2,141 - 2,160 of 3,594 Stories

Excerps from the mental brainstorming session between Minerva McGonagall, an author with a headcold and writer's block, and a few meandering fictional characters looking for party snacks.

Snape ponders how awful Valentine's Day can be for a lonely teacher with no real friends.

Harry's friends have been kidnapped. Draco's friends have been kidnapped. What now? Read and find out.

A cousin from Beauxbatons sends Blaise a very interesting invention of his. Hagrid has a new, very unusual, pet, but Mortie acquires a pet that is really undeard of...

One morning, while imprisoned in Azkaban, Lucius, Crabbe Sr., and Goyle Sr. awake to discover the prison empty. They escape and meet many adventures as they attempt to make it home to their families (and beloved Master!). A hilarious parody of O Brother Where Art Thou, filtered through J.K. Rowling's universe.

Sixth year at Hogwarts; Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini are using some very interesting 'substances'. When Draco and Harry place a bet, Harry completely changes in all ways and starts using the mysterious drug, too. But nothing seems to last long when the professors come up with a ‘reasonable punishment’ for the two. Who will win the bet? What will be the consequences? And why does Lucius act strangely out of character? Eventual H/D.

Each of Harry's years at Hogwarts have been exciting and he expected his fifth to be the same. What he didn't expect was two new girls, Meara Redmond and Elspeth Tweedie. Seventh years with a very unique minds and personalities, ``Meara and Elspeth bring fresh humour to Hogwarts.

Saturday morning in the Gryffindor boys' dorm. James grouses, Peter snores, and Remus is subjected to the poking and prodding of one Sirius Black. Curse Padfoot and his early rising tendencies!

Humorous fic: A day in the life of Hogwarts, from the perspective of a *genuine* oakwood floorboard. features Snape, Aurors, renegade Muggles, You-Know-Who and Bertha Jorkins.

In which Hermione is featured in and out of character, Ron is an unfaithful naughty boy, Dean is left with bruises but isn't important enough to get a line, Ginny seeks revenge and so does Lavender ... And all because Ronnie was in the bathroom.

Have you ever wondered what various Potter characters wear at night to sleep in? Well, everyone is called down to the Great Hall in the middle of the night, wearing their pajamas (or not in some cases). Who's the kid walking around in footy-pajamas? And what's that stuff on Pansy's face? And why is Neville blushing? This is a humorous one-shot.

The end of a lot longer than five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes (and counting). Written for the rt_challenge April 2006 ficathon.

George Weasley is introducing his girlfriend to his family, and that is a doubtful success - until a young girl knocks at the door and saves the situation.

Post-HBP-- Harry decides to return to seventh year at Hogwarts, and he discovers something that will help in his quest for the horcruxes a lot...

Luna Lovegood is a first year, fresh off the Hogwarts Express, and within minutes, she’s already earned herself the title ‘Loony’. Things aren’t looking so good for the young girl and her invisible Harblawengs.

McGonagall visits number 4, Privet Drive, in the first week of November 1981.

A girl appears at the school. Her name is Charlotte Snape and she's from the future. She has no idea how or why she managed to travel through time, so while they figure out how to send her back, she'll stay and be a student like Mum and be taught by Dad.

Really, who eats porridge anymore? A humourous story full of stew, chairs and beds. And a dancing dove gray ribbon.

A Christmas fic staring MWPP in the Sixties through the eyes of a chocoholic, enthusiatic, child-loving teaching assistant. Read as she slowly loses her patience with heart throb! Sirius, Obsessed with Lily! James, and a flamboyant angel Gabriel. But will she be able to pull the show off with a jazzed up 'Away in a Manger' and keep her job?

Part of my Sailing Ships Challenge. Lucius and Narcissa are in the delivery room. Lucius' hand will never be the same. And Bellatrix Just. Won't. Stop. Giggling. LuciusNarcissa

Wormtail buys Voldemort a diary. A diary that writes back. Voldemort has a lot of "fun" being annoyed, and at the end... you'll find out.

The boys pick on Ron about the strange dream he had in class. Professor Trelawney sprays him with a strange potion, and Hermione seems to be in a very sarcastic mood.

The Marauders and Snape are hitting the trail, Oregon Trail to be exact. And they're not so much hitting it as watching it on James's computer.... Anyway, it's fraught with oxen, mysterious voices and horrible music. Join them, you'll have an interesting story to tell the therapist.

Teenage Sirius Black finds his Potions Master's private``stash and decides to have a party in the dungeon.

