5,341 - 5,360 of 5,438 Stories

Suffocation never sounded so bad...

Any press is good press...right? D/G, one-shot. Written for the 2009 Draco/Ginny Fic Exchange at Livejournal. Nominated for Funniest Fic.

Luna is always one for being the center of attention, and her classmates are always ones for finding ways for making her such. And when Luna waltzes into Potions class one day with a live duck tucked under her arm, Professor Snape can't help but ask for the reasoning behind it.

My Prisoner of Azkaban parody appears, bringing with it Snape's ACTING, a furious audience, and no plot whatsoever! Because we have trees!

A "Bonding" schedule with the in-laws? What could possibly go wrong?

Ron and Harry are rushing back from a hard potions lesson; they're late for dinner and starving. But there's no way either of them is going to dinner when there's that irritating cricket hanging around. Maybe Neville can help? Err... maybe not.

Ron and Harry pull quite the prank on Hermione. But magic can do funny things... Dudley/Hermione, anyone?

Hestia Jones shows up for her first Order meeting. Gideon Prewett was expecting someone else. Gen. One-shot. Written for the As Summer Ends challenge on first_order (LJ community).

Oliver lands in hospital with a minor curse and gets reacquainted with Trainee Healer Katie Bell. Originally written for the hp_rarities exchange on LJ. Oneshot.

Head of design at Zabini's fashion house, Pansy Parkinson has her eye set on the heir apparent. But his eye is caught by a witch who has her own way of looking at things. This was written for the rarepair_shorts Winter 2010/2011 exchange. Beta read by En En chan from PI.

Fred and George cause trouble. Involves love potions, Cuba, and... Pansy Parkinson?

What if Argus Filch decided to write fan fiction?

Teachers sometimes act worse than their students, and Severus Snape is no exception. Join him as he endures another Hogwarts Staff Meeting. Poor man.

Charlie Weasley's been invited to a girl's birthday party, and it looks like he might just be part of the prize.

Severus Snape discovers an unpleasant aspect to being a Death Eater. (Edging toward crack.)

Pansy wants insurance. Draco... doesn't. It might take some convincing and some off-topic conversations to get him to change his mind.

Peter thinks about what he expected and what he got. Two very different things indeed.

Back by popular demand! In this final installment of the "Clash of the Clouds" trilogy, Anakin Skywalker is once again on the loose in Hogwarts, this time armed with Harry's wand. It is up to Harry and the other Hogwarts occupants to stop him before it is to late. Featuring (for you girls out there) a John Mayer concert, Remus Lupin in a show-stopping number, and Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz! Snape hates, Squigley levitates, and poor Seamus is still getting beat up. So come on down to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and join the party!

Front page headlines from the Wizarding world's best-selling newspaper.

Ever wonder why the Auror's capture rate of dark wizards is quite high recently? The secret's out with Hermione Granger explaining to fellow readers of the secret behind their success! Set Post-Hogwarts in a newspaper article style.

An Alternative Universe version of how Harry's first trip to Hogwarts could have gone, with some very Muggle-esque influences.

Hermione is in a bad mood. She's about to be torn apart from her friends. They're going to seperate schools. But Hermione doesn't even know about Hogwarts yet. So go on. Tell her. She won't believe you. Not yet.

Life is tough for Harry and Spider-Bat. They have two jobs: delivering pizzas and working for a newspaper. Fun fun fun.

Ask Snickers: The Ravenclaw House advice column run by none other than Bella Primro and her best friend Sirrah Mallagen, along with the rest of their gang, the Racketeers, who are trying to rival their Gryffindor counterparts, the Marauders. As they ask each other stupid questions and make enemies, they come across a few surprises.

Professor Binns' narrative now tells the real story of Julius Caesar's invasion of Britain and his assassination.

All was quiet in the waiting room of the esteemed marriage counselor, Dr. I. D. Vorce, save for the ticking clock on the wall and the numerous couples screaming their lungs out at each other. In this story, said marriage counselor will receive a visit from the unhappiest couple in the wizarding world: the Lestranges. Much like my other stories, this is extremely OOC for the sake of comedy. I hope you enjoy it!

