121 - 140 of 478 Stories
Harry Potter and the Pride of Gryffindor by Jonny
09/13/2003Harry receives his OWL results and, with the help of some Teachers old and new, sets out to become an Auror. Along the way he faces increased activity by Voldemort. Quidditch is taken to the next level, and Harry finds something that was under his nose.
A very loosely connected companion piece to "A Veritable Font of Underpants," in which we learn whence came the permanent ink pen. This story spans from Christmastime, OotP, through the end of HBP. Beware of abundant silliness, and a bit of romance thrown into the mix for kicks and giggles.
Waking Remus by Foxx Laverinth
12/23/2005Set during OotP - One lazy Saturday morning, Tonks is given a simple task...
Remus has a late night visitor by the name of Nymphadora Tonks. . .
No One You Can Save by Meddow
12/11/2005Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks are trapped in a room as the moon moves through its phases.
The Middle of Nowhere by Pandora_J
11/25/2004After the death of Sirius Black, Tonks seeks solace in the arms of an old friend. One shot. Angst/Romance.
Goodnight, Nymphadora by sparklystuff
07/18/2006A few crucial evenings in the recent life of (Nymphadora) Tonks--in which Tonks embarrasses herself, Remus is polite, and Sirius is drunk...and that's just the first night. Or at least, that's how she tells it. Just another RL/NT romantic comedy.
Pardon Me, But Have We Met Before? by remus R us
03/19/2007There are no strangers in the world, only friends waiting to meet. What if our favourite werewolf and auror had met a long time back, but were unaware of it? What if they continued to meet each other over their lives, without being aware of who the other person is and how their lives will become entwined? This story is a series of encounters between RL and NT, culminating in their first real introduction.
Tea by Anton Mickawber
12/23/2004While Charlie and Ginny are outside, Harry and Tonks discover a common ground as orphans in a sea of Weasleys.... (Post-OotP) Parallel piece to "Tossing Apples." Part 2 of The Weasley Family Picnic.
You Tell Her by SnorkackCatcher
05/06/2006As the Trio begin their quest, Hermione can't shake off an uneasy feeling that there's something very important Harry and Ron aren't telling her. And as it happens -- she's absolutely right. Their problem is that some things, however important, just aren't that easy to tell. Not even to your best friend ... [Set shortly post-HBP. Contains the canon ships.]
The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black by Grim
11/28/2004The devestating war is over and the members of the``Order are catching up with left over business (i.e. romance). Remus and``Tonks are no exception. Follow the couple through their first years of``marriage, and all the trials inherent in such a commitment: snide``comments from friends, children, full moons, and a new Dark Lord. And``someone we all know and love and miss comes back. RL/NT, AD/MM, SS/HG,``NL/GW, HP/LL, BW/FD, CW/OC, FW/AJ, GW/KB, DM/BZ.
The Attic People by KabeyK
10/31/2004Five years since Voldemort rose again and the war still rages. The male occupants of the Attic rooms at number twelve, Grimmauld Place muse on the effects the war is having on their lives and relationships. Lots of jealousy, secrets and angst. POVs include Bill, Harry, Ron and someone else...``Contains some usual and some unusual pairings. WARNING: may squick you. No slash.
You That Have Whetted Consciousness by samvimes
01/28/2005Harry sees Remus for the first time. Gen.
As Sweet by rootedinmud
12/25/2005Remus loves Dora. The problem? Tonks doesn't.
Alexandrite by Pandora Culpa
11/15/2003The little package, neatly wrapped in plain brown paper had been sitting on his desk for weeks, while he had been steadfastly ignoring it. It was a gift, one that he had spent an inordinate amount of time selecting and could ill afford, and it was well over a week since the intended recipient’s birthday had come and gone. ``Remus confonts a realization within himself as he sets out to deliver a birthday gift to a friend. A companion piece to Between the Bars and The Hunt.
The Choices We Make by SiriusFan13
03/22/2007Sirius Black AU. What if Sirius had made different choices in his life? And I don't mean staying Secret Keeper. What if he'd remained true to his family, instead of his friends? Come visit a darker side of Sirius Black. Please review!