A romance, of a sort. Because even giant squids get lonely sometimes.

Hey, you asked for it! More awful slash jokes, fandom cliches, and sudden inexplicable OOCness. This time, Seamus is being stalked. Is it the slashers, or someone more sinister, more devious... more squealing?

Join Lord Voldemort for the everyday adventurers of his life. Discover his inner feelings on subjects and skiing.

Join Hermione Granger as she leads you on a personal tour of Hogwarts. But things don't seem to go as smoothly as she had planned...

Sequel to "Snape, After Midnight" So...what happened to the picture?

Your guess is about as good as mine. It's a sequel to Humiliation's Friend and a Blush

The Marauders are skint and Sirius has a Plan to make some cash. All he needs is some help from his Animagi friends - and possibly a collar with spikes.

Harry, Hermione and Ron find themselves in a computer lab where they can surf the Muggle internet, and see what the shippers are saying. They are intrigued until they find out that in order to leave, they must choose their own ships. Includes action, trouble, people coming back from the dead, and lots of that nice fluff at the end.

Adrian finds out a secret about his love. *sniggers* One-shot.

Join Maria and Susannah at their first year at Hogwarts as they encounter Harry, Dumbledore, and Higgs. If you're looking for an intelligent parody, this is your story. And if you're looking for a dumb parody, this is your story, too.

Harry stood in the library running his finger casually across the titles. Something strange had been going on lately. Suddenly, something caught his eye! One of the books, a large gray volume, had a small yellow sticker on it. It read RESTRICTED! Could it be? Could someone have put this book away in the wrong place by mistake? Books don't just hop off shelves and start walking around.... or do they? Either way, this intrigued Harry and he picked it up and set it on the table. Curious, he opened the first page...

Harry and Draco get in stuck in a broomstick cupboard. Sound cliche? Well do you think Malfoy looks like a flobberworm? Harry/Draco

So what happens when I read a deeply moving eleven-chapter story in which Draco and Harry switch bodies and Hermione is a member of a Harry-Draco love triangle? Well... let's call it Draco Dormiens in Fifteen Minutes.

While on a date, Ron has to drag along Harry, who is VERY high from a gift that Fred and George have given him.

If Hermione hadn't met the boys on the train that first day, things would most certainly be different. Featuring Metro!Ron, Loser!Harry, Stalker!Hermione, and Smoker!Ginny.

In which a camera and white, bobbing fur cause some trouble for the Weasley family. Ginny Weasley travels to the Beast's castle in exchange for a grievous insult inflicted by her father on the Beast. This all seems to be the standard Beauty and Beast stuff, no? And yet, there is always a problem when the Beast is rather reluctant about being a boy again.

In a tale of forks, golden tassels and cake, Ginny endures an uncomfortable meal at the Malfoys.

A little AU fic in which Harry oversleeps on the day of the Quidditch Final against Slytherin, and a desperate Oliver Wood rather hastily chooses a replacement Seeker.

This parody follows the adventures of Bel, a typical Mary Sue character, as she encounters Gilderoy Lockhart and other characters (not the typical ones, either), goes to Africa, and has all sorts of odd happenings along the way. Purple prose and double entendres are intelligently, if not innovatively used. Need we remind you, this is a parody. If you lack a sense of humor, enter at your own peril.

Even Death Eaters need to stock up on the necessities sometimes, and Lord Voldemort must provide. So how does the malevolent Dark Lord handle this daunting task? Why, he goes shopping, of course! This is my first fic, and it's very silly and OOC. I hope it makes you laugh!

The two Harry Potter universes have merged; The Universe of Fanfiction and the Universe of Canon. One can only imagine the chaos that ensues.

Based on a fic challenge on alt.fan.harry-potter. Harry and Draco are in trouble again. This time their punishment is a little different from any they've had before. Sent to a world that isn't really real, they have two weeks to prove they can get along with each other and the residents of their temporary home.

It's all fun and games until evil cat toys hex Harry's homework - then it's just fun.

On a summer afternoon in Grimmauld Place, Ginny and Tonks find out that they have a little something in common.

Kind of a sequel to my first fanfic. Harry is settling in for a quiet evening in his house when he recieves a surprise visit from Eris, the Goddess of Chaos, who offers to help him fight Voldie. Rated PG-13 for language and nudity.

Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, is now a celebrity Quidditch player, famous, eligible and dogged by the gutter press. His old school friend Ron Weasley, on the other hand, is working a parchment-pushing job at Gringotts, fighting a nasty temper and a tendency to get into fights with a particular Draco Malfoy.

American Idol Harry Potter Style! Pointless at first, but will get better. With a hilarious panel of judges, and hilarious songs, not to mention our favorite commentator...

Harry is going on the most vile, offensive adventure of his short career! He might get sick and puke, but at least he'll offend you! Or something like that.

A holy mistake is made and Snape faces much peril.

Gilderoy Lockhart is preparing for his first Yule Ball. He's seen to every detail - his hair, his eyes, his profile, his custom robes. Every detail, that is, but one. Where does one find kissing lessons? Written for the HP Kris Kringle Secret Santa Exchange.

A look at fanfiction from the other side. This fic was written a decade ago. As such, the grammar and punctuation may not be up to my current standard. However, there are no current plans to rework my older fics.

I was inspired by the 'Can't buy me love' thing sent in, where a reviewer said 'Do one on Paperback Writer', so I said, 'Heck, why not.' I hope someone has not already done this. Anyway, it's loosely based on the lyrics to the hit Beatles song 'Paperback Writer'.

On his way to gather ‘the old crowd’, Sirius has a frightening encounter. What is a wizard to do when he knows he is about to die? Drive his best friend to distraction and beyond, that’s what! Silly challenge fic written before OotP so now totally AU.

Terry Boot is the star of the highest rating apparition show in Wizarding history, the aptly named, Terry Boot Show. He is an expert at airing people’s dirtiest laundry and exposing their biggest scandals in front of thousands of viewers. But when he invites some of the most famous witches and wizards in the world on his program, he gets a little more than he bargained for. It seems Terry Boot has a little dirty laundry of his own…

Draco has a very strange conversation with Snape. References to slash.

After seeing the boggart scene in PoA, and how Malfoy and his cronies were trying to push to the front of the line, I began to wonder what Malfoy's boggart would've been....

Ever wondered what heroes do when they go too far with trying to rescue people? Well, it turns out...it's an illness called SUPERMAN SYNDROME! And guess what? All our favourite comic book, fictional and television heroes have it! From Buffy to Hellboy to X-Men to Lord of the Rings to Artemis Fowl and even our beloved Harry Potter...come along to the meeting and see them try to sort out their heroism. Rated 'R' for language and random acts of violence.

Severus Snape challenges self-absorbed Gilderoy Lockhart to a walk-off after Harry and Draco's duel. RuPaul makes a cameo as the judge. Snape vogues.

What would happen if Prof. Lockhart actually met a werewolf? One must grant that our favorite werewolf was more than fair.

Ever wonder how Hogwarts came to be?

The Malfoys have a little rodent problem.

The Weasley twins manage to destroy Voldemort and his Death Eaters? Who could have predicted it? Inspired by Monty Python.

Harry finds love for one of the most unusual people. It's all good until he runs into another person he comes to love. Harry's hardest choice is still in front of him: which one to pick? In this series, Harry is caught out of bed more than once, Ron begins to get suspicious and wonders what Harry is really doing during his long absences, and Draco gets Polyjuiced. There are a lot of misunderstandings and crazy twists that will have you laughing your butt off.

A particularly...um...random story, in which entails a rather insane infatuation with high-heels from our little hero.

Why Sirius should never have been allowed to read Edgar Allan Poe. Based loosely on "The Fall of the House of Usher."

For Gilderoy Lockhart, there are a few bumps on the road to recovery...

This quick little story chronicles the moments right before the future Mr. and Mrs. Weasley take action on their crushes! Cute and short.

This one-shot is from Snape's point-of-view just before the boggart scene in PoA. It's a tribute to all those obsessive vampire theorists.

Harry and Ginny's rehearsal dinner turns out to be an interesting and humorous event.

Because I really wanted Umbridge to die. AU during OotP, wherein Hermione is just a little bit more ruthless.

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are passing each other in the halls one day when Malfoy mistakes an everyday bodily function for a serious illness. Draco then sets Harry up with a crazy doctor who probably doesn't even have his Ph.D. in medical school.

On the due date of Michael Zabini's first child, he and his co-workers at the Ministry of magic have a conversation about babies and how horri- I mean how wonderful they are (yeah, right). Featuring everyone's favourite parents and Goyle senior.

