Riddle-De-Dee: The Voldemort Musical

Disclaimer: Obviously, we do not own Harry Potter, the characters and all associated names. We also do not own any of the melodies used for the songs - those belong to their credited artist(s). However, the lyrics are completely original, and we are very proud and protective of them. No stealing. We'll find you. Also, reviews are welcome, but keep flames nice.

Act I, Scene 5: Sealing His Fate

The scene has changed. It resembles a dark, poorly kept room. There are cobwebs and dust covering the two chairs and bed that sparsely fill the space. Next to this first room is another, slightly smaller room separated by a partition. There is only a desk in the center. Moonlight pours in through the windows as a lone sign to the right side of the stage creaks in the wind. The sign reads The Hog's Head and is decorated with a picture of a boar's head on a platter.

Professor Dumbledore, wearing jade robes, enters from the left and goes into the room with the bed, taking a seat in one of the stuffed armchairs. He points his wand at the empty fireplace, mutters an incantation, and suddenly the room lights up and feels warm and cheery as opposed to cold and dirty.

He only has to wait a few moments before he is joined by a strange-looking woman. She is wearing a thick purple shawl and many protective amulets. Bangles ring on her arms as she walks, and her thick round glasses make her eyes look as if they are taking up most of her face. She enters the room, shakes Dumbledore's hand, and then takes the seat opposite the Professor.

"Thank you for meeting me on such short notice, Sibyll," Dumbledore says.

"No, no, thank you, Professor," Sibyll Trelawney replies. "Many a-night I have read the cards and leaves, hoping to see an employment opportunity in my future, yet to no avail."

"So you were surprised when I called upon you requesting an interview?" Dumbledore asks playfully, a twinkle in his eye.

"Surprised?" Sibyll squeaks in surprise. "Of course not! I foresaw it in my crystal ball!"

"Of course you did, my dear," Dumbledore muttered.

"Ah ha! You yourself have called upon me to teach Divination at Hogwarts, yet you still do not believe in my gifts?"

"It's not that I don't believe in them, my dear," Dumbledore says. "I would just rather check The Daily Prophet for my weather forecast than rely on a Seer..."

-

Because I'm a Seer

(To the tune of "I'm a Believer" by The Monkees)

Sung by Professor Dumbledore, Sibyll Trelawney & Severus Snape

-

Dumbledore: I think Divination is a waste of time

So few Seers who are not total fakes

But then along came Sybil

And she spoke to me

And my thoughts about it soon were changed

--

Sibyll: I speak the truth!

Because I'm a Seer!

You may doubt

My gift of The Eye

But I don't lie

-

All: Ooooh, Ahh!

-

Sibyll: Because I'm a Seer

I see the future when I try

-

During the previous vocalization, Severus Snape has managed to tiptoe onstage to the adjoining room. He creeps to the lip of the stage and dramatically raises his index finger to his lips, as if gesturing for the audience to be quiet.

-

Snape: I am here just to spy on Dumbledore

And to see if I can get a job

But there is this old bat

And she talks about tea

She's really making my head start to throb

-

Sibyll: I speak the truth!

Because I'm a Seer!

You may doubt

My gift of The Eye

But I don't lie

-

All: Ooooh, Ahh!

-

Sibyll: Because I'm a Seer

I see the future when I--

-

She suddenly stops and slumps forward. Snape fumbles around in his cloak for a few minutes and finally manages to withdraw a red Dixie Cup™. He places it against the wall to listen in, missing the first few lines. Sibyll lifts her head and speaks, an eerie, husky voice issuing forth that makes even Snape shiver in his graying underpants:

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies ..."

There is a stunned pause before:

-

Dumbledore & Snape: She speaks the truth!

Because she's a Seer!

She doesn't know

She does have The Eye

-

Sibyll: But I don't lie

-

All: Oooh, Ahh!

-

Dumbledore & Snape: She is a Seer

She sees the future when she tries

-

Sibyll: I can See!

I can See!

I can See!

I can See!

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

-

All three dance offstage, repeating the chorus and waving their arms over their heads. The set changes once more. The bed and chairs are switched out for a comfortable-looking couch. The desk disappears and is replaced by a baby crib and rocking chair. The lighting is a warm, glowing gold. A man and woman enter the larger room. Cue Potters.

