3,161 - 3,180 of 3,602 Stories

Ever wonder what would happen if the Meterpreters gave advice?

James Potter returns home from a Quidditch match, only to discover that in his absence baby Harry has discovered a new-found eloquence. Just a random one-shot created for the L/J cookie jar.

Twin-centric one-shot set during Book 5, after the duo left Hogwarts Fred is being a twit. George is tired of it. They beat on each other. And a good time is had by all. Mentions of various other Weasleys, Hogwarts students and mild references to Fred/Angelina, George/Alicia and Angelina/Roger.

Mad, Mad Passionate Love returns, bigger and more disgusting than before! With interhouse romances popping up everywhere, how can Hogwarts cope with the onslaught of such powerful passions? Lots of fanon stereotype fun, including Pathetic! Draco, Sexy! Snape, and Fiery! Ginny. "But I love you," Tom had said, tears streaming from his bright red eyes. He couldn't blame Albus… he wasn't nearly as handsome as he'd been the year before, when his eyes had still been a normal color and he had actually had a nose.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione broke into Gringotts in pursuit of Horcruxes. Now the goblins want revenge - of the monetary sort.

Severus Snape was sent to Cornwall in the summer of 1996 by Dumbledore to do 'Order work' which really meant relax. Follow Snape's excursion in the Muggle world with a new identity and new discoveries to technology and being social. It's a laugh, really.

Professor Snape in a pink thong and matching bra?? SCARY!

What happens when a 1970s game show classic collides with the Potterverse? Much mayhem, flying knickers and the inappropriate use of Magic Markers, for a start.

Hermione and Draco go on a whirlwind of insane adventures due to some insane writer's preferences for a challenge. The story begins with a wet little romp through the Hogwarts grounds. [Includes: Snape in galoshes!]

Oh great, somebody call Oprah, a new series I'm writing, they're called letters to no one, Ginny is on the way. Lily is whining about how conceited, immature and handsome James is.

Imagine if all of the Hogwarts kids lived in a little town called St. Francis, Wisconsin. Imagine if they all played instruments. Imagine if they all went to 'band camp.' Well, you don't have to imagine! Here's a story about it! This is based on a true story. Each of the characters represents me and my friends and our adventures at 'band camp.' It's not THAT kind of band camp, though! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Crysta finds a Time Turner lying around. On her way to bring it to Dumbledore's office, she pulls one of her famous gymnastics stumbles and rops it, shattering the poor thing. She gets sent back to the Marauders' time and is stuck there until she can get a new Time Turner. And she's not supposed to do anything to change the past. And she ends up changing it forever. (Sirius is alive and Harry's a seventh year.)

Ron and Hermione are cleaning the attic .. or should be.

(Marauder-era.) Typical Hogwarts Christmas for Remus and Sirius... except Sirius has disappeared.

...and took up tenpin bowling instead. In this AU and very silly ficlet, Tom Riddle never becomes a dark lord, but channels his energies on a bowling league.

Ginny's husband is punished for grievous misjudgement.

Ever want to know a day in the life of an Unspeakable?

What happens when Mary Sue comes to Hogwarts? Can the students withstand her in all her terrible glory?

While serving a detention for Filch, Draco discovers something that Potter doesn't know about and can't wait to rub his nose in it. What he doesn't expect to discover is the fact that he and Harry share a grief from the same source.

Harry and friends and a whole lot of zaniness....

In which James Potter tries to drop Divination with the help of one "Zai the Enlightened" and Remus Lupin, many years later, gets cornered by a certain Professor Trelawney. No crystal balls were harmed in the writing of this fic.

Humor conquers all. This is our hummorous take on two questions. "What would the characters think about some of the romance stories on line?" and "What would bring Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix together?"

Three educated elves change the course of culinary history in one slightly drafty British boarding school.

We all know that Sirius is a klutz...why would James ever ask him to be best man at a wedding?