Ashes and Dust by Raven Storme
06/27/2007"From Ashes to Ashes, from Dust to Dust..." This is the accepted cycle of life. But what of the Phoenix? Can humans decide to cheat death by following the way of the Phoenix? And what of life after death? As Harry finds himself in the middle of the war between good and evil, light and dark, he feels alone. But he is not alone. His friends Ron and Hermione are with him, along with the Order of the Phoenix... but could there be someone else as well?
True Colours by thistlerose
01/15/2004Bill is intrigued by one of Tonks' many quirks.
Strange Bedfellows by Portia
09/23/2003Two very different members of the Order of the Phoenix must work with each other. Set during OotP.
Maybe, baby by Kera
02/02/2005'It’s not like I walked up to Charlie and said “Hi, Mr good-with-children-and-animals, wanna go halves on a baby?”' Nymphadora Tonks ruminates on life, love, and how it's all going to change
The First Date by Kas
03/31/2009Tonks and Remus are (finally) together! And tonight- they're going to go on their first real date. Trouble is, Tonks can't get out of bed, Remus is getting cold feet, Charlie is in the middle of a not-so-mid-life crisis, and Sirius is...well...Sirius.
Greatest Loss by DoubleL27
11/23/2003All it takes is one death to shake up an entire family and leave them wondering what's next. A glimpse at the Weasley clan and friends as they are forced to deal with the death of their matriarch. Series of short slightly interconnected vignettes.
Gold Petals by Lady Black
07/10/2004How do you say Golden Nymph and Heart Flower in french?
Requital by AmethystPhoenix
07/19/2004Sequel to Avocado. The past comes back to haunt Tonks when Charlie is murdered by none other than her cousin Draco. But is everything what it seems? Or is there more to the story?
togethercoloured instant by friede
10/25/2003Surely, if they'd known young Dora read other poems by the nice man who wrote about little Christmas trees and moon balloons and pretty how towns (whatever they were), they'd have had an apoplexy (young Dora was never sure what that was, but if they were upset by a little pink hair or change in eye color, surely her extracurricular reading from Dad's library wouldn't go over well).````Inspired by the e.e. cummings challenge. RL/NT.
Just a Little Misunderstood by topaz
04/21/2006She has trouble acting normal when she's nervous. Unfortunately, around Remus Lupin that's all the time anymore.
Nymphadora by Llewellyn
06/20/2004She's young, she's an Auror, and she can make her hair any color she wants it to be. Have a seat with Tonks at Harry and Neville's sixteenth birthday party and learn a thing or two about the life of our favorite Metamorphmagus. My first Schnoogler!
Changing Tides by Haley J. The Bat
08/26/2003( Tonks/Lupin ) The summer after Sirius' death, Remus gets what he least expects: Tonks becoming bold in her feelings for him. He doesn't know what to do, but he knows he needs to push her away. The question is: will she let him?
The Other World Cup by Mira Miracle
10/04/2006We know that events in the magical world can influence us Muggles. However, when there's something as big as the Football World Cup 2006, it also works the other way round...
The Amazing Bust of Nymphadora Tonks by thistlerose
05/06/2005Tonks has always had control over her body's changes. Then, suddenly, she doesn't.
Dinner At the Wicked Vicar by Pandora Culpa
06/17/2004A follow up to Alexandrite. Tonks takes Remus out to dinner to thank him for her gift, but the evening may be more than he bargained for.
Round the Table Gather by Weatherwax
08/08/2007Friends and loved ones are remembered both sides of the ethereal plane. This piece is set immediately after the end of Deathly Hallows so it contains a certain degree of spoiler information. This fic was written a decade ago. As such, the grammar and punctuation may not be up to my current standard. However, there are no current plans to rework my older fics.
Wotcher, Percy Weasley by Bella Black
07/16/2003Percy Weasley has been demoted to being Fudge's Inspector in the Auror Headquarters. Which means that he must file daily reports on the Aurors. If that wasn't bad enough, Nymphadora Tonks spilled coffee on him on his first day and has seemed to taken to annoying him on a daily basis.
Helping Hands by Invaderk
07/29/2006Remus is stressed and Tonks is determined to help him out.
Of Pomegranates by kikei
03/09/2004‘What are those?’ Remus asked from behind her, resting his head on her shoulder and looking into the box. Tonks raised an eyebrow as she glanced back at him.``‘Pomegranates.’ ``‘Are they edible?’``‘Yes.’ ``... But Remus has no idea about their... beneficial properties. (Remus/Tonks)
Metamorphosis by Cera
04/08/2004He wasn't looking for acceptance. She wasn't looking for pity. Together they found love. Follow Remus and Tonks through laughter and tears, friendship and heartbreak, and learning that people and things really can, and do, change.
