seamus asked Cho to leae, and Harry cried on Ron's shoulder.

"Luna Lovegood," Neville called, inviting the blond into the room. Seamus consulted the application forms Hermione had filled out.

"Says your likes are the Quibbler, strange animals, and Harry," he said. Harry turned red again. "Dislikes, Books, the Daily Prophet, Cornelius Fudge and the Irish." Seamus frowned at the last one. "If you hate the Irish, why are you here?" Luna shrugged. Seamus asked her to leave.

"At this rate it'll take all year," Ron told him.

The five Gryffindors continued with the Ravenclaws, before moving onto the Hufflepuffs.

"Susan Bones, likes sunsets, long walks, and wild orgies." Seamus' eyes widened as he read the sheet. "Dislikes You-Know-Who and commitment." Seamus looked up to find Susan had left, accompanied by Dean.

"Looks like Dean found the perfect girl," Ron whispered into Seamus' ear. After the Hufflepuffs, Seamus braced himself for the Gryffindors.

"Ginny?" Ron asked angrily. "What are you doing here? Get out, you're too young for a boyfriend!" Ron pushed her out, but Neville snuck out after her.

"Looks like we're running out of interviewers," Seamus noticed.

"Don't worry, I won't leave," Ron assured him. "I don't need a girlfriend. I've got Lavender!" This was the wrong thing to say. And as Katie Bell came in, she took one look at the fighting, and left.

"Slytherins," Seamus noticed. "God only knows why I chose them last." Seamus nearly fainted as Draco Malfoy came in.

"Hermione didn't specify what gender they had to be on the forms," Harry told him, examining Malfoy's form.

"So Malfoy...you're gay?" Ron asked, edging his chair away from Malfoy.

"So likes Quidditch, money, insulting Weasleys and Potter's arse," Seamus read of the form. "Dislikes Weasleys, Gryffindors in general, and Potter's hair."

"You like my arse?" Harry asked, looking appaulled. "PERVERT!!"

"You didn't buy those pictures Colin Creevey took did you?" Ron asked. Harry glared at him.

"Yes Weasel," Malfoy. "I especially enjoyed the one where Potter cleans between his legs."

"That was Creevey's favourite too," Ron said loudly.

"You've seen these pictures then?" Harry asked angrily. Ron turned scarlet.

"Only once or twice," he mumbled. Harry punched Ron on the nose, and while the redhead fought the nosebleed, Harry kicked Malfoy out.

"Blaise Zabini," Harry called, desperatly trying to move things away from Malfoy. Blaise (in the form of a female brunnette, five foot ten and stunning) entered slowly.

"Blaise, you like Seekers, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Harry Potter and long walks whilst holding hands?" Blaise nodded silently. "Dislikes Malfoy, You-Know-Who and Cho Chang? What's wrong with Chang?" He didn't however, get an answer, because Blaise and Harry were going at it on the floor.

"Locomotor shagging couple," Ron said, moving them out of the room. Seamus grinned.

"No one left," Ron told him.

"Seamus!" Hermione came bursting in. "I deliberatly made a mistake on those forms, I'm sorry."

"We know, you didn't specify female," Seamus said.

"No, I didn't hand one in." Seamus raised his eyebrows. Ron snuck quietly out of the room.

"I love you Seamus, and this is the cheesey scene at then end where two lovers confess their undying love for one another. I've always loved you." The Irish boy however, didn't hear this. He was too busy from the shock Hermione thought she might be his soulmate.

And for the purpose of a cheap and happy ending, she was.

The sixth year boys shook Gryffindor Tower that night.