These are filks based on the musical "City of``Angels". Here you can hear Hermione's final words``before she makes the Polyjuice Potion, Neville``complain about his lack of talent, Ron fight with``Hermione over the Yule Ball, Tom Marvolo Riddle gloat``over Harry in the Chamber of Secrets and Moaning``Myrtle croon to Harry in the Prefects' Bathroom. Try``it, you'll like it!

Sequel to Hermione Makes Huge Mistakes. Huge Mistakes. Mistakes that are Huge. Hermione's accepted to go to the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum, even though it was a Huge Mistake. With non-descriptive snogs, jokes by Hermione Granger, and of course some trashing of Viktor Krum's accent. Because his accent is just too funny.

A five hundred and fifty word drabble on why Tonks and Fleur feel a certain pull to werewolves. Hey, it's all in the animal magnetism!

Ever since Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire's raging success, countless devoted fans have awaited the coming of the fifth book. But it does take awfully long for J.K. Rowling to write. While she is kept away from her writing and distracted by her life, Harry's now rather disoriented one marches on... A fic written in anticipation of Harry the Teenager in a flowerbed, and emphasizing the importance of keeping in character.

Indiana Jones invades Hogwarts, much to the dismay of the staff and students.

After Number Four, Privet Drive is bulldozed and two strange men appear to inform Harry that the world is going to end in ten minutes, Harry hitches a ride on a Vogon spaceship and ends up having some very strange adventures.

This idea came to me while reading an interview with Tom Felton regarding Draco's character and then it hit me; what if somehow, Harry, Draco, Tom, and Dan were to appear on a talk show together? I think it would go a little something like this.

Just like the title says, 'A Random Two Days in the Life'.

Harry spends Christmas his sixth year at the Burrow...but why are there singing gnomes? Why is Remus wearing fuzzy bunny slippers? What is a Muggle doing at the Christmas dinner? And does Ron really know how to bake? (Written in response to a challenge.)

It\'s another dull lesson of History of Magic, so what does Ron do? What does any normal and healthy teenager do? Why, starts passing notes to his friends of course.

More Draco/girl!Blaise madness. Blaise has detention. Draco is there to monitor her progress. Or make her life hell. One-shot.

A counter-curse botched causes something that really isn't all of anything. Perhaps it's just something that will cause Harry distress! No, it's the Curse of... Proverbs?

Dark humour. The A&T boys are all grown up now. Magical beasts ran amok at Potter Manor. Could Hagrid the gormless gamekeeper save the day?

Here it is, for all of you who asked for it--Rita Skeeter is back, with a new article chock-full of evil and revealing quotes! Enjoy and laugh!

Some Valentine's Days are worse than others. One-shot ficlet.

Having shared my dorm with guys for the past five years, I've seen many things. Some are funny and some are pretty darn stupid. But the ones that are most memorable are the ones when your dorm mates think you’re not looking, but you secretly are. Anyway... here’s a little story on the get-ups of Harry and Ron when they thought nobody was watching.

James Potter, the son of Harry Potter and Ginny Potter, suggests that his father buy some Jose Cuervo... but it was just a JOKE! Now James has to watch his father... What a night!

“Oh.” He seemed to be saying that a lot, Remus realized. And a lot of blinking. But damn, what else was one supposed to do when faced with Sirius Black back from the dead, bearing the strangest story Remus had ever heard, and being incredibly horny? Remus/Sirius.

Ron is desperate to find the perfect Valentine's gift - but is his father's shed really the best place to look?

After Voldemort’s defeat, all Harry wants is some rest and relaxation. He shouldn't have let Fred and George handle the travel arrangements. 3rd place winner in The Leaky Cauldron’s “HP in Vegas” contest.

It's Harry's 17th birthday and he can finally do magic outside of Hogwarts. He needs a good spell to mark the occasion, but what?

You probably think of Voldemort and his Death Eaters as terrible, heartless people, and you are normally correct. But for one week every year, they are able to escape the stress of the wizarding world by going on vacation...the Muggle way! Join everyone's favorite antagonists on their annual road trip to the beach, because something tells me this year may be the most exciting yet! Expect OOC behavior and plenty of laughs (at least I hope so)! And just let me warn you beforehand- this is my longest, wackiest and most random fic yet. So let the wackiness begin! Muahahahaha.....

Follow up to "Uh-Oh!" more end-of-the-year pranks!! Ron tries something new, but it doesn't agree with him...

We all know that Harry likes Cho. It's effecting everyones lives, from Ron to Draco. Plans are devised to get even with Cho for being only what she is. Who knows what will happen in the end with a massive Cho Army set loose?!