Without Words by Jess Pallas
11/08/2005Communication doesn't always require words. Tonks joins Remus one full moon...
Fortune/Misfortune by LB Beck
04/19/2006Throughout OotP and HBP, Remus and Tonks eat far too much takeaway food from the Chang Family's Mo Shu Magical Kitchen. Fortune cookies are a bit different in the Wizarding world, but are the tiny slips of paper capable of reading minds? Find out.
"He could've played for England if he hadn't gone off chasing dragons," says Oliver Wood. But Charlie's decision wasn't all that easy. No not at all! The weight of selecting an occupation for his life post-Hogwarts is tying Charlie Weasley down. But how can an amazing Seeker choose between a life of living his hobby or living his passion when he's got N.E.W.T.s, a brother growing a ponytail, an obsessive fan, ridiculous friends and a Quidditch Championship against Slytherin all coming to attack him at the same time?
A Day in the Life... by arulupinaustin
03/28/2007A series of ficlets, detailing days in the lives of our favorite HP characters: Harry, Remus, Severus, Hermione, and so on. Read to find out more!
Creatures of Habit by LB Beck
08/22/2005Sirius and Remus while away the hours at Grimmauld Place. Sirius drinks and broods; Remus reads and eats chocolate. Tonks arrives every evening and breaks up the monotony.... Until one night, between the tea cart and the door, she manages to send the routine entirely out the window. This is the touching and heart-warming story of one musty old parlor's adventures in stolen underpants, truly horrendous werewolf pickup lines, and firewhiskey for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and everything in between.
Somewhere a Clock Is Ticking by OpalStar
12/09/2005The night before a final push, a battle designed to end the bloody stalemate. And the knowledge does nothing but eat away at those on either side. A string of scenes throughout the night. R/T, Hagrid, H/G, Neville and his parents among others.
Obliviate by Sunrise_Potter
06/12/2008When Nymphadora Tonks was eight years old, she witnessed the mass murder of ten Muggles and her parents at the hand of Sirius Black. At twenty years old, she goes undercover at Hogwarts school as a thirteen year old German exchange student...and is confronted by memories she didn't even know she had.
Auror Disciplinary Committee Case 1229 by Meddow
01/11/2006Sometimes you have to make a choice. For Tonks it was whether to defy the Ministry or not. Now she faces a divided workplace and a disciplinary hearing that will decide her future.
It All Came Down To This by Augurey
09/30/2003Remus and Tonks are finally getting married. Things are bound to get interesting, and you're invited!
Finite Incantatem by Pandora_J
07/31/2007Deathly Hallows. The final battle and beyond. Tonks's POV.
All Wrapped Up by Sandy Phoenix
01/05/2005The holidays have come to Grimmauld Place and the Weasley twins have decided to add some extra festive cheer. Tonks, with her usual grace and luck, stumbles into the path of their merrymaking and who helps her out of her predicament? None other than our favorite werewolf. Written for the HP Kris Kringle Secret Santa Exchange.
Nym by SarcasticMyth
07/11/2007In the tumultuous years that follow Harry Potter's defeat of Lord Voldemort, Nymphadora Tonks is sent to live with family friends at The Burrow. It is there that she meets and befriends Charlie Weasley, creating a bond that will last throughout her life....
The Werewolf Who Stole Christmas by Lady Bracknell
01/31/2007Remus manages to rob Tonks of her Christmas spirit, but helping her to get it back proves the catalyst for something a tad more lasting than a kiss under the mistletoe. Remus/Tonks romance through OoTP and HBP.
You Never Even Call Me by My Name by Molly Moon
08/30/2004Sirius Black offers to watch his young cousin, Nymphadora Tonks, one afternoon, not realizing that he's bit off more than he can chew.
"Being in love with Remus Lupin is nothing like what she expected...there are so many times when she has no idea what is going through his head." Tonks struggles to make her relationship with Remus work, and befriends an outsider in the Order. An OotP-era sequel to "The Rookie."
