3,201 - 3,220 of 5,429 Stories

Two madwomen. One fandom. No mercy.````That's right, this is a challenge. The worst.challenge.ever. Who will survive ``the orgy of sex, drugs and bad fantasy authors? Can Hermione get her groove back? ``Why is Ron reading Noam Chomsky? Will Harry ever get over the image of Aunt Petunia ``as a gangsta? Is it true that nobody likes, nobody likes, nobody likes a bogan? ``````What the hell is a bogan, anyway?````Avert your eyes, gentle reader. Hard-core reader, come on down! The price, as ``they say, is indeed right. It's rock bottom, as is the literary career of the ``author, who now needs to go have a good lie down.

A weary Professor R.J. Lupin boards the Hogwarts Express for the first time in nearly fifteen years. Faking sleep is the perfect way to eavesdrop, and avoid unwanted questions.

Hair care products, manicures, shrieks of fear and weight-watching: all in a day of the life of Draco Malfoy. Written script-syle. Follow Draco from wake-up to bedtime, as he swaggers, screams, and admires his reflection through a day at school.

Harry eats too much of a mystery dish at dinner. Mayhem insues. This fic includes: pinning the cast of Harry Potter and JKR to a crazed fan's wall, a daring rescue and hilarious circumstances, foriegn exchange students, Ron's cousin, the Harry Potter book collection, baboons on flying goats (don't ask), Darth Vader's stunt double, the Monkees, the Beatles, exploding Ron, and a french fry up someone's nose. Rated PG because there's nothing worse than that in it, but so wierd that no one really ought to read it.

There has been a powerful spell cast on Hogwarts and the rest of the wizarding world, and not even Dumbledore can fix it.````The spell makes people burst into song and be all smiley all the time.````Sure, it sounds good but Harry is neglecting Ron and Hermione, because he'd rather spend time with Cho. ````Draco, Hermione and Ron think they know who's behind it and go wandering off to find "the person".````Will the spell be broken? Will be able to find, 'The person?'

Step right up ladies and gents and hear the thrilling tale of the worst day of my entire life! Could things possibly get worse? But of course, this is ME we're talking about! As if things weren't enough, I have the honor and horror of officially anouncing that I will have to spend an entire year with none other than the one, the only.... Draco Malfoy!

This is Monsters Inc, HP style! Draco is Randall, Harry is Sulley, Ron is Mike, and Hermione is Boo! Also featuring various cameo appearances! Just look on in!

Unapologetic silliness featuring IC-Nanny!Snape and Vernon Dursley II. A result of an unfortunate drabbling accident that resulted in Dudley Dursley being permitted to breed.

Lucius Malfoy is turning 19, and trying to decide how best to woo the girl of his dreams. Lucius/Narcissa.

The sign on the door read ‘Midnight Opening for sales of the new Muggle book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Read the fifth book in the series showing how Muggles see us.’ Judging by the length of the queue, which snaked a long way down Diagon Alley, a lot of wizards did want to read it, and as soon as they could. Eavesdrop on the discussion in Diagon Alley as witches and wizards wait to see how they\\\'re portrayed in Order of the Phoenix.

A short story in which Ron and Harry (mostly Harry) confront mood-swing!Hermione.

Christmas time at Hogwarts is always full of surprises, especially when the Marauders decide to go caroling. Throw in James' newest plan to win over Lily before their last year ends, Sirius' inability to sing on key, and see what happens.

Harry gets sick and only one person ``can make it better. Fluff, H/D.

It's October 31, 1986 and the Dursleys are determined to provide a nice, normal Halloween for their Duddykins. Of course, it's also the anniversary of the Potters' deaths...

Voldemort seeks immortality, but Death comes for everyone. Crossover with Terry Pratchett's Discworld.

Another ball is approaching (what a surprise!!) and this time it\'s to take place at Halloween. The twins are up to no good, Ron and Ginny are at war, Hermione is confused and Harry vanishes. So, without further ado, here is the set of e-mails between the group leading up to this \

Hermione goes crazy and starts a new religion with some pretty interesting requirements.

Not all first kisses actually happen. Some are avoided at all costs. Because some are very rude. Takes place in the same universe as The Seduction of Severus Snape.

Three inexperienced and seemingly random Muggle girls begin their quest to become the most powerful witches in the world and somehow manage to do so with...uh, unanticipated insanity.

There's one word for it and that's scary. Never attempt to write a story when you're not fully sober, and this poor fellow has.

The story of Lily and James' 7th year. Lily, her friends, and the Maruaders find love, feel pain, and most of all rely on their friends.

Anyone wants to play Truth or Dare? You think that the game isn't really very harmful. But this was what happened when Sirius got creative in a Dare.