Severus Snape encounters a new student and decides to cellebrate Halloween. In his own inimitable fashion. A translation of the first story of the 'Slytherinade' cycle by Toroj. The original stories in Polish and some more English translations can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/584806/

Lee Jordan is down in the dumps after his best friends fly the coop. What will he do without Fred and George? And how can he undermine Umbridge? Suddenly, inspiration strikes.

When the Room of Requirement provides an enchanted library for Ginny to relax in, her dreams take on a strangely literary bent... (Written for the SIYE Peter Pan challenge.)

Hermione Granger is many things - Muggleborn witch, class topper, good girl, trainee healer, and for reasons that no one seems to understand, a smoker.

I never really understood why people wrote in dairies. I still don't and I write in one. I named mine White Lilies. I can't explain now though, I think Petunia's about to blow. Five, Four, Three, Two .... "What do you mean Lily has a friend from school coming over! I don't want any more Freaks in this house then we already do! Make them leave!" My sister, everyone. Boy, this is going to be one long day.

Draco Malfoy has befriended, fallen in love with and married Ginny Weasley, but is she really the person that he thought she was?

A place called Tigerland has been found. This is an account of the travels of Ron Weasley to this land. You think Tigerland is just another place like England? No! This is one place you don't want to go after your first round.

Ronald Weasley went through a rather bleak period after Fred's death. He thought that running away was his only option. This story is about where he went and what he did. After almost three years away from his family, he makes decisions that will change his life forever.

*There really are advantages,* thought Moon as he lazily picked a table to sit at. *They’re few and far apart, really, but there are advantages.* What happens when a student gets overlooked? Well, not a lot, to be honest....

Neville's in a relationship, but it's probably not what you think. Undeniable proof that plants are people, too.

The Prisoner of Azkaban from Crookshanks' point of view.

There are only a few things that Draco Malfoy absolutely cannot handle: warm salad forks, house-elf liberation unions, and little children. Apparently Hermione did not read the brochure.

It's during the siege of Hogwarts, and Anthony Goldstein is running for his life... and on top of everything else, he has a cold. Full title: How a Buffalo, a Refrigerator, and a Leeds City Bus Saved Anthony Goldstein's Butt. One-shot.

Draco prepares Crabbe for his Death Eater initiation. Gen, crack.

Once upon a time, there were three super heroes (technically, two heroes and a heroine) whose names were The Boy Who Lived, BrainGirl, and Dumboy but whose real identities were unknown. So they decided to fight evil (or something like that)!!!

It’s 1977, and Hogwarts is putting on Hamlet. Cue rehearsals, romance, pranks, and maybe (with some luck) a successful production. (Version with images and fan art is being uploaded simultaneously on carmenblackfic.tumblr.com.)

Jasper Fforde's literary detective is called back to Hogwarts to deal with an unusual problem ...

Ron Weasley's Unabridged Guide to Being a Sidekick. In a fit of utter boredom, Ron pens, sorry, quills an extensive handbook for future partners-in-justice... "I've got more tips and tricks of the trade than Malfoy has got hair products." WIP

Early Summer 1953. Amelia Bones has reason to celebrate, but all her friends are busy -- except perhaps that intriguing acquaintance from the last Harpies game. Bones/Grubbly-Plank femslash.

No date can go smoothly when you have Filch trying to be sweet and Madam Pince suffering from allergies.

An overcaffeinated and underslept fanfic writer has a high-level encounter after publishing her first piece. And writes firstpersonpresenttense.

The Marauders and their female counterparts each host games that result in a change of events in the Lily/James pursual. Laughs, chaos, and embarassment are sure to follow! Please Read and Review!

Fred has a rather interesting night out. Written for the HP Pick-Up Lines Challenge at the HPFC forum.

As far as Kingsley Shacklebolt's concerned, Harry Potter is the only fool brazen enough to so blatantly toe the line that violates the Statute of Secrecy.