Mother of Invention by Julia Fractal
01/13/2006A Christmas story about love, acceptance, and the many uses of rubber bands.
Moonlight by Pandora Culpa
01/05/2004In her dreams, they were always together in the moonlight... and of course, that couldn't be. A short ficlet, wherein Nymphadora dreams awake.
A Christmas Carol by Pandora_J
12/17/2004Christmas 1991. All Charlie and Tonks want to do is spend the holidays together. What happens when Molly and Arthur decide to pop in for a surprise visit on Christmas Eve... CW/NT
Patience and Scotch by Emmy Award
07/10/2006Tonks plays Patience in the evening. Set during OotP.
To See Beyond The Veil by Myrrha
04/06/2004Back for their sixth year, Blaise and Ron are assigined to a Potions project together. Blaise discovers a startling new development in her life, and when he finds out what it is, Ron enlists her help to get Sirius back. Snape acts mysterious, Harry gets angry, Draco gets confused, Ginny gets defensive, Hermione does some problem solving, and...oh - Tonks teaches DADA!
A Veritable Font of Underpants by LB Beck
08/22/2005Missing scenes from OotP: Why did Ron go all funny, really? Was it something we missed...Or was something, in fact, missing? And did anyone else suffer a similar fate? ``This tale takes place just after the Department of Mysteries battle, and is rated PG-13 for mild language and a healthy breeze 'round a couple of pairs of privates.
Wardens of Wizardkind by LB Beck
09/02/2005Oh, dear. It seems as though Dolores Umbridge has made public her prejudices against part-humans and half-breeds. A newly-married couple has been given a nasty shock thanks to a front-page Daily Prophet headline, there's backlash at the Ministry, and -- hmm -- some of this sounds like Real Life.
Guess who's having a Wandpoint Wedding? Due to faulty Contraceptive Potion, someone finds herself knocked up, and her significant other wants to "make an honest woman out of her." Unfortunately, there are several major obstacles between them and the altar. Two-days-earlier prequel to "Wardens of Wizardkind."
Deadly Nightshade by Hijja
12/07/2003"If only you were pure," she hisses, harsh syllables burning through you. "If only you were... worthy." ``Tonks falls in with the wrong crowd, and again has to face her mother's sister. But this time without a wand.
Tonks muses on exhaustion, the need for human contact, and the immutability of Remus Lupin.
Of Apples and Oranges (It's About Progress, Baby) by jadeddiva
01/04/2006She stands there, surrounded by canned fruits and vegetables, realizing that this is the moment.
Iris by Lady Atropos
01/02/2005Tonks rediscovers the difference between seeing and observing; it's in the look of his eyes. Before, she was unaware of it; now, she'll never look at him the same way again. RL/NT
Strangers like Me by beyond_the_veil
09/10/2003What do you do when suddenly you find that you're fifteen and experiencing feelings you'd never even thought about before? Feelings that are forbidden, taboo, impossible to tell anyone about ... and yet strangely wonderful? Ginny doesn't know, until one fateful summer night when it's too hot to sleep and she feels like the cauldron of her emotions is about to bubble over...
A Simple Bit of Fluff by Lalia Gariv
10/10/2003Amidst the troubles at 12 Grimmauld Place, Tonks finds herself enraptured by a certained red-headed someone... Very fluffy B/T fic based on the cookie from HMS Egyptian Wotcher.
Gloria Victis by dancingcarrot21
12/22/2007Wand raised at her neck, Hermione Granger expected to die on the battlefield that day. Due to perplexing outcomes, she was instead handed faded work robes, branded on her right hand, and given a sentence to serve under the Dark Lord. Facing a new world where all who revolted found chains on their wrists, Hermione struggles to find self-discipline and obedience in order to survive. However, as time begins its works, our young witch begins to unfold the horrifying secrets she never dreamed to imagine.
A Long Memoried Woman by Nosila KcalB
04/23/2004An old woman tells her grandchildren about the adventures of her younger self... Starts between books four and five, telling of how Tonks``joined the Order of the Phoenix and her part in the war with Voldemort.
It Looks Like Rain by TattooedSiren
11/27/2005Even though she knew it was kind of silly, Hermione would wish on stars and pray to whoever was listening, hoping to find someone to love. Clearly, she should have added some fine print.