James Potter is tall with black, unruly hair and glasses. Lily Potter has bright red hair and beautiful green eyes. Harry Potter looks like a mix of his parents, with dark black hair and bottle green eyes. James sits on the floor with the baby while Lily sits on the couch. For a few minutes they simply laugh together as James conjures shapes from his wand and baby Harry tries to catch them. It is a happy scene, but one can only guess that it is about to take a turn for the worse.

Baby Harry yawns and James kisses him tenderly on the head before handing him to Lily. Lily moves towards the adjoining room as James flops down on the couch and tosses his wand aside. However, she stops in her tracks when there is a loud offstage knocking.

"Who's there?" she calls gaily.

"I'm gonna," a high voice responds.

"'I'm gonna' who?" James asks suspiciously.

"I'm gonna keel you!" Dark Lord Voldemort shrieks as he jumps onstage. Lily covers Harry's head and runs into the adjoining room as James shouts out, "It's you! Lily, take Harry and lock the door! Go now!"

Voldemort advances towards James slowly, an evil glare on his face. "Move aside, blood traitor."--

"No!" James says defiantly. He leaps for his wand, but Voldemort is faster than that.

"Accio wand!" James stares at the Dark Lord, and Voldemort has to admire that he can hide his fear so well.

"You put up a noble fight boy, but there's no way you'll stop Lord Voldemort from doing what I've come for."

-

Killing Harry

(To the tune of "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee)

Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort and Lily & James Potter

Special Appearance by Baby Harry

-

James: Don't go killing my son

Voldemort: Just get out of my way

James: Lily, take Harry and go!

Voldemort: If you don't move you will pay

-

James: Don't go killing my boy

Voldemort: Do not dare defy me

James: I'll die before I let you get through!

Voldemort: Then that's the way it shall be

-

Together: Ooh Ooh!

The Seer has spoken

-

James: You still won't get by!

Voldemort: Move or you'll die

-

Both: Ooh Ooh!

The Seer has spoken (the Seer has spoken)

-

James: Stay away from my son!

Voldemort: Your time has now come!

Oh, Oh! Avada Kedavra!

-

As Voldemort blasts the door to the nursery open he tosses the spare wand on James' lifeless body.

-

Lily: But don't go killing my son!

Voldemort: Too bad, I'm killing your son!

Lily: Don't go killing my son!

-

Lily places Harry in his crib and turns to face Voldemort, her arms thrown out to protect her baby.

--

Lily: Don't go killing my son!

Voldemort: Silly girl, stand aside

Lily: I'll do anything to save my baby!

Voldemort: You're just wasting my time

-

Lily: Don't go killing my boy!

Voldemort: I'm not known for mercy

Lily: Not Harry, please take me instead

Voldemort: Then that's the way it shall be

-

Both: Ooh Ooh!

The Seer has spoken

-

Lily: Just tell me why!

Voldemort: Move or you'll die

-

Both: Ooh Ooh!

The Seer has spoken (the Seer has spoken)

-

Lily: Please not my son!

Voldemort: Your time has now come!

Oh, Oh! Avada Kedavra!

-

As Lily falls, Voldemort moves to the edge of the crib. Baby Harry smiles up at the Dark Lord, thinking that it is simply his daddy playing another game before bedtime.

-

Voldemort: And my way is now clear

Yes, my way is now clear!

-

Ooh ooh!

The seer has spoken!

An important death,

-

Baby Harry: Uh oh!

-

Voldemort: So draw your last breath!

-

Harry: He he!

-

Voldemort: Now you must die,

-

Baby Harry: Nigh' nigh'?

-

Voldemort: Say your bye-byes!

-

Baby Harry: (crying) Aaaahhhh!

-

Baby Harry has realised that the man under the cloak is not his daddy, but is in fact a scary monster that is a cross between a man and a snake. He screams bloody murder, and there is a slight pause and eye twitch on the Dark Lord's behalf. He had never been good with kids.

-

Voldemort: Oh, oh! Avada Kedavra!

-

There is a flash of green light, blackness, and then an agonizing scream as the curtain falls.

END ACT