Insurance

"Why on Earth do we need insurance?"

"It's a new thing, Draco. People buy it and pay a certain amount each month and then if they're ever in an accident, they don't have to pay crazy medical bills."

"But we have enough money to pay those crazy bills."

"What if one day we don't? What if there's a theft and all our money is stolen? That's where insurance comes in."

"Pansy, be literal. Nobody is going to break into Gringotts."

"They could. We could need it for elderly diseases. Think about what we'll be when we're old."

"Divorced?"

"Hey! That's not funny."

"You know I'm kidding. You wouldn't be able to divorce me. You're just too obsessed with me. I can't help that I'm gorgeous, you know."

"Still not funny."

"Oh well, I tried."

"Now please buy the insurance!"

"What will you give me if I do?"

"A big fat kiss."

"I'm listening."

"...on the cheek."

"No really, I won't order it unless there's a prize involved."

"Fine, I'll do a dance for you."

"Naked?"

"Absolutely not! I wouldn't give you the privilege."

"What, of seeing you starkers? I don't know if that's really a privilege."

"Is it because I'm fat?"

"No, you're pregnant."

"And fat."

"If someone is fat because they are carrying the child of the most amazingly good-looking man in the world, I'll let it go."

"More like an annoying arse of a man."

"But an incredibly good arse."

"You're so full of yourself. Order the insurance, and I'll give you a kiss."

"That's it?"

"I'll give you a kiss and a pat on the back."

"A pat on the back? Won't I be so special then?"

"For your sarcasm, I'm taking away the pat."

"Aw, you can't imagine how sad I am."

"Fine, what do you want?"

"Oh...I don't know, a skinny wife? Hey...OW!"

"You asked for it. If you wanted a skinny wife, you could've kept little Jimmy in his cage."

"Jimmy? Since when did you have the permission to name my genitals?"

"Since you made me fat."

"Still. Pick a more decent name. Like, Draco, for example."

"I thought you said decent."

"Draco is a very decent name. I think we should name the kid Draco."

"No, no, I wouldn't want the kids at school to make fun of him."

"You have no idea how not funny that is."

"Oh, no, I have a pretty good idea. Anyway, we're not naming him or her Draco. Nobody wants to be named after their already peculiarly named father."

"Weren't you the one trying to convince me to sign up for some insurance stuff?"

"I was thinking if it's a girl, we name her after a flower. Like me."

"Just not Lily."

"I know that."

"How about Chrysanthemum?"

"Shut up."

"It was just an idea."

"Order the insurance, and you get a kiss. Take it or leave it."

"And if I leave it, you won't get your insurance."

"So you take it or I'll be angry."

"How angry?"

"Angry enough to make this be your only child."

"All right, I'll take it."

...

"You call that a kiss?"