Cats... Harry Potter Style by Silver_Stag
03/05/2006Ever wonder what would happen if you mixed the Andrew Llyod Webber musical 'Cats' with J.K. Rowling's 'Harry Potter' series? Well, here's the answer: Cats... Harry Potter Style. You'll see the characters as you've never seen them before... in full cat costume, including wig, makeup, and unitard while singing, dancing, jumping, twirling, spinning, and falling all over the stage. Set in the beautiful location of the Hogwarts School junkyard, this fic will truly be one you'll never forget.
A Lesson in Holding Hands by KrisLaughs
03/13/2006He does not leap from the bed, nor does he bolt towards the doorway. The prickle dissipates along his skin, and a languid calm floods his limbs. He inhales, ready because he must be. Absently, he wonders whether he will find a moment to sleep before dawn. He refuses to wonder when he will again find peaceful rest.
'It's a ritual that you've grown used to, watching as she heals your injuries with a simple flick of her wand, spells that you could just as easily do yourself but you let her take care of. A small comfort, even, to know that she'll attend to you unasked, whenever you need it.' Remus returns to 12 Grimmauld Place after a particularly harsh transformation.
The Box Step by Kerrymdb
11/10/2006It was an important mission for the Order. Vital, one might even say. They were asking her to infiltrate the Death Eaters. But first, Nymphadora Tonks would need to learn how to dance...
Estate of Quetzalcoatl by Engineer Jess
09/05/2004Throughout the ages, cliché-like, all kinds of wannabe Dark Lords have sought for magical amulets and wells of great power. Voldemort is no exception, especially when there is a puny, annoying four-eyes hindering his conquest of the Earth. An obscure Mesoamerican mystery might be the key to a Dark Victory... But the Order of the Phoenix has taken a serious initiative in being always a teensy weensy step ahead.``Sequel to 'Even Old Morose Bats Can Get Soft', post-OotP. Snape/Tonks.
An Angel in Disguise by Lizzy Lovegood
05/15/2006Harry is leaving the Dursleys forever to go to Bill and Fleur's wedding and then on to search for the Horcruxes. However, not all of Harry's memories from Surrey are bad ones, for Harry had one friend who helped him along the way and he remembers and subsequently repays that friend.
Riddle Me This by BaBa
09/07/2003Remus Lupin wakes up one day, weak and groggy, on a cold stone floor. Wormtail stands before him. Slowly, he begins to remember how he came to be here. How did the Death Eaters find Grimmauld Place? Was he betrayed?
Truth in Advertising by LB Beck
10/03/2005Ever wonder how the Order of the Phoenix does its recruiting? Do all Order members enjoy their duties? Of course! There's nothing more thrilling than hanging out in a house full of Dark artifacts, or staring at a door, right? (...Yeah.) This is the previously untold story of the less exciting aspects of Order life, as recorded by three drunkards, and discovered by a serious-minded young woman who was in need of a reality check.
Transformations by jncarlin
03/02/2008After months of friendship, Remus and Tonks have begun a romance. After years of isolation Sirius is surrounded by friends and family. After years of estrangement, Andromeda is building a new friendship with her daughter. What more can stand in the way of their living happily ever after? New mysteries, family conflicts, and the complex and little-known werewolf subculture--that's what.
Fourteen Years by Anna B. the Greek
01/20/2007The Marauders used to visit the Tonks household often, to see Andromeda and Ted and play with little Nymphadora. Fourteen years later, one particular memory of one of these visits comes up. Slight RLNT.
Biscuits With Extra Love by Kalari_Kupua
12/17/2003While Andromeda Tonks is making biscuits with her small daughter, Nymphadora begins to ask some uncomfortable questions about why her Mummy's parents never come to visit. Short, sweet, and a little sad, but not angsty.
Through Times of War by Anna B. the Greek
04/16/2007Post HBP. Dumbledore is dead. The Order of the Phoenix is working against the Death Eaters. Harry, Ron and Hermione are seeking to destroy the Horcruxes. Snape, now considered a traitor from almost the entire wizarding community, is trying to sabotage Voldemort, while keeping Draco and Narcissa safe from Voldemort's wrath.
Lunar Eclipse by Dreamcoat_mom
02/17/2005Remus Lupin hasn't really given himself a chance to grieve for Sirius, but the unexpected arrival of a friend during a long night's vigil outside number four, Privet Drive offers him a chance to ease his troubled spirit and see someone special in a completely new light. Remus/Tonks.