Who would've guessed that purgatory in J.K. Rowling's world would be a Denny's in Santee, part of San Diego's east county?

Sirius finds himself in a situation he doesn't quite know how to handle. Written for the 'Thank God You're Here' Challenge at the HPFC forum.

The wedding breakfast is over. Best Man Harry Potter gets nervously to his feet and looks at the assembled Weasleys and Grangers, and their friends and relatives. Now, it is time for the speeches.

Severus loves his Sundays. However, this one doesn't go quite to plan. Will Severus be able to survive the most common cliches thrown his way?

Neville is having dinner with his old friends. Everything will go according to plan...but whose plan is it?

Hermione has a Charms project, Blaise gets involved, Ron is being himself, and Snape catches them all. A sixth year missing moment. Possibly.

It is the 1st of Septemeber, 2016 - eighteen years after the end of the Second Wizarding War - and George Weasley is utterly displeased with the lack of chaos at Platform Nine and Three Quarters.

This important question needs to be answered. Reputations are at stake.

Monday morning at Hogwarts. A disagreement on a professional matter, a flaring of the tempers, two incompatible spells. As the cloud evaporates, Professors McGonagall and Umbridge find themselves unharmed. Alas, not in their own bodies.

Voldemort has started a diversity campaign to pull the wool over the eyes of Wizarding public. Draco does his part by starting a Gay Straight Alliance at Hogwarts. So Harry decides to seduce Draco to discover the secret plans of the Dark Side. This should all go as planned, unless Harry gets too romantic and catches feelings for Draco… H/D

Peter wants to be one of the Marauders. One-shot, gen.

“When I look at you, or hear your voice or name, or even think about you, everything spins and it’s like my whole world has been turned upside down." Written for The "Inspiration of a Title" Challenge at the HPFC forum.

Near the end of his sixth year, Harry has had enough. He is sick of his messy love life, Voldemort's evil plots against him, and the pressure on him to be the hero. So, it's time for a long overdue vacation: Las Vegas.

A freak confluence of events traps - traps, I tells ya! - Harry and Ginny together at - conveniently - Ginny's romantic little cottage in the Highlands. Coincidence, or something far more sinister? (Written for the SIYE Cold Outside challenge.)

This is the story of how a Hogwarts toilet and one particularly soggy pumpkin pastry changed the world.

Post-war: Draco is blinded by some fellow Death Eaters and flees to the safest place in the wizarding world: Hogwarts. He doesn't know that Harry Potter is there as well. As a teacher.

Severus and Sirius are assigned a joint detention in the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid. Only it turns out they're not in Kansas any more. One-shot, gen.

Hermione was always renowned for her amazing knowledge, her impeccable record, and her outstanding grades. So when her younger sister comes to Hogwarts, the complete opposite of Hermione's perfect student, can Neville find out what made Veronica that way, and why Hermione never mentioned a younger sister, not even to Ron or Harry?

When Kingsley Shacklebolt launches a plan to rebuild Hogwarts, he must negotiate a maze of obstacles, not least of which is his Permanent Secretary, Sir Algernon Chumbleforth-Smythe. But then he has an idea to bypass the bureaucratic cauldron-measurers... (Written for the SIYE Reconstruction challenge.)

As Valentine's Day approaches, love is in the air at Hogwarts - but it might be getting a bit whiffy. (Written for the SIYE Angst Valentine challenge. Didn't get very angsty.)

The year is 2007. After months of early campaigning, the United States is about to kick off the primary season for the 2008 presidential election. With the Iowa caucuses less than three weeks away, two late-entry candidates are about to turn the election on its head: Lord Voldemort and Albus Dumbledore. In this alternative history, the most intense elections in American history gets even wilder, as the evil Lord Voldemort attempts to extend his reign of terror to U.S. The country's only hope lies with a handful of top government officials, some of whom share the greatest secret ever kept from the media and the public. Featuring dozens of famous political and media figures, this story will have you laughing, crying, and lamenting for 2008!

Lumbered with kids that will be their own in a mere ten or twenty years, Harry and Ginny face the hardest babysitting gig ever... (Written for the SIYE Twin Travel challenge.)