Who is the mystery character who manages to do magic late in life under desperate circumstances? And what counts as 'desperate cirumstances', anyway? It all depends on your point of view....

A parody of a parody: a song from Monty Python's Meaning of Life, turned into a Death Eater musical number (with pokes at Bill Gates and the Muppets, as well).

Hermione is whinning whinning whinning!!

This is the long-awaited sequel to "Harry Potter and Friends (Who Happen to Hate Him a Lot)". Mina and Maura return to cause complete havoc at Hogwarts.

Harry does not like making this potion. Neither does Snape.

Hermione spends a week at a seminar for advanced studies, and gets an instructor she wasn't planning on! Features catfights,``designer hexes, wizard bar games, and a lot of time in... the bathroom?!

Dennis is missing. Colin is distraught. S-P-E-W is pointless. Quests are fun.

Crystal Waterford is as perfect as her name implies. When she goes to Hogwarts in Harry's seventh year, everyone in the school is enchanted by her. Everyone, that is, except Ron and Hermione. As the situation gets more and more out of hand, the two begin to plot Crystal's downfall. Problem is, none of their plans seem to work. And when they find out that Dumbledore knows exactly what's going on and is doing nothing to stop it, they just about give up. But then the perfect opportunity is presented to them, and even Dumbledore helps prepare the operation. Knowing that this is their last opportunity, Ron and Hermione are determined not to let this plan fail.

The Sorting Hat, after much thought, decided to quit singing.

Hermione & Ron become closer while assisting Harry in a somewhat 'desperate' moment.

It's the Late Show with your host, Harry Potter! Madness ensues on the first ever talk show featuring our favorite scar-head... with such guests as Blippy the Basilisk and Mary-Sue. Along with many other surprise guests!

Some animals just don't make good pets... A tale of friendship, choice, and many, many familiars.

Voldemort is in the Chamber of Secrets waiting for Wormtail to return with the potion that will allow him attack Hogwarts from the inside. There was only one problem with this plan. Wormtail delivers the wrong potion to Voldemort--a love potion.

During a crazy holiday party, Harry gets a letter from a secret admirer.``This silly fic was written in response to Ginnysdarkside's Christmas ``Challenge on her Live Journal. When I rolled my pairing, I almost ``refused to write it!

Short, stupid fic in response to a "Sickeningly Impossible Challenge" from K-Trina Puffinstuf. A Death Eater dinner gone a bit wrong - Enjoy!

My response to LemonFresh's Username Challenge, wherein one must write a fic around their FAP username. In case you missed it, my username is Hooligan.

When Hermione first married Ron after the war, she hadn't expected their relationship to wither and die. But it did. And so, in desperate want of some spice, Hermione signed her and Ron up for Tango Dancing lessons. The results were not what she expected.

An evil more dangerous than Lord Voldemort has risen to power and only Harry Potter can save Hogwarts from it.

The weirdest fic you've ever read. Written by alternating words between insane authors. Includes a burned-down school, a squashed rat, and Brad Pitt.

A troll has Flitwick's wand and Professor Binns offered to help get it back. But what happens if Binns fall asleep? Will Flitwick become the first wizard pie?

Hermione gets a book for christmas from Harry and a truly wonderful gift from Ron. But when she finds out what the book contains she can't believe it.

A meant-to-be-humorous spoof, basically. Contains hints of R/Hr.

A world of Weasleys to choose from and all of them diverse.``Why choose just one when I could have the lot and say it all in verse.

James Potter struggles to learn that marriage means compromise. When you don't, there are consequences.

It was a normal day in Hogsmeade. The students were walking peacefully, the birds were singing, some Gryffindors were getting drunk, and the Slytherins were up to no good. What can possibly go wrong?!

Harry just seems to have this horrible problem with getting into other people's pensieves, doesn't he? At least this time, he didn't really have a choice. Inside Prof. Snape's pensieve, he finds that Snape once found true love. The only problem: the girl he loved was a self-serving idiot. How does Snape get out of this situation? It's not the most wonderful way.

