Riddle-De-Dee: The Voldemort Musical

Disclaimer: Obviously, we do not own Harry Potter, the characters and all associated names. We also do not own any of the melodies used for the songs - those belong to their credited artist(s). However, the lyrics are completely original, and we are very proud and protective of them. No stealing. We'll find you. Also, reviews are welcome, but keep flames nice.

Act II, Scene 1: Deep in Albania

Fading house lights mark the end of intermission. Lucius Malfoy walks onto the corner of the stage and faces the audience. A single spotlight illuminates his bright hair as he speaks somberly.

"In a single moment, the Wizarding world was changed; the Dark Lord fell and young Harry Potter became the Boy Who Lived. A relatively peaceful society was built over the years, in which Lord Voldemort was absent, but not forgotten. The mere mention of his name filled people with fear.

"And yet, people wondered--what happened to him? Was he dead? Abducted by aliens? Powerless? No one knew; the Dark Lord Voldemort seemed to have simply vanished entirely..."

The spotlight fades, and Lucius exits the stage.

The curtains open to reveal a forest scene, complete with various types of foliage. Green lighting enhances the dreariness of the background. The stage is completely empty of human presence, but a large snake is curled up in the middle of the stage.

Suddenly, a young man enters from stage right, stumbling over nonexistent rocks. The man is trembling and occasionally looks at a piece of parchment in his hand. He stops in the middle of the stage and glances around, before staring at the map and saying, "This can't be right!" He turns the map upside down, then tries flipping it around the other way. "I must have made a wrong turn. If I turned left at that last turn, instead of right, I...would be....near...Albania?!"

The snake lifts his head and stares at the man. A voice echoes, though it cannot be determined where it comes from.

"I know what you desire."

The man jumps and looks around wildly, finally catching sight of the snake. It is to the snake that he addresses his question: "Wh-wha-what are you? What d-d-do you m-mean?"

"I am the one who can give you the power you secretly want."

"B-but I d-d-don't--"

"Do not lie to Lord Voldemort." Quirrell shrieks at the sound of the name, throws his map into the air and begins to run offstage. He is tripped by the snake. The snake rises even higher and stares down at Quirrell.

"I can give the power you desire, but in return, you will help me obtain what I want."

Quirrell looks around as though meaning to escape. "W-why d-d-do you need m-me?"

"I require a body to possess and, as yours is available, you are the reasonable choice. It is but a small sacrifice to pay in return for your deepest desire. Do we have a deal?"

Quirrell nods as if hypnotized, and as the stage fills with smoke, the voice--Voldemort's voice--starts to sing:

-

The Years Alone
(To the tune of "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong)
Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort

-

Voldie: I wait in the woods
Feeding on rats
Then Quirrell comes
And I'm under his hat

-

And I think to myself - Now this is my chance

-

The music suddenly stops. The smoke remains on the stage, but trees are still visible through the mist. Several of the trees appear taller than before, showing passage of time. Quirrell has disappeared, as has the snake. A spotlight appears at stage left and travels right slowly, as though following someone who has entered, though no one can be seen. The spotlight stops at center stage and Voldemort's voice once again echoes throughout, though it is not matched with a physical body. The music continues.

-

I've tried for the Stone
Now it's destroyed
And I'm still powerless
I'm naught but a void

-

And I think to myself - One day they will come

-
As the voice sings the bridge, several small animals creep onstage and sway to the music. The spotlight travels from side to side, as though its subject is pacing. During the last line, smoke fills the stage again and the animals slowly filter offstage.

-

The Death Eaters who follow me, how loyal they always are
Spreading chaos and havoc both near and oh so far
I know they will be there to listen to my voice
It's not like they have any other choice

-

There is an instrumental interlude. The smoke slowly dissipates, revealing the same set as before, but with taller trees and a few more bushes, indicating another time lapse. A snake is once again the only thing onstage, though it is not the same snake as before. It appears very depressed, with hanging head. It lifts its head as another snake slithers onstage. Suddenly, with a bright flash of light, the snake collapses, dead, while the new serpent is thrown a few feet into the air. The new serpent raises its head and glances around several times, then hangs its head as well as Voldemort's voice continues the song:

-

Where are my minions?
The followers I had
Even my "Dark Queen"
Though she's a bit mad

-

And I think to myself - Now I've lost all my hope

-

The music fades out. The lights onstage slowly darken, then come back on. When they are rekindled, the trees have changed places as though the scene is a different part of the same forest. One or two are lying on their sides as if uprooted by strong winds. The stage is empty for a few seconds, but then a short man enters from stage right. He is wearing long black robes and is carrying what appears to be a baby wrapped in a bundle of ratty blankets. An enormous green snake follows at his heels like a dog. This odd group stops in the middle of the stage and turns to face the audience. When the singing starts again, the voice comes directly from the blankets in Wormtail's arms.

-

Now Wormtail has come
And though he's not bright
I'll use his help
To gather my might

-

And I think to myself - If this don't work I will quit
Yes I think to myself - If this don't work I will quit

-

The lights dim as Wormtail exits the stage holding the creepy Voldie-baby, with Nagini in tow.