On the first Christmas after his brother's death, George is all Scrooged up. Luckily, Fred isn't having any of that.

When a corpse is found on the Hogwarts Express, it's up to Harry to solve the murder... (Challengefic for the SIYE Hogwarts Express challenge.)

Harry and Ginny set off to find Potter Manor. It's not a long walk, but they still manage to get snowed in... (Written for the SIYE Cold Outside challenge.)

Meet Sirius - an out-going, seventh year marauder. Meet Adelaide - the new, strong-willed French girl in class. Now what happens when they meet each other? Watch as Sirius puts himself in embarrassing situations for this girl. Find out what happens in this romantic comedy.

Written during OotP right after Harry leaves for 12 Grimmauld Place, this is Vernon's side of the All-England Best-Kept Suburban Lawn Competition incident. Short fic with no pairings.

Draco loses a bet to Hermione, so she gets to pick out his ensemble for Potter's costume party. What happens when Draco shows up at Potter's party after Pansy gives him a bit of a makeover? A bit of Slytherin mayhem, of course. DM/HG, PP/BZ

Haven't you found it odd that Hermione is the perfect student? How are her answers always right? Join us as we explore how our little Hermy has the whole magical world WIRED!

Prince Ronald wants to find a real princess to marry but is having no luck. One day, his parents issue him with an ultimatum - either find a real princess within two days or marry whiny, clingy Princess Lavender. Will Ron find his real princess before time runs out? Based on the fairytale "The Princess and the Pea" by Hans Christian Andersen.

A short story in two parts - Harry attends Bill's wedding, loses Ginny again, then finds her again. But the next morning she has disappeared ...

The Fellowship, the Charlie Bone Quartet, and the Trio read Alice in Wonderland and fall down the rabbit hole.

Every franchise is getting rebooted these days, even dumb Mary Sue parodies from seven years ago.

No one stole from Scorpius Malfoy unless he allowed it.

An eight-story series detailing the intersecting lives of Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and quite a lot of their respective offspring. A series of life, family, friendship, time travel, and a lot of ice cream. And quite a few evil plots that need to be stopped along the way.

If he loved Harry bloody Potter then the Boy Wonder could at least return the honor. Fair was fair and all that rot. Crack!Fic.

Enjoy Severus Snape as a father figure, when he discovers that his daughter is on good terms with Potter's son and that his wife had been involved some way or another in this story.

Harry finds Sirius's disposable will. Neither him nor the unicorn-human beast know what it is. The paper is not disposable -- however the will was. It was a gag joke -- but it had the person's last thoughts written on it.

Odd owl behaviour leads to a brawl in the stalls, rumours about Gryffindor Tower are confirmed, and double entendres are thrown about freely. Hermione and Draco exchange words (to put it mildly), looks of confusion, and a good round of hate. True Love never looked so good or caused so much lost of hair and back pain.

alternate title: Why Harry Shut Off the Floo Access in His Bedroom Fireplace. A discussion of love consisting mostly of dialogue between James Sirius Potter and Scorpius Malfoy. Warning: Not as serious as it sounds. At all.

Remus and Tonks are on an Order mission: they must have dinner in an Italian restaurant, with everything that includes! Where's the difficulty in that? Just a cliché retro date story which had to be written, with the kind contribution of Sirius Black.

A short glimpse back into Ginny Weasley's childhood at the Burrow.

The Headmaster rediscovers an old love, and the boys have found a new love.

The Yule Ball from Hermione's perspective. The ball is pending and the person Hermione wants to go with seems clueless! Should she accept an invitation from someone unexpected? Canon compliant.

See Title!

Scorpius wishes his dad would just get it through his head already: he’s in love with Albus Potter, and no rivalry between Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter is going to stand in the way of that. In fact, the Potters will be arriving at the Manor for dinner any minute now.

A Harry-Draco showdown that starts serious and slowly digresses. An extravaganza involving hordes of cats, a bearded Draco, and of course, Tapioca pudding.