Gary Splotter returns to Hogwarts and yet again messes up something with his stupidity.

SPLAT! Dungbombs were meant to be thrown off buildings, right? Fred and George certainly think so. Hermione disagrees, and Ron just seems to find it all rather funny.

Harry saves Ginny from a dangerous and life-threatening Herbology detention.... All right, maybe not so dangerous and life-threatening as... vaguely scary and somewhat unsafe. But still. Almost-nearly-certain peril. At least.

What is a chicken doing near the subtle science and exact art that is potion making? Why is Luna sitting at the Gryffindor table--why does she wish to be a farm animal? For what possible reason am I running for my life?``Sadly, the world may never know.

Hogwarts' Defense professor is out and Dumbledore needs a stand-in for a few days. The only problem is that the one person willing to do it is Sirius Black.

This story is about Harry at Hogwarts and his experiences at Hogwarts in his seventh year. You may be disturbed in some parts. You have been warned. Written pre-OotP.

My response to the '22 things to do in a plot bunny' challenge set by Silvercrackle. Beware the lemon meringue pie!

Hermione takes Ron on a small caving trip, when something happens to Ron. Will Hermione figure out what it is and how to correct it?

"Voldy had a plan, a very GOOD plan, make all the boy plans. . . wait. . . " What you are about to read is how our favourite headmaster REALLY died. . . and the really odd, disturbing story Jo didn't want you to know.

Severus Snape, Death Eaters, and seven small children. Who will survive until the end of the day?

Find out what happens when you mix one dark-haired Slytherin poet, a reluctant James Potter and a bored Sirius Black left too long to his own devices.

Definitely an AU story, and a one-shot.``What do you get when you throw Tony the Tiger™, Scooby-doo and the Gang, and Smeagol into a room with The-Boy-Who-Lived? Why, you get The Audition, of course! Read to find out what zany things can happen to our favorite hero, at an audition you will never forget!

Harry Potter turns seventeen, and to his big surprise, the Dursleys actually remembered! And there's more: they are celebrating it too! But there's something Harry doesn't know; there's a plot, inside his birthday cake.... Will Harry survive his seventeenth birthday?

It's 1976. Sirius Black has fallen in love with the perfect girl. She has an odd attachment to scarves—and she's got a really long name. A Mary-Sue parody fic. Gag-bags ahoy!

It's time for careers advice, this very important event in the life of every 5th year student, and with Sirius Black it is going to be anything but ordinary. The day will be a long one for Professor McGonagall.

Sirius Black comes back to his flat to look for a forgotten object and witnesses the most traumatic event in his life: Lily Evans' bridal shower! Oh, did I mention that he witnesses it from inside the wardrobe?

Hogwarts is in for a great surprise....

What was Ron Weasley thinking during and after the chess match in SS?

A whirlwind tour through America for Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. What happens when all four become famous...in the Muggle world?

The story of the first Harry Potter book/movie, written in rhyme.

On either side the great lake lie``Long lawn of grass so green and bright,``That clothe the soil and meet the sky;``And thro’ the lawn the drive runs by``To many-tower’d Hogwarts;``And up and down the students go,``Gazing where the waters flow``Round an island there below,``The island of Shalorts.

Ginny hasn't forgotten the circus her father once took her to, and when things with Draco fall apart, she decides to join.

Ron had never heard of a condom before, and Hermione swore up and down he needed at least one if wanted to get laid. And Ron definitely wanted that. Harry helps him out a bit.

Harry and the Dursleys are on vacation in New York City when Harry meets the girl of his dreams. When he tries to talk to her, he is ridiculed. Unfortunately, Dudley sees him, resulting in a fight and more *sigh* maid duties for Harry.

Professor Snape is Hogwarts' (somewhat unwilling!) Agony Aunt. Sympathy is not his strong point...