Remus is less than happy to find a green-haired, ripped-jeans wearing teenager with a one-syllable nonsense word for a name is his new co-worker.
The Little Death by Fazkleto
03/29/2007A Harry/Draco Slash Murder Mystery. Ten years after the events in HBP, Draco Malfoy and Dean Thomas investigate the poisoning of Ginny Potter. The simple case quickly becomes more complicated as the poisonings continue, culminating in murder. And if that wasn't enough on Draco's plate, something very odd is going on between him and Harry, a sort of inexplicable lust...
Waking Dream by Marauder
08/06/2004When the Death Eaters attack Hogwarts, Snape and Tonks escape into the tunnels underneath the castle. As the temperature drops, the food supplies disappear, and their odds of finding the way out wane, the tunnels take on an surreal quality. Snape and Tonks no longer know what is real, and what is a delusion in their minds. Snape/Tonks.
Experimental by Kate Bolin
01/22/2006Ginny's fourteen. It's that sort of age.
The Child's Memory by Kaileigh Black
02/02/2004Whether it is a dream or a memory, both Remus and Tonks have a recollection of a terrible thing that happened in the past. While Remus is eaten away by the guilt of it, Tonks wants to pretend it never happened, she wants to forget. What is this thing that happened so long ago?
Family Album: Heritage by Nineveh
02/02/2004Alice Longbottom had always been like that; kind, gentle, but a little conservative, a little complacent, a little smug, a little too ready with her curses. She deserved taking down a peg or two, and Andromeda knew that a Black was the one to do it. Whoever said Sirius's favourite cousin was the nice one?
Having a Chance by Lily Michelle
03/28/2004Tonks returns from a long day at work to see the Grimmauld Place household sitting down to dinner. But one new face puts a kink in Tonks' plans for a comfortable meal. Is she prepared for the memory that this man evokes? Does she even have a chance?
Three Nights by Pandora Culpa
07/13/2004The Wolfsbane Potion, while a blessing, is not a panacea. Dosages must be constantly adjusted, strengthened, and the potion becomes a thread to hold in the raging current of the Werewolf. It will snap one day… but you prefer not to think about it. Fear and hope twine in Remus and Tonks' future.
Or More to the Point, Kissing Boys by buried_alive_by_love
12/25/2004Tonks, Ginny and Hermione have a girly talk about their first kiss. Undertones of Ginny/Draco and Hermione/Ron with a small serving of Remus/Tonks
A young Lucius Malfoy is forced to baby-sit his wife's niece for a day. How much trouble can toddler!Tonks get up to? The answer involves overflowing sinks, strawberry jam, and Bertie Bott's Beans.
Waiting for Her by wulf
05/23/2006Remus worries why his wife comes home late so often.
Undomesticated Goddess by Sharp Tongued
12/29/2004A surprise gone wrong makes for an interesting moment in a marriage.
I Can Be Whatever I Want, My Dear by Fabio P. Barbieri
02/23/2004One of the worst villains in canon. A valiant and true heroine. AND they're uncle and niece! So what's to keep them from (*ahem, ahem*) getting together? Sometimes personal relationships are not the worst issue...
Like a Balloon Caught in a Tempest by Jubilee
11/22/2006“If only Molly hadn’t left her alone with him. They hadn’t been alone since... Well, better not to think about that.â€
The Map Can Lie by jadeddiva
10/16/2005She knows him too well, the same way he knows her, but both are too frightened to admit it. RL/NT One-shot.
Fake It by Minerva Solo
09/21/2003Remus is a little taken aback when Tonks rather abruptly informshim he has to pretend to be her boyfriend because her mother is dropping in. As the web of deception grows ever more complicated, some begin to suspect there's a gem of truth somewhere in the mess.
Beautiful Child by paranoidkitten
08/10/2003Tonks watches Ginny grow up.
Ice Follies by Pandora Culpa
06/18/2004Much later that evening, Tonks found herself wondering what Rosmerta had slipped into her drink to give her a case of temporary insanity. What else explained why she was shivering and wet, on her hands and knees on a frozen pond, and staring down a werewolf over a stretch of broken ice with her wand somewhere at the bottom of said pond? - What should be an evening of fun abruptly becomes far less amusing...