The night before Ron leaves for Hogwarts, Ginny realises how much she's going to miss her favourite brother.

It's the mouth, really. Draco knows sex when he sees it. [H/D]

A moment in time at the Yule Ball. George Weasley and Hermione Granger pause to discuss their dates, their friends, and their unusual lives. (Ge/Hr)

Ginny throws Harry over for, of all people, Millicent Bulstrode. Harry doesn't mind; he likes Bulstrode, but he doesn't know how to break it to the kids. Widower Draco Malfoy runs The Hogsman, a sort of gentleman's club for Hogwarts Alumni of the male variety and here, they run into each other once more.

Ever wondered about some of the more amusing uses of floo powder?

Harry Potter and Severus Snape hate each other. Or at least, that's what the rest of the world believes. Then again, the world is usually wrong in matters concerning the Boy Who Lived.

Enter Chorus````Chorus. See herein the tale``Of sisters ambitious and bold:``Twain hearts bound together as one``Through star-cross’d circumstance``And fate-twisted trials of old.````Evil that would destroy the world,``They’d stand tall to face it down.``Foolish in their confidence their trials would them drown’d.``But hope yet lives and fate they may defy,``If walls built throughout the years can only be torn down.````Acquaintances must be held close``Knit tightly soul to soul;``Or darkness may dim``The sun-lit sky``From wishing gone awry.````Hark, hark, and watch as the tale unfolds.

Yep! That's right! Harry, Ron, Teachers, Malfoy, Hedwig... ok, the ones with teeth. Why? I just got braces today and it is NOT FUN! Oh well...````Note: I wrote this in June.

Hermione's been acting a little unusual lately (sitting next to Goyle???) so it's up to Harry and Ron to stop Draco from stealing top-secret inventions of the Goo Squad and save Millicent Bulstrode from Old Hob, if Harry can get out of a "tight" spot in time.... Featuring Petrified!Hermione, Pyro!Voldemort, Squib!Lucius, and ExceptionallyStupid! Harry and Ron.

SLASH! PARODY! Vampire!Draco is on the prowl. But will his whooping cough prevent him from seducing The Boy Who Lived?

James decides to hold a party. But Peter sees dead people, Remus has a revelation, Sirius is easily distracted, and Lily seems to speak only in questions. What will their reaction be to the announcement he's about to make?

First, it was just an untimely Halloween Ball during Voldemort's rise to power. Then, Malfoy starts to act funny (i.e., asking Hermione for a date, wanting to be part of the D.A., and hanging around too much with Harry Potter), and everyone just marvels at how much the great Harry Potter could take from him. ``Everyone wonders what has happened to Malfoy. Is he even the real Malfoy? Or is he someone from Gryffindor, disguised as Malfoy, and has a long time crush on Hermione? Possibilities are endless.

Gift to krazi little aus. James survived that tragic night and is very overprotective of his only son. Not to mention obsessive, compulsive, and extremely paranoid as well. Poor Harry.

This story plays the year after Harry left Hogwarts. Justyne Jaracas, a former student returns to Hogwarts to fill the position of Professor Vector in Ancient Runes. After a strange encounter at night with Severus Snape she decides to play a trick on him...

Set in GoF, this story is a light-hearted introspection by Sirius as he meets the trio in the cave above Hogsmeade. Involves discussion on chicken, rats, Madam Rosmerta, chicken, animagi, snogging, and I did mention chicken, didn't I?

When Ginevra Weasley was assigned as the assistant to the Head of International Cooperation, she never imagined that she would be working for the same man whom she loved harassing every morning at a small cafe. Chronicling her life through means of another diary, this time a trustworthy one, Ginny has an interesting life, filled with biscotti-throwing, twitching, meddling mothers, and all-around craziness. Read her crazy, inner thoughts and enter a world where everything is completely random and ‘Spiffy Cool’ needs a patent.

Ron explains why it’s okay for him if ever Harry and Ginny do get together.

Second-years are not allowed to visit Hogsmeade ... so what was Dennis Creevey doing at the D.A. meeting in the Hog’s Head? And however will he explain himself to Professor McGonagall without betraying the D.A.?

It's a beautiful February day, and Hermione is heading to Hogsmeade! Unfortunately, she forgets that it's February, and dresses far too lightly for the frigid weather. Things are said and revelations are made, and one Hermione Granger discovers how it feels to be truly warm.

Ginny is sitting in the library doing some homework when she is passed a note from Draco. Warning - gets a little silly!!

Florean Fortescue has his annual Ice Cream Eating Contest. Will the champions for six years running win? Or will a newcomer oust them from their title and take the Golden Cup and the 1971 Ice Cream Eating Champ title?

Ever wonder what would happen when Harry, Ron, and Hermione decide to go to the movies? Crossover between HP, LOTR, and Star Wars. Beware of drugs, dredlocks, and pictures of Oliver Wood dressed in a tiger suit. Plus, a heated game of Mine's Longer! These and other various odd things ensue whilst reading this not-so-classic adventure of love, lust, and all-around really bad things!

When Harry Potter went to the Scar convention he was in for a big surprise. Meet a few friends along the way and see if you can spot your scar...

Ginny and Luna start a happy business selling quills that fight each other, but soon the business turns into a twisted power play of theivery and bribery...

A key with no lock. A lock without a key. A feud through the ages, fueled by mutual hatred and animosity. A boy named Octavius, a girl named Guenivere, a boy named Draco, and a girl named Ginevra. A legend, a legacy, and a curse. The true story behind one of the most legendary pureblood rivalries of all time.

James Potter has one chance with Lily Evans. But first, he must make a sacrifice. Can he do it?

Ever wondered how Earth was created? Well, this fic can't help you there, but it is a comedy, so lighten your sense of reality with a one-shot scene of the initiation of the fourth and final member of Marauders Incorporated: "that weird quiet kid."

Future Hogwarts Founders Rowena and Helga have decided to test the assumption that cats always land on their feet; however, they have great difficulty in getting one of their human test subjects to cooperate.

Cool--it's what the new Brooms instructor has, and what Minerva McGonagall is quickly losing. In her first year as Deputy Headmistress, Professor McGonagall has more than she ever dreamed of to deal with.

Hermione discovers a certain book and decides it's her duty to fight the patriarchy and expose 'the problem that has no name' to witches everywhere. Harry decides that Hermione has gone insane. Ron agrees.

The my newest works from Chicago. Both parodies, one more of a songfic, one funny and truthful. Umbridge and Fudge sing about what to do with Dumbledore. Ron wonders if he'll ever measure up to those around him.

Harry goes to visit Ron at the Burrow. In his time at the house, Harry finds letters stashed in various places in the house that reveal Ron's true feelings for Hermione. Will Harry be violently sick? Will he be traumatised for the rest of his life? Read this and see...

An owl post from James to... well, to whom it may concern... regarding the unfortunate result of a series of pranks. Revenge is sweet.

Sequel to Chocolate Butterbeer. Dean finds Harry and Draco snogging by the one-eyed witch, and attempts to "save" Harry. Harry thinks Dean is trying to steal Draco, and hilarity ensues...

A narration of how Tonks nearly failed her Auror Stealth and Tracking test.

When Madam Hooch gets a new job as Head Coach of the Tornadoes, they must find a new Quidditch teacher, and everybody's favorite magical nanny gets the job, to the horror of the Quidditch team.

During fifth year, Sirius Black keeps a journal in which he chatters about House-Elf literacy, writes about his friends, and overcomes apostrophe issues.

Marauder-time, fourth year: Black and Snape are staying at Hogwarts over Christmas. Home alone. Paranoia ensues. Featuring: James Potter and Lucius Malfoy. And what's the square root of 327 anyhow?

MWPP decide to make an audio diary of their lives at Hogwarts!

Draco Malfoy has many of life's tough little problems, but the one which bothers him most (for some strange reason), is that stupid Potter always wins at Quidditch. So he tries a secret practice, and it ends up that Ginny Weasley teaches him a few things.

It is a late night at the library, and all is not well for Draco Malfoy and the Potions homework that is due in a few hours. Of course, it all goes downhill from there.

One evening while out on the Quidditch field, Ron and Harry stumble into the territory of girls. Harry Potter may be the Boy Who Lived, but he definitely has room to grow in the romance department. After asking Ron what it\'s like to kiss a girl you really like Ron gives Harry a very unlikely answer. \

Draco Malfoy has a Byronic soul? And just who is his muse?

Voldemort, newly restored to his body, decides to move in to Riddle Manor, and what better thing to do than have a Death Eater housewarming party? Drunkenness and karaoke follow shortly.

Twenty-five year old Ginny Weasley, top wizarding lawyer, is roped into doing a debate for the Gryffindor Old Girls debating squad by Hermione Granger. Feeling resigned to losing a night on an important case, she goes along and gets more than she bargained for in more ways than one. Features G/H, G/D and R/Hr.

This is Hermione's Diary. Keep that in mind while reading, it is her diary... meaning nobody will read it and she does not outwardly express these feelings or thoughts!!! So I guess you'd say it's a bit OOC...?

Draco needs a date. Ginny makes a bet. Add one bottle of Sickleberry Rum (‘your inhibitions gone in six sips, guaranteed!’) and shake well for best results.

Picture only this... Lockhart serenading Snape to the tune of "Rubber Ducky" in his birthday suit. Scared yet?

Till this day, Ron seems to have a knack for chocolate chip cookies. Why is this? Read this one-shot fanfic to find out. Introducing SarcasticAnnoyed!Ron and slightly Pervert!Harry (Ron/Hermione)

What do the under-used characters do when they are not sitting at the high table, handing out homework, or catching students involved in mind-boggling carnal acts? Here is their answer to that question.

What happens when she sees him? ``Try to find out who he is! RS/PF. NT/??

The thing to know about Harry was that he was a bit slow, as such things went. [Harry/Luna]

“Fred Weasley!” his mother had been known to shout. “What would it take for you to show just an ounce of sensitivity?” What would it take? Dolores Umbridge, that’s what. Set during Order of the Phoenix, featuring Fred and Angelina.

In Hijja's PEEVED, we saw how Peeves worked as an unconscious lesbian-cupid and brought two young women together. This is what happened afterwards... and Peeves may well have wished he'd left well enough alone.

Harry, Ron, and Draco head out to the Hog's Head for a humble drink between friends... but without Hermione's permission... What happens when Harry and Ron are all-out drunk, full to the brim with alcohol, and Draco has to get them back to Hogwarts?``PG for mushy hangovers.

AU. Due to the Burrow collapsing, the whole Weasley family are temporarily living at Hogwarts. How does Hogwarts cope in the sticky hands of the two-year-old Weasley twins?

This fic is for all of those hopeless romantics out there. James is going to propose to Lily, but what's stopping him?

What happens when MTV decides to prank the wizarding world for their game show Boiling Points?

Do not read if you ar opposed to sex with object/squirrels, Uncle Vernon's sex life, or naked old men. Otherwise, enjoy!

Voldemort was just defeated! Can we say party? Ginny certainly can when in the wee hours of the night she whips out a bottle of truth serum... what will happen next?

Ever wondered what would happen if certain characters in Harry Potter were forced to substitute the position of an advice columnist? No? Well, now it's happened anyway. Characters featured include (but not limited to) Draco (this chapter), Fleur, Harry and Snape! Even submit your questions to any of the characters; they may or may not reply. Hey, you never know.

In which Sirius has a problem and Remus tries to help.

All incoming seventh years are sent to Hogwarts in July to complete their assignments, which will be the most difficult situation for each of them! Includes blue toilet water, tea parties, Hogwarts invasion, denied promotion, Voldemort in a hula outfit, evil three year olds, terrible grades, spiders, and Timothy Facade.

"She turned me into a newt! I got better..."

Why does Petunia REALLY hate Lily? Could it be due to plans going amiss? And why is Severus involved? Can James dance? A One shot fun piece.

James and Sirius both have one and Remus doesn't see why he shouldn't have one too! A 7th year Marauders tale of face fungus and revenge!

Hermione, home on summer holiday, explores the internet and stumbles upon a fan fiction site.

Mary-Sue Potter has come to Hogwarts, inspiring questions: Who is she? What's her secret? And why doesn't she have violet eyes? (Parody)

This is a basic Yule Ball fic featuring a certain Slytherin couple. Only one Gryffindor was harmed in the making of this fanfic.

The Hogwarts ghosts: Nearly-Headless Nick, the Bloody Baron, the Grey Lady, the Fat Friar, Moaning Myrtle, Peeves... and Sirius Black?!

Ron Weasley - redhead, Gryffindor and all-round good egg. Read about his obsession for sweet Hermione Granger, and how she keeps on dropping (not so) subtle hints...which Ron completely misinterprets!

Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy...

Mikaia Ashley, a Massachusetts girl with an apparent denim obsession, doesn't want to go to Hogwarts. She's worked hard for her place at the top of her class at Salem Institute, and isn't interested in having to work her way to the top at a new school. However, with You-Know-Who rising again, her mother feels that Hogwarts is the safest place for her. So, Mikaia packs her trunk, takes her mirror--which happens to be her best friend--and goes to Britain, quite sure that she won't enjoy it. Of course, with Snape picking her up things can only get better!

It\'s Hermione Granger\'s turn to take up the quill and to write her own confession. There are some things you certainly did not know about Hogwarts\' bushy-haired prodigy.

Hagrid's magic "umbrella" from the first book has a few things to say to his enslaver!

Who's with whom? A fic about what happens if you belong to every SHIP (which I don't).

When can you tell when a relationship isn't working out? When can you tell when the love is gone? Find out as Percy Weasley dumps his Pet Rock!

Hermione and Ron are engaged and in love. Hermione decides, at dinnertime, to ask Ron about having a baby. Ron concedes, of course. Nine months later... Hermione's screaming her head off in St. Mungo's while awaiting the arrival of their new addition.