It's the Halloween Boogie, a dance only seventh-years are allowed to attend. So what happens when you throw the Marauders in there?

Harry is going off to save the world, as per norm. Only this time... he might not come back. So his friends take it upon themselves to write him letters of good luck, etc. Oh, dear. He really doesn't have very eloquent friends, does he?

Harry/Hermione, but where does Draco come in... and who does Hermione love when she tells Dumbledore that "he" is dead? Voldemort striking his final blow, destroying the unlikely friendship...

A crazy story about a muggleborn and her obsession with Sirius. Sirius-ness ahead!

With a few drinks, some yodle-ing, the Hogwarts faculty and some chocolate cake, what can possibly go wrong?

Christmas is a time for family, so Harry spends it with his. Both of them... UK English.

Warning: AU. Professors Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall take a vacation to the beautiful island of Hawaii at the expense of an unwitting Ministry of Magic. Features a drunk, a pansy, and a mediator. Chaos ensues!

Cornelius Fudge--Minister of Magic, great wizard--and lover of jello. Until, that is, Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy turn his love for this delicious Muggle dessert into a trip to the Ministry he'll never forget.

Written for V.M. Bell's Song Title challenge. Ron recounts the time Malfoy called him a monkey in his fifth year and the repercussions it caused for Malfoy.

A series of challenges.... Colin Creevey records the events of oddities occuring around the castle at Hogwarts.

After settling into her new life, Hermione is surprised by fugitive Draco Malfoy.

Pigwidgeon was never a smart owl. But he was adamant about working for the Wizarding Post nonetheless.

"It’s a tractor," Harry said matter of factly as they drew closer. "If this is the idea then why don’t we just chew some corn and run after Voldemort saying 'Oh-arrr.'" In which Harry, Ron and Dumbledore are thrown into a field. Randomness ensues.

After defeating Voldemort, Harry becomes a professor at Oxford, but what could possibly happen for him to stop teaching?

Post-HBP AU. Dumbledore is dead. Draco thinks that things can't get any worse. He's wrong.

Will Harry heed Winky's cryptic warning? Will his journey from Platform 8 and 13/16 be a safe one? What alcohol-powered device has Ginny shoplifted from the Azkaban Gift Shop? Does Draco Malfoy really have the post owl's eyes? Will an epic battle with the lunch trolley witch end in triumph? Is The Sorting Hat's new live album scorching Billboard magazine's charts? Which political party does the Giant Squid favor? Has Hedwig chosen a lifestyle of wanton sexual abandon? Have Harry's summer drug sales been lucrative? I answer these burning questions and so many more inside!

Cedric Diggory made a bet. A very stupid bet. And now, in order to save himself the humiliation of arriving at the End-of-Year feast naked, he’s got two months to seduce the girl known as the Ice Serpent. But Lexxie Wyse isn’t willing to come along quietly, and even the charming Mr. Diggory will be lucky to walk away from this one intact. Sabotaged Herbology projects, girl fights, a jealous Cho Chang, one exceptionally lewd Hufflepuff Chaser, and snark abound.

Harry and other Hogwarts students go clubbing! No, really. Featuring dancing, music, drag acts, teeny tiny slash hints, a fair bit of snogging and a bar brawl.

Snape hides out on Craggy Island. Father Ted crossover.

'[Professor Lockhart] read passages from his books to them, and sometimes re-enacted some of the more dramatic parts. He usually picked Harry to help him with these reconstructions; so far, Harry had been forced to play a simple Transyvanian villager whom Lockhart had cured of a Babbling Curse...'

Harry loses an argument. And maybe his masculinity?

In which Luna Lovegood rhapsodizes on storybook lovers, radishes, and Harry Potter.

Have you ever thought what happened that evening we lost Padfoot? Have you ever thought how the Ministry's Phone Booth works?

A serious, sober discussion on the Goblin Revolutions rapidly dissolves into